Who are all these new people?! Volurti and Twitter don’t mix

Beller is alive!! And so are all these other Vampires I don't know...

Dear LTT-ers,

Remember when we didn’t know who the guys in the Wolfpack were or who Harry was? And we call them stuff like Nerdy Wolf and Australian dude? Well while I was away it seems like anyone who has ever been cast as a vampire came out to play in the public eye. While I was trying to catch up in the weeks of twi-news I missed, I kept saying WHO is that?! WHO is this?! That albino dude is in Breaking Dawn? So I think it’s time we catch up with the newbs (the ones I care about at least) and give them a little run down on how shiz works around these Twilight parts…

Something's not right here, right???

Vladamir, The albino guy – aka Noel Fisher
I have a lot of questions for this guy… is it bleached? Was he born this way (ain’t no other way)? I thought the Romanian Vamps were HELLA old and creep sauce looking. He may be a tad creeper but he looks 16. More just learning to drive and hide my back-ne then dark forces of the underworld.

Stefan (not Urkel) – aka Guri Weinberg
This dude went on and on about playing some big prank on the set of BD and while I enjoy a good “Go Fuck Yourself” as much as the next person, when I hear “prank” and “Breaking Dawn” in the same sentence I’m hoping some switched out Bella’s cup of fake blood for the REAL thing… or at least have Bill Condon to ask the wolfpack to not rely on CGI but to really bust naked out of their clothes and phase, with a straight face.

Srsly yall, The Pacific, Rami Malek get on this train!

Benjamin, Egyptian Vamp – aka Rami Malek
He’s pretty much the only new Vamp I really care about because he was kick ass in The Pacific, looked freaking cute with his long board in Larry Crowne but really I like him because I saw him on my way to Target a few weeks ago in his black Prius wearing one of those pork pie hats and any vamp who loves the earth and tiny hats is fine by me.

Eleazar – aka Christian Camargo
Clearly, Dexter’s brother is the only other new Vamp I really care about. Too bad his name is Eleazar and not Brian/Rudy the Ice Truck Killer… but I think I’ve waxed eloquently on this topic before.

They all seem to be starting Twitter accounts and tweeting each other and the fans like they’ve been around for decades, even telling Twihards if they’re a REAL fan they’ll follow Volturi Guard number whoever decided to join the twittersphere that week. Um no, actually I am a real fan but I only need one Tinsel Korey tweeting misspelled missives about the end of the world in my feed. One love yall! One of these is more than enough! THANKS!

Do they really think we believe them about being a true fan? Do we care? NO! Have they ever asked Stephenie Meyer to play “Fuck/Kill/Marry” with her own characters? I THINK NOT! And THAT’S how you do it Twilight Vampire newbies… a late welcome to the ‘hood from us.

Runs with Vampires… or something,
Themoonisdown

Do you feel as confused as I am about all these new people? Should I have flashed Rami Malek in his Prius? Yes? know, missed opportunity. And are you a real fan? Enough to follow all these yahoos on Twitter?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

69 Commented

It’s Eclipse DVD time and I’ve got a party for you!

(*moon note: sorry for the delay in posting! major interwebz outage in LA last night that put a kink in my writing schedule. but never fear i am here! enjoy your weekend and your DVDs!!)

It all begins with a choice! Or something...

Dearest LTT-ers,

It’s that time of the year again. A new DVD is being released and we’re forced to decided between 3248235482 versions when all we want are deleted scenes (x rated extended leg hitch scene), the real commentary (Rob and Kristen talking about how much they read us), a making of docu, and a preview of BD… but since we won’t get those I’ll leave you to decide between all the choices. My choice? The Target one, I heard there’s a picture in picture option on the Robsten commentary and I want to feel like I’m sitting in the middle of a king size water bed with Rob and Kristen as we drink coco and enjoy a few laughs. What’s better than feeling the motion in Robsten’s ocean while hearing them talk about the magicness they found in catering one day. Finally, those catering people remembered to Fed Ex In-n-Out for the cast and how they teased Taylor with the meat patties. The hilarity I tell ya! Clearly, this will all happen while watching the Eclipse DVD by myself!

So now you’ve figured out which DVD to buy (the water bed one) but you need to figure out which place to celebrate! Seems that Walmart is having ‘parties’ all over the US and Blockbuster on Larchmont in LA is hosting Tinsel and some trivia but if fantasizing about Riley in the garden section with a toothless bumpkin isn’t your idea of a good Friday night or you don’t live in shi-shi Larchmont in LA then why don’t you host your own event? That’s what I’ll be doing. It’s called the “Adult women celebrate a 17 year old vampire they never tell their real life friends about so they gather with their internet friends to oogle said boy vampire and get drunk because that’s normal party.” Sounds like fun, right? Sounds like every day to me.

