New Moon rumor patrol

Dear New Moon,

So the movie has been our for a week and 1/2 now and you’ve made a gazillion dollars, and there are rumors floating around EVERYWHERE. I thought I’d take a little time today, dig into the news and gossip, contact my sources and really do some research into the stories out there to help us determine what to believe or not. Enjoy!

1. Women everywhere have forgotten about their vintage green washer & dryer and have taken up hand washing their clothes in a bucket of cold, sudsy water, and Wal-mart has suddenly tripled inventory on the old fashioned washboard (formally found in the craft department to be used as decoration) as demand increases due to all the women recently inspired to manually scrub out the stains in their clothing:

True- thanks to Taylor Lautner’s washboard abs. He now gets a royalty check every time Wal-mart sells an old-fashioned washboard.

2. Chris Weitz has agreed to do Breaking Dawn and make it into two films

False or True or… this is still a rumor: Chris is concerned that he set the bar pretty high this time with the yellow pants and isn’t sure if he has another color of slacks to top them when it comes time for Breaking Dawn promotion. He has a cranberry pair that his mom sent him for Thanksgiving (they have a stitching of a turkey along the top) but are they good enough? It’s really a lot to consider. PLUS, two more movies to film? He’s really concerned that Robsten can’t stick it out that long. And nothing would be worse than the world’s precious star couple breaking up the night before Rob is supposed to bite pillows and tear apart headboards. So if he agrees to it and if he finds the perfect pair of pants, he will probably recast Bella. He’ll cast me. He doens’t know it yet, but he will. I sent him a pair of bedazzled, neon blue “UC & Moon” pants last week. He’ll get them any day now and he’ll be convinced. Feathers all over my naked body, here I come!

Continue…

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Waiting in line for New Moon premiere? Get your helpful tips here!

4 days of hell start here

Dear LTTers,

Yesterday morning we were told a super big secret that 13 people were already in line for the New Moon premiere. Then the news leaked on Twitter and suddenly it wasn’t a secret anymore. Did you just panic because you have plans tonight and didn’t set aside time to glue your eyes to your laptop while you watch a live stream of the red carpet? Don’t worry you still have a few days. Yes, that’s right, because the premiere isn’t tonight, but it’s Monday night. Yep. Those who got in line yesterday are there 4 days in advance. Those who will get in line today will be there 3 days early. Tomorrow… 2 days. Sunday 1 day… etc.

It turns out that the first group of people are line are the gals from Twifans.com and Cullenboysanonymous.com. Okay, they both run Twilight fansites, I get why they want to be up close and personal on the red carpet. They want to get first-hand accounts and interviews and videos for their readers. That’s really nice. I can hear your questions now, “UC- aren’t you changing your flight and flying out tonight instead of waiting until Sunday so that you and Moon can get in line and be sure to get us an exclusive interview with Solomon Trimble (who I bet is the 3rd person in line behind Twifans & CBA) and catch the action when Cathy Hardi tries to sneak past security and onto the red carpet?” Uh, no. We’re not going to be doing that. We love you and all, and while a one-on-one with Solomon would be great and we could potential make our dream come true if we see HIM on the red carpet (our dream being a UC & Moon sandwich with Big Daddy Lautner in the middle), we value sleep in a comfy bed and protection from crazy Twihards & tweens more than spending 4 days in the hot sun then cold nights on a deflating air mattress while suffering from the Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) that we’d get because we’d have to hold our pee for four days all the while one person stays awake to protect us from the non-rob hobos that roam the streets of Westwood, CA.

