Storytime with Moon: I went to EclipseCon this weekend, what’d you do?

Dear LTT-ers,

I can honestly say I never thought I’d end up at a Twicon in my lifetime but I’ve thought a lot of things previously: I thought I’d never run a fansite/blog, I’d never create something where the words porn/peen/jorts/hot pocket were used as much as words like “the” and “and” and I never thought I’d walk into a Hot Topic on a simi-regular basis but well, we all know how this turned out. So upon hearing the cast (the trinity!) who would be there, I couldn’t ignore their siren call. So that’s how I ended up at the Eclipse Conference in Los Angeles and I was going to make the best of it! Here’s how it went down…

Whoever’s creating these events must think we’re all 100 year old farmers who get up at dawn because the very first panel was The Cullen Family at 10AM!!!!!!!!!! WTF?! How was I supposed to get all beautified for the day and over to Culver City on a Saturday morning AND get my beauty rest? Because if you know one thing about me readers, know this: I LOVE to sleep. Ask anyone, it’s true. But I hauled ass over there and skated into the biggest hotel ballroom I’ve ever seen before just as the Cullen’s were starting…

They answered some questions I don’t quite remember since they weren’t all that fascinating (this would become a theme for the day). Either Twilight fans want to hear the same ol boring questions over and over again or Creation Entertainment weeds out the good shiz like “Jackson, do you really think 100 Monkeys plays good music? Because we think it might just be a HUGE joke you’re playing on the fandom. Inquiring minds want to know, Moon row triple X.”

I mostly spent my time imagining Peter Facinelli as Mike Dexter saying “A-man-duh!!!” and where the heck Kellan was. This is a Twicon for goodness sake this is like Kellan’s Superbowl. If anyone was there it should have been Kellan! How was I going to get my prom-pose picture with him if he wasn’t there? What else better does Kellan Lutz have to do than be at a Twicon on a Saturday morning at 10am? Was he too busy making more videos about mammograms with his Mom or maybe it was prostate exams with his dad this time? Turn your head and cough, Dad!

The lovely and blonder Ashley came over to sign a huge poster thingy. Probably pissed about not being the big draw like during New Moon press. Or maybe just wondering why she said out loud if she had to pick one person to be stranded on a desert island it would be Jackson. They SO did it.

This was just some serendipity that I got this photo when Nikki came over to sign the poster thingy. Poor thing.

Then it was time for some hotties. The Bad Vamps. Bryce was a doll, her outfit, THE HAIR (no need for a wig you idiots!), her answers. She really does seem like a huge fan and talked as candidly as possible about taking over the role of Victoria. Then there was Xavier… and if I didn’t love him long time before, I loved him even longer now. What a dreamboat. Sadly, I wasn’t the only one who thought this and it led to some insane cat calling. At 11 in the morning?! Damn ladies, don’t make me turn the hose on you all. All that nonsense led me to this…

tons more shenanigans, 2nd hand embarrassing moments, and a billion more pictures after the jump
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Twilight cast member endorsements!

Dear Twilight Stars-

I’ve been thinking about you lately (shocking, I know) and I’ve thought about some ways you can parlay this popularity into cash money in your pockets! You’re seen daily with a variety of products and all without an endorsement deal! And it struck me, you guys need to be spokeswhores for your favorite products! Talk about making a little mad money on the side and all for doing what you normally do!

I’m sure you’re skeptical of attaching your name and likeness to any product so I’ve drafted up a couple proofs to show you the possibilities!

Now Wolves, you guys are a little less known that the main characters currently but together as a group you have more star power, so when I saw these pics…

Hot men in UGG-ly boots!

I knew you’d be the perfect spokesmen for UGG boots! Over the last few years the boots have gone from must have to must only wear at home but with you guys sporting them you can boost the demand for not only the women’s line but the mens! And you’re already doing it, all you have to do is walk around on set, flash a little chest, look whimsical and presto, instant spokeswhores!

I vant yo suck yo blood

I just saw these pictures of you in dracula/goth/vampire shiz for some MTV show and thought, wow you would be the perfect spokeswhore for America’s favorite psuedo parent scaring (except Moon Mom) store in the mall.  Goth kids everywhere would weep black smudged tears of relief to see someone who really “gets it.” Cure and Joy Division albums not included.

