Twilight n trashy magazines at 30,000 feet

Hi my name is what, my name is who, chicka chicka chicka Edward Cullen!

Dear Rag-Mag Editors-

Since it’s Memorial Day I decided to head home to Phoenix to spend the long weekend with my family and while there to see fellow blogger of awesomeness Lauren from Lauren’s Bite. So of course plane flights mean MAGAZINES!!! Probably one of my most favorite parts of traveling. So I got to the airport excited to grab some reading material and EVERYWHERE I looked magazines had something Twilight related on the cover or inside. Twilight mania has officially taken over your printing industry and I can’t say I blame you for printing the stuff but seriously if you’re going to bother why not write something new?

Robert Pattinson CUT HIS HAIR! ZOMG!!!!!

OK!

Case in point OK! Magazine it drew me in because the cover had one of my fave Rob pics of all time plus the caption “Robert Pattinson Has The Blues.” What could be better right? Not so fast! You think you can fool us with THOSE PICTURES!! One is from freaking DECEMBER and the other is God knows how old… from EW last year sometime. And then the article references quotes from Catherine Hardwicke and talks about his love of Van Morrison. Hello, this is 2009 have we met? I kept waiting for a Hot Pocket reference.

Grade: F buy this is you’ve been living under a rock for the last 9 months or didn’t know Rob cut his hair in December.

Obviously NOT a Twi-hard fan

US Weekly

Somehow I figured the hair stylist who found the scripts was some sassy chain smoking older tranny type and not Amy Pohler! Who knew she had her own salon in the midwest! Does ‘Gob’ have a Barbershop next door? St. Louis would rule.

And NO I don’t want Kate Gosselin’s reverse mullet dead beaver hairdo, but thanks for asking.

Puppy Love, Cannes and Cam!

Then US Weekly earns some bonus points for having TWO MORE Twilight related features… one featuring actual RECENT pics. Shocker, I know! I flipped the page and those two cabbage patch dolls are staring at me at 30,000 feet. They’re so sickenly sweet I grabbed the barf bag.

Grade: B+ get this if quantity is your thing, you wanna read about the John & Kate train wreck or you really wanna know what swimsuit fits your body type (I should get a halter style, FYI).

I totally hugged this magazine and said a prayer for Chris Weitz

Entertainment Weekly

If you have 4 bucks to waste this is the mag for you, it’s only two pages but they have exclusive photos that were actually exclusive from the set. Imagine that! And they do NOT disappoint. I cracked this baby open and gasped out loud cause it was SO good! I said to my seat neighbor, “THE BIRTHDAY SCENE!!” She quickly got up changed seats. Her loss! If she was a Twihard addict I would have been her dealer on that flight. Loser.

Grade: A+ Get this and hug it close to your chest and send one up to the big man upstairs that New Moon will live up to all our hopes and dreams. Ignore Eminem on the cover.

But back to you rag mag editors…

If you’re gonna feature anything Twilight related in your trashy pages can I ask that you at least give us some current pictures and news? I know this is the digital age and all but still! Try a little harder. Oh and can I get a refund on the OK mag?

Your faithful reader,
Themoonisdown

PS It was raining here in Phoenix and when I arrived my mom turned to me and said “Arizona, how you likin’ the rain girl?!… I’ve been waiting ALL day to say that to you!” Please love how awesome my mom is. Also she says a BIG thank you and WE DID IT to all those who voted for Kris Allen on American Idol!

Have an extra 40k laying around? Wanna buy Robert Pattinson’s affection for a few minutes? These people did!

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Cam Gigandet – Our fave nomadic trashy vampire!

Dear Cam-

We don’t talk nearly enough about the nomadic vampires around here… well besides our BFF Rachelle! We thought it was time we paid homage to our 2nd favorite BAD vamp (yes, Rachelle/Victoria will always be our first) and your awesome portrayal of James. Don’t tell anyone but sometimes when I’m watching the movie or reading the book I wish you would have gone a little off script and totally killed Bella. I mean all that whining and blinking and crap gets old after a while. But I guess they wouldn’t let that happen, what with killing the heroine and needing to finish the rest of saga and all. Oh well, a girl can dream can’t she?

So anycrap…

First can we talk about how flipping cute you are in the Gap ads? During Christmas you were the only thing keeping me from going postal in the mall. Whenever I was feeling particularly NOT FULL OF CHEER I would find the nearest Gap and look at your face and then know I could make it through a few more stores…

Seriously though, can we talk about your wig/look in Twilight? I mean we know they screwed up everyone else’s wigs but yours looked especially white-trashy. And maybe that’s the look they were going for but I was thinking they should have gone more just plain HOT cause you’re a vampire after all and totes cute sauce in real life!

It’s kinda too bad they killed you off… well maybe not, watching Alice rip your head off is just “good programming.”

But if they somehow figured out a way for you to come back and reek havoc on Forks or just sneak in and slap Bella I wouldn’t be mad!

XO
Themoonisdown

PS who else is feeling Cam? Did anyone totally want to DO trashy James?

Moment of shameless self promotion: have you voted for us today in the Dazzle Awards as your favorite Rob Fansite (I mean really is there any other?) And since there was no category for Favorite Cam site, you gotta head over there and pick the next best thing. LTR!!

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