Twilosophy: Eclipse vs. New Moon

Dear Twilosophy class,

Remember Eclipse? That movie that came out in June? And then was re-released this weekend to “celebrate” Bella’s birthday- aka Summit was disappointed with their box office results because they expected to blow New Moon out of the water and they didn’t? Oh yeah….. That movie.

I’ve been thinking about Eclipse a lot lately. Well, since I heard about the re-released in theaters for Bella’s birthday. I considered going to see it again. By “considered” I mean I laid in bed with my phone right after reading the news in my email & thought, “Maybe I should go” before falling back to sleep, never considering it again.

There’s been some talk around town (aka this 1 blog I read) about why Breaking Dawn Part 1 and Part 2 are releasing a year apart. And I think it’s pretty obvious: There was a year between Twilight & New Moon. And New Moon kicked ASSSSSSSSSS money-wise. When Eclipse came out 7 months later? The opening weekend was down almost HALF (and kids were out of school!) and while it hasn’t been out as long as New Moon, it hasn’t grossed as much. And it probably should have grossed more seeing as the popularity of the saga has only grown. Not that $672,498,560 world-wide gross is a bad thing. I mean I’d take that if I had to.

But the lack of Eclipse “success” makes me feel either worse or better about what I’m about to confess.  I am part of the reason for Eclipse not doing as well as New Moon. Yes, dear LTT readers, I only saw Eclipse two times. I feel bad because because of me, they lost $42.00 ($10.50 x 4). My waist is happy because I consumed 2,520 less calories in the form of popcorn (630 x 4- that’s for real. for a SMALL. I looked it up. BLOG RESEARCH RULES!) But I also feel good because it wasn’t just me who saw Eclipse less. Obviously due to the smaller numbers, the fandom overall did too.

I got thinking about why I didn’t see Eclipse 4 times like I did Twilight and 6 times like I did New Moon. This is what I came up with:

My Kung Fu isn't as strong as I let you think...

Harry Clearwater’s Kung Fu really isn’t that strong

And what I mean is…. the jokes weren’t as funny. Sure, sure – that’s a good thing for Mel Mel Rosenburg who finally wrote a semi not 2nd-hand embarrassing script, but it’s a sad thing for my funny bone- and for yours. I mean- you know what I’m talking about. How many times can we make Mike Newton fat jokes & talk about Charlie Swan’s obvious new-found virginity? If I make one more crack about the eyebrows in this film I think someone might murder me.

There’s such a thing as too much Rob

GASP! I know! I said it. And I don’t really mean it. I could never have too much of that Motha Truckn’ Brit, but it is possible that the Twilight saga, the actors & the story were just too overexposed. Despite the fact that we HATE waiting for the next installment in our beloved story, maybe not waiting as long means we’re not as engaged. We went from New Moon filming to Remember Me filming to movies about Mullets & lesbians to Eclipse filming to NEW MOON then LET DOWN after New Moon then Bel Ami, whatever teen drama/chick flick Taylor filmed once or twice and then ANTICIPATION of Eclipse then finally, ECLIPSE!

The Leg Hitch really wasn’t that good

But when I re-read Eclipse & read that scene, it’s good once again. Why? Because in the book it’s the Bella & Edward of my mind- before I knew who the actors playing them were. And, well, if I’m honest, I’m Bella. And Edward is leg hitching ME. When I watch the scene in the movie, it’s so glaringly obvious that Rob Pattinson aka Edward Cullen is not Leg Hitching ME. Sadface.

You call this boring!?

The minute Tay-Tay turned 18, he got boring

It’s not funny to joke about Chris Hansen anymore- unless we talk about Boo-Boo Stewart and that’s just BLEH. I wish Taylor was forever 17! He was so much more interesting then. At least not be legally allowed to like him gave me a reason to try. And now that I could jump his bones all I want if I had a desire (bleh), I have no interest. So love triangle between Edward, Bella & Taylor Lautner? No thanks.

That’s all I can come up with. And I know I’m not alone. Moon is worse than me- she saw Eclipse 1 and 3/4 times (missed the first bit of her second showing!) and obviously someone else hasn’t seen Eclipse as much as they did New Moon since the box office numbers don’t lie. What is it!? Why is a movie that was so obviously better made, and not to mention my favorite book, so much less desirable than the others?

Andddd Discuss!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Why "The Hillywood" show is better than Twilight and New Moon combined

Dear Catherine Hardwicke & Chris Weitz,

We love you Chris only– you know that, but…. well, you got outdone. By some amateurs with one camera. And a budget much smaller than you had.

Seriously, did you see the acting? It’s better than in both your movies combined. Hilly (aka Bella) brought us TEARS- real, actual tears.

And did you SEE the character of Jacob? Were we actually applauding Taylor Lautner for gaining weight and putting on muscle? This guy (aka Kyle Dayton- who I have since google stalked for many hours) seems to have a naturally amazing body and quite possibly a hotter face than Taylor Lautner. OR maybe it’s just because he’s probably older than 17 that I think that. Either way- WIN ALL AROUND!

