ZZZZzzzzz the Oscars and Twilight… LIES!

Dear Oscars,

Welp, thanks for giving me exactly ZERO material besides a 5 second moment in a clip that was autotuned! Way to be a uuuuge let down. Where was the rumored Breaking Dawn footage, though admittedly, that would have been awkward. And no trinity? Could you not have thrown them in the audience or CGI-ed (technical term) them clapping for some winner? No? No one? FINE… let’s watch it again

video here

If someone has the ringtone of this please email it or post it cause like EVERYONE is asking.

Remember that time Rob was at the Oscars?

Yea, that was a good night. Remember when my phone died because of the overload of comments on LTR? Yea… that was a good night.

Remember when Kristen and Taylor were at the Oscars?

Yea that was an ok night… Remember how Kristen had a flub and people freaked out and I forgot Taylor was there? Yea.

So Oscars… you’ve have Rob, Taylor and Kristen representing Twilight at the telecast over the last 2 years, don’t you think it’s time for someone else to rep for the saga? Like maybe Solomon Trimble? He could do a fancy french braid for the special night… or maybe Mr. Molina could come and quiz the attendees on Oscar history? Who will win the golden onion at the Oscars?

Well that was a snoozefest I gotta say… Franco was robbed but oh wells. There’s always next year when the trinity will no doubt be nommed for their performances in Breaking Dawn. Award for best forbidden love affair? Taylor Lautner and whoever plays Renesmee: AUTOMATIC WIN!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, the Oscars discovered Autotune,
Themoonisdown

Did anyone else sit through this? Who won their Oscar pool? I came in second (2nd place 3 way tie. HA!) White Yorkie won. HE WOULD.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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The best of Twilight in 2009! Part 1

Dear LTT-ers and Twi-hards,

2009 has been a crazy year to say the least. We saw a movie about teenage vampires blow away box office records. We saw a boy become a movement and show us what Team Jacob was really all about. We saw a fandom divide down the middle over the “are they, or aren’t they” relationship of two costars. And we saw our beloved little saga explode into a cultural phenomenon. Since it’s the end of the year and everyone’s creating bes-of lists we’ve decided to create our own Best of Twilight in 2009 list…

10. The Oscars – Sure Robert Pattinson was asked to present and sure he showed up and sat behind crazy Mickey Rourke and next to girl-crush Tina Fet but I think what makes this a memorable 2009 moment was that he wore the ef out of that dolce tux and that night we racked up our highest number of comments ever with almost 900 responses from you yahoos. This was also the night my blackberry died from comment overload. Word to the wise when a big event such as Rob being at the Oscars happens, turn OFF the comment alerts on your mobile phone.

09. The Britpack – More often than not a Britpack concert will be the desired meet up spot of not only LTT gals but of Twilight fans in general. Trying to find a Twilight fan at a Sam/Bobby/Marcus show is like shooting fish in a barrel. Not that you’ll EVER hear any of them actually performing their “Twilight” song live at one of these shows, but they’re pretty talented musicians, they play shows at bars with alcohol and they’re pretty easy on the eyes, so why not? These men and their music spawned fan sites, a pyramid scheme street team and a manbang movement.

08. Harpers Bazaar/ Vanity Fair Photoshoots – AKA the day of Twitter overload and back to back breaking it down segments between UC and Moon. Between the Cape Cod-esque deliciousness of the Vanity Fair spread and the Hefty bag couture of the Harper’s shoot there was weeks and weeks worth of blog fodder to work with. Not only did we slather ourselves in clarified butter and dream of threesomes at Gayhead but we debated (again) the validity of Robsten, created their fake engagement photo and started a sitcom just for them and stoners everywhere.

07. Vancouver – 2nd only to a Britpack concert for a fan meet up was the lovely city of Vancouver. These poor Canadians didn’t know what they were in for when production of New Moon (and eventually Eclipse) was moved to their fair city. Paparazzi mobs, roid-raging teen wolves roaming the street and questionable musicians suddenly making tour stops. Vancouver was the site of much debauchery and monumental moments such as: Taytay’s doomed love affair with a Disney princess, KStew and Oregano’s one last failed attempt at faking their relationship and my favorite: Elizabeth Reaser and Nikki Reed’s chronic addiction to “accidentally” being photographed drinking smoothies and wearing work out clothes with hoods so that they appeared to be simultaneously “one of the people” but “trying to escape the paparazzi.” Good try gals, you ALMOST had us fooled. Next time don’t keep the paparazzi number on speed dial.

