Posted by unintendedchoice on September 2nd, 2011
I’m back from a business trip to Kansas City (Did I even tell you I was gone?) and Operarose shares a hilarious story with us today!
Dear Breaking Dawn,
My husband is perhaps the only person in the universe who does not know what’s between your covers. I know you might be surprised that there’s someone out there whose heart isn’t palpitating in anticipation of the impending magicness of the Robst-I mean, Bella and Edward wedding and subsequent deflowering that results in a precious birth scene followed by the “Sequence In Which Taylor Lautner’s Career Will Likely End,” but as a PhD student in industrial engineering, Mr. Operarose is far more likely to have his nose buried in a book on Pierce-Smith Converting than the tale on Bella Converting into an Anorexic Vampire.
That’s not to say he’s a complete Twilight virgin. Mr. Operarose was introduced to Twiworld back in 2009, accompanying me to New Moon when the only people in the world I felt “safe” seeing it with were busy. To my shock, a few days later he requested to watch Twilight and later insisted we go see Eclipse together in theaters.
Although he’s far from being a unicorn, it’s safe to say that he’s interested in seeing this Twilight experience through. So, it’s a given that we’re going to see Breaking Dawn together in November. However, he has not yet seen the Breaking Dawn Part 1 trailer and I have never told him what happens in the book. Over dinner tonight, I confessed that I wasn’t looking forward to the movie this time around. Naturally, he wondered why.
“There’s a part in it that not a lot of us are looking forward to,” I said (and by us, he knew who I meant because I’ve told him about LTT) “It’s not going to translate well on-screen.”
Mr. Operarose pushed me further.
“What is it? Does Edward turn out to be gay”
As if I hadn’t heard that one before.
Bet Mr. Operarose will NEVER guess this one
I decided to have a little fun and see if he could really guess the outcome. He’d successfully guessed the major points of the ending of the Harry Potter series before the release of Deathly Hallows Pt. 1&2, despite having never read the books. But it’s one thing to determine that Snape is good, quite another thing to predict the birth of Renesmee.
He took up the challenge, and grew serious. “I think the Volturi want Edward and Edward is going to consider joining them.”
Not a bad guess – and not a bad plot idea. “You’re sort of on to something,” I said. “That’s a little bit of part of the story, but not the main thing most of us are concerned about. There’s something major that happens to Bella and Edward.”
I told him they got married and honeymoon in Brazil.
“So something happens in Brazil,” he said.
“Is Bella kidnapped by Columbian drug dealers?” he joked.
I shook my head. “I wish.”
I said Jacob would still be a big part of the story and gets a happy ending despite not having ended up with Bella.
“He ends up falling in love! So Jacob gets himself a little girlfriend,” he mused.
“Little being the key word.” I was getting worried, suddenly, not so sure I want to get into it after all. Thoughts of sippy cup blood and Chris Hansen chasing after Jacob were ruining my perfectly good macaroni and cheese dinner.
“A magical creature?” he continued.
“Jacob is gay!”
There it is again, universal straight male “I don’t know what to say” reaction to anything Twilight.
“A little GIRL friend is more accurate,” I said, trying to steer him back on course.
He starts to get really off track then, going on about how on their honeymoon, Edward will come over to where we are living now (which happens to be in South America, not too far from Brazil) and I will fight Bella for Edward. Before the conversation goes way off into a territory which usually involves me mud wrestling Bella (it may or may not have gone there before), I recap, and let him know that Jacob’s story gets brought in LATER, after SOMETHING happens to Bella and Edward on their honeymoon.
Yep. This is about right
“Jacob falls in love with a vampire?”
“But he falls in love with something much smaller? That’s bad.”
He’s so astute. “You have no idea,” I tell him.
“Is it a bird? A ghost? An Ewok? A short hunchback that is bald?”
“That may have been much better, for on-screen purposes at least…”
“So it’s not quite a vampire, it’s much smaller. Is it a bat?” He asks, joking again.
By then I felt a bit like an anthropologist, studying what people predicted would happen to Bella and Edward “BBD” (Before Breaking Dawn).” If Mr. Operarose, who is normally incredibly observant and extremely intelligent, can’t predict the absurdity that is Renesmee, then I decided that I should probably just let it be a surprise for him in November.
Besides, I realized just in time that I maybe shouldn’t risk him deciding not to go with me to Breaking Dawn. I don’t have anyone else to see it with (my social circle is small since we just moved here, and I’d rather not risk making it smaller by coming out of the Twicloset).
To conclude our conversation aka my “BBD anthropology” research, I asked him how he wanted Bella and Edward’s story to end.
“I’d like it if we saw Edward trying to react to the Volturi’s attempts to take him in. It should be revealed that the Volturi are in conflict with a group of vampires who are challenging their power in the vampire world. The rival group should rise up and then there would be a Cold War situation between them.”
Duly impressed, I told him that he might just like Breaking Dawn after all… part 2, that is.
Have you had to explain the err more interesting parts of Breaking Dawn to a guy? I’m pretty sure I STILL haven’t told Mr. Choice what happens!
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