Breaking Down the new Vamps from the teaser trailer

Dear LTT-ers,

By now we’ve all watched the Breaking Dawn Pt 2 teaser trailer like 30942390424 times and we have like 2309483094234 theories as to how it’s all going to play out. BUT in the mean time UC and I decided to break down the latest crop of vampires from what we could see of them in the trailers.

Moon: Let’s take a peek at some of these new vampires in action as seen on these screencaps at the Lex.

UC: This image, It’s Either Justin Chon mid-orgasm OR that guy from Twilight at the restaurant who says something about cats and sex
UC: money. sex. money cat
Moon: its one of justin chon‘s daily toilet pics from instagram (if you’re not following JC (just made that up) on instragram, DON’T start now, this is a real thing)
UC: hahahhahaha
.

Moon: this i like CANT EVEN


Moon: they took a HOT dude ……..


UC: and turned him into a PORN star
Moon: No, they turned him into a homeless Nickleback fan
UC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. you win.
Moon: thats probably an Ed Hardy tank top under there
Moon: the man jewelry, the eye liner. he’s like a frying pan and a yellow douchey lamborghini away from being Guy Fieri
Moon: whatever middle aged mom from the wardrobe dept was put in charge of him and this look should be shot and buried under an Oakley’s store in the mall
UC: he for SURE found every dive bar in vancouver
Moon: Also look, Jerry is in the background
Hi Jerry!

UC: and that albino!
Moon: and that other dude we met who had the bad cell phone camera (According to HIM at dinner Tues. night but that’s a whole other post)!
Moon: they should have premiere swag bags with phones in them. for that guy and toni trucks (beep) alone.
.
UC: Speaking of Guyliner….. This is the son from 7th heaven right? Just in goth wear:

Moon: thats the prospector/mountain man version of Michael Sheen/Aro. That’s his disguise for spying on BellER and Edward
Moon: It says Joe Anderson as Allistair. I wonder if he has a better cell phone camera…
UC: Ohhhh Joe Anderson. OF coURse. how could I NOT realize
Moon: IMDB tells me he was in a lot of good movies and that he is another semi hot dude made to look like a crazy person
UC: oh WOW
Moon: he’s also like my age
UC: you’re right. pretty attractive made to look UNattractive… b/c apparently that’s what we do to vamps these days
Moon: and allistair looks about 50 and grizzled in that pic
.

Moon:  OH hey it’s that Rascal Flatts guy
UC: oh yhea– in the far left… look like he’s about to break into a song about the small working class town of Forks. A power ballad
Moon: GOD BLESS THE BROKEN ROOOOAD THAT LED ME STRAAAIGHT TO FOOOORKS
ohhhh oohhhhh oooooo
UC: “WHAT HURTSSSS THE MOST. IS WHEN I GIVE BIRTTHHH TO A HALF VAMP….”
Moon: LIFE IS A VOLVOOOO I WANNA DRIVE IT ALL NIGHT LONG
UC:  you googled them too for lyrics, right?  🙂
Moon: hahahaha oh yea… totally googled them… didn’t know those at all.  😉 not.at.all.
. 

Moon: FINALLY some rami malek up in this piece!
UC: oh finalllyyyy
Moon: using the force to stop that waterfall
UC: even though I was fairly confident that was Jacob at first look but dangggg…. he’s like Moses up in this piece
UC: oh you already said up in this piece
Moon: HAHAAH. Yes, it’s getting very gangsta in here. The Malek brings it out in us.
.

Ok, so we know we Tweeted about our super secret meeting but as you probably saw on the twitters UC and I were invited to an Edit Bay visit with Bill Condon along with some of the other Twilight sites/blogs. We can’t tell you much YET about it but it involved watching two clips, a little q&a about Breaking Dawn Pt 2 and maybe  a little trophy with a lamb on top. We’ll have more from that soon. AKA whenever we won’t be sued over talking about it.

Love ya like Garrett loves Ed Hardy, Jeigermeister and a bleach blond,
Moon & UC

Thanks to the Lexicon for letting us jack these screenshots from them.