06. Remember Me – Not only was this the first movie Rob shot after Twilight but it was arguably (past and present) the most photographed movie set ever. Every day we were inundated with gabillions of new photos from the set which caused us to ruminate on what this film could be about, whether Emilie de Ravin was tappin’ dat azzzzzz and why Rob punching someone was hot but probably the most memorable moment from Rob’s time in New York City over summer 2009 that is still talked about to this day would have to be cabgate and those crazy pyscho lunatic girls. Oh em gee, Rob got “hit by a cab” and “attacked” by some fangirls from Long Island? What should we do? I know! Freak out on Twitter and start a Respect Campaign. Duh.

Stay tuned for the rest of our countdown this week and we look back at 2009 and make resolutions for 2010!

Goodbye 2009!
Themoonisdown

What will we include on the rest of our countdown? Has ANYTHING happened in the Twi world since like November? Are you dying like we are?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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Letters to Twilight: Mid-year Progress report

LTT/LTR Mid year progress report

Dear Faithful Readers and Newbies-

Before we break to celebrate this fair country’s independence day tomorrow, we must first look at where we’ve come from. And by we, of course I mean us here at Letters to Twilight, not the United States. It’s time to check in on the state of our of New Year’s Resolutions! Remember when we promised to do stuff back on January 1st in the name of this blog? For those of you who are new to these fair blogs, UC and I made resolutions that we’re striving to keep and now that we’re halfway through the year of 2009 we felt it was time to reassess our promises and goals. Cause like any good accountability partner we want to be fully transparent with our successes and our stumbling blocks.

So how did we do? Will we be rewarded with special hugs from Kellan, Jackson & Justin Chong? Let’s see…

Freaks coming to a town near you!

In 2009 we promised to…

1. Make a pilgrimage to Forks, WA and maybe drag along some pals to terrorize this lovely town.

Reality: We’re still waiting for the city of Forks to sent us a hand engraved invitation to visit them along with keys to the city, renaming First Beach after us (UC and Moon Memorial Beach or Letters to a Beach would work) and finally for the Quilieute tribe to name us honorary members and give us native names. Since this hasn’t happened yet we’re going to put this in the lose category and look for a new travel agent.

UC/Moon: 0          People who want us to fail: 1

2. Bring you coverage and live ‘Letters’ from the red carpet premiere of New Moon… are you listening Summit Entertainment marketing dept?! You need us, we’re professionals! Seriously, email us.

Reality: Well, since the premiere isn’t till November 20, 2009 we still have time to make this happen. Are you listening SUMMIT?! We’re ready, willing and able (that’s what she said) to provide our “services” on the red carpet! But to our credit, we have live tweeted/blogged or attended various events including the Oscars, the DVD release, AND live blogged the MTV Movie Awards with our pals for over 50,000 people!

UC/Moon: .5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

you call this music?! why yes, I'll torture myself for your reading pleasure!

3. Torture your eyes and ears with as many 100 Monkeys videos as we can find/take/make.

Reality: Not ONLY did we do this we even organized groups of people to see Jackson and the 100 Monkeys live! And while there, dirty-danced with the Bananager! To add to that we’ve also organized and seen Sam Bradley concerts as well and have Bobby Long shows coming up so BOOYAH! In fact, I think we deserve and extra point for this one and we’ll get it because we make the rules!

UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

(tie ball game!)

4. Convince Stephenie Meyers to finish Midnight Sun in a timely fashion (like by Feb. 1st or something)

Reality: Stephenie Meyer stopped talking our phone calls after we called her as Rob Pattinson’s assistants and asked her if he dazzled her. Frequently. Apparently, we do not. Much to her chagrin.

UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

5. Make Kristen Stewart aka Sour Puss smile at least 3-4 times by our hilarious commentaries.

As a matter of fact, I think Kristen Stewart has smiled more times in the last 7 months since we’ve been around then she has in her entire life.

We threw the best online Birthday Party a 19 yr old could ask for
The BFF James look alike fell in love with her and created Haiku’s in her honor
We uncovered her not so secret life partner
We role played her working relationships with both Emile Hirsch AND Rob Pattinson

UC/Moon: 2.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

6. Bring you even more shirtless pictures of Kellan while making inappropriate comparisons between him and that hot guy from your youth group who was nice to everyone.

Reality: We provide the shirtless Kellan pictures like it’s our job! Case closed!

UC/Moon: 3.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

Us, New Moon premiere!

7. Start to v-log occasionally (UnintendedChoice might even perform a hit like “All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar” live on video)

Reality: Yes, indeed we have embarrassed ourselves via video in the name of this blog multiple times and plan to continue doing so, as long as cameras exist as well as our stupid ideas!

