What came first the Damon or the Edward? The Staceys dissect Twilight and Vampire Diaries

If you already watch Vampire Diaries, this post is for you. If you don’t, this post will show you WHY you should!

Dear Twilight,

As you might know (or the wonderful readers of LTT), we, The Staceys of Talk Supe, love Vampire Diaries. Almost as much as we love you, Twilight. No scratch that, as much as or, when Uncle Mason was on, a little more. (Seriously, did you see that guy? I bet Stephenie Meyers did a double take and almost said “Jacob who?”) I (East Coast Stacey aka EC) even started reading the books when she was a freshman in high school. (Vampire Diaries was the Twilight of the 90’s)

We feel pretty confident that we are well schooled on all things Mystic Falls due to taking copious notes while watching the show. I (EC) will ACTUALLY put her vanity aside and wear her glasses to get a better view of Somerhalder…the plot of the show.

SWD (aka SnowWhiteDrifted): It’s ladden with Twi references:

• That one vamp’s computer password was “Kristen Stewart”.
• They even have “Rose” who IS Alice 2.0.
• Both set in upper middle class high schools with wolf packs and 6 packs

EC: We also noticed in our research that certain actors (ahem…Mr. Ian Somerhalder.) keep mentioning Twilight in interviews and Twitter comments. Also, have you noticed that Vampire Diaries keeps popping up on the comments here on LTT? (That might be mostly by us. Umm… #obsessed)

We discussed this amongst ourselves and thought, well 2011 would be the perfect time to compare and contrast the ‘good’ citizens of Forks and Mystic Falls. Though they reside on two different coasts (you know, rainy and chilly Washington and good ol’ North Carolina ya’all! But where, oh where, are the accents?) these two should be able to play nice! Just like the Staceys!

Heroes:

There is much comparison between Edward and Damon, but this is incorrect. (We say this pointedly to Mr. Somerhalder, who keeps bringing it up. Good thing, you’re cute mister!) The real hero of VampDi is Stefan, who is quite often forgotten about. (Poor Paul!)

Stefan and Edward share many common traits: intense emo-ness, a love of hair gel and a need to raid the closets of old men. Just put Edward in his New Moon Grandpa suit and stick Stefan in his flannel, plaid shirt/cardigan combo, then take them to the firehouse on bingo night. Honestly, Stefan would make a fantastic edition to the Cullen family. He could teach new vegan Vampires to catch bunnies. (He was an excellent teacher/camp councilor to Caroline!)
SWD: Oh I’d love to see Stefan absorbed into the Cullen family. Stefan and Edward would be besties! Bros!! The Harold and Kumar of the Pacific Northwest!! Also, Stefan could instruct the Cullens on putting a spell on their Cullen crest so that they could walk in the sunlight too. Get rid of that whole sparkle-plenty business. Carlisle would share his scarves and Esme would fluff his hoodies (In the dryer, people). I think Stefan would hit it off with Alice. *wink wink*. Leaving Jasper (sorry Jas, but you’re still my fav) to pack up and go to Bon Temps to play Confederate soldier with Bill Compton. (wait a minute, this may be in my fanfic… I digress).

Heroines:

Where there are emo boys and sexy baddies, you have to have the damsel in distress. These two movie/television characters are practically interchangeble danger magnets. Unlike, the Buffy days of old, Elena and Bella are saved by their men. I seem to recall that book Elena was more proactive than Bella, also blond.
The important part is that these two are also torn between two men. Elena gets to choose between Stefan and the fabulous Damon. Bella has Edward and…Jacob, who needs a shirt. (Side note, Damon doesn’t) (Disclaimer: EC is only Team wolf/shifter on True Blood. Except, for the too short of time on VampDi when she was Team Dearly Departed Uncle Mason. * sniff *)

Villains:

Like True Blood’s Eric, Damon is a semi-villain. He can do good or really bad things if he wants to. Damon ‘killed’ Elena’s brother more then once this season and the dearly departed Mason was one of his causalities. (SWD, I still think Mason’s coming back. He’ll reincarnate, like Bella’s flannels) Yet still, there are far worse characters on the show. Twilight, on the other hand, except for Laurent’s momentary walk on the veggie side are primarily all bad boys and girls. James and Riley were bad. Not too much redemption possibilities with those two. Perhaps, if James had a better wardrobe and a bath? Hmm…
SWD: I think it’s his odd arm poses and crouch stance that make him so irritable.

BUT, the true baddies of both are the ladies! Victoria was a badass. If only her bad girl antics were shown in more detail, she would have been really scary. VampDi’s Katherine has the same Victoria qualities, but they show her doing the evil things. I wouldn’t want to meet her in a dark alley! (Of course, I probably would just think its Elena and ask if she wanted to go get a manicure. Unlike, Bella, Elena seems to be a girl who wants to get her nails done.)
SWD: I want to go boot shopping with Bonnie and Alice.

