Stuff that STILL shocks me about Twilight fandom

Dear Twilight,

Yesterday when I was hitting my midday wall and looking for something to distract me (so around 10:30 am), I got a chat message from my friend sending me a conversation HER friend sent her that she was currently having with a sometimes boyfriend. About Twilight. Confused? Just wait until you read the names I gave them:

Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: I’m reading that TwiMoms blog. Someone is saying “Oh my Jacob” like “Oh my God” Also, one woman’s signature is “Owner of one of Esmee’s tears” Okay, I’ve figured more of this out, if you have even a molecule of interest in hearing the explanation
Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: yes
Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: Best I can tell, a lot of these women have signatures that say they’re the “owner” or something. From things like Esme’s tears, to weird, abstract things like “Charlie and Renee’s divorce” or “Bella being absurd” One woman is owner of Carlisle’s Hippocratic Oath, Elizabeth Mason’s deathbed, and “The fire that is Bella’s raw throat after her cliff-diving near-death experience.”

[My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: was it sad that i knew it was Masen not Mason?
UC: No, That’s Normal. He also butchered the spelling of Esme’s name. But I’ll let it slide]

Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend Someone is the owner of “Edward’s anguish and resolve when he believes that Bella committed suicide”

UC: this is so embarrassing
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: like, you think stupid shiny volvos and stuff are embarrassing. please.
UC: WHY is he reading Twimoms!?
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me
: She doesn’t know. killing time maybe? good place for it
UC: seriously

Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: That woman is also the owner of “Carlisle’s amazement at Elizabeth Masen’s astute inference in her dying wish” Though this woman ALSO owns “Bella clinging to the side-mirror of her truck to avoid landing on her tush in the ice” you’ll love that one

UC: hahahahahhahaaahahahahahahahaha. this is blowing my mind

This shocked even me. Just when I think I have seen EVERYTHING in the Twilight fandom, I find out that there are people with names on forums so complicated from obscure, minute details from a book I clearly have never read that thoroughly. I thought naming myself “UnintendedChoice” was weird- it IS a line from Muse song, you know (I bet Stephenie knew that!).

Are there woman on a forum thread about the movie actors with names like “That one time Rob looked at Kristen & we knew Robsten was real” or “Back to December and that time when I could believe in the love of Swiftner?” Are there owners of “The Lautner family “preferred customer card” from the Olive Garden?” Does someone claim to own “The catfish farm where Jackson was born?” How about the “owner of the box where Dakota Fanning’s virginity is being held?” Has anyone thought of that? I think it’s time for a name change! Clearly I’m not crazy enough about Twilight!


Owner of “That one moment when Edward was like “Oh F*ck” after he realized he knock-ed up Bella and was probably gonna have a kid with a name no one could ever spell” (otherwise known as unintendedChoice)

What name do YOU wish you had thought of? Be like a Twimom & pick a new one (just for today though, ok? That’s just weird…)


REMINDER ABOUT THE WORST NEWS EVER ABOUT MOON GOING TO AFRICA FROM JULY 28-AUGUST 17 FML: If you have something burning you’ve been DYING to “talk” to Twilight about, please e-mail us a letter at! You can include pics if you want (links or attachments are best) or I’ll find appropriate ones for you! The more emails we get, the more posts there will be while Moon is gone. I’m going away towards the end of Moon’s trip, so LTT will either have the occasional letter from me, bitching about how much I miss Moon, letters from YOU, or nothing but a “Gone Fishin'” sign, which would probably make the owner of “I wish they’d make a movie about the life of Jasper & Alice” sad. Don’t make that person any sadder than she already is sad.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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It’s Eclipse DVD time and I’ve got a party for you!

(*moon note: sorry for the delay in posting! major interwebz outage in LA last night that put a kink in my writing schedule. but never fear i am here! enjoy your weekend and your DVDs!!)

It all begins with a choice! Or something...

Dearest LTT-ers,

It’s that time of the year again. A new DVD is being released and we’re forced to decided between 3248235482 versions when all we want are deleted scenes (x rated extended leg hitch scene), the real commentary (Rob and Kristen talking about how much they read us), a making of docu, and a preview of BD… but since we won’t get those I’ll leave you to decide between all the choices. My choice? The Target one, I heard there’s a picture in picture option on the Robsten commentary and I want to feel like I’m sitting in the middle of a king size water bed with Rob and Kristen as we drink coco and enjoy a few laughs. What’s better than feeling the motion in Robsten’s ocean while hearing them talk about the magicness they found in catering one day. Finally, those catering people remembered to Fed Ex In-n-Out for the cast and how they teased Taylor with the meat patties. The hilarity I tell ya! Clearly, this will all happen while watching the Eclipse DVD by myself!

So now you’ve figured out which DVD to buy (the water bed one) but you need to figure out which place to celebrate! Seems that Walmart is having ‘parties’ all over the US and Blockbuster on Larchmont in LA is hosting Tinsel and some trivia but if fantasizing about Riley in the garden section with a toothless bumpkin isn’t your idea of a good Friday night or you don’t live in shi-shi Larchmont in LA then why don’t you host your own event? That’s what I’ll be doing. It’s called the “Adult women celebrate a 17 year old vampire they never tell their real life friends about so they gather with their internet friends to oogle said boy vampire and get drunk because that’s normal party.” Sounds like fun, right? Sounds like every day to me.