Mini Edwards Meadow
DVD Release
Kiss Me!

More girls! More Alice!

UC/Moon: 4.5    People who want us to fail: 2.5

8. Actually start featuring more Twilight girls on this site! We love you Ashley Greene and Alice and Anna Kendrick and Angela and sometimes Kristen Stewart! Enough with these boys, girl power!

Reality: We’ve pledged our life long love, bff-ness and asked Ashley to be our lesbian life partner, as well as Christian Serratos, Anna Kendrick, Elizabeth Reaser, Rachelle Lafevre. Seriously girls, we LOVE you.

UC/Moon: 5.5    People who want us to fail: 2.5

Well, look at that! Our LTT mid-year review says UC/Moon are ahead of the people who want us to fail (you know like the hater that one time called us losers and asked how many bowls of ice cream we eat a day. ‘sniff) We always have some areas to work on, of course- the two main being the New Moon premiere & convincing Stephenie to finish Midnight Sun– but we have a plan. It’s simple. We’ll just go to the New Moon premiere & convince her to finish it. Done and done!

Justin Chong here we come,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisdown

Since it’s a holiday weekend in the US, you won’t see us around much- we’ll check in from time to time to approve new comments, but don’t fret if your comment seems to have gotten lost- we’ll get it up there, it just might take a lil’ bit! Enjoy your holiday!

Play in The Forum (if UC remembers to start the new thread in Rob’s flat- she’s on her own this weekend- yikes!)

See how well we’ve kept our LTR resolutions over at LettersToRob

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OH HALE NAH!

Dear Kristen Stewart’s Dad: John Stewart

Today our lovely friend Leigh Anne sent us a post about why Kristen Stewart didn’t present at the Oscars and you said this:

Access’ Billy Bush got the answer on the red carpet, when he asked Kristen’s father, John Stewart, why she wasn’t presenting with Robert Pattinson.

John responded that Kristen would present at the Oscars, “When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

And now JOHN my resulting RANT…

You, my dear long-haired-hippie-stoner daughter-supporting-dad, are a jerkoff and as the wise Poet Laureate of Dogwood Lane, Drum Eatenton, once said:

“An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure“

What a load of garbage you people are! At this point I wish Summit would just recast your daughter to teach you all a lesson and get it done with cause she’s bologna and this only proves it. Because even BIG stars (which you are NOT my dear Kristen) understand the need to balance both types of movies. You gotta do your little indie flicks but you also gotta do your big blockbusters too.

What you’ve said John, is a slap in the face to NOT ONLY her costar Robert (who understands the importance and presented!) but also to people like: MERYL freaking STREEP, Philip Seymore Hoffman, Sean Penn, Amy Adams, and flipping Mickey Rourke. COME ON! You and Kristen aren’t even good enough to be those people’s seat fillers during the commercials.

This really got me:

“When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

UH you folks only have yourselves to blame because kstews acting was a majority of the problem! Stuttering, blinking and looking uncomfortable does not equal acting… unless you’re playing a psych ward patient. And that you weren’t!

Since you and your wife work in the film industry you should know first hand how EVERYONE knows EVERYONE. Hollywood is a very small town and you should probably watch what you say to people like BILLY BUSH on ACCESS HOLLYWOOD. Never bite the hand that feeds you John.

And to think UC and I were feeling like being nice girls and posting Kristen’s NYLON pics. YEA RIGHT, not anymore! Saying crap like this just pisses me off and if you think I was being mean in those other KStew posts, I’ve got news for you folks: you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Save us the hassle and piss off!
Themoonisdown

PS Apparently Perez isn’t impressed either

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Twilight at the Oscars

Don't be confused by Kristen looking hot, she will NOT impress you come Oscar night

Dear Oscar planners,

Please don’t let Kristen Stewart be the promised “Twilight Presence” during your program this year, cause she won’t smile no matter what you do.

And if you decide that, instead of a Twilight presenter, you’re going to use a song from the movie, I’m BEGGING you, do not use “Go all the Way’ by Perry Farrell.*

Looking forward to hopefully seeing Robert Pattinson on the 22nd,
UnintendedChoice

What? Twilight presence at the Oscars? Yeah, Peter Gabriel out, Twilight in, or so E! says

a

*this song interchangeable with “Tremble for my beloved” by Collective Soul
**Just to be clear, as much as I’d love to see Robbie back in the US and in a hot suit on Oscar night, I don’t think he should be there. Let Mickey Rourke have his moment.

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