ZZZZzzzzz the Oscars and Twilight… LIES!

Dear Oscars,

Welp, thanks for giving me exactly ZERO material besides a 5 second moment in a clip that was autotuned! Way to be a uuuuge let down. Where was the rumored Breaking Dawn footage, though admittedly, that would have been awkward. And no trinity? Could you not have thrown them in the audience or CGI-ed (technical term) them clapping for some winner? No? No one? FINE… let’s watch it again

video here

If someone has the ringtone of this please email it or post it cause like EVERYONE is asking.

Remember that time Rob was at the Oscars?

Yea, that was a good night. Remember when my phone died because of the overload of comments on LTR? Yea… that was a good night.

Remember when Kristen and Taylor were at the Oscars?

Yea that was an ok night… Remember how Kristen had a flub and people freaked out and I forgot Taylor was there? Yea.

So Oscars… you’ve have Rob, Taylor and Kristen representing Twilight at the telecast over the last 2 years, don’t you think it’s time for someone else to rep for the saga? Like maybe Solomon Trimble? He could do a fancy french braid for the special night… or maybe Mr. Molina could come and quiz the attendees on Oscar history? Who will win the golden onion at the Oscars?

Well that was a snoozefest I gotta say… Franco was robbed but oh wells. There’s always next year when the trinity will no doubt be nommed for their performances in Breaking Dawn. Award for best forbidden love affair? Taylor Lautner and whoever plays Renesmee: AUTOMATIC WIN!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, the Oscars discovered Autotune,
Themoonisdown

Did anyone else sit through this? Who won their Oscar pool? I came in second (2nd place 3 way tie. HA!) White Yorkie won. HE WOULD.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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What a difference a year makes – Taylor Lautner then and now!

One of these things is not like the other

Dear Taylor, (have I ever written JUST you?)

It seems like just yesterday that you were that little kid who played Jacob Black with the bad wig in Twilight. The same dude who looked like a nerd on the red carpet at the Twilight premiere with your popped collar and bad sonic-the-hedgehog hair. But boy, how times have changed. It doesn’t seem like a day goes by without some picture hitting the interwebs of you looking like a hot piece. Now I know we already border on the possibly inappropriate with you but we’re the same age as the chicks on your movie set, so no harm no foul, right? And well we’re moving to Georgia till February when all this is legal, anyway so don’t worry, Chris Hansen is alright with it. I asked.

The other day I was sending UC OLD pictures of you and we were laughing our faces off at dorky you were and then I started sending over some new ones and it struck me: MY what a difference a year makes… from popped collars to soaked suits in the pool, you’ve come a long way Taylor. And since I can’t get enough of charts and turning normal business tools into tools of “mass Twilight shenanigans,” I present you with the “Then and Now: Taylor Lautner, what a difference a year makes” time line…

Click to enlarge, it's HUGE (that's what she said)

Your life in a timeline… I especially enjoy the glimpse into the future circa 2049… I bet it’s like looking into a mirror for Big Daddy. So if you’re keeping track you can print this out to add to your Twilight business documents folder. You know the one next to that folder you keep your fanfic in at work. Yup, that one.

Take the cut for a little treat
Continue…

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New Level of dedication: Twilight Flow Chart

Dear Twilight,

Yesterday, UC and I were having a discussion about the Wolfpack ladies. UC kept confusing Tinsel Korey with Julia Jones and I was kept confusing Julia Jones with January Jones who she most certainly isn’t and it became clear: We needed a flow cart to remember all these new folks and how they’re all connected in the Twilight world. So I set out to create a master flow chart and as the day wore on (and on) and I remembered more and more connections and it become more of a circle flow chart, cause just like Rafiki tells us: it’s the circle of life and it moves us all.

And what came out looks a lot like a grade school project… next up book reports and a diorama of Bella’s room in a shoe box.

Yea, this is what you do with your spare time when you’re a Twilight blogger.

