True Confession…Sometimes We Like To Pretend Twilight Is Like True Blood

Have I thanked you lately for all the letters you’ve sent so I could have a break while Moon is away (speaking of Moon- she leaves Switzerland where she is prancing around with the Von Trapps to fly HOME TODAY! Destination LAX around 8 Pm!). I’ve even taken a break from making my “I miss Moon” pictures. It’s okay. I’ll make up for it soon. I think. Today The Two Stacey’s entertain us (with a letter I confess I barely understand but know MANY of you will love!)

Dear Twilight,

East Coast Stacey: We, the two Staceys, were enchanted by you from the very first time Bella sighed, “Edward is like a Greek God.” Or something like that, because after the twentieth time you hear things like “carved out of marble”or about “human moments”, there’s a tendency to tune things out. (Hey Bella, couldn’t you just tell Edward you have to go to the bathroom? It isn’t like you have to say, “Dude, I need to pee.” ) Here’s the thing… you aren’t the only thing we love. You might have figured this out, since we KNOW Stephenie, your creator, is reading Talk Supe.
West Coast Stacey/SWD: Dream on, EC.
EC: Fine. Probably not. But I CAN pretend. Since I am pretending, she’s reading for the love of that Ian Somerhalder. (Don’t we all, girl, don’t we all.) Getting back on topic, we have a deep affection for other vampire books and films/television programs. Actually, only the romantic ones, since we only like our vampires pretty and swoony.
West Coast Stacey/SWD: Can we even compare adult HBO content to PG YA? That’s like comparing STARZ Spartacus with X-Men. Apples. Oranges. Me thinks.

EC: That is why we need to tell you that sometimes, most likely after watching True Blood late at night, we like to re imagine you as a True Blood/Sookie Stackhouse Book Series. We don’t imagine sticking a family of hillbilly inbred werepanthers in Forks, but instead…
SWD: Oh I do!
EC: Of course you do. Maybe it’s only me that doesn’t imagine werepanthers trying to get all frisky with Jacob and the wolf boy or putting Pam (she’s a vampire that makes James look like a choirboy) in charge of the Cullen Family Christmas. Instead, we can’t help thinking what if Twilight was written for a more MATURE audience. And yes, I know there’s FanFiction for that, but hear us out! Here are the reasons why…

Disclaimer: You might not know who some of these people are if you don’t watch True Blood. We will be happy to help, just ask! We are like Carlisle, helping school Bella about vampire life. Only without Carlisle’s disturbing love of jaunty scarves.

We Are Adults and Independent Women:

EC: I love a teen romance as much as the next thirty something female. Those flicks/books that bring back memories of first kisses and stolen looks across the quad are terrific. However, unlike the young girls reading Twilight, I know what happens beyond that point. Is it all posies, kittens and rainbows? No way! I need real angst and a tough Bella to dish it out. Sure Ed left her in New Moon, but to go into a depressed spiral and tune out for several months is extreme. Not to mention throw herself over a darn cliff! Seriously? Girl needs her head examined. That’s why I imagine Bella taking on some Sookie qualities. Sookie has PLENTY of faults, but she’s mostly a spitfire. Bill lied to her and she let him have it. Does Sookie wallow in pity? A little bit, but she has many other suitors ready to pop in his place. Variety is the spice of life. And no, Jacob and his raging testosterone do not count in my head. To have a great romantic wolf/vampire triangle you need an Alcide type, not a Jacob. I bet Alcide would look smashing in a pair of jorts. Just sayin’.
SWD: Sookie’s a twenty-something telepathic bar maid. You don’t serve Pete’s Wicked Ale to drunk werewolves without picking up some life skills.