Remember how I mentioned how I like the Bella that is with Jacob? I said how I love Bella with Edward because obviously they’re meant to be, but I kinda wish Bella could be split in two and be with Jake too? Well, the Hillywood girls have BAD BELLA aka Bella with Jake DOWN!! The leather pants? The rockstar attitude? The dark make-up? It was hot. I have a major crush on Hilly Hindi

And did you notice FUTURE Bella & Edward? They weren’t Anne-of-Green Gables fail. They were hot, attractive, and the dress was gorgeous- just like they should have been in New Moon. I am now convinced Bella can be attractive as a vampire. Before… not so much.

The Sparkles!?!- They RULED IT. While Chris you did a MUCH better job than Catherine, it turns out it wasn’t THAT difficult… all the Hillywood people did was use SPARKLY make-up. Duh! Even I could’ve told you that! And Jasper’s wig? While it’s totally still atrocious it was much less so than in New Moon! I think you need to contact those girls about their wig hook-up before Breaking Dawn starts shooting.

There is so much that is SPOT ON! The Tweed! The Grandpa shoes! The Purple (purple’s cool) on the bed!  Hilly rocks the attitude Bella should’ve had! Edward LEFT her! Cut down that Edward/Bella tree girl!

Everyone knows I’ve never been impressed with the chemistry between Edward & Bella from the movie. It has nothing to do with Robsten- I thought that from my first viewing. But in THIS parody? The chemisty between THEIR Edward & Bella? Aka Jacob Jost & Hilly Hindi? I’m ‘shipping Josttly or Hillcob or Jacly now. HARDCORE.

If you’re still not convinced at how much we loved this parody, read Moon’s reaction after the jump! Continue…

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Twilight Saga videos you may not have seen…

Dear crazy party people,

Are you still recovering from your big New Years Eve? I hope so. I hope I am too by the time this is published. We’re keeping it light since it’s still a holiday weekend and lots of people are traveling to and fro this weekend, but I thought we could all use a laugh to kick off 2010.  Here are two videos that were new to me when I saw them a week or so ago. I hope they bring a Cullen Smile to your pretty faces.

XO,
UnintendedChoice

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.4323362&w=425&h=350&fv=]

Thanks to Krystle for telling me about the Jay Leno show video and thanks to MY HUSBAND for caring about my “hobby” once in his life and sending me a funny vid! XO

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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Become friends with UC & Moon: See Rob. And other stuff…

Oh hai there 8 pack, only 63 days until your birthday too. Take that Chris Hansen!)

Yep- you’re seeing this right. This is our second post of the day AGAIN! (See the first here) We asked a few of our readers turned real-life friends to talk about what LTT/LTR means to them. Today is Chelsea’s turn!

Dear Bunny & Noreen (aka I won’t give away your real names),

Congratulations on making it to the one year mark! A Happy Birthday of sorts.

I wish I could say that I was one of your OG’s (Old Girls, the ones who have been a part of it since the start) but as things are, I joined on pretty close to the start. I don’t know when or how I came across your lovely blog, but I know it was pretty early on. I used to do some stuff for Will over at NewMoonMovie, and I remember seeing you mentioned on his site, I also think I stumbled upon you one day with StumbleUpon, (or ADD for the interwebs as I like to call it.) But I digress.

Bet I can make that Kitty Meow

The important thing is, I found you. Angles sang. The clouds parted and the snark began to flow. Suddenly, LTT and LTR became a part of my everyday routine. I had to check it each day to see what new pearl of sarcasm had been dropped. Finally! People who thought about the same weird things in the books! Who also found the same things ridonkulously cheesy in the film as I did!

And the Friendship begins!

Thanks to Bunny and Noreen, I’ve made a ton of new friends too. And not just the invisible kind! The first time I met up with anyone from LTT/LTR was at a Sam Bradley show up in LA. It was myself, my friend Lauren, Vicky, Aja, and Noreen herself. Zomg I was so excited to meet ½ of the awesomeness behind LTT & LTR! (Cause you two are totes Awesome) Sam was fun, we laughed at all of the girls there *cough Goth Maria VonTrapp cough*, spotted Decoy Rob, and I asked Sam Bradley out and totes scared him away.  (Moon’s story from that night)

From then on things just got worse. I went to ComicCon with Moon and the other girls in July. I may have bitten her when Rob walked on stage because I was so excited.

I laughed so hard putting those little red ribbons on everyone!

Through Moon I met Ashley, who is totes my BFF now. I also got to be a part of the fabulous #LALadies gathering this November for the New Moon Premiere. (Insert pic of us at theater in front of the eclipse poster, cause I don’t have that one either) These women, whom I knew only from Twitter and the Forum, are now my friends. People I count on and look forward to talking to, even if it is just a quick “Hi!” on twitter. Carter, Lili, Val, Kristy, Jess, Jena, Phyllis, Jen, Darja, Moon, UC, Cynthia, Emily, and anyone I may have left out! You are all my friends, whether you like it or not!

