Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 2 – Our REAL Review

This is really it, yall!

SPOILERS!!!!
SPOILERS!!!
SPOILERS!!!
SPOILERS!!!
SPOILERS!!!
SPOILERS!!!

WARNING: If you have NOT seen the film, do not pass go, do NOT collect 200 dollars or a fake passport from J. Jenks. Proceed directly to a time depravation chamber or join an Amish communion till you are able to get to a movie theater near you.

Dear LTT-ers,

I feel like Donna Summer’s Last Dance should be playing in the background of this post because well, this is it y’all. This is the last review we’ll write at 3AM after seeing a Twilight movie for the very first time. Sad trombone, yall. SAD.TROMBONE.

Now’s not the time for tears, save that for the credits. Now’s the time for our thoughts WITH SPOILERS on Breaking Dawn Pt. 2.

Top Moments in Breaking Dawn Part 2

1. Charlie and Sue ARE together after all our years of speculation. No need for Match.com

2. Jacob’s totally unnecessary yet totally welcome strip scene in front of Charlie. We think they just used his audition for Magic Mike (spoiler alert: he didn’t get cast)

BLAH

3. Aro really needs to update his computer’s OS. All of this (the fighting, changing Bella, using  up all their frequent flyer miles to fly all the witnesses to Forks) because he has a crush on Alice? Has he never heard of Skype? And Jasper needs to be worried right…? Aro has that hair.. and that accent… and that marching band uniform… and a bunch of crazy henchmen.

4. The Battle: aka TWI-MAGEDDON
Our hands still hurt from squeezing each other’s hands so hard they might fall off. The battle scene is the definition of on-the-edge-of-your-seat, scream-out-loud, hyperventilate and then pass out moment. I mean Carlisle’s head hitting the ground?! I don’t know about you but we screamed out WTF if happening?! It’s so well done that you don’t question it for one second and then when we snap back to Aro seeing it through Alice’s vision it’s simultaneously relief and outrage! But mostly relief! Thank God! We’re excited to see what everyone thinks about the Twi-mageddon twist. If Stephanie can change her mind & come up with that ending, we’re pretty sure the rest of the fandom could accept it.

5. Jackson’s non-laughable hair. FOR ONCE! Clearly, when they drew straws for who would get the worst wig in this movie Jackson won while Carlisle & baby Renessmee lost. Their hairlines moved up and down between scenes more than our heart rates during the Twi-magedon twist.

6. THANK YOU Bill Condon/Stephenie Meyer/Melissa Rosenberg for creating a non-gratituous, classy-enough, not-over-the-top, fanfic worthy sex scene. It was enough to set the scene while not making us want to crawl under our seats and die from embarrassment while people hoot and holler and yell about things being “unbroken.” No thank you though to the extreme close up of Rob’s hairy thigh.

7. We finally get to see Bella became fully realized. She is powerful– and doesn’t need a man (She drove to Seattle on her own. Big step guys) yet is the perfect counterpart to Edward (that flying kick/roll thing in the Twi-mageddon scene, anyone?!). This is our favorite Kristen performance since New Moon. She makes us laugh after she publicly humiliates Emmett by beating him in an arm wrestling match and then sells us an entirely believable performance as mother and daughter with Renesmee. Truly, theirs was one of the most believable relationships in the films. So yes, she’s a fierce, bad-ass who’s better than all of us. There, are you happy Krisbians? Now please leave us alone. Forever.

Nope, not so weird.

8. Chris Hansen will be disappointed. Somehow the Jacob-Renesmee stuff doesn’t seem creepy, at all. Taylor walked the line carefully and it never went into the WEIRD territory it could have. Besides how can you be creeped out by Taylor, who is like the definition of the boy next door. Also, MacKensie Foy was downright adorable with the CGI wolf. Snaps to everyone here.

9. Lee Pace and Michael Sheen for Presidents of everything. Those two killed EVERY scene. They can deliver ONE line with just the perfect intonation or stress on one word and have us rolling or clapping or panting. Are we SURE Lee Pace is gay?

10. Allistair- what was his deal? Dude, if you’re such a bore stay home in England or wherever you came from and stop being such a negative Nancy. Shit is getting real here and you’re busy lurking around on tree branches or hanging out in the attic by yourself like a weirdo. Either go home or put on your big boy vampire pants and “let’s do this!”

11 .Carlisle was the first to bite the dust (and we were NOT surprised). As much as we love Daddy-C, it just seemed right that he’d go first. NOT THAT IT DIDN’T KILL US and not that we totally didn’t screamed and shout WTF IS GOING ON!?!?!?! But ya know, it had to happen. Also, who has the stunt double/prosthetic Carlisle/Peter Facinelli head now that filming is over? Ebay auction anyone?