Twilight Dork of the Day Award Recipient/Life Time Achievement Nominee,
Themoonisdown

Enjoy this cause it took for darn near ever. Oh and click on it to open in a new window, cause it’s HUGE!

Clicky to enlarge and be amazed at my time wasting!

Um yea! If I missed anything TOO BAD! hahaha

Go enjoy a letter to Rob that rules!
Talk about this level or nerdiness in the forum!

Take the cut to see a special treat
Continue…

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Holy jacked up New Moon poster, Batman

Dear New Moon movie poster designer,

I just saw the Edward/Bella version of the New Moon poster and I gotta say it’s kinda janky. So I gotta ask, was this a rush job? Gotta get something to print so Hot Topic and Walmart have shiz to sell to the tweens? That can really only be the answer because as you’ll see below I’ve broken down the poster from a designers perspective since I used to be one myself. Seriously, what’s with the size of Edward’s head, it’s like twice the size of Bella’s. I mean sure actors have big noggins but this looks either blown up way out of proportion to his body or you jacked this head from another picture and inserted it into this one because it worked better. Which is all fine and dandy but use the transform command a little more wisely next time and the rulers. You didn’t need to use a movie poster as your way of saying Rob/Edward has a huge ego! You could have left his fly down or something. Duh.

So since you may have copy and pasted a different head onto this body, why didn’t you just do the same with his hand? Cause as it stands he looks like he’s got “The Claw” happening, like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. That was a comedy, this is not. Well at least I hope I’m not laughing for all the wrong reasons on November 20th.

And then lastly can we talk about doing a little research? Cause by definition “New Moon” is actually the absence of a moon or rather the inability to see one and yet there it is. In the background like some cheesy clip art you pulled from Microsoft Publisher 1995 and threw a drop shadow on.

Wasn’t Taylor lockjaw and Bella’s slutty shirt and Eddie’s van enough the first time around? I’m looking forward to what you have up your sleeve for Eclipse. Maybe a 10 foot Werewolf dismembering a newborn?

Ok so did I nerd out enough on this one? Did I lose you with all the design nerdery and most importantly am I the only one who noticed that?

Happy Sunday!
Themoonisdown

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The Dirt – News Dump all things Twilight, Rob, Kristen, New Moon, and everyone else

Dear LTT-ers,

You know how sometimes there just too much to cover and not enough hours in the day?

Yea, that’s this week.

With filming of New Moon wrapped there’s been so much news and craziness off the set I thought we should bring you a new edition of The Dirt – the News Dump… where we handpick all the best news just for you!

Did we miss anything awesome?

Love your guts-
Themoonisdown

• Summit employs the latest in skank deflection security measures: an umbrella
  
• Kristen Stewart bows in the presence of greatness and then trades mullet styling tips with Joan Jett
• Robert Pattinson gets his ass handed to him. By a make up artist
  
• Creepy paparazzo gives us the play by play of Rob’s smiling, oh excuse me “RP’s” smiling (near the end)
• How is Taylor the most poised, best speaking member of the cast and just happens to be 17 and looks smoking in Calvin Klein?

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• Finally a dude who doesn’t have his head up his arse, hits on Ashley Greene. Then they ride the waves and uh surf
  
• Have you been living under a rock? Peter Facinelli made an almost impossible bet with a friend regarding Twitter. Follow him
• Gil Birmingham jumps on the Twitter bet bandwagon. For the love of God follow him so we don’t have to see him in a Speedo
• Yup, still there
  
• Tess got bored effing around with Max and Liz, took a wrong turn at the Crashdown Cafe and ended up on the Remember Me set
  
• As if you needed an excuse to watch more stuff about New Moon:

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• See how many songs from the soundtrack ET can fit into a clip about New Moon
  
• This is how I describe Twilight to all my friends (via LionandLamb)

• New Yawk Punk sees Rob filming Remember Me, doesn’t attack him, then writes funniest fan review ever (via Oh No They Didn’t)

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