Sexy times:

VampDi has them. Lots of them. Twilight doesn’t until the implied loving in Breaking Dawn. Which leads to the biggest difference, Damon and Stefan thankfully can’t procreate. The Cullens, with their sparkly manhood can. This leads to all sorts of spine breaking hijinks. Yuck!
SWD: Ever wonder what kind of music Edward and Stefan would choose for smexytimes? I do. Is that “Normal?”

EC: Totally normal! I like to imagine some Dave Matthews Band or Train! Through in some vintage Counting Crowes. I could do this all day!

Violence:

We touched on this in the Villains category, Twilight seems to shy away from a lot of graphic violence. It has it, but it’s quick. The Vampire deaths in Eclipse were all crystal shattering, which looked cool, but not scary. The scariest Twilight book scene was in Breaking Dawn…you guessed it Bella’s childbirth scene. Still having the nightmares!
SWD: For me, I think the wedding braids are even scarier than the childbirth scene.

VampDi is traditionally violent for the CW. Not Supernatural violent. I only watch that show for the Winchester Brothers and my eyes are covered for most of the show. VampDi is tame in comparison! But, there’s a much bigger mortality rate of major characters. If Newton was on that show, he would be dinner by now.
SWD: I can see Newton walking into the Mystic Grill. Trys to lay down some moves on Caroline. Caroline is annoyed and has herself a Newtontini.

More after the jump! Continue…

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The VILF deconstructed by Stacey and Stacey

(Today Stacey – Snowwhitedrifted or West Coast (WC) and Stacey East Coast (EC) take on the VILF’s we’d love to marry, hit it or just stare at and why they’re so alluring. – moon)

Goose and Maverick the Edward and Jasper of the 80s

Dear VILFS of Twilight (and other series),

In the eighties it was surfers and beach volleyball players. In the nineties it was athletes and firemen. The new millennium, however, boasts vampires as the most coveted object of desire for the female gender. Vampire sex appeal is at an all time high. I think this is partially due to the monster success of Twilight as well as some other factors.

EC Stacey: Wait. Are we getting serious here? The tweed kind of serious. Let me throw on these Kate Spade glasses. Alice approved, ya’ll. Hold on wearing an old David Letterman tee-shirt and Yoga pants, must change into designer…never mind. At least I got the glasses. Okay, Stacey (SWD) commence with your thoughts.

WC Stacey/ SWD: Many people claim that the vampire-ness of Twilight is insignificant and it’s totally a love story. Sure, the Cullens are like the passivist emo-hippies of the vamp world, but they still kick ass, nonetheless.

EC Stacey: Ha ha! I want them to wear tie dyed clothes and beads. Actually, do you think Carlisle and Esme got so sad after the Eclipse fight scene that they wanted to cry, but can’t. So they went back to Casa Carlisle and got all emo listening to Morrisey? Whoops! Got off track. Sexy vampire boys, yay!

Rob and Moz - My wildest fantasies realized! Thanks Fablife!

WC Stacey/ SWD: Morrisey, for the WIN, ha ha ha! I wouldn’t have liked it as much without the vampire aspect. You see, I have been a VILF shipper since I was a kid (duh, the Count (ECStacey: Grover, definitely Grover. Monster. Grr.) was my favorite Seasame Street character), so it was no wonder that Edward (and Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, James, hell even Aro) glamoured the pants off of me. I think this is true for a lot of women. When we break down the characteristics of a vampire, it’s no wonder we offer our necks (ok, and lady bits) willingly.

EC Stacey: Let me get this straight, Aro? I love the Michael Sheen, as much as everybody in the whole world. But Aro? If you said Alec, maybe. Even a creeptastic girl crush on Jane. I want to see that bottle of wine you are drinking. As expected, wine goggles. SWD: OK, note to self, wine in a box enhances wine goggles. If I were drinking “Bitch” wine maybe I’d go fake lesbian for Alice

What Rob's cheek bone structure looks like

WC Stacey/ SWD: Lets start with the fact that Vampires are HOT, well cold actually, but in the looks department they are always stunning. I think every actor born with incredible checkbones signs a deal with the devil to one day play a vampire. Seriously, you could grate cheese on Robs cheekbones (*note to someone, please make that as dirty as possible in the comments).

EC Stacey: Ahh…Rob’s cheekbones… Back on track. I don’t want to leave out the wolves/shifters for you wolfpackers. This might be hard to believe my friends, due to the fact I have a Sophie’s Choice type of love for both Twilight’s Edward and Vampire Diaries Damon. (And yes, I voted for BOTH of them in EW’s Sexy Beast poll. Don’t you judge me.) Originally, I loved the wolf. Seth Green’s OZ on Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my first true supe love. I even married his younger twin. Of course, he’s an accountant and not a rocking guitar player, but I can pretend. SWD: I married Fletch, he has no powers. Also, have you seen Alcide and Sam on True Blood? Nice. Twilight? Jacob’s a buff baby. Okay, Paul’s hot.