Cardboard cut out of Jacob. Check. Cranberry Juice. Check

So while we’re not going to be there many people are. I’d venture to say that by tonight, there will be a good 100-200 people in line. 45 of them will be Solomon Trimble’s closest friends and family, but they still count. And since the 4 day waiters (Hey Kim & Allison!) probably got bored 5 minutes after their tent was set up and their coffee was gone (regretting that Venti cafe latte now, huh?), I’ve compiled a list entitled “Things to do while we wait for a opportunity to see Kristen Stewart’s bare breasts in a new sexy dress and cross our fingers that Rob may or may not look our way for 2.5 milliseconds 4 days from now on the New Moon premiere red carpet” to help ease the boredom a bit:

• Play the FanFiction game: Someone reads out loud from a famous fic like The Office or Wide Awake and you take turns acting out scenes with cardboard Edward. Since there is a New Moon Cardboard Ed & a Twi version, it’ll be like he changed clothes (unlike you who is stuck in the same thing for four days).

• Transcribe New Moon by hand into a leather-bound notebook as a gift to Rob since it’s his favorite book. Get Solomon to sign it.

• Knit something for Rob in hopes that it will be better than anything Kristen has knit for him

• Comb the dictionary for every word you believe could be used to describe Rob

• Paint your nails so that each finger has a detailed picture of a cast member- Edward-Bella-Jacob-Alice-Charlie-The Wolves- The Cullens-the Humans-The Volturi- The bad Vamps- 10!

• Reorganize your entire Itunes library into Rob or New Moon appropriate categories. “Songs that make me think of Rob.” “Songs that make me hate Kristen.” “Songs that make me wish Solomon Trimble was in the 2nd movie” OR “Songs that make me wish Solmon Trimble would move ahead of me in line and hit on the girl over there.” You could also change all the genres around. Examples: Instead of “Rock” it could be “Songs I wanna eff Rob to.” Instead of “Indie ballads” it could be “Songs I played the day I finally believed that Rob was actually dating Kristen.” Instead of “Garage band music” it could be “Bands that are horrible but still better than 100 monkeys”

After the jump, check out what people on Twitter said THEY would add to the list! Continue…

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New Moon: Are you ready for us?

Noreen & Bunny: Reunited

Dear New Moon,

It’s almost time. I can’t believe it. This time next week I’ll be writing to you from the comfort of Moon’s bed. That’s right, I, UnintendedChoice aka Bunny aka my real, real name, will be arriving in Los Angeles in just a mere 4 days to spend SIX blessed days with my friend Moon. We have a FULL itinerary and don’t worry, it revolves completely around you. Here are a few things we have planned:

• Bon fire on the beach– but not your traditional fire in a hole while you sit around and tell scary stories. No. We’re decorating this beach like a reservation and all going to wear traditional Quileute costumes- No Vamps Allowed! Moon is whipping up her replica of Harry Clearwater’s famous fish fry & we’re gonna fry up anything we can find. Seaweed? Check. Marshmellows? Check. Little baby minnos that I accidentally step on when I go feel the temperature of the water? Check. We plan to invite the Wolfpack to join us and know we can get them to come with the promise of “Hot lesbians on a beach.” (We’ll just leave out the fake part)

• Hijack various food trucks around LA and retro fit them with stalking capabilities. We’ll then lure Rob in with Korean tacos and kidnap him. What happens next is all just private, intimate details. Fine. We’ll squeal. Go to fanfiction.net and pick your favorite story. That’s what we’ll be doing. Don’t worry if you all pick different favorites. We’ll get to them all. That’s right. We’re going to act out every single Twilight fanfiction available. Plus, we’re throwing in a bonus 7th Heaven FanFic marathon. Have you always wondered whatever happened to Mary? Wonder no more. Rob & I are going to show you.. with our bodies…

• 

  Bunny & Noreen: Just poor maids at Chateau Marmont

  Hang out at Chateau Marmont for as long as it takes to find Rob & Kristen and then sneak up on them (posed as maids of course) in attempt to catch them mid-kiss on camera. Cuz that shizz is gonna make someone rich. And selling pics of those crazy kids getting into cabs doesn’t pay people. And we have a reputation to uphold. We have fish fry to make, matching fake lesbian La Perla lingerie to buy and the salary we get as fake lesbian fake french maids at the Chateau Marmont is not making anyone rich. So we’re determined that we’ll be the ones to sell that coveted picture (plus it would make a really great Christmas present for Calliope our resident Robsten-shipper). Rob & Kristen- I hear there’s a bonus if we catch you with tongue (seriously- I saw a sign in my local Post Office that said “Wanted. Without or without Tongue: Picture of Robsten kissing. With Tongue $10,000 Bonus”, so… can you help some poor french maids out?  S’il vous plait?