SOOOOOOO whatdddya think of the new vampires. Will you be able to watch without thinking of country music or 7th Heaven or Canadian rockers now? Yea, we didn’t think so!

42 Commented

Breaking Down the Breaking Dawn Trailer! Rageward, Breeds and Awkwardness!

Dear Breaking Dawn and Bill Condon and Stephenie and LTT-ers,

OMG!!! I just got so excited, apparently it took a well timed and well cut trailer to get me back in this game but I’m here baby and we’re ready to break this Breaking Dawn trailer down!

So put me in coach and LET’S DO THIS! (sorry,wrong movie)…

The One Where They Can NEVER Get It Right…
Moon: myelloooo runaways and eclipse are on tv right no. fyi
UC: orgasm. kristen gasm
Moon: oh nakey jakey….. ok anyway! so lets do this
UC: okay LET’s and i’m druhnk like runk! so sorry in advnace
Moon: ok go… AH it goes so quick in the beginning!
UC: is it suposed to sound like crap ? and just be FLASHES of images?
Moon: fun note/trivia: there is ALWAYS a beach/water in the opening shot
UC: ALWAYS

We look awful!

Moon: ok freeze it at :11 we HAVE to talk about carlisle’s awful hair. i mean WTF is going on?
UC: it’s falling out” early on-set vampire baldness?
Moon: even the ice truck killer behind him wants to kill that wig
UC: it’s fake HAHAHAHAH forgot about him
Moon: its like HOW do they ef up the hair EVERY TIME???!!! EVERY.TIME.
UC: EVERY TIME. the wig people must be OLD
Moon: like im pretty sure jasper has had diff hair color and style EVERY time
UC: yeah- NOT consistent with the book
Moon: alice looks like a soccer mom with a van
UC: hahahahahahhaahahaahah and Emmett looks like a Ken doll. Rosalie looks… the best! & Esme looks the same
Moon: i mean its supposed to be short and spikey not “i just cut orange slices for the soccer game” short

Bella: "FML!"

UC: and then there are the playboy bunnies behind them. Where’s Hef?
Moon: aawwwwwww, the girls next door showed up for the big day! aka the bitch edward ran off to in midnight sun
UC: Are they the denalis?
UC: They’re hot
Moon: yea the girls next door are the denali’s
UC: no wonder Bella was jealous
Moon: for realzzzzzz. thats like miss january, feburary and march coming to your wedding

I feel ill....

The One Where Cedric Got The Flu
UC: Are the girls, Alice, Rosealie and Esme not IN the wedding?
UC: I don’t know how I feel about this.. did that not happen in the book?
Moon: i guess not… i read it once, remember?
UC: haha okay

Moon: ok so we can see sleeves on the dress
UC: Besides looking like she stayed up for an all-nighter learning her “better for worse” lines.. Kristen looks GORGEOUS. Rob… ugh….
Moon: right kristen looks great. rob looks like cedric. the hair is SO awful
UC: Cedric with the flu. SO awful
Moon: like i said on twitter a few days ago HOW in the world do you make rob look bad??!! its like a summitt super power or something
UC: Yeah they are the ONLY ones. them at that photographer who shot Rob as a

I've still got that Snapple Cap

pre-teen in his boxers. they are the only ones
Moon: if they wanted him to look gross they could have just let him wear what he wore to set that day, or whatever he’s currently wearing in london RIGHT NOW
UC: exactly
Moon:“as long as we both shall live” HALF SMILE. the edwad half smile!!! finally some stuff from the books
UC: FINALL Y. they remember we liked those first

Follow the jump because things get awkward, weird, inappropriate and everything else you’d expect from us
Continue…

184 Commented

Twilosophy – Why the embarrassment?

Dear Breaking Dawn,

I was totally surprised to see your trailer Friday night before Super 8 on the huge ass cinedome screen at the Arclight Hollywood. I had NO clue we would see it and I was a tad unprepared and at one point embarrassed. Don’t get my wrong I cheered, clapped and helped lead some inappropriate Arsenio Hall-style hooting when Jacob takes off his shirt… BUT when it got to the Bella touching her nonexistent stomach part, I cringed a little and waited for what I thought would be inevitable laughs. Thankfully there was no laughing and maybe thats because all my friends were in my general vicinity and either they’re too good to me or they know I would kick them in the b-hole if they laughed.

