As much as I’d like a lil’ hanky panky I don’t want breaking dawn porn!!

Dear Breaking Dawn,

My friend Adrienne sent me this from Robsessed. And my first thought was “ewww” (And I don’t mean from the picture to the right)

Fade to Sad

Well, maybe a lil' fade to sad is okay...

Then I realized… for a girl who cries BREAKING HEADBOARDS 2011 (well, I haven’t cried that yet but plan to starting today) & covers herself in feathers & blood for Halloween (no I don’t) that’s an odd thing to think isn’t it? And I realize that while I really want some hanky panky, I don’t want Breaking Dawn porn!! I know I know…. after all this time of saying it BETTER be good and it BETTER be hot, and calling Stephenie the master at “Fading to sad,” now I’m saying it better not be TOO hot? Is it possible for me to be satisfied with (Breaking Dawn) sex!?

But hear me out: I’m going to see Breaking Dawn in the theater– not in the privacy of my home (or beach) where I read the book. I’m going to be sitting with hundreds of people, many of whom I’ll be annoyed at because of how long I had to hear them yammer on about how hot “Jacob the wolf” is in line.  I’ll most likely be holding Moon’s hand & sitting with Mr. Choice on my other side. The sex scene(s) can’t be TOO hot. Cuz I’ll be holding Moon’s hand, in the presence of Mr. Choice, in a room full of people in public. And that’s just awkward. I guess the NON-“fade to sad” sex scene I wanted for the BOOK might not translate as well to the screen. (ESPECIALLY when every Robstener in the room will be groaning in pleasure as all their Robsten fantasies are realized (read LTR today for some of those very fantasies!))

So what DO I want? What WOULD be appropriate? What advice CAN I give way too late in the game?

Here are some good sex scenes to model after that come to mind after three years of thought no thought at all.

Somebody else made this. I did not. I wish

The Notebook

Ignoring the fact (as hard as it is) that it’s a RYAN GOSLING sex scene for a minute, let me tell you why this is so beautiful. There’s passion. There’s angst. There’s LOVE and well… Ryan Gosling.

But fill in those words & substitute Ryan for Rob & it could work for Breaking Dawn too!

And we already know that Rob & Kristen are going to win the “Best Kiss” award like Ryan & Rachel did (sniff- RIP their relationship)

Little Red Riding Hood

Dammit, Cathi Hardi! You got something right! The sex scene in this movie was HOT. Hot enough to almost make me want to see it again.

I said almost. Not that I would.

And since I TOTALLY just tried to find images for the next sex-scene idea by googling “Romeo & Juliet Kate & Leo Sex Scene” we’re going to talk about two of my FAVORITES of all time starring Leo:

Couldn't find anything sexier than this, but DANG remember this!? I feel 14 all over again

Romeo and Juliet

I get gooey inside when I think about this movie- probably because it was my first movie sex-scene- or the first scene I remember seeing, anyway. Not only was I so obsessed with Leo I used to cry at night (why? I still don’t understand teenage hormones to this day) but DUDE. He DIES in the end. After a sex scene where you could see Claire Dane’s boob if you slowed down the movie enough. Which I used to do. Just cause.

Speaking of Leo dying:

The Titanic

The Titanic was what… a few months after Romeo & Juliet? My Leo obsession was full-on strong & then he had to go & teach me that sex not only didn’t just happen after getting married when you were a teen but could happen right before a major tragedy, was really sweaty and OH SO HOT!

This is still one of the hottest sex scenes of all time to me.

And, in fact, they’re not so “hot” in the traditional sense. I mean…. There’s a little nudity in a few of them. A teeny bit of moaning, but nothing too awkward to watch with a room full of wolf-lovers. But they’re HOT and PASSIONATE without being too porn-ish or cheesy.

So Breaking Dawn, if you listen to me this late in the game while you’re still editing & splicing & cutting things up… make it like one of the above sex scenes. Pretty Please?


What do you think? Is Breaking Dawn’s scene gonna make us sad? Will it please the Robsteners? Too much? Any other GREAT sex scenes you wouldn’t mind it mirroring?

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