From here to Breaking Dawn, the timeline

*Stay tuned for a VERY IMPORTANT note from UC and Moon at the end of this post*

Dear Breaking Dawn (uno and dos),

You are quite a ways off, especially in our ADD, RIGHT NOW, twitter update, I knew it before you did, always connected obsessed world. So what are we do do for the next 2 PLUS years?!!!?!! That’s a lot of time! Houses are built, babies are conceived AND born, people meet and break up. What will happen in the world of Twilight over the next two years?

I’ve come up with a timeline for what I think the next two years in the Twilight fandom will look like…

September 2010 – Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas elope to Las Vegas and make “Ashoe” official

October 2010– Sales on Loquat costumes on regrEtsy go through the roof

November 2010 – Breaking Dawn begins filming in Vancouver and Louisiana. Louisiana considers renaming their sta Twilousiana because of the jump in tourism courtesy of crazy Twihards. They reconsider after the crazy Twihards test their police and emergency services to their limits in an effort to keep the cast somewhat safe.

December 2010 – Moon and UC celebrate 2 years of blogging about Twilight and Robert Pattinson

-100 Monkeys, Sam Brady (typo and it stays!), Bobby Long, Marcus Foster, Kiowa Gordan and his band Touche, Tinsel Korey and Mike Welch on vocals and Sage come together in whatever town Breaking Dawn is filming in for a special Christmas benefit concert. Before the cops bust in and arrest them for noise complaints they all gather on stage and sing “We are the Rob.”

January 2011 – Moon and UC sue 100 Monkeys, Sam Bradley, Bobby Long, Marcus Foster, Kiowa Gordan and his band Touche, Tinsel Korey, Mike Welch and Sage for stealing their hit song “We are the Rob.”

MMMMmmmm doughnuts!!

– Robsten breaks up, on set, over an argument about a flannel shirt and a jelly doughnut
– Robsten reunites 3 days later over a French Cruller in craft services

Follow the cut for the rest of the timeline and to read our VERY IMPORTANT note
Continue…

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Losing our Twilight (movie) virginity

Remember seeing this everywhere? (With the old release date!)

Dear Twilight,

There’s nothing like your first time. The nerves, the jitters, the excitement, that nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. And then it’s over and suddenly you know what everyone has been talking about. You are no longer a virgin. A Twilight Movie virgin, that is! What did you think I was talking about?

We’ve talked about our first everything’s on here… first time reading the books, first time seeing the NM trailer, first time seeing each other in years, there’s a first time for everything BUT we’ve never talked about the first time we saw the movie in the theater. And it just so happens the other day UC and I were having a conversation about just this subject and here’s what we had to say…

UC: In August after I finished the books I found out it was going to be made into a movie and i was PISSED that it was being made into a movie b/c i knew it would suck. I saw ‘that girl from that movie with adam brody’ and then Cedric as Edward and was like “what the?” i will NOT watch this.” but duh.. time went on
Moon: Hmmm Adam Brody… how about when you went and saw it?
UC: I found 4 random people to see the movie with and then had drinks at pf changs after and stayed quiet while they talked about how Edward was NOT cute enough and how cheesy it was and i just had this FEELING
Moon: (like the black eyed peas?)
UC: (yup, like that)

Follow the cut to read the rest of our first time
Continue…

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New Moon premiering in Knoxville, TN

Dear City of Knoxville, TN,

Are you ready? Do you think you can handle the swarm of girls that will be lining up at your doors weeks in advance? Are your Motel 6’s all paid up on their electric bills so they can Keep the lights on for everyone rolling into town? Do you even have any idea what the hell I’m talking about? Oh. Let me start over. Apparently New Moon is premiering in your town. Are you prepared?

