The Cullen/Swan Wedding Reception

Dear Bella Cullen’s Wedding Reception,

Having just got married, oh, last weekend, I’m “down with the kids” on this whole wedding thing. I mean, I even sported the Bella barrette before you made it popular (and don’t pretend Alice didn’t steal the idea from ME!

"I'm crying because I'm so moved you used my hair barrette just like Team Seth did with her mom's hair barrette in her wedding, which happened before yours."

I know Alice saw me make my decision to wear my mom’s hair barrette before I made it. Then she STOLE the idea. Right out of my head. She’s supposed to use her powers for good–or is that witches? Too many vampire shows.)

Anyway, back to the letter… So, recently TeamJacobEdward emailed me back from the slathering of wedding photos I sent her and closed the email with: “PS did Jacob show up and steal a dance before he attended you to Edward Mr. Seth?”  [Don’t you just love her for using the word “attended”? I know I do.]

Her postscript got me to thinking.

For the weeks leading up to the event, I joked about how I wanted Murray Gold to come and stop the wedding in one of those over-the-top elaborate, only-happens-in-the-movies kind of ways; profess his love for me after speeding from the airport, drenched in rain all The Notebook sex scene style… You know, that sort of thing.  (if you don’t know who Murray is, go here for an impertinent informational interview)  But when the day came, as NatteringYeahRobber predicted, I didn’t think about Murray at all! (which is actually *not* true since I played one of his songs in my ceremony, thus his name was on our program…Murray will live on at my wedding forever! *does the Vincent Price laugh* (which was ALSO at the wedding via “Thriller”))

But I didn’t think about him coming into the wedding and sweeping me away–or cutting in for a dance or even just surprising me by showing up. I was caught up in the evening, having fun and eating the delicious cheese ravioli, dancing to the great New Wave that our DJ dropped and drinking porters.

Unlike Murray at my wedding, we know Jacob DOES show up to steal a dance with the bride. Sure, it will be exciting and emotionally moving, if not a little awkward.  But do you really want that?

If I can't come, Bella, I don't want you to come!

Let’s think about it. We all know I’m a fan of Jacob and like him better than Edward—but not for Bella. Bella and Edward are perfect for each other. Jacob is not compatible with her (just her egg?) and thus it’s not a good match. So, in Eclipse when he was all “And maybe even then.” after Bella said “Right. Until my heart stops beating.” in that sweat lodge bedroom of his, she should have thought, “Okay, we’ve made our peace. He’s gotten my admission of love and some mountain top tongue action. Neither of us died in battle. Now it’s over. I’m committed to Edward 100% and cannot wait to live my life with him, forever.”  So, when Jacob shows up all shaggy haired and disheveled looking to touch the bride’s shapely body and virgin white dress with his grubby little rejected twice-over hands, do you really want that?

You don’t.

"Remember when Jacob showed up disheveled at our wedding wanting to dance with you? What a lame-o!"

You want him to just do the mature thing and not show up at all. To call or email Bella saying he won’t be able to make it and he’s truly sorry, but he’s just not up for it. He wishes her and Edward all the best and hopes that they can stay friends moving forward. (And to give him a call when her demon fetus comes of age, so that he can finally get laid.) You don’t want him to make some covert just-off-to-the-side-of-the-dance-floor appearance to say his piece before fursploding off into the woods!  Talk about an overreaction to the water for elephant in the room!

The reality is, you want to be a happy occasion that everyone remembers fondly as being fun and pleasant. Sure there’s always the ‘problem person’ (one of my groom’s party members showed up to the ceremony completely wasted. It was…lovely), but if you had the choice of having that or not, do you really want that?

You don’t. You just don’t.

With Kind Regards,
Team Seth

ps-Do you think they’ll play a modified version of White Wedding that says “It’s a nice day for a pale wedding!” ?? (fingers crossed!)

pps-Mr. Seth always say “grubby little hands”, that’s why I threw it in there. Not because Jacob’s massive sexy lingering hands are grubby. Ahem. DH shout out! (teehee, I said DH)

ppps-It’s good to be back! (Said in my Damon voice, as heard in every single “Previously on the Vampire Diaries” from season 1)

Congrats on the new husband, Team Seth!! May your first year of marriage NOT include a baby that eats you from the inside out!!