• Glamour Shots– We’ve asked a photographer friend to take our “Glamour Shots” for whenever Steph Meyer e-mails us and asks for our picture to put in HER header

Uh oh. Big Daddy Lautner has some competition...

• Not first on the priority list, but we’re willing to ‘take one for the team’ if it means getting close to the REAL stars. Yes- That means we might have to shack up, one night, with the likes of Eric Yorkie (I do a mean impression of a feminine guy), Marty the 100 Monkey’s Bananager or, gulp, Big Daddy Lautner. We have plenty of vodka ready, just in case we have to choose any of those 3 options- we actually have it disguised IN Big Gulp cups- ya know, to entice Big Daddy (don’t worry, his will be the REAL thing.. ours will just be filled to the brim with 72 ounces of straight grey goose) You can do anything for the team when you have alcohol poisoning!

• Show up to the premiere theater to interview fans who have been waiting in line for 4 days with questions like “What do you say to the fans who think they are the most dedicated but haven’t been standing in line for the past 4 days, stinking up the entire area around them?” and encouragement like, “Okay, now show us your best impression of Bella- go ahead- grab that mildly retarded looking guy over there- yes. Now be Bella & Retarded Edward. You might win…. a prize!” (Or an entire post dedicated to you as the 2nd hand embarrassing mascot of the year)

• Hold a Bible Study (on a Wednesday, of course) with Kellan. We’ll invite Nikki Reed over to pray about her situation with Paris Latsis. What situation? Just the one where she’s dating him and the inevitable health problems that are soon to show up down south. We’ll gather for a laying of hands. And Kellan will probably get confused and inappropriately touch us (not that we’ll complain…)

Can’t wait to see you!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What did I miss!? (besides actually watching New Moon!)

So maybe I exaggerated some of the things on our itinerary, but they are somewhat true. We are going to hit up some Korean taco trucks, we are having a BBQ on the beach. We WILL show up to the premiere to have some laughs and I wouldn’t be surprised if, from time to time, I crave a diet coke in one of those Big Gulp cups. Does ANY of that sound appealing to you? Are YOU going to be in LA or do you live close by? A big group of LTT/LTR gals is getting together for lots of good times. E-mail us if you want to know what’s going down!

The Forum LTR Twitter

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Letters to Twilight: Mid-year Progress report

LTT/LTR Mid year progress report

Dear Faithful Readers and Newbies-

Before we break to celebrate this fair country’s independence day tomorrow, we must first look at where we’ve come from. And by we, of course I mean us here at Letters to Twilight, not the United States. It’s time to check in on the state of our of New Year’s Resolutions! Remember when we promised to do stuff back on January 1st in the name of this blog? For those of you who are new to these fair blogs, UC and I made resolutions that we’re striving to keep and now that we’re halfway through the year of 2009 we felt it was time to reassess our promises and goals. Cause like any good accountability partner we want to be fully transparent with our successes and our stumbling blocks.

So how did we do? Will we be rewarded with special hugs from Kellan, Jackson & Justin Chong? Let’s see…

Freaks coming to a town near you!

In 2009 we promised to…

1. Make a pilgrimage to Forks, WA and maybe drag along some pals to terrorize this lovely town.

Reality: We’re still waiting for the city of Forks to sent us a hand engraved invitation to visit them along with keys to the city, renaming First Beach after us (UC and Moon Memorial Beach or Letters to a Beach would work) and finally for the Quilieute tribe to name us honorary members and give us native names. Since this hasn’t happened yet we’re going to put this in the lose category and look for a new travel agent.