I know the article only mentions the movie showing early for a charity event, but already plans are set in motion. Blogs have commented on how odd the choice of Knoxville is (no offense) over Los Angeles but have praised the cast for going somewhere a little less flashy. Airline’s customer service lines have been busy all week with Twihards trying to change their November flights from LAX to, uh, KNOX (?), fighting with the customer service rep over the $200 change flight fee but deciding in the end that “it’s worth it” to see Robert Pattinson, up close and personal, in the deep south.

I, for one, understand completely why the execs at Summit decided to whisk the cast from sunny LA to the Redneck Riviera. Knoxville offers the cast the following advantages for their site seeing tour: Mullets, Wife Beaters, Bluegrass, RC Colas and Moon Pies, Lee Press-On Nails, Fanny Packs, and Chevy Pick-up Trucks with gun racks and rebel flag bumper stickers, versus the following disadvantages of what is sure to be seen in LA: Hipster man bangs, flannel or plaid pearl snap shirts, dj’s who mash up pop music and oldies, vegan food, minx, murses & Toyota Prius’. Are you prepared with Knoxville’s finest rednecks to greet ‘dem fellers from dat der big ocean in da west?

Note to Solomon: reliving the 'best moment of your life' (pic with Kstew) will not be happening again this year

On second thought, how well are your Wal-Mart’s stocked with tissues? Because when the news breaks that the premiere isn’t actually in Knoxville but the movie is just showing a few days early to raise a lot of money for a good cause, the devastating cries from Twihards in their New Moon t-shirts, Pattinson pants & Wolfpack tiny backpacks will be heard from downtown Knoxville all the way to Paris, Texas. Heck, once everyone finds out that instead of their beloved Edward, Bella & Jacob, Summit sent Gill Birmingham, Christian Serratos & a random wolf to represent the event, I wouldn’t even be surprised if there’s a riot amongst the city of tents painted with murals of shirtless Edward.  I bet that once a bus rolls up in front of the theatre the rioters will calm for a moment thinking that Sam Bradley has come to serenade the crowd with soulful tunes, but when they find out it’s just Solomon Trimble on the greyhound crashing the show, the riots will begin again. Are you prepared?

Perhaps you should reissue a statement in your newspaper clarifying that when you say “Although confirmation of the Knoxville premiere of the movie is set” you actually mean a Knoxville premiere (aka first time showing in Knoxville) and not the New Moon premiere that is being whispered all over the web.  That way, you can save your police force the trouble of calming down the riots that are sure to begin when Solomon Trimble shows up as the “star” for the event. You don’t want your city experiencing the 2nd-hand embarrassment of Twihard-girl-on-twihard-girl mud wrestling, winner being the one who gets to ask Solomon to autograph her left breast, if you don’t have to.

Bring home some moonpies for me,
UnintendedChoice

PS: before you southerners call me a “damn yank” and get mad at my poking fun of Knoxville, all those references came from EastFriend, who is a southern girl born & raised. Get mad at her. Just don’t tell her you love UT. Then she’ll be mad at you.

Did you see this posted places and think people were silly for assuming that the actual premiere would be moved to Knoxville like we did?

The Forum is a great place to discuss football rivalries
LTR is a great place to discuss Rob. Actually, anywhere is a great place to discuss Rob, sigh…

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Kickin' arse and taking names with Cam Gigandet

[vodpod id=ExternalVideo.827916&w=425&h=350&fv=key%3D5d5afcd5d7]

Dear Cam-

Your video on Funny or Die was part genius you truly ALMOST hit the mark with this one. Good call on cashing in on Twilight since your character James is dead now and won’t be back for any of the sequels so you miss out on all the extra publicity. The video is hilarious because it’s true and that’s what makes the video so great… but between you and me we all know if this every really happened, if you ever really encountered a group of crazy twihards be it preteens or twimoms in a book group you wouldn’t have won. Not at all. They would have “ripped you apart and burned the pieces.” Just like any good vampire killer would. Trust. Now be careful out there dear it’s a wild world!

You can run but you can’t hide!
Themoonisdown

Don’t forget ol Robby today or the forum!

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