12. Alice’s hair looked great. She was wearing less fur, less gloves and less dumb shit. Always a plus.

13. But the music- We talked about it on Monday but it’s still true. TURN IT DOWN! Sometimes you just need an aural break not 2.5 hours of score and music and battle scenes. Give our ears a break PLEASE. Someone please go to Carter Burwell’s house and break every electric guitar and electric bass he owns. PLEASE! Our favorite score is still New Moon, no one else brought it like Desplat did. Also, we still want to know what happened with the Howard Shore, Eclipse score. What a tragedy. Sorry Carter Burwell, we just weren’t feeling this.
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Now that we’re at the end, we’re left wondering: WHAT IS NEXT? While discussing this post we came up with all our ideas for what could possibly follow Breaking Dawn Pt 2. We have wild imaginations y’all and we really just can’t say goodbye so here’s what we’re thinking…

Do you think Alice will like my Marching Band uniform?

– Don’t make us read fanfic to find out if Aro ever signs up for a Google + account so he can have a virtual Hangout with Alice and stop dragging every vampire in the world into an unnecessary Vampire Battle to the Death. He should “Indecent Proposal” Alice for a few gabillions, offer Jasper a weekend of all the humans he can eat and see if he can make it happen, FINALLY. Aro: totally DTF.

– Will Nahuel have a “Best Abs Throw Down” with Jacob for Renessmee’s heart? Who will win? Will Jacob rip off Nahuel’s loin clothe in the battle? PLEASE!

– Does Leah ever stop being a raging biotch? Does one of the other wolves take one for the team just so she’ll shut up for a while?

– Will Rosalie ever find her go-to shade of blonde on the Loreal color scale? Will she and Alice ever be able to make her brows match?

– Does Mike Newton inherit Newton’s Outfitters from his folks & can it compete against Sports Chalet during these down economic times?

– How quickly will Sue move in with Charlie? Will Seth move into Bella’s old purple room? And more importantly: WILL SUE PAINT THE CABINETS THEIR RIGHTFUL COLOR: YELLOW!?

– Can we watch Lee Pace & the girl who plays Kate get it on? No? Is Kate able to turn off that electricity shocking thing she does, or is Garrett into that sorta thing?

These two. Get a room!

– Will Jasper challenge Aro to a dual over Alice? Will they walk 20 paces and then turn and shot each other with old-timey pistols?

– Do Carlisle & Esme ever choose their grandparent names? Is it Papa or Nana or do they prefer CC & Grandma E?

– Does Bella pull out that blue blouse & khaki skit when she wants to “slip into something more comfortable” for Edward? And Does Edward still rock the white sleeveless top to turn Bella on? Will they pull out the matching oatmeal sweaters for this year’s Cullen Family Christmas card with Renesmee?

– Is Bella and Edward’s safe word “The Meadow?”

*insert ugly cry here*

Ok, so here we are, the end of our last review of a Twilight movie. STEPHENIE, YOU BETTER WRITE MORE. WE HAVE QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS. So don’t make us read FanFic, we want the REAL answers to what happens after Breaking Dawn and we want them FROM YOU. Not our imaginations. If you’re game, Stephenie, we have this secluded spot (my dirty, full of clothes, walk-in closet) with an electrical outlet, a computer, a desk chair and a janky, full size Jumping Rob peeking out from behind my jackets, all set up and ready if you ever want to step in, disappear for a little while, and head back to the meadow.

Also, we won’t tell you all that we may have been discussing this post and what we’d say and perhaps got a little misty. We were also in public, eating a salad. Crying. Freakin’ Twilight.

Is that really it??
Moon & UC

PS So, that baby?! Weeeeellll… that’s a whole other letter.

SOoooooooo what did you think?! Did you jump out of your seat during the Twi-mageddon?!

130 Commented

Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 – Movie Review! You hear it first, here!

Get ready – we’re coming for you!

Dear Twilighters –

So here’s something exciting: we get to be one of the first people to bring you a review of Breaking Dawn Pt. 2! Nope, not the movie critics, not the BIG TV outlets, not MTV, not E! But little ‘ol us… and the other fan-run sites and blogs!!

So, I want to really break it down for you but I also don’t want to give ANY spoilers away cause you have to go see it Thursday/Friday at midnight. YOU HAVE TO! So I will keep my REAL REAAAAAL review for after the 16th. BUT in the meantime, let’s chat…

We are dumped directly into the Twilight action post vampire c-section/imprinting/open red eyes and we’re immediately back in the thick of things with the new vampire Bella. After many scenes of Bella learning about jumping small rivers, scaling sheer cliff faces and yes, arm-wrestling Emmett we FIIIINALLY get to the action.