WC Stacey/ SWD: So yes, Vampires and Werewolves are beautiful. See exhibit A: (slide show mildly NSFW, mostly because it’s both hands embarrassing)

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Losing our Twilight (movie) virginity

Remember seeing this everywhere? (With the old release date!)

Dear Twilight,

There’s nothing like your first time. The nerves, the jitters, the excitement, that nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. And then it’s over and suddenly you know what everyone has been talking about. You are no longer a virgin. A Twilight Movie virgin, that is! What did you think I was talking about?

We’ve talked about our first everything’s on here… first time reading the books, first time seeing the NM trailer, first time seeing each other in years, there’s a first time for everything BUT we’ve never talked about the first time we saw the movie in the theater. And it just so happens the other day UC and I were having a conversation about just this subject and here’s what we had to say…

UC: In August after I finished the books I found out it was going to be made into a movie and i was PISSED that it was being made into a movie b/c i knew it would suck. I saw ‘that girl from that movie with adam brody’ and then Cedric as Edward and was like “what the?” i will NOT watch this.” but duh.. time went on
Moon: Hmmm Adam Brody… how about when you went and saw it?
UC: I found 4 random people to see the movie with and then had drinks at pf changs after and stayed quiet while they talked about how Edward was NOT cute enough and how cheesy it was and i just had this FEELING
Moon: (like the black eyed peas?)
UC: (yup, like that)

Follow the cut to read the rest of our first time
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One cannot exist on Twilight alone

To Catherine Hardwicke, Chris Weitz, David Slade & whoever has the horrific job of making Renesmee come to life on the big screen,

A Warning not to mess with Twihards:

Moon: Can you EFFING believe David Slade and the props department for Eclipse? I mean, do they think we’re blind or something?! That Volvo is CHARCOAL! CHARCOAL!!
UC: I know, I mean.. that’s almost as bad as if Harry Clearwater had famous SHRIMP FRY or something
Moon: Or Newton’s ran a SHOE store and not an outfitters. Helllloooo we’re fans- We’re the readers. We’re gonna know this stuff!
UC: Do they think we’re Vampire Diaries fans or something? Ugh

Guys- learn from Cathy the Cougar’s mistakes. There were soooo many inconsistencies between Twilight the book and Twilight the movie.

• In the book, Bella’s first day at Forks High School is on January 19. In the film, her first day is in March. This is a MAJOR issue. MAJOR problems could happen because of the different dates. I can’t think of any right now, but I know it’s a MAJOR big deal.
• 

  Cabinet color fail. But love the ‘stache

  Bella’s mom painted the kitchen cabinets YELLOW to bring ‘sunshine’ to Forks. The cabinets in the movie were WHITE. WHITE! What would it cost? Like $3.00 paint them yellow? You could’ve made Rob eat what craft services made for 3-4 days and cut his hot pocket budget back to make up for the lost $3.00.

• And in the movie when Bella entered Biology class and talked to Eric about getting her playlist for prom, she started to walk then pauses to look across the room towards Edward. In this shot the Armadillo is not on the shelf, and only what looks like a piece of paper is hanging there. Then the Armadillo appears on the shelf only after she has sat down at her desk and Edward moves the microscope towards Bella saying “Ladies first”. What is WRONG with you? Did you remember the Armadillo and then FORGET the armadillo? What? Are yo- NO! NO! How, I don’t even know what you’re say- How Ho- Whadya whayda you talking about, yo- want me to go away- I, I, I can’t, I can’t I I can’t just leave – I just don’t even know what to say….
• And I was extremely offended by Bella’s outfit in the movie when she goes to meet the Cullens for the first time.  Jeans, a green top & a jacket? How do you think Old Navy felt when they saw that? They stocked up on khaki skirts in every store expecting to sell out because girls would want to look like Bella from the movie. They didn’t even sell one (oh wait- Cathy the Cougar bought one because she felt bad) Old Navy ended up donating them all to some orphanage in Russia. Those poor Russian girls (and boys)… walking around in mid-nineties styles.
• When Bella sees Jacob at the prom in the movie, he hasn’t grown significantly like in the book. Why!? WHY would you do that to us Cathy the Cougar? Did you not read the book? Jacob is supposed to grow! Jacob is a WEREWOLF! Werewolves aren’t small little baby boys. WHY!?
• Speaking of the prom, WHERE were the rest of the Cullen kids? This is a BIG DEAL that they weren’t there! A BIG DEAL.

Chris, David, poor chap who will have to make a fake baby look real, we’re fasting & praying that you do better than SHE did…… And to YOU, David Slade…. how dare you make the Volvo CHARCOAL. Chris… I better not find out that you make the Newton Outfitters employee vest YELLOW instead of Orange.

High expectations,
UnintendedChoice

How we really feel after the jump Continue…

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