Love…Big Girl Style:

EC: Edward. I just typed his name and I can hear the collective swooning of at least ½ of the LTT readers and a chorus of moaning over at LTR. (Well as long as Edward is being played by the sweet Mr.Pattinson. If you even mentioned another cute actor playing a vampire, there just might be a mutiny. Note to self: nix the Somerhalder/Pattinson comparison letter.) Unfortunately ladies, the only lusty bloke in Twilight is a hormonal teenager with abnormal hair growth. That’s right, leader of the wolf pack, Jacob.
Where does that leave Edward? Blocking the advances of poor pent up Bella at every turn! Maybe, that’s what’s wrong with her self-esteem. Real nice, Edward
SWD: Admittedly, I was over Edward in New Moon. Not necessarily Team Jacob, but def not Team Emo Vamp.
EC: This is where the example of True Blood (or even Vampire Diaries) comes into play. Would Eric leave Sookie in a lurch? Would Jason (Sookie’s hot brother. Who by the way is A LOT like Xavier Samuel (Riley), so you should love him!) stop loving the female population of Bon Temps? No way! That’s why I like to play out that scene in the Isle of Esme, so differently in my head. Yes, there’s FanFiction for that too. But that’s way too rough for this girl! Actually, after watching this week’s True Blood episode with Eric…and Sookie… in the forest… I know now that Bella’s and Edward’s meadow could have been used for much more than trying to figure out what the clouds look like and how pretty the flowers smell.
SWD: Outside lovin? No way, the sparkle peen needs sheets. To quote Jack Dawson, Edward’s “more of an indoor girl…”

Sookie’s House of Style:

EC: Nevermind. They are both pretty terrible. (I’ll make an exception for the wardrobe for movie, Twilight. Rob looked pretty nice in that peacoat. )
The wolf pack could just set up shop in Louisiana and get job’s working on the road crew. Actually, book Edward’s sleeveless white button down would be a perfect addition to the nightlife at Merlotte’s Bar and Grill. However, the beige sweater and khaki’s might get him beat up or a date with Lafayette.
SWD: Lafayette wouldn’t go for the khaki’s but he does appreciate the sparkle.
EC: You know what would be great…a Sam’s Shirt. Edward could rock that! Let’s hope my daydreams keep him out of book Eric’s mesh tank tops and pink lycra. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.

EC: What about the ladies? We have book worm Bella and slutty Sookie, as our heroines. I like to re imagine a nice in between, which is following the example of how the ladies in Vampire Diaries dress.
SWD: Actually, I’m liking Sookie’s mini-hoodies and sexy, girl jorts this season.
EC: True! A nice fashion compromise of comfort and style for the girls of BonTemps! The ladies from Forks need this too! Alice needs to get on that! Except her clothes are dated too! What to do, what to do… Sam’s shirts: Ladies edition. If you have to button down, make it a cute fitted one!

It’s All About Your Friends!

EC: Friends make the world go around and Bella doesn’t have many. Friends that one would help out in a jam or let them confide inner most feelings.
SWD: … help you bury a dead hooker in Vegas, those types of friends.
EC: Not whine, like Bella does, when they want to help her get pretty for her man. (Poor Alice).
SWD: Note to Bella, when someone offers you a makeover, take it, it means you need it. Haven’t you seen Tyra’s “Ambush Makeover” shows?
EC: I do have a feeling that Bella might push Angela under a bus, if Edward needed her to. That’s just a shame. Then again, Twilight reflects Bella’s world…which means all Edward with a healthy dollop of Jacob thrown in. We really don’t get to know fully about the other characters. That’s where the imagination comes in.

The supporting characters can flesh out a story like nothing else. There are so many great starts to the other cast, but sometimes you need a funny character to bring it all together. Twilight needs a Lafayette or a Jason! Sure we have Emmett, but the poor guy has almost no backstory and he needs some more dirty jokes. Add in whole chapters just for Garrett to add screen time for Lee Pace and fantasy time for his female fans. Also in True Blood you get more interaction between characters that aren’t related to the main couples. I need more Alice and Jasper! There little interaction in Eclipse wasn’t enough! Does Rosalie EVEN like Emmett? I need to see them in another light! Does Esme do anything else, but fret about her “children” and decorate the house for the millionth time? I would love Esme to try and have coffee with Renee. As Renee is trying to sell Esme Avon… Tupperware… Maybe the ever useful Pampered Chef. It’s the house ware choice for the vampire mom who has literally everything.
SWD: I see Renee as more of a MARK peddler.
EC: Just like Ashley! I bet now that she’s living with Kellan, she likes to make him look pretty with her free samples!