Get Ready For:
-All the scenes Michael Sheen/Aro steals (every one he’s in). And yes, Beller is in fact, ALIVE!
-The wall to wall music (TURN IT DOWN, Music Editor!)
-The new vamps looking various shades of crazypants to awesome (Do we expect anything less at this point?).
-Some migrating hairlines. (WIGS!!!).
-Rob. (Duh).
-Taylor (fulfills his last contractual gratuitous, totally unnecessary, yet awesome (who are we kidding?) shirt removal scene).
-Bella finally coming full circle. (single tear).

Spoiler: He loses!

And for those wondering… yes, there is Edward/Bella vampire sex. But in a very tasteful, Sade-type-music-playing-in-the-background, angles-that-leave-out-just-enough, Stephenie-Meyer-is -the-mom-of-three-boys-kind-of-way. You’ll still feel a little uncomfortable watching it with your Grandma but hey, at least it’s not an ordinary scene from Game of Thrones (hmmmm Kit Harrington…). So don’t get too excited about any “Fade to Sad” moments.

The first family

Guys, you know when we wrote that post called “Accept It Now” where we reminded people that the film won’t always follow the book version of the storyline EXACTLY to a tee? You know, the cupboards may not be yellow and Bella may jump on a motorcycle with Jacob, in front of Edward? Well, it’s time to reread that post because BD 2 does NOT follow the written word exxxxactly. BUUUUTTTT guys, don’t leave just yet! Here take my hand, squeeze it hard but DO NOT run out of the theater screaming, it’s going to be alright. IN FACT, it’s going to be AWWWWEEESOME! I promise. Your head will be spinning. And because I love you, and because I don’t want to be sued, I won’t tell you any more. I will tell you, however, that you should bring tissues and a friend’s (preferably a Twilight buddy’s) hand to hold. My last piece of advice is, after you read this and after you watch all of our premiere coverage (cause it’ll be GOOD), you need to get off the interwebs and avoid all the spoilers you can. You want to enjoy this and not know what’s about to happen. Trust me.

We’ll see you back here after the 16th for the FULL, REAL review of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two.

Accept it Now!
Moon

18 Commented

We saw Breaking Dawn and we are Fade to Sad-isfieid

*REMINDER: You can mute the sound from the ads on the sidebar AND at the bottom of the page. They will stay muted forever. YAY! Now read in blessed silence*

**BREAKING DAWN REVIEW COMPLETE WITH SPOILERS DUH!!! DON’T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN BD AND DON’T WANT TO BE SPOILED!**

Forever is only the beginning

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Remember when we said Eclipse was a real movie last July? Well we hadn’t seen you yet. That’s right, just like fine wine and George Clooney, Twilight keeps getting better with age. And with age comes wisdom… here’s what we’ve learned from Breaking Dawn

Things we learned from Breaking Dawn:

• If we hold hands in public it’s for two reasons: we are either 2nd hand embarrassed at all the Robsten fans squeeling at any kiss/hand hold/dadward/sex scene or we were genuinely scared or grossed out. Cause that happens in this. BD is NOT for the faint of heart.
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• Forget Bella, Edward and Jacob the REAL love triangle of Breaking Dawn is Sue, Charlie and Billy. Cause for realzzzz yall something is going on with the parents. Breaking Dawn has something for every age… There’s still hope after 40!
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• Becoming a vampire means instant boob job, shiny shiny Ashley Greene type hair and a permanent smoky eye. Oh and not to mention the blood red crazy eyes. You think someone will ask for this on Dr. 90210 next season?
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• Twilight movies can be funny for the RIGHT reasons no longer are Bella and Edward going on a drug trip in the Pacific ocean or slow-mo forest running in Anne of Avonlea clothes, there are moments like the wedding toasts which make you LOL because it’s really funny or when BooBoo Stewart and Taylor Lautner have actual funny Big Brother/Little Brother interaction.
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His name's BooBoo... yea I know I don't get it either

• Speaking of BooBoo Stewart, he had more lines in Breaking Dawn than Kellan has had in all the Twilight movies combined. And his name is BOOBOO. Time to get a new agent Kellan.
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• The CGI team used to create the wolfpack earned overtime concealing Kristen’s buttcrack because her gorgeous dress was cut so low in the back. Who knew butt cleavage would be the new IT thing in wedding fashions? Thanks Carolina!
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• Give Jackson ANY word it doesn’t matter he will throw that faux Texas accent on it and add the Elvis lip curl and make it into a one word stand up comedy routine. We’re still trying to figure out if this is an intentional choice by him or just dumb luck.
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Peter sucks at Rock, Paper, Scissors