Follow the cut to see more Twilight spokesperson opportunities
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Kellan Lutz Appreciation Day

Come on ride the Kellan train and ride it!

Dear Kellan-

Most people might not know but you were the very first person we ever wrote a letter to so you hold quite a special place in our hearts. But it seems as of lately Letters has been ruled by the holy trinity of: The Jailbait, the Sourpuss and the Holy Rob with little time left over for that hot brother. So since we declared yesterday Mike Newton Appreciation Day I’ve decided to declare today, a Sunday (of course!) Kellan Lutz Appreciation Day. I know a ton of our readers are HUGE Kellan fans and heck, we love your face and your love for life affirming literature too!

So let’s talk about the reason I heart you Kellan…

One of my favorite things about you is your ability to “whore yourself out” for lack of a better phrase and that means that you’ll show up to any Hotel Ballroom within the continental US if there’s a Twilight Convention banner hanging over head and then gladly pose for pictures with total whackos and cute girls for hours on end. And not just any pictures you really get into it with hugs and prom poses and kisses. I gotta say I love you for it cause not everyone would do it or even feel comfortable with that kind of attention. But like any good fame whore/teddy bear you man up and smile!

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.3453720&w=425&h=350&fv=id%3Dv205677846%26shareEnable%3D1]

You were in a Hinder video. While I can’t personally stand Hinder or music like this, it makes me smile to see you as the High School Jock cause it’s pretty much you playing yourself! All they needes to add was a Bible Study scene and this could be a video of your life circa early 2000’s.

Follow the cut to see what else we appreciate about Kellan!
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Drunk texts, drunk dialing, drunk emails all about Twilight!

Paintings required

Dear LTT-ers,

You know that feeling, waking up the day after a particuarly crazy drunk fest and not quite rememebering how it all ended. Then you check your celly and realize you drunk dialed every ex you had in the last 5 years and left 10 minute messages about god knows what, then texted your Dad (accidently) about how eff-able that guy you just met is and then you realize you’re not wearing any pants and you’re on your porch. Trust we’ve all been there. And if you haven’t, well… what are you waiting for?

I think that may have happened to one of our dear readers because yesterday I checked our LTT email and read this gem which was clearly written after one too many gin and tonics at the Cat & Fiddle…

Heyheyy,, how much do you think they would charqqe to appear at a party?
 
Andd,, whenn aree KStew,, RPatzz,, andd TLaut makinqq ann aperance,, inn southh florida??
<3
Drunk in South Florida (this is what I would imagine he/she would sign this if they hadn’t passed out before hitting send)

This could be YOU!

Well dear heart either your keyboard is sticky from all those gin and tonics or you are the victim of drunk emailing gone wrong. But I like where your head’s at so let’s explore this one shall we… How much do I think they would charge for an appearence? Well probably depends on which star you’re wanting to get at your party. Let me break down what I think each one would “cost”

Kellan – he seems like a Twi-whore going to all these Twiconventions so I’m gonna guess, a coach ticket to your nearest airport, a corner room at the nearest Holiday Inn, 100 bucks “mad money,” and his choice of Twihards to be available after his check in at the hotel. What they do after depends on their contracts. If you want Kellan to return I suggest one dress up like a naughty Sunday School teacher. At least that’s what I hear he likes.

Jackson – a spare corner in the venue for 100 Monkeys to set up. Cause obviously his contract includes a clause that they will play at the closest dive bar or AT your event. He also requested that you hand wash the bananager’s costume, cause trust after a 3 month tour of the east coast’s finest shit holes that thing smells like death.

Ashley – 30k. She ain’t stupid and she’s got an open line of credit at Barneys. Duh.

Nikki – Who?

Peter – A supply of ugly shirts by Affliction set up near his autograph table, a video camera so he can record his friend that no one care about, dancing in a bikini and room enough in the parking lot to park the RV. Oh and when you introduce him you must preface it with: “Mike Dexter is a GOD!”

Gil Birmingham – Bus fare to the event, Greyhound if they travel to your town. And the finest assortment of 40year old+ moms who are just there to “chaperone” their daughters at the event. Right, ladies, RIGHT.

Taylor – I spoke with Big Daddy Lautner and this is what he said it would take to get Taylor at your party: 100 dollar gift card to McDonalds, one of those Dominoes Pizza Bread Bowls in the hotel toom upon check in and a supply of new Polo button up shirts, size XXXL. Hey, don’t ask me that’s what Big Daddy said Taylor needs!