Washing Blood Out of Sippy Cups is Not Fun

EC: Last time I checked, vampires are, for all intents and purposes, dead. Handsome, but dead. For this reason, I pretend that Bella’s pregnancy never happened. Do you see a little baby crawling around Bill Compton’s mansion and playing with his Civil War memorabilia? No. One accidental dropping of a Compton family heirloom and that poor baby is in T.R.O.U.B.L.E! It would even be worse with Jasper in the house. Can you imagine Res..emm.ahh..ee, I have no idea, getting a boo boo on her knee? Jasper couldn’t handle a tiny paper cut! Of course, demon baby drinks blood. That’s so gross. Ignore that…it WOULD work if Twilight was True Blood! Bring on the gore!
SWD: vampires don’t sire teacup humans. It’s in the vamp bi- laws.

Sometimes it’s Fun to be Scared

EC: True Blood is creepy. It’s creepy to the point that I put a pillow over my head to hide from the ickiness. But if I am reading or watching something about vampires I want to be able to hide my head and cuddle up to my loved one. I do swoon over the love affair of Edward and Bella, but sometimes I wish there more of a reason to be afraid for them. Sometimes, I need more than chick lit starring sparkly vampires. There were plenty of opportunities to bring in the fear, but it always stopped a little short. I wanted to peek through my fingers and see at least one character be torn to shreds. Not shatter into pieces like if I dropped a dish. Is Esme going to clean up the carnage from an epic battle with a dust buster? I thought you were supposed to burn them?

That’s why I reimagine a more fitting death for the bad guys…I actually I don’t. It’s too gross and I can’t cover my eyes when it’s all playing out in my head. #wimp

When Breaking Dawn comes to the theaters, we know that we have to remember that it’s going to be PG-13. That the young’uns are going to get there first glimpse of headboard and feathers, which will lead to their mothers having a lot of explaining to do.
SWD: Yeah, explaining disappointment.
EC: Explanations that will occur only after their mothers finish their squealing over Edward’s muscular back and the moonlight swim.

Thank goodness for a summer of True Blood (and Vampire Diaries in the fall) to give us our adult fix and some fun ideas for a Twilight that could have been.

-EC Stacey and WC Stacey (SWD)

Read more from The Two Stacey’s at Talk Supe

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

35 Commented

The VILF deconstructed by Stacey and Stacey

(Today Stacey – Snowwhitedrifted or West Coast (WC) and Stacey East Coast (EC) take on the VILF’s we’d love to marry, hit it or just stare at and why they’re so alluring. – moon)

Dear VILFS of Twilight (and other series),

In the eighties it was surfers and beach volleyball players. In the nineties it was athletes and firemen. The new millennium, however, boasts vampires as the most coveted object of desire for the female gender. Vampire sex appeal is at an all time high. I think this is partially due to the monster success of Twilight as well as some other factors.

EC Stacey: Wait. Are we getting serious here? The tweed kind of serious. Let me throw on these Kate Spade glasses. Alice approved, ya’ll. Hold on wearing an old David Letterman tee-shirt and Yoga pants, must change into designer…never mind. At least I got the glasses. Okay, Stacey (SWD) commence with your thoughts.

WC Stacey/ SWD: Many people claim that the vampire-ness of Twilight is insignificant and it’s totally a love story. Sure, the Cullens are like the passivist emo-hippies of the vamp world, but they still kick ass, nonetheless.

EC Stacey: Ha ha! I want them to wear tie dyed clothes and beads. Actually, do you think Carlisle and Esme got so sad after the Eclipse fight scene that they wanted to cry, but can’t. So they went back to Casa Carlisle and got all emo listening to Morrisey? Whoops! Got off track. Sexy vampire boys, yay!

WC Stacey/ SWD: Morrisey, for the WIN, ha ha ha! I wouldn’t have liked it as much without the vampire aspect. You see, I have been a VILF shipper since I was a kid (duh, the Count (ECStacey: Grover, definitely Grover. Monster. Grr.) was my favorite Seasame Street character), so it was no wonder that Edward (and Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, James, hell even Aro) glamoured the pants off of me. I think this is true for a lot of women. When we break down the characteristics of a vampire, it’s no wonder we offer our necks (ok, and lady bits) willingly.