We’ve seen what the Twimoms can do with a party when left to their own devices, See: The Oprah show. If you’re here we know you don’t have a red bathrug cum red carpet in your basement or even have a shirt with a cast member’s face on it, or have dipped Team Jacob/Edward specific strawberries. We’re all “adults” here so I’ll give you step by step instructions for an LTT/LTR approved Eclipse party…

Eclipse DVD parties RULE!

Run to the nearest liquor store and stock up on booze (boxed wine for folks like Jane Trigs, cheap champagne for people like The Font, whatever’s on sale for UC), get some crackers and cheese and a chocolate bar at the TJ’s nearest you, buy whatever DVD you want, put on some sweatpants, eat the cheese and make inappropriate noises whenever a male cast member comes on screen. Fast forward through the women. Presto! Instant party!

You’re Welcome!

So what are your plans for the DVD? Throwing an LTT approved party? Going to Wally World? Opening your mailbox and taking out the DVD? Spill it!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

87 Commented

Moon is so thankful – Happy Thanksgiving to the Twilight fandom!

Dear Twilight and LTT/LTR-ers

About 3 things I was absolutely positive: First I was a vampire blogger with the best co-blogger around. Second, there was part of us — and I didn’t know how snarky that part might be — that thirsted to blog about Rob and twilight every day for a year. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably thankful for  you all!

Thankful for their magic-ness (you can't even make this stuff up!)

Today in the states we celebrate Thanksgiving, a day we take off to sit back and remember all that we have to be thankful for. Of couse I could make a list a mile long that includes stuff like Stephenie Meyer (duh), the holy trinity, big daddy, buttcrack santa, jorts, little bottles, “you’re alive!” “animal attacks,” Cullen smiles, twi moms, Cee Dubs and his orange pants, the wietz’ genius, and this great community we have right here at LTT/LTR but you know that already. So we’re taking today to remember our family, friends, and all our blessings and that just happens to include you all and the Twilight world!

You don’t have to live in the states to participate for the rest of the week/end we will be featuring letters and tweets of thanks on LTT and LTR as UC and I take a mini break to refuel and reflect. If you’d like to tell us what you’re thankful for email us a letter, a sentence, a thought or tweet us your thanks!

I hope whether you’re near or far (wherever you are) that you know today we’re thankful for YOU and appreciate all our readers and now friends!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What are you thankful for? Take a second to share with us in the comments! Don’t live in the states? Do you have a holiday similar to thanksgiving?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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Losing our Twilight (movie) virginity

Remember seeing this everywhere? (With the old release date!)

Remember seeing this everywhere? (With the old release date!)

Dear Twilight,

There’s nothing like your first time. The nerves, the jitters, the excitement, that nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. And then it’s over and suddenly you know what everyone has been talking about. You are no longer a virgin. A Twilight Movie virgin, that is! What did you think I was talking about?

We’ve talked about our first everything’s on here… first time reading the books, first time seeing the NM trailer, first time seeing each other in years, there’s a first time for everything BUT we’ve never talked about the first time we saw the movie in the theater. And it just so happens the other day UC and I were having a conversation about just this subject and here’s what we had to say…

UC: In August after I finished the books I found out it was going to be made into a movie and i was PISSED that it was being made into a movie b/c i knew it would suck. I saw ‘that girl from that movie with adam brody’ and then Cedric as Edward and was like “what the?” i will NOT watch this.” but duh.. time went on
Moon: Hmmm Adam Brody… how about when you went and saw it?
UC: I found 4 random people to see the movie with and then had drinks at pf changs after and stayed quiet while they talked about how Edward was NOT cute enough and how cheesy it was and i just had this FEELING
Moon: (like the black eyed peas?)
UC: (yup, like that)

Follow the cut to read the rest of our first time

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Twilight cast member endorsements!

Dear Twilight Stars-

I’ve been thinking about you lately (shocking, I know) and I’ve thought about some ways you can parlay this popularity into cash money in your pockets! You’re seen daily with a variety of products and all without an endorsement deal! And it struck me, you guys need to be spokeswhores for your favorite products! Talk about making a little mad money on the side and all for doing what you normally do!

I’m sure you’re skeptical of attaching your name and likeness to any product so I’ve drafted up a couple proofs to show you the possibilities!

Now Wolves, you guys are a little less known that the main characters currently but together as a group you have more star power, so when I saw these pics…

Hot men in UGG-ly boots!

Hot men in UGG-ly boots!

I knew you’d be the perfect spokesmen for UGG boots! Over the last few years the boots have gone from must have to must only wear at home but with you guys sporting them you can boost the demand for not only the women’s line but the mens! And you’re already doing it, all you have to do is walk around on set, flash a little chest, look whimsical and presto, instant spokeswhores!

I vant yo suck yo blood

I vant yo suck yo blood

I just saw these pictures of you in dracula/goth/vampire shiz for some MTV show and thought, wow you would be the perfect spokeswhore for America’s favorite psuedo parent scaring (except Moon Mom) store in the mall.  Goth kids everywhere would weep black smudged tears of relief to see someone who really “gets it.” Cure and Joy Division albums not included.

Follow the cut to see more Twilight spokesperson opportunities

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