Team Seth makes some great points…Jacob kinda RUINS the moment there…. I mean… not gonna complain when I see it on screen. Pretty sure I’m going to cry…. What about you??? Did your or does your dream wedding include “Interruption by ex/boy that COULD have been?”

OOPS: Last week, like an idiot, I said if you want to join us for an LTT part in LA in a few weeks (specifically Sunday 11/13) E-mail Us and included the email address for my work. TWICE. So, no- a hot tub company is not looking to throw a Twilight party in a few weeks, but WE are.. so E-mail Us if you’re interested!

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THE wedding dress

Dear Bella Swan-Cullen (you are hyphening your name like a modern woman, right?),

BIG NEWS! Reelz Channel released the exclusive news that Caroline Herrera designed your wedding dress and there is much speculation that we’re going to be seeing a preview ANY day (Can I just throw it out there that I wouldn’t mind waiting until I’m IN the theater for the first time? Anyway, I digress…) Is there a point to discussing this? Your wedding dress? It’s not like it matters. It’s over & done with. It’s dry-cleaned and packed into a garment bag never to be worn again (until 50 years from now when you & Edward move somewhere new & decide to spice up your sexlife & roleplay your honeymoon again & get ALL into it by even recreating your wedding for your new friends who think it’s real) but apparently we’re going to experience the big “reveal” soon (knowing my luck it will be on the day (or hours before) I post this letter!)

But I haven’t talked about it much. Mostly because I’ve been preparing myself to be disappointed. But Bella, look, I’m already married. I already had my dream wedding dress (that’s the back! aw! I think I might take that bad boy out of the closet this weekend!) and so I have nothing to look forward to (except the sadness of not fitting into my dress) but YOURS (okay and my 2 unmarried sisters & friend getting married next week and scores of single friends but whatever) This is about YOU!

And I’ve been nervous. And mostly because well, your clothing has never thrilled me before. I mean this:

I get it. Washingington. Grunge. Hippie-Grunge Blah blah. But this isn’t 1992. Show off that cute little figure. Stop borrowing Charlie’s clothes

And you KNOW how we feel about the khaki skirt you wore to meet the Cullens for the first time (I tried to find a photoshopped image, I really did. But apparently the fandom (and by the fandom, I mean WE) hasn’t made one yet!)

So I’ve been nervous. REALLY nervous. I mean, the fan manips don’t give me much hope. There’s this one with the beautiful green backdrop:

And I know Stephenie wants you in something timeless & old fashioned, but I sure hope it’s less “little bo peep gets married” than this picture:

THIS dress has some potential! (Can you tell I like lace?)

And without picking up Breaking Dawn again because honestly I don’t know what happened to my copy and I’m kinda bummed about it because it was signed by Stephenie- Eek- I think Bella’s dress will have sleeves. I’m not anti-sleeves. Kate Middleton brought back sleeves. So I’m praying it resembles This

and less this

The cartoon version from the The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide has potential. I mean, if you can look past the goth look. I LOVE the veil- I do wish the sleeves were a little more open though

You know what I realized while “researching” for this letter? There are FAR too few photo manips of Kristen Stewart in a wedding dress! Come on people!!! you had time to Photoshop THIS but couldn’t give me Kristen in a Badgley Mischka?

Without wasting an entire afternoon looking at wedding dresses (just approximately 1.5 hours), I’ve  decided this is my favorite:

Add sleeves, a gorgeous veil and you have MY PERFECT Bella dress. Now I’ll wait patiently to see what Caroline Hererra did!

Waiting for my invitation,

What do you think? Are you nervous? Do you think we’ll be WOWed!? Do you wish we had to wait until we were sitting in the theater?

DVD Give-away

Holllaaa: We’re giving away a copy of the Catherine Hardwicke-directed, hot boys love triangle, Amanda Seyfried starring Red Riding Hood DVD/Blue-Ray Combo Pack to a random winner to celebrate the release to DVD/Blue-Ray yesterday! To enter just visit: and make sure you leave a comment on this post from now until Friday. We’ll pick a random winner (Unfortunately it’s for the US only. I know, we’re the worst!)

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