Twilight stuff happens while you’re busy having fun!

Wedgie's happened while I was gone

Dear LTT,

A lot of shiz has happened in the like 4 weeks since I checked in on Twilight. Well, let’s be honest I saw two Twi related news items in my FB feed whilst I was busy spreading good will and Robsten cheer in Kenya. One was a picture of Rob holding a surfboard with his sideways toupee hairdo and the other was a picture of Kristen who clearly used a cranium sized bump-it and a bike pump to achieve this kind of volume on the cover of a magazine. So I take it Rob won an award and Kristen was on a magazine cover. But what REALLY happened while I was gone?

I took to the Twilight news blogs (BreakingDawnMovie.org, of course) to see what I missed…

• Rob picks up groceries in shower shoes while Sam Bradley picks a wedgie. God, I (haven’t) missed so much. (Thx Lili for the tip and awful visual).
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• The maker of everyone’s Prom dress in the 90s, Alfred Angelo, is creating a replica Bella’s wedding dress that will actually be sold in real stores. I think the bigger news here is someone willing to wear a REPLICA BELLA’S WEDDING DRESS has found someone to marry her! WTF?
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G'Day Big Daddy! Let's throw another filet o fish on the barbie!

• Taylor went to Australia to promote his High School Bourne Identity movie a month before it premieres on September 22. But I think the real news here is that Big Daddy is alive and well and went with him to Australia probably to see the Kangaroos and Koala’s and whether the latest restaurant in the Olive Garden family has opened yet. He’s their (faux) celebrity ribbon cutter and taste tester on ALL OG’s (hahaha how did I not see that Olive Garden’s initials are OG before this?) locations.
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• Taylor ALSO began tweeting and started a Formspring which is basically just an excuse for us to ask him more about Big Daddy and if Taylor’s love of leather jackets comes from his fascination with leather daddies. True story. I really did ask that. He didn’t answer. Jerk.
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• In other Twitter news, Nikki Reeed started an accunt (*edit* typo and it stays!). Ohhhh Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I’m counting the days till ome crazy over zealous Robstener’s drive you from the social network with AWFUL tweets like Joe Jonas’s crazy fans did with Ashley Greene. *Sigh*
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Get these mother effing Somali Pirates out of my mother effing Arena!

• Kellan is in some direct-to-DVD shiz with Samuel BAMF Jackson called Arena. I know nothing about this other than the dvd cover shows Kellan in a leather jacket (leather daddy?!) fighting a somali pirate with an axe. NETFLIX this someone and report back.
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• While I was away I received an email from a legit concert promoter telling me 100 Monkeys were playing the El Rey (again) and tickets were on sale. Am I the crazy person? Do real, actual, live human beings like this music and it’s not just an excuse to stare at  Jackson in a weird hat and fantasize it’s really Jasper and they’re Alice living out a real life fan fic scenario? Cause really I’m starting to question reality.
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• Summit announced that Breaking Dawn Part 1: Regrettable Sexy Times (that’s really the tagline) will premiere 5 minutes from my house at Nokia Theater on November 14th. UC and I immediately began preparing our Red Carpet questions and dresses (Bella’s Replica Wedding Dress from Alfred Angelo OF COURSE) because we WILL be there. Oh yes, we WILL be there. This is your heads up Summit, hope you’ve added us to your “press” list. Anything we would ask will be a billion times better, more informative and enjoyable than that lady from access Hollywood or some other “fan sites” (yea I said it!) Just ask Stephenie Meyer! Forever and always our trump card.
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• You know you’ve become one of those married/engaged people when you do shiz like this. Sorry Nikki Reed but NO.

• AWKWARD!
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Oh Rupert! LA loves you too

• Do you think he tips off the paparazzi that he’ll be working out on Venice Beach shirtless or does God just love us that much?

• Sadly, this is what we call a “small penis required car.”

And with that… I think I may be caught up minus UC and I breaking down those new stills they released from Breaking Dawn Pt 1: Planned Parenthood Was Right! (The real tag line).

So happy to be back and I have some Twilight stories to share from Kenya another day.

Love to you all and mucho love-o to UC for holding down the fort while I was gone.

It’s Moon Bitches,
Themoonisdown

I know a ton of crap happend while I was gone that can’t be fit on BDmovie.org so what did I miss? Besides you guys, duh!

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Shiz happens: I catch up on Twilight stuff

Dear LTTers,

Dudes, So much happened while I was away… I was off having tea with the Queen and Clare (they have tea together every Tuesday. DUH), trying to rescue the lost squirrel in TomStu’s beard, trying to figure out which dumb picture Jackson would tweet of himself next and then the second I got back Ron Ron and Tay Tay decided to make out on national tv… so really I’m just now catching up. This is what I found out happened while I was away…

• Big Daddy turned into a Diva. When UC emailed me the news I sent her back this sentence “I love him even more.”