Kristen– You’re joking right? She’d give you the ‘bitch please’ stare through the phone and then hang up on your ass for being so stupid. But maybe if you send her some “herbal treats” before you call it might help the pitch.

Rob– His only request is that Moon be present, ready, willing and able to help him with his every need. Oh and maybe a baseball cap from your local tourist shop. Anything with a lobster, flower or whatever represents South Florida. He loves those free hats.

As for your other question, When will Rob, KStew and Taylor make an appearence in South Florida? My guess is the 10th of never… or maybe after you do the above.

Good luck Drunk in South Florida!!

Moving on… A while ago we featured one of my favorite sites Texts from Last Night on a Monday Funnies post. Texts from Last Night which is a site where people submit funny/inapporpriate texts they’ve receieved usually sent when people were of questionable sobriety. Well they’re at it again because recently JodieO alerted us to a new Twilight related Text that was posted.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/47253

So JodieO has this to say…

“Have you guys heard of the website www.textsfromlastnight.com ?  If not, it’s just a site where you send in strange or funny texts.  I consider myself fairly worldly, but the more I read it, the more impressed I am at how drunk and slutty some people can be.  Anyway, There was one about Rob that caught my eye: http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/view/47253
 
(706): i just met rob pattinson in italy. he’s so stupid, i feel like i would have to say “your penis goes here!”
 
While I would be surprised to learn that he really is stupid, it still wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me.
 
Drawing a map, just in case!
 
JodieO

Amen JodieO AMEN! I’m getting mine printed up and lamenated for when Rob comes back to me in LA. You can never be too prepared!

FYI we LOVE getting these emails! Please keep them coming oh and add our email to your phone for the next time just such on occasion arises. And by occasion I mean every day after 6! Email us letterstotwilight at gmail dot com!

Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

Hop on over to Letters to Rob!
Drunk post in the forum! We don’t mind!

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Your laughs are directly proportional to your tears with these Monday Twilight Funnies

Dear LTT-ers,

Welcome back to hell after a nice long holiday weekend, at least for our fellow US friends, and for everyone else well, just welcome back. So are you like me and you have work piled up on your desk that you put off last week cause you were “busy with other projects?” When what really happened is you were in a Robert Pattinson fueled daze from OD-ing on all the pics and videos from the set of Remember Me and just couldn’t pull it together long enough to do that report or create that power point presentation for your super important meeting? Yea, me too. Well I’ve got the perfect compromise… need to look like you’re busy catching up, but really want to peruse the interwebs for what happened in the Rob/Twi world over the weekend? I present you with some Twilight themed graphs and diagrams courtesy of Graphjam.com. Keep these open in a separate tab while you check all the usual Twi site suspects this morning and when the boss walks by you can click back over here and he’ll think you’re hard at work with only the bottom line in mind when it’s really Rob’s bottom that’s on your mind (Hit it! remember that one?!).

Obviously this graph was made after they saw one of three things:
1. Attending (by mistake) a 100 Monkeys, Sam Bradley, or other random Twi-affiliated band’s concert (Canvas tote bags, Monkey hats, Goth Maria Von Trapp, anyone?!)
2. The Pattinson Pants lady in her natural habitat (a Twi-conference in line to meet Gil Birmingham)
3. Getting in the middle of a heated Team Edward vs Team Jacob debate after accidentally standing in the New Moon midnight showing line

I think some of us (especially the OG fans pre 2008) can testify to this one. The more popular the saga gets because of the movie the less they want to be apart of the fandom. The crazy stalkers, the cheapening of the storyline, the lame merchandise, the pop cultural saturation. We just have to keep our eyes on the prize and remember the reason we love Twilight is because of the story. Stay strong yall! Don’t let the CAS get ya down!

We’ve all been there, trying to explain to your skeptical friend why Edward and the other vampires SPARKLE in the sunlight. But they’re vampires, they’re not supposed to go in the sun anyway! Ok, ok it’s a FANTASY just go with it!

Oh crap here comes your boss! Minimize MINIMIZE!!

Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

See what UC’s up to over there with Rob
Commiserate with other folks in the daily chat thread over at the Forum!

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