EC Stacey: Let me get this straight, Aro? I love the Michael Sheen, as much as everybody in the whole world. But Aro? If you said Alec, maybe. Even a creeptastic girl crush on Jane. I want to see that bottle of wine you are drinking. As expected, wine goggles. SWD: OK, note to self, wine in a box enhances wine goggles. If I were drinking “Bitch” wine maybe I’d go fake lesbian for Alice

WC Stacey/ SWD: Lets start with the fact that Vampires are HOT, well cold actually, but in the looks department they are always stunning. I think every actor born with incredible checkbones signs a deal with the devil to one day play a vampire. Seriously, you could grate cheese on Robs cheekbones (*note to someone, please make that as dirty as possible in the comments).

EC Stacey: Ahh…Rob’s cheekbones… Back on track. I don’t want to leave out the wolves/shifters for you wolfpackers. This might be hard to believe my friends, due to the fact I have a Sophie’s Choice type of love for both Twilight’s Edward and Vampire Diaries Damon. (And yes, I voted for BOTH of them in EW’s Sexy Beast poll. Don’t you judge me.) Originally, I loved the wolf. Seth Green’s OZ on Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my first true supe love. I even married his younger twin. Of course, he’s an accountant and not a rocking guitar player, but I can pretend. SWD: I married Fletch, he has no powers. Also, have you seen Alcide and Sam on True Blood? Nice. Twilight? Jacob’s a buff baby. Okay, Paul’s hot.

WC Stacey/ SWD: So yes, Vampires and Werewolves are beautiful. See exhibit A: (slide show mildly NSFW, mostly because it’s both hands embarrassing)

102 Commented

Thursday Twilight Video to cure those July Blues

Dear Twilight,

I generally save videos for Open Weekend Posts, but I’m kinda in the mood for a big laugh today. I don’t know about you, but I’m in a major slump. Probably because I’m coming off my June–high & it’s mid-July & nothing is going on in my life. And boxes are yet to be unpacked STILL in my apartment, I can’t find curtains for my 13′ windows, Eclipse buzz has died down (I only saw it twice and am not even sure I’m going to go for a third time. Bad Fan? Or blame it on the July blues?) And I’m clearly PMSing. Obviously. Not to mention today is THURSDAY, not Friday, and I really need it to be Friday.

Anyway, The Stacey’s sent this to me (actually I think just one of them sent it to me & just copied the other. I get confused though- the Staceys are two girls named Stacey who met on LTT and are basically the same person except not. They even use the same email company which REALLY confuses me. I really need to learn which last names belongs to whom. But that takes effort & I already told you- it’s Thursday. Effort was over by Monday at 10 am) ANYWAY, I laughed the entire 6 min. and 11 seconds this was playing. It really makes me wish that Moon & I could blog full-time. Do you KNOW the amount of videos & audio masterpieces we would produce? We have epic instructional videos in our idea book that are just dying to be made. We discussed tonight the need for Moon to obtain a sugar daddy, since Mr. Choice, while a lovely husband, is not that. Moon is headed to Africa next week*, and so I suggested she meet a Kenyan Royalty. She said she’d hop on over to Dubai and meet a Sheik and become his LA Harem girl. I’m allowed to join the Harem too, as long as I show the Sheik the Leg Hitch.

Anyway, that’s a letter for another day, our scheme to find sugar daddys so we can blog about vampires full-time. For now, there’s just laughter and the refusal to admit it’s only Thursday:

There! Now don’t you feel better!? (Sorry if you’re stuck at work, unable to watch this video. I feel really badly for how much your day is going to suck as a result. Watch it immediately when you get home- before you pet the dog, take off your shoes, kiss your man or feed the baby. Trust me)

One day until Friday,
UnintendedChoice

PS: If you happen to be a Unicorn Sheik Sugardaddy from Dubai or Kenya country, Moon will be there next week- do you mind sitting down for a one-on-one with her? See how you guys get along? She just wrote a pretty amazing one shot lesbian fan fic in our most recent chat session that she promises to release under a penname if you can sugardaddy our way to full time vampire-blogging. Thanks