• Someone will ALWAYS get shafted and be wearing some sort of heinous wig on their head. Unfortunately, Peter Facinelli drew the short straw this time and to make matters worse, I’m pretty sure his hair line changed in every scene as if the bleached dead animal on his head was taking it last gasps of air before it gave in to it’s inevitable future: lying on top of Mike Dexter’s head.
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• Taylor deserves an award for making the imprinting scene less creepy than we thought it would come off and thank you Bill for showing Renesmee as an adult so everyone else would get it and Chris Hansen could stop hiding in the movie theater broom closet and sit down and enjoy the movie like the rest of us.
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Can you not read my lips?! LISTEN CAREFULLY!!

• Wolves fighting with each other via mind reading is confusing and weird for people not in the know maybe they could have had a fist fight on First Beach or an angry G-chat session instead so I didn’t have to explain what was going on to the super confused couple next to me.
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• Housekeepers in Brazil are super rude and stare a lot… especially when they think their employer is a blood sucking demon. However, the blood sucking demon offers great benefits and a 401k so they keep their mouths shut and keep bringing the eggs.
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• Critics may pan you and haters may hate but ya know what? This ain’t for them. They don’t KNOW Bella and Edward like we do, they aren’t invested like we are. These movies are for us… and the boyfriends and unicorns we drag along with us.

• The heardboard scene still makes me laugh. HARD.

Babe, let's sleep in tomorrow and go to the 2nd service

• You know what makes losing your virginity to a preternaturally strong vampire better? Losing it while a song fit for the contemporary service on a Sunday morning plays in the background! For reals though, best song and best scene. Sleeping at Last gets a big HALE YES from us.
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• Speaking of Breaking Hymen, REALLY Bella losing your virginity to a 107 year old virgin was the best night of your life? Maybe the best 50 seconds of your life. Or maybe you’ve got your rose colored glasses on and are romanticizing it a bit.
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We do have to say though: Stephenie, thank you (from the bottom of our easily 2nd hand embarassed hearts) for stepping in and not letting them make a Robsten Porno out of the honeymoon sex scenes. THANK YOU!!! It was just right, not too much and not too little… it was perfectly executed so consider us fade to sad-isfied!

Really we loved it… and can’t wait to see it again (and again… and probably again with 10 other people) and then we’ll do some more in depth reviews.

GO SEE BREAKING DAWN! NOW!
Moon & UC

PS See more Breaking Dawn Black Carpet coverage at LTR today! I get Rob-blocked by a certain someone!

PPS Go visit VH1’s Fablife to see yours truly featured as their Super Fans! And Comment!!!

So did you see it?!  WHAT DID YOU THINK!? Favorite scene? Any laughable moments?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

215 Commented

My first time with Twilight and a contest for Virgins!

Dear LTT-ers,

A few days ago UC sent me an email with link to her review of Twilight on her personal blog from late 2008 with the comment “let’s never speak of this again.” Well friends, after going back and rereading both her review and mine from November 2008 I just knew we HAD to speak of this again. In fact we’ve concocted a little thing called Virgin Week to reminisce about the absurdity of our first Twilight times. It’s fun and slightly embarassing to read how wide eyed and innocent we were before we became Twilight sluts who had been around the block more times than we care to let on now. Since it’s always fun to take a trip down memory lane, let’s pretend this is the blogging equivalent of pulling out your old high school yearbooks with your friends and laughing really hard at your hairdid and admitting you really were a member of the marching band (guilty).

So let’s start this week of virgins with the post I made a few days before seeing Twilight for the first time… (and if you make it to the end… a contest!)

November 21, 2008
Title: One Week Ago…
Alright so exactly one week ago i asked my pal katelin, what’s all the fuss about this ‘twilight’ thing? Being the kind soul she is, she brings in her copy of twilight for me to borrow. that night i sat down and plowed through 200 pages. and so as they say the rest is history… i’m in the middle of ‘new moon’ and loving it. yes, i like twilight. and the authors from arizona! come on!

it’s also happens that today the movie version of twilight is in theaters. no, im not one of those crazed ‘bite me’ girls who has midnight showing tickets… i mean after all this has only been a week! i was planning on seeing it when i went home over thanksgiving next week but now im not so sure… i may cave this weekend.

and with pics like this you can understand my dilemma…

yes, rob pattinson. SIGH. british AND has great hair. was there ever a better combination? i think not.

Comment:

Katelin: just think how different your life would have been if i had never given you that book, haha.