• Nikki Reed is engaged to that dude who wears bolo ties on American Idol. Not the weird country singing kid with the head lean. The other one. Cafepress weeps at the loss of revenue from the LTT Fake Lesbian’s design

• Kristen Stewart ‘s facial paralysis was miraculously healed and she is now able to use her smiling muscles. Miracles happen folks! In our time! See: nearly every picture from the last week.

• Jackson filmed a movie in the state that birthed me called Cowgirls and Angels. So this is either a FanFic turned film or it’s a p0rn, right?

I dare you not to

• I’m not ashamed to say that I Googled the Cullen’s address 420 Woodcroft Ave Forks, WA (420, heh) and can report back that some vampire trickery is afoot because Google says to try again later because it’s having trouble loading it. UH HUH!!!! RIGHT! WHAT aren’t they telling us?!!?! I need door-to-door directions to the Cullen’s stat! We’re onto you Cullens!

• Some Twinerd (REAL LIFE PROFESSIONAL) Wedding Planner over analyzes Bella and Edward’s wedding invitation. Yes, over analyzes the fake wedding invitation to a fictional couples wedding. Leave NO stone unturned people!! We have a lot of time to fill till November.

JACKson of hearts… GETS IT??!! GET IT?!

• Jackson got beat up by a pack of wild monkeys while I was gone. They were pissed off he was disgracing the sacred a name of the monkey species with his bands music. They also thought him holding a “JACK” of hearts cards was super cheese ball. So they showed him who’s boss

• So I guess Kristen and I were in London at the same time… awkward… probably more awkward when she showed up to Clare and Dick’s house when we were having tea (I had a lot of tea there).

• Spoke too soon, found something more awkward.

Some Shiz Never Changes:

Kellan runs around the city of Los Angeles topless

Awwww Kellan thanks for making me feel like I didn’t miss too much and it was a pleasant surprise to come back and see Kristen at least acting like she was enjoying herself a bit more. And yes, I did have tea with the Queen and Clare… in totally unrelated news my mom and sister-in-law have asked me to stop calling them The Queen and Clare. Party poopers.

Moon is back ALLLRRIIIGHT! (sung to the tune of Backstreet’s Back)
Themoonisdown

Are you happy I’m back? I’m happy to be back… and it’s nice to see all the fun comments and new commenters we got from the break down of the trailer. Welcome! What else happened whilst I was gone? Has anyone seen Jackson “perform” recently… should I stop being so harsh? No. Ok.

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152 Commented

Twilight News Dump – The Of Course edition

We’re crazy bro!!!

Dear LTT-ers,

Since there’s nothing HUGE happening (besides the filming of Breaking Dawn) and tons of tiny little things happening AND because when I realize that some of you great readers only come here for I news, I thought it might be nice to have a news dump.

OF course Jackson would be wearing red pants and a top hat in a picture for something called the “Liquid Zoo” album and tour… of which I will not be purchasing OR attending. Love you Jacky! PS 40 cities?? REALLY?? OF COURSE!

Of course the day AFTER BrookeLockart shows up to The Grove in LA from outta town, Ashley Greene would make an appearance there. OF COURSE!

Of course at the Breaking Dawn wrap party the cast took turns riding a teeeeny tiny motorcycle that Taylor brought. I bet Big Daddy was sad. OF COURSE!

Of course Robert Pattinson is going to be on 10546546 TV Shows to promote Water for Elephants! And of course you know they’re gonna ask about Twilight and of course they’re gonna ask about you know who and OF COURSE we (meaning Jena) have you covered on the DVR alerts page.

Of course the pie guy slash the guy from The Fall talks to us Twi fans and makes me more excited to see him as Garrett whoever that is. I hope Garrett is a pie maker.

Of course Carlisle Cullen would land at #2 on the Forbes list of most wealthy fictional characters and OF COURSE his cover would be blown because they list his stocks in blood and his “daughter” Alice’s penchant for seeing the futre. GOOD JOB fake Forbes, now they have to move again! OF COURSE! #respectthecullens

Of course we all thought the Official Twilight Illustrated Guide was never coming out so OF COURSE you are really confused when it showed up in your mail today but OF COURSE you ordered it back in 2008. If you didn’t you can get it here

Of coure Catherine Hardwicke talks about Twilight and Rob while doing promo for her OTHER (laughable, LIT-TRALLY) movie. And OF COURSE we roll our eyes. SHOW US THE TAPE! Shut up or put up! Or whatever the saying is.

So of course now you’re all caught up on all the news that doesn’t matter and of course all we really want are some legal OFFICIAL stills or maybe a teensy clip from Breaking Dawn but we’ll solider on and pray that November 18 comes faster than it already is.