*Moon really WILL be in Africa (flying through Dubai!) next week! She leaves a week from today and will be disconnected for TWO WEEKS. Don’t ask me how I’ll get through. I have no idea. I do know that on the second part of her trip, I will also be away on vacation….SOOOO that means we need YOUR help! Send in your bestest, most creative letters to letterstotwilight@gmail.com for us to consider sharing with the world while we’re busy meeting Sheiks and eating crab cakes at the beach!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

60 Commented

What we were actually thinking during our Stephenie Meyer Interview

Dear LTTers,

You’ve learned that Stephenie actually reads LTT; you’ve seen our EPIC picture of the LEGHITCH with the creator of the LEGHITCH; you’ve heard about Midnight Sun– the book we hope she loses the manuscript for so no one has to read that piece of crap; you’ve heard us hint that there’s much more to share. We thought we were already pretty generous, but apparently sharing 3 pieces of our 4 hour conversation wasn’t enough for you all. Sheesh. So demanding.

Anyway, this week we had a chance to listen to some of the audio we took *sniff* 4 weeks ago today, and let me tell you: Re-listening to this stuff was pretty awesome. While it was only 4 weeks ago, so much has happened in both of our lives that it seems like it was FOREVER ago. So getting to hear Stephenie’s voice again nice & loud and clear (because Moon had the microphone all up in her personal space- she was basically sitting on her lap she was so close to her) was a great reminder of the amazing experience & how blessed we still feel for getting picked to be a part of the day!

Sappiness over. Let’s get real. Here’s what was really going through our heads during the interview:

Leg hitch, Hunt, Imprint

[audio:http://letterstotwilight.com/music/SM_EffKillMarryFRED.mp3]

UC: I’m offended
Moon: ME too
UC: WHY does Stephenie immediately think we’d ask something that might make her blush? As if!

Moon: Which one is Fred again?
UC: He’s not Xavier! I know that…! Is he “The red head?”
Moon: No.. that’s Edward…Ohhh he’s the one who smells
UC: hahahaha (I totally read his “gift” as a smell thing- sorry Steph)

Vampires aren’t Stephenie’s “thing”

[audio:http://letterstotwilight.com/music/SM_TrueBloodandVampires.mp3]

UC: Did Stephenie imply she and Michael Sheen were talking about how Stephen King is lovely?
Moon: Yeah I think so…. Do you think she knows?
UC: About the awful things he said about her!? Of course she knows. My grandma even knows! She cut out a newspaper clipping and mailed it to me when she read about that!
Moon: And yet.. she still called him lovely…
UC: Stephenie Meyer 1, Stephen King, 0

Oh heeeyyyyy Stephenie likes Xavier too

[audio:http://letterstotwilight.com/music/SM_Xavier.mp3]

UC: So it’s official.. Cathy Hardi never got Stephenie high by telling her it was an herbal sleep aid?
Moon: I was so sure it happened at least once
UC: We’re still convinced though that Stephenie had a few sips of the Ultimate Cougarita (the drink named after Cathy at TGIFridays, in case you’ve forgotten) because Cathy told her it was a special virgin cocktail made especially for her?
Moon: Oh for SURE that happened. Cathy wasn’t going to try to sneak into Rob’s room without a partner!

More tidbits and maybe a picture or two, after the jump! Continue…

94 Commented

Twilight at the Scream 09 Awards – a mind f*ck

Dear LTT-ers and people who like scary movies and watch stuff like the Scream Awards-

Ashley, Chelsea and I had the pleasure of attending the Scream awards last night at the Greek Theater wherein Twilight was nominated for like 8 bajillion awards and wherein apparently EVERY celeb feels like showing up to check out the freaks n geeks. Mostly freaks. And wherein we dressed up like Twilight characters. Yup.

Here’s our story…

Being the freaks we are and because we had to (audience members come in costume) we went for authentic Twilight, New Moon Costumes. Like seriously we analyzed each characters outfits and pulled together costumes down to the minute details. Here we are as Alice, Rosalie and Victoria (as seen in New Moon)

Follow the cut to hear the rest of our Scream Awards experience and to hear ALL about the new NM footage!
Continue…

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