Ok, so we know (clearly, look around) I love you, I love Twilight, I tolerate other people’s dumb comments about you, and I’ve given you many years of my life now, there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about at this point. But why was I? I know what happens, I get (sorta) why it happens and I like that it leaves it open for Stephenie to possibly continue the story with Reneesmee and Jacob yet I was cringing a tad.

But wait, you don't understand!! This will all make sense in the end! I swear!

I was to chalk it up to me being protective of Twilight and everyone’s ignorant comments about what they THINK the Twilight story is or isn’t. I also like to think my protectiveness extends beyond just the story and Stephenie (cause I lurve her, duh) and even the movies. I’m protective of our readers and their stories and their lives. Because if we’ve learned anything from the past couple years this is WAY bigger than just the story of a girl and her vampire crush turned boyfriend turned husband turned Robert Pattinson. Twilight is all of us. And I can’t be having no one laugh at you or me. Or Edward.

That’s the only way I can rationalize my feelings over the trailer because who wouldn’t love to see a 60 foot Wyck Godfrey, Stephenie Meyer or Rob’s back in front of them? NO ONE, that’s who! So embarrassed or protective or whatever you wanna call it, I was but it’s because I love you!

Can it be November 18th now?
Themoonisdown

Am I being irrational or has anyone else felt the same way… especially with Breaking Dawn? Anyone else see the trailer this weekend?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

140 Commented

Friday Funny, I mean Friday Sad, Kellan Lutz’ Flop at the Box Office…

Dear Kellan Lutz,

Uh oh. You haven’t had the best week, have you? Not only did your limited-release (meaning 1 theater near your mom’s house plus DVD) movie, “Love, Wedding, Marriage” only make 1.4 million, but it currently has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. ZERO PERCENT.

I mean I saw the trailer:

(please don’t be surprised that there is a comment on this video from xXtwlight4evaXx who says “i want mandy moore and shane west to do another movie together!!! A walk to remember was amazing<3”)

Things I do: Cheat on the real Chuck Bass & star in bad movies

While I love great films, I’m not really a movie snob. I love me a good romantic chick flick (hello I’m a Twilight blogger). But this DOES look pretty bad- I mean Jessica Szohr is in it (yuck), Mandy Moore hasn’t been good since “A Walk to Remember” and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t actually good then & I was just blinded by love for Shane West. And you playing a grown man in love is….. well, let’s just say you may still need a few years before that’s believable. I don’t care that you have an 8-pack. Which is obviously why you were hired.

But again, it doesn’t look like it deserves 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. I mean, I MIGHT watch it on a long plane ride after taking a nap, reading a book & when the battery runs out on my iPad. I could possibly turn it on when it’s free On Demand and I’m sick on the couch. I might even click a link that says “Download Love and Marriage for free & win an Ipad” if the mood is right.

It definitely couldn’t deserve this review (could it?)

“If there is a special hell for film critics, it probably has movies like “Love, Wedding, Marriage” on continuous rotation.”

And taking pictures of Anthony Weiner apologizing & captioning them with quotes from reviewers about your movie is just mean (but pretty damn funny via buzzfeed)

Kellan, Kellan.. if only you had come to Moon or I before signing on to this movie. We would have warned you that out of the 16 films of Mandy Moore’s on Rotten Tomatoes, only 2 have gotten reviews over 50%. And that a Rotten Tomatoes rating of 0% means your movies is worse than: Battlefield Earth, Freddy Got Fingered, and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (as told to us by EW Popwatch in a review attempting to be positive about Mandy Moore despite her horrible films (don’t worry- they didn’t mention you!))

And now you’re going to have to be nominated or even WIN a Razzie award and while that’s really good publicity, that shizz never leaves you! As if it’s not hard enough for you with all your muscles and Abercrombie background, the Twilight connection- that lacrosse movie with Ash Greene etc. to be taken seriously, this is just gonna make it all that harder.