We’ve seen what the Twimoms can do with a party when left to their own devices, See: The Oprah show. If you’re here we know you don’t have a red bathrug cum red carpet in your basement or even have a shirt with a cast member’s face on it, or have dipped Team Jacob/Edward specific strawberries. We’re all “adults” here so I’ll give you step by step instructions for an LTT/LTR approved Eclipse party…

Eclipse DVD parties RULE!

Run to the nearest liquor store and stock up on booze (boxed wine for folks like Jane Trigs, cheap champagne for people like The Font, whatever’s on sale for UC), get some crackers and cheese and a chocolate bar at the TJ’s nearest you, buy whatever DVD you want, put on some sweatpants, eat the cheese and make inappropriate noises whenever a male cast member comes on screen. Fast forward through the women. Presto! Instant party!

You’re Welcome!
Themoonisdown

So what are your plans for the DVD? Throwing an LTT approved party? Going to Wally World? Opening your mailbox and taking out the DVD? Spill it!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

87 Commented

Breaking it down: McAdams loves Sheen and some other Twilight news

Dear LTT-ers,

Michael Sheen and Rachel McAdams are an item. I KNOW! And then Tinsel tweeted Gil. Right? And then we told some jokes. And then we broke it down… SURPRISE. So if you haven’t been over to LTR today then let me be the first to tell you this is a double break down day! We hit Rob and now we’re hitting half the cast of Twilight over here… enjoy!

Moon: DUDE we need to talk about micheal sheen with rachel mcadams cause….DAAAAMN SON!!
UC: YES let’s break THAT shizz down!
Moon: ok theres a video i watched last night and im treying to find it
UC: sex vid?
Moon: hahaha dont we wish
UC: haha… ONLY if it’s her and The Gos
Moon: that would blow the robsten magicness out of the water… but whatever theres the proof… can we talk about how he SCORED! i mean hellllooooo rachel mcadams and it says he was with kate beckinsale before this! DUDE
UC: I KNOW.. what is UP with Michael!? Magical British PeeN? Wait WELSH… he’s WELSH
Moon: magic WELSH peen who knew?? so im think rachel is a HUGE closet twihard, right?
UC: oh HUGE
Moon: and shes just using micheal for either a chance at being in breaking dawn or a chance at getting closer to rob
UC: its’ what she talks about with michael (and Kate’s) daughter Lily it’s the ONLY reasonable explanation. or to steal something from Lily’s collection
Moon: thats their bonding time, breaking down breaking dawn with an 11 yr old
UC: she has Mike’s cape, signed by Stephenie
Moon: do you think she makes micheal wear his long aro wig when they have sexy times? cause she likes the OLD vamps?
UC: Yes She does that move from the Notebook and he pulls off her panty hose then she pulls his hair
UC: clearly I’ve read a fic….Say IT OUTLOUD she yells in a passionate moment, then he does-

BELLER IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

UC: BELLER IS ALIVE!
Moon: BELLER IS ALIVE!
Moon: Jinx!! this is our next fic we write we only do real life fics
UC: please write a mini one for tomorrow
Moon: cause we’re twisted… hhahaha NO

The one where we talk about the Notebook
Moon: if this is a secret plot to get into breaking dawn, who does she want to be????
UC: Tanya is taken… and that’s who I’d guess
Moon: Renesmee??? she has to be team jacob she heard they were using CGI stuff so why not?
UC: Right she’s got a young innocent face
Moon: then her and jacob can be all notebook noah and allie in the ocean at first beach

UC: yes- Jake can get a canoe out on the ocean. And it’s the Pacific northwest- it’s bound to rain

Ruff ruff!

Moon: right and he’s like i just want to show you one thing… and it’s a ton of werewolves swimming in the ocean since he couldnt get geese
UC: doing the doggie paddle
Moon: i hope BooBoo can swim
UC: hahah i just heard krazy kidd saying that in my head
BOW BOW
Moon: hahahabobo hahahaa

Follow the cut for the rest of our break down
Continue…

1 Commented

Caught in the act, the real Twilight stars stealing from the set!

Dear In Style Magazine,

I just happened to be reading a little something in your magazine  In Style about the Twilight cast and if you had to chance to gank something from the set what would it be…

Robert Pattinson – “I keep everything from the set. I’ve stolen all of Edward’s clothes.”