Yes… think just how different my life would be now if I’d never read that book courtesy of Katelin… CRAZY!

And now let’s ready my first ever review after seeing Twilight for the first time…………

November 24, 2008
Title: I Caved…
i saw twilight this weekend. you’d think we were at a beatles concert circa the 60s the way these girls screamed. no joke anytime an important character came on the screen, or heck, when the TITLE of the movie came on, these people squealed like banshees.

at this point i’m mixed on my review of it. on one hand i was so excited to see it in movie form and on the other i feel like there was a lot they could have done and left out. ive talked with a few others who were book fans who saw it and it was kinda the same reaction… a bit of a mixed bag. at times i felt it was rushed and lacked some important character development but it was over 2 hours i dont know how else they could have changed it. the good thing is i heard from guys and people who didnt read the books, that it was better than expected and enjoyable.

Original Caption: "Uh oh"

also summit (the studio) has already green lighted ‘new moon’ the equally awesome sequel to ‘twlight.’ hopefully theyll dump a bit more money into the cgi/fx this time cause it left A LOT to be desired, i.e. edward did NOT dazzle/sparkle/or look anything remotely close to diamonds in the sunlight.

after katelin and i mulled it over this morning i think i will see it again. there was just too much hype leading up to it for this to be my actual judgment and i need to see it without a 15yr old girl screaming in my ear everytime edward or jacob happens to be on screen.

the good notes… LOVED all the actors. Thought they were cast brilliantly and I loved the soundtrack, worked the music in so well. listening to some of the songs now and i still feel anxious as if i was watching the scene it corresponds to.

i’ll revisit this next week after i see it again… 😀

book update… i’m halfway through ‘eclipse’… loving it, there are SO many ways this one can go but she always surprises me. we’ll see.

great song choice for the movie…

Comments (in which UC says “kick ass”)

UC: girl, i didn’t read your review before i posted mine. we think so much alike.

go see it again. you’ll love it. promise. thanks for all the kick-ass vids.

i haven’t stopped listening to the soundtrack. we should’ve been teenagers together, sigh. you are basically bella, though.. being from AZ and all..

can’t wait until you’re in music supervision either. all movies will suddenly have the best soundtracks
xo

Moon: wait, we aren’t 16?? come on.

i totally get a little kick out of bella being from phx and the author still living there. i’m kinda pumped about going home for tgiving on the one -in-a-million chance i see stephenie meyer! hahaha.

So friends as you can see being a virgin is hilarious and 2nd hand embarrassing all these years later. Which is exactly why I thought we should share these (UC will post hers on Wednesday). But the best part about all this? We want to have a contest!!! Because we shared our first times with you, we want to hear YOURS!! Did you blog your first Twilight experience? Did you send your friend an email about it? Did you sigh over Rob being a Brit with great hair? We want to see it! Comment a link or send an email of your first time and we’ll chose our favorite one and give you a tshirt from the LTT/LTR store! Win win for everyone!

Get to outting yourself!
Themoonisdown

Do we love the random quotes around the titles, my wish to meet Stephenie Meyer on a random trip home to AZ? Hilar. It’s really a tragedy that UC and I have forever lost our very first Twilight convo… so spill yours!

Contest Rules: Comment/email us a link or copy of your first time. A chat convo with a friend, a review on a blog, a funny comment at a Twi site. UC and I will pick our faves and someone will win a tshirt from the LTT/LTR store to be announced this weekend.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

160 Commented

Taylor Lautner on SNL… what shall we say…

Wait, I think I see a funny skit over there...

Dear Taylor,

Now you know I love ya something fierce (most days) and think of you and Taylor Swift as my own personal Disney Prince and Princess but when the nicest thing I can say about SNL is that you really can rock a wig… that’s probably not good. Now, before I get more than my daily share of hate mail I gotta say there were a couple shining moments in your episode of SNL…

• Your opening monologue! Showing the VMA clip where you just stood there doing nothing while Kanye trampled all over your sweeties moment was all kinds of hilarious

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.4202356&w=425&h=350&fv=]
round house kick…

• Those pre-roll photos they show of the host before the skit. Those were HOT sauce and should be added to some museum for creepy women older than you to enjoy

Oh hey hey heeeeey!

• The wigs. How is it that you can pull off a blond wig, a floppy McDonalds arches mid 90s wig, an emo wig and a freaking crimped and braided teenage girl wig? Does it worry you any that compared to most other teenage boys you look pretty natural in  long girly hair? And most importantly does it worry you that a TV show has access to better wigs than a movie with a multi-million dollar budget has?

Nice rack!

See what else was win, what sucked and what certain red head country star made a cameo after the cut
Continue…

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