UC/Moon: 0          People who want us to fail: 1

2. Bring you coverage and live ‘Letters’ from the red carpet premiere of New Moon… are you listening Summit Entertainment marketing dept?! You need us, we’re professionals! Seriously, email us.

Reality: Well, since the premiere isn’t till November 20, 2009 we still have time to make this happen. Are you listening SUMMIT?! We’re ready, willing and able (that’s what she said) to provide our “services” on the red carpet! But to our credit, we have live tweeted/blogged or attended various events including the Oscars, the DVD release, AND live blogged the MTV Movie Awards with our pals for over 50,000 people!

UC/Moon: .5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

you call this music?! why yes, I'll torture myself for your reading pleasure!

3. Torture your eyes and ears with as many 100 Monkeys videos as we can find/take/make.

Reality: Not ONLY did we do this we even organized groups of people to see Jackson and the 100 Monkeys live! And while there, dirty-danced with the Bananager! To add to that we’ve also organized and seen Sam Bradley concerts as well and have Bobby Long shows coming up so BOOYAH! In fact, I think we deserve and extra point for this one and we’ll get it because we make the rules!

UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

(tie ball game!)

4. Convince Stephenie Meyers to finish Midnight Sun in a timely fashion (like by Feb. 1st or something)

Reality: Stephenie Meyer stopped talking our phone calls after we called her as Rob Pattinson’s assistants and asked her if he dazzled her. Frequently. Apparently, we do not. Much to her chagrin.

UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

5. Make Kristen Stewart aka Sour Puss smile at least 3-4 times by our hilarious commentaries.

As a matter of fact, I think Kristen Stewart has smiled more times in the last 7 months since we’ve been around then she has in her entire life.

We threw the best online Birthday Party a 19 yr old could ask for
The BFF James look alike fell in love with her and created Haiku’s in her honor
We uncovered her not so secret life partner
We role played her working relationships with both Emile Hirsch AND Rob Pattinson

UC/Moon: 2.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

6. Bring you even more shirtless pictures of Kellan while making inappropriate comparisons between him and that hot guy from your youth group who was nice to everyone.

Reality: We provide the shirtless Kellan pictures like it’s our job! Case closed!

UC/Moon: 3.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

Us, New Moon premiere!

7. Start to v-log occasionally (UnintendedChoice might even perform a hit like “All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar” live on video)

Reality: Yes, indeed we have embarrassed ourselves via video in the name of this blog multiple times and plan to continue doing so, as long as cameras exist as well as our stupid ideas!

Mini Edwards Meadow
DVD Release
Kiss Me!

More girls! More Alice!

UC/Moon: 4.5    People who want us to fail: 2.5

8. Actually start featuring more Twilight girls on this site! We love you Ashley Greene and Alice and Anna Kendrick and Angela and sometimes Kristen Stewart! Enough with these boys, girl power!

Reality: We’ve pledged our life long love, bff-ness and asked Ashley to be our lesbian life partner, as well as Christian Serratos, Anna Kendrick, Elizabeth Reaser, Rachelle Lafevre. Seriously girls, we LOVE you.

UC/Moon: 5.5    People who want us to fail: 2.5

Well, look at that! Our LTT mid-year review says UC/Moon are ahead of the people who want us to fail (you know like the hater that one time called us losers and asked how many bowls of ice cream we eat a day. ‘sniff) We always have some areas to work on, of course- the two main being the New Moon premiere & convincing Stephenie to finish Midnight Sun– but we have a plan. It’s simple. We’ll just go to the New Moon premiere & convince her to finish it. Done and done!

Justin Chong here we come,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisdown

Since it’s a holiday weekend in the US, you won’t see us around much- we’ll check in from time to time to approve new comments, but don’t fret if your comment seems to have gotten lost- we’ll get it up there, it just might take a lil’ bit! Enjoy your holiday!

Play in The Forum (if UC remembers to start the new thread in Rob’s flat- she’s on her own this weekend- yikes!)

See how well we’ve kept our LTR resolutions over at LettersToRob

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