Introducing Moon & UC Grade something. It’s just like Breaking-it Down Vanity Fair Style, but just with us. Sometimes The Quad is busy & this is just easier. Today we grade the New Moon Trailer. Oh, you haven’t seen it? Clearly you’re not a real fan, but we’ll let it slide. Check it out then let us know if you agree with our grade scale:
UC & Moon
Here’s a fun game. See if you can count how many times we say “Dude”
Moon: Wanna break down the trailer, right now?
UC: Yes. This feels so forced. Like we scheduled sex. 6/1/09 9:00 pm SEX
Moon: Let me close the door (sounds like we’re doing something dirrrrty)
UC: dude i’m drunk. Okay I’m reading. i mean. i’m ready
Moon: one second let me enlarge this sucker
UC: that’s what she said
Edward & Bella
Moon: ok so he says “you’re my only reason to stay.. alive.. IF thats what i am”
UC: The husband just said “such predictable dialogue” Um, no commentary from you, thank you very much
Moon: it’s stephenie meyer- everything is predictable. So…what Edward says doesnt even make sense
UC: “you’re my only reason to stay alive..if that’s what i am.” What does that mean!?
UC: WHEN is that part?
Moon: It’s in the cullen house. Before the bday party?? Maybe after? Either way that line makes no sense, but he could speak pig latin and i’d listen
UC: “ihay ovelay youhay obray.” It’s kinda sexy.. the way she’s all up on his chest.. with her hand. I’m kinda turned on right now. DAMNIT 3rd glass of wine
Moon: he could be like “i farted cause i ate a bean buritto” and i’d be like WOW- profound
Moon: ok not really but ya know. It’s like when someone speaks a different langauge than you and it sounds hot even if they’re asking where the bathroom is. He’s working THAT
UC: He totally is. He’s working that sexy, drool-worthy voice that you know he doens’t have in real life. In between takes he was totally burping Kristen’s name
The Party (:31)
Moon: we need to break down the outfits
UC: first impression: House..l.. um YES… major win over the last house, which i loved
Moon: yea i LOVED the last house. I want to MARRY the last house
UC: House= win. so romantic. I so hope that the hubby does that exact thing for our annivesary celebration tonight.
Moon: the two houses don’t look like they go together
UC: i want to marry THIS house. They’re diff houses, but I love them both. This is an upgrade. Let’s discuss the coloring. It’s great. I wasn’t against the blue. I liked the blue. It was depressing, rainy. I thought it was nice, but the warm golden colors? I like
Moon: The blue color was dreary twilight, and I think the change to warn tones reflects the change to the wolves and earthy shiz like the quilutes. LOVE the new look
UC: Um Alice= my bff. She shoulda worn THAT Sunday night to MTV cuz it’s major win. Also notice NO showing of Nikki/Rosalie except for one bitch-face moment that I’m about to screen cap
Moon: No joke, Ash’s wig is better than her bouffant from last night
Moon: Rose looks hot for once and not like she fell out of a TJ Max sale rack like she did in Twilight.
UC: right. Ross Black Friday special
Moon: seriouisly lest we forget her ACID wash jeans
UC: she goes well with uncle jesse
UC: Esme? Uh, make me a vamp now and make her my mama
Moon: Esme will always be hot and timeless. NEED that dress
UC: WILL BUY that dress on ebay. For $7,000 if I have to. Will fight over any Twimom to get it.
UC: so far I’m in love with Chris Weitz. Can we discuss the manly sound we hear “Alice that cake could feed 50. you guys don’t even eat”
UC: It’s like Kristen said “damn, it’s 3am, i don’t give a F*ck… i’m gonna sound like it’s 3am. Or like I ate a frog.”
Moon: uh JASPER- aka: Mr Rogers cardigan and a poodle wig
UC: SO nasty! Seriously. Almost as bad as sweat fest 2009 at the khyber in philly
Moon: he’s all top heavy with that hair, makes him look like a pinhead. I’m so sad and underwhelmed. Sweatfest was better
The dramatic, small flesh wound (:43)
Moon: Jasper running is ridiculous! totes diff than how i imagined it but awesome
UC: poor piano
Moon: next time i get a papercut im going to fling whatever it is im holding in the air. totally dramatic “OW PAPERCUT!”
UC: Yes! Then throw someone on the piano! And ruin it. Even though it’s an antique from the 1800s that Bach played in the 1600. F*ck it. Who cares.
Moon: thats how you react to small flesh wounds
UC: Caust it’s a MUCH bigger deal than Bella getting her period
Moon: dude you can totally see the harness and wires on jasper/stunt double. It’s all rumbled and a big square thing on his back
UC: Rush job!
Moon: yes definite rush job
UC: Insert note from the Hubby “how many times do you think you’re gonna watch that clip? You probably should a bunch more. You don’t want to miss any foreshadowing or symbolism” (this is where I get my wonderful sarcasm)
See where Bella gets sad and Chris Hansen comes after us, after the jump
Tags: , 100Monkeys, Alice Cullen, bella swan, Breaking it Down Vanity Fair Style, Buffont, Chad Michael Murray, Chris Hansen, Chris Weitz, Esme Cullen, grade something, Jackson Rathbone, jacob black, Jasper Cullen, Laurant, Movie Trailers, Mr. Rogers, New Moon, New Moon movie, new moon trailer, newmoon, One Tree Hill, Rosalie Hale, Ross, Sophia Bush, Taylor Lautner, The Khyber, TJ Maxx, Twilight, uc and moon grade something, Wolf, Wolfpack