Happy Hump Day!
Themoonisdown

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

121 Commented

News Dump: A whole lotta Kristen Stewart with a LITTLE TomStu on the side

Needs more Garrett Hedlund

Dear LTT-ers,

There’s lots of little bits of Twilight and SORTA-we-wish-we-were-and-kinda-are related bits of news out there floating around. Since there’s nothing HUGE happening, like pictures of Renesmee and Jake’s first date or Edward giving Jacob the birds and the bees talks… oh those didn’t happen? Well in any case here’s a round up of what’s going on out there in the world of Twilight…

• The Twitters are…uh… atwitter with talk of the stills released from Kristen’s upcoming movie On The Road. UC and I spent hours (read: minutes) discussing but we’ll let you *ahem* come *ahem* to your own conclusions about it CLICK IT! (Source)
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• New Water for Elephants poster! Now with even more fireballs falling from the sky!
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• Indie actress Kristen Stewart in negotiations to play Snow White in Snow White and the Hunstman from art house studio Universal and supposedly turned down playing little known comic book icon Lois Lane in the Superman reboot being produced by another small studio called Warner Brother.

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(sorry couldnt resize this one POPSUGAR)
Tom says something about Kristen in On the Road here. The real issue is that fact that TomStu looks teeeeeny tiny next to RACHEL BILSON. If Summer Roberts can make TomStu look small than homeboy needs like 5 more Hot Pockets.
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Was it awkward when someone from Ouch Magazine (wtf?) chased Chaske backstage after his performance at Chippendales and demanded he tell them what kind of women he was into while they filmed it with their cell phone camera?

Tons of Kristen for our Kristen fans and actual SET PICTURES!! See Summit, it’s not that hard, take a cue from On the Road!! I actually think at this point we have a better chance of Stephenie leaking some pictures she took with a disposable point-and-shoot camera from the corner 7/11 taken on her set visits than we do of seeing official ones. *sigh*

Another day, another random news item!
Themoonisdown
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Excited about On the Road but probably MORE excited for the insane twitter speculation about how jealous Rob is of those set pics and how Garrett Hedlund’s arm is around her. CONSPIRACY! And really WHAT is that outfit Chaske is wearing and WHY is there NO explanation about it? And do we all think I could fit TomStu in my handbag and carry him around like a lil chihuahua?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

88 Commented

News Dump: The one with a lotta Sundance and a lotta Renesmee

Double feature now showing!

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s time to catch up on the news that only needs a sentences worth of discussion. Yes, it’s time for another News Dump! So put on your Bella jacket and mittens cause there’s a whole lotta Sundance!

• At first I thought Elizabeth Reaser was at Sundance to promote her flick Homework, then I realized they just hired her so they could screen the movies on her huge foreFIVEhead. Dang. PS It’s Oregano!!

• In between holding still for the screenings, Elizabeth talked about Kristen and Mackenzie. Don’t bother watching, it’s everything you expect: “Kristen scared me!” and “She looks like their child!” Boom, saved you 4 minutes!

• Apparently it must be a Holy Trinity week of filming cause Charlie Bewley is ALSO at Sundance and he dropped this awesome gem when asked about Renesmee:

“I imagine if Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had a kid it’d be like this grungy…awkward and shy kind of thing,” jokes Charlie Bewley, who plays Demetri in the vampire movie franchise.

Dare to NAIR ladies

• I’m sure it’s a BIG DEAL that artist Richard Phillips included Rob, Kristen and Dakota on his “Most Wanted” list and created pop images of them but I’m not so sure the girls appreciate the weird shadows on their upper lips that look oddly like mustaches.

• WHO wasn’t at Sundance? Chaske Spencer ALSO dropped by the gifting suites to debut his new hair and announce he joined Fall Out Boy and will be quitting BD and touring this spring with the band. Then he bequeathed the role of Sam back to Solomon Trimble who clocked out at Home Depot and jumped on Cathi Hardi’s private jet for Sundance. Free shiz it free shiz however you get it.

• Bella’s house was pulled out of storage (a Vancouver Twimom’s garage) and reconstructed over the last few days. It looks more like a Sears Siding commercial or the AFTER tornado view of Dorothy’s house in Kansas than the home of the Swans.

Things that are important to note from this video:
1. Jackson’s Jasper hair is back. The REAL Jasper hair. Like Twilight Jasper hair. We may need to get a muffin basket together for the BD hair folks
2. The 100 Monkey have a REAL, ACTUAL Tour bus???
3. In 5 years Jackson may be on Dancing with the Stars… or Dancing with the hands-y fans.
4. Who does Jackson give HJ’s to regularly at MTV that the 100 Monkeys keep showing up on this MTV videos?
5. Jackson seems to have dropped the totally over the top accent plus side mouth talking thing a bit. He must read LTT. *Hi Jacky!*
6. That one dude totally wishes he was Jackson. Sorry dude jumping around in the back who’s name I don’t know. Enjoy it while it lasts!
7. Does Jackson have one suitcase fully devoted to his WEIRD hat collection?

• If you weren’t scared about bringing Breaking Dawn to the big screen you will be after you see this fan art I dug up over at Twifans. WOAH. Someone hold me.

• BREAKING NEWS: Still no new set pictures or actual evidence that they’re doing anything in Baton Rouge. SHOCKING.

Off to the gifting suites… I mean Sundance!
Themoonisdown

Srsly how are 100 Monkeys still being featured on MTVonline on the regular? I don’t get it.I was mean about Liz’s fivehead but for reals, side sweep, am I right? What say you?

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214 Commented