Letters to Twilight and Letters to Rob have become a pretty big part of my life, not just the blog, but everything and everyone that surrounds it. I see these girls almost every weekend now. We have sleepovers. We do stuff that isn’t Twi-related at all…but not often. We made friends with the paparazzi who may or may not tell us where Rob is staying so we can casually have brunch at his hotel in hopes of running into him.

So yeah, Bunny & Noreen, UC & Moon, thank you for all that you do in the name of Letters to Twilight. Here’s to making the next year even better!

Let’s Do This!

Chelsea

Follow Chelsea on Twitter!

Thanks, Chels! We love you and are so glad our crazy little blog brought you into our life! And I (UC) am so glad I finally got to hug you in person this past November! I still think those other shoes looked better with that dress though.. 🙂 jk jk jk XO

Don’t forget this is our 2nd-post of the day! I know, we’re crazytimes this week. Read the first one below (or here if you like to click) Don’t miss it. There’s a Giveaway (yes, another!) Let’s say it together: “They’re NOT Bears!”

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New Moon in 15 minutes

One of my fav things about the craziness of Twilight’s release last year was all the amazing spoofs written and recorded afterwards. Moon brought you the brilliant LOLCats version of New Moon yesterday, so today I bring you my favorite parts of New Moon in 15 Minutes by Cleolinda! Make sure to check out the entire post and enjoy your Sunday laugh! XO- UC

Some English Class

BELLA: ilu bb
EDWARD: So while we’re on the subject of Romeo and Juliet where everyone can hear us, I’ve been contemplating suicide lately. You know, some ironic but thematically appropriate means involving characters you’re just now hearing about for the first time, should the plot necessitate it. I’m thinking… death by sparkle at high noon.
BELLA: I SAID, ILU BB
SOME ENGLISH TEACHER: Mr. Cullen! Please recite a thematically appropriate passage for us, so that the fangirls in the audience can record it on their phones and play it on repeat every night before they go to sleep.
EDWARD: *sigh*
SOME ENGLISH TEACHER: A bit louder, Mr. Cullen! Some of them will want to use it as a ringtone.

The Rainforest in Bella’s Backyard

EDWARD: So we’re all leaving town and I don’t want you to come.
BELLA: Edward, you haven’t wanted me to come for six months now. This is not new.
EDWARD: Bella, I am too dangerous for you. If I stay in these movies, there will constantly be some threat to you. I must leave you, because I love you.
BELLA: WTF EDWARD NO
EDWARD: Bella, let me mansplain this to you, since a frail helpless female would never understand what’s best for her: I am BAD FOR YOU and I have NO SOUL and I am not willing to take yours and sometimes I feel really funny when you kiss me and I think this is bad for my virginity and you are going to GET DEAD if we stay together. Just promise me to stay not-dead after I leave and we’ll call it even.
BELLA: WTF NO NO NO YOU CAN’T NO
EDWARD: Okay, LOOK. I am SICK OF YOU and your whining and your clinging and and your endless codependency and these SHITTY, SHITTY MOVIES, OKAY? I am SICK of this endless slo-mo and this magenta lipstick bullshit. I AM A GROWN MAN, NOT A POWDERED DONUT, AND THESE CONTACTS HURT, OKAY? I AM DONE WITH THIS.
BELLA: EDWARD!
EDWARD: SPARKLE OUT.
BELLA: EDWARD!!!
EDWARD: *VAMPIRE HAND*
BELLA: …omg.

[Bella then curls up in the woods to die, too shell-shocked even to notice that Some Ripped Quileute Guy carries her home. She remains catatonic in her room while OCTOBER, NOVEMBER, and DECEMBER drift past her window.]

-Scenes of Bella Attempting to Move on With Her Life
-Scenes of Bella Setting a Good Example for Real-Life Teenage Girls
-Scenes of Bella Putting on Her Big Girl Panties and DEALING WITH IT

More Stuff Happens

[Remember when] Edward rode in on the Vampire Volvo of Great Justice to save [Bella?]. Volvo: The vehicle of choice for busting out hardcore rescue maneuvers, yet dependable enough for the everyday chauffeuring of one’s delicate human.

QUIL: [To Bella] Hey baby, you so pale and slim and clumsy, baby.
JACOB: HEY, DON’T YOU HAVE A TODDLER TO IMPRINT ON OR SOMETHING?

BELLA: Wow… you’re sorta beautiful.
JACOB: : )
BELLA: Now, if you were skinny, pasty, and a foot taller, we’d be in business.
JACOB: : (

Continue the major major Cullen Smiles & laughter, after the jump! Continue…

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