Listen to me, Kellan. I don’t care how much Jane Seymour (Mandy’s mother in Love, Wedding, Marriage) pays wants you as her boy toy, don’t pick any more projects that drag down all the amazing work you did with the Twilight saga. Oh wait.

Kellan's big moment: Waving a knife while cooking Italiano

Always here to help,
UnintendedChoice

Do you ever feel really bad when a Twi cast member we love so much has a major flop of a movie like this one? 0% is HORRIBLE! Is this Kellan’s “100 Monkeys” moment? (Except that moment of Jackson’s doesn’t’ seem to be passing…) Will YOU see the movie? (assuming you live in the same town as his mom) Can you believe Ryan Adams married Mandy Moore? Can you tell I’m happy it’s FRIDAY FRIDAY

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

I failed & forgot to thank James for the heads-up on this amazing story!!

69 Commented

News Dump: Video Explosion, a boyband & our favorite DILF is back!

Dear LTT-ers,

Since things have finally heated up on the Twilight front aka they went back to Vancouver where the own cameras there’s been a deluge of pictures and info and whatnot that we’re just trying to keep up on! Just trying to stay afloat with all of Rob’s nonsense has made this a full time job of alligator wrangling and pondering the deeper meaning of his Vanity Fair interview. Is he joking? Is he sad? What kind of dog IS Martin? There is A LOT going on in Rob world but it’s time to tackle the other folks so let’s take a look at what’s going on in Twiland (kinda like Disneyland minus the churros and general happiness).

Ain’t no lie baby…
The Wolfpack has been longing for the late 90s and the days of boybands like NSYNC, BackStreet Boys and whoever else lived in Florida at that time and met a fat man named Lou. They decided in their spare time to work on their harmonies and found out they were so amazing they formed their very own boyband called 108 Degrees!
That’s the boys on their way to record their soon-to-be hit singles “Bite Bite Bite” and “Imprinting On Your Heart.” Oh, and that’s their manager… Gil “Lou” Birmingham. Looks like Vancouver is the new Orlando.
.

Then I watched the trailer for Kellan’s new film: Love, Wedding, Marriage

Dude forget Robsten on the bearskin rug give me Kellan on Mandy Moore or give me death. DAYUM. That thing should come with a warning label. Dang. When does this come out?
.

What a sport this guy is…

Accepting his Razzie awards for both Last Airbender AND his portrayal of Jasper. But does it seem to anyone else the mini stroke has affected his mouth again with the marble mouth/southern sorta accent/side talking thing? Also I’m totally crossing my fingers for Nikki Reed to direct a 100 Monkey’s music video. Just ponder the possibilities of that for a few minutes this Friday…
.

And the last bit of news that deserves to be talked about but DEFINITELY not the least is… CHRIS WEITZ has joined twitter!

HeckYea I’m following!

I know, take a moment……………… yes, it’s true our favorite director from the Twilight saga has come back to us with a vengeance tweeting about everything, being in Argentina, his CUTE CUTE CUTE kid, answering questions and even responding to our own forum mod JodieO and and78 (those bitches!). Ok, clearly I’m jealous because he hasn’t responded to me and I even foresake ROBERT PATTINSON and his weird alligator magazine cover to tweet Chris instead. BUT WHATEVER I forgive him when he says he’s more like a Mike Welch or Gran and then tweets weird ass pictures of cats. And the mustard pants who could EVER EVER EVER forget the mustard pants? They will go down in Twiforklore and maybe have their own special wing of the Twilight Hall of Fame someday.
.

So enough of my slobbering all over Chris Weitz how about we beg the wolfpack to sing some New Kids on the block for us?

TGIF!
Themoonisdown

Be honest did you tweet naughty things to Chris Weitz (i did!!!)? Are Jackson’s multiple voice personalities started to worry you? Will you catch 108 Degrees when they tour? Does anyone other than me know who Lou Pearlman is?!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

64 Commented