Elizabeth Reaser – “My original Esme bracelet. I’ve seen reproductions of it in stores, but I want to keep the one that I wear once we finish [filming]. It’s mine!”

Taylor Lautner – “All my character wears is jean shorts, so I’ll have to go with those. That’s my only option!”

Julia Jones – “Leah’s cut-offs!”

Kellan Lutz – “Emmett’s Jeep! I’ve wanted it since we shot the first movie. I keep saying that, but nothing’s happened. I’m still waiting!”

By our powers combined he is Captain Compassion!

Peter Facinelli – “Carlisle’s ring! It has the Cullen crest, the symbol of the whole family, on it. I’d like to take it home and keep it in a drawer somewhere. Once, I couldn’t get it off my finger, so it did go home with me.”

Tinsel Korey – “My relationship with everybody from set. We get along like a real family. Our relationship is special.”

Xavier Samuel – “Vampires dress really well, so it would have to be Riley’s jacket. When you run it’s a bit flamboyant, but it looks good. I recommend running in those jackets.”

Alex Meraz – “The shorts are all I’ve got! We keep using the same shorts but I keep getting bigger for each film, so the shorts keep getting tighter. By the end of the series, they’re going to be torn. Hey, sex sells and I’m glad to sell it!”

Sure, the main cast is important, we all know Rob is clepto or just super cheap and hates shopping, and of course the wolves want their jorts, who doesn’t?  And someone had to give the cheesy answer about friends (Tinsel!) but what about the real people in these movies! What about the people that REALLY matter in the Twilight world, what would THEY keep from the set?

• Dean – One of Jacob or Bella’s wigs. It’d be much easier to hide Rob in some of those shiteous wigs then a baseball cap and dirty clothes. Everyone’s looking for a dude in a hat and dirty clothes. No one’s looking for a dude with My Little Pony on his head.

• Big Daddy – that greasy bag of leftover Harry Clearwater Fish Fry from Twilight. I don’t even care if it’s a little moldy. That stuff looked good, it’s the whole reason I made Taylor bulk up and do the 2nd movie so I could have a chance at that famous fish fry.

• David Slade – “The step ladder from props”

• Solomon Trimble – “The name of that gaffer he met on set who worked part time at Subway. Solomon Trimble, Sandwich Artist. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

• Billy Burke – “Charlie handcuffs. Heh… heh… you know why.”

• Cathi Hardi – (said in the most creepy Cathi voice you can imagine) “That audition tape of Rob and Kristen from my bedroom where they kiss and we really see their hot, hot chemistry… OH WAIT I already have that! HA! Just thought I’d say it again in a national publication, it’s been at least a week since I last talked about it.”

I’ll trade you, Esme’s bracelet for 5 lbs

• Mike Welch – “I’m actually trying to lose something I gained from the set. Those 5 extra pounds around my face. Maybe I can give them to Christian Serratos, she needs some meat on her chicken bones.”

So as much as we love the main characters, can we not forget about the little people? The actors and people who REALLY made Twilight what it is today? Do we have to continue to blog for year about the genius of Eric Yorkie till someone like your magazine will know what we care what they’d steal from a set? Who cares from Rob or Taylor have to say about the inner works of their characters or who Kristen draws inspiration from. Give us crap answers from the folks that really matter.

Stealing the keys to Rob’s trailer,
Themoonisdown

What would you take from the set if you could? What would Buttcrack Santa take? Any other minor characters we need to know about?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

151 Commented

New Level of dedication: Twilight Flow Chart

Dear Twilight,

Yesterday, UC and I were having a discussion about the Wolfpack ladies. UC kept confusing Tinsel Korey with Julia Jones and I was kept confusing Julia Jones with January Jones who she most certainly isn’t and it became clear: We needed a flow cart to remember all these new folks and how they’re all connected in the Twilight world. So I set out to create a master flow chart and as the day wore on (and on) and I remembered more and more connections and it become more of a circle flow chart, cause just like Rafiki tells us: it’s the circle of life and it moves us all.

And what came out looks a lot like a grade school project… next up book reports and a diorama of Bella’s room in a shoe box.

Yea, this is what you do with your spare time when you’re a Twilight blogger.

Twilight Dork of the Day Award Recipient/Life Time Achievement Nominee,
Themoonisdown

Enjoy this cause it took for darn near ever. Oh and click on it to open in a new window, cause it’s HUGE!

Clicky to enlarge and be amazed at my time wasting!

Um yea! If I missed anything TOO BAD! hahaha

Go enjoy a letter to Rob that rules!
Talk about this level or nerdiness in the forum!

Take the cut to see a special treat
Continue…

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