The REAL reason behind the Breaking Dawn Part 2 Reshoots

Life is like a Twilight Puzzle...

Dear Breaking Dawn Part 2,

We heard this announcement from Bill Condon last week:

A film is a lot like a puzzle, with each piece – each shot, no matter how brief – needing to fit exactly with the ones around it. Our Part Two puzzle is finally coming into full view, and in a few weeks we’ll be heading back north to pick up some additional shots – the last tiny missing pieces.

Despite the fact that Bill addressed us like a Daddy addressing his little worried children to ease our fears that our perfect ending to our favorite story might possibly not be the perfect after all, you have to remember we can always read through the lines of any announcement right?  And while Bill might just refer to it as a “missing puzzle piece,” we know better. We know you’re missing something pretty huge for this final film. But let me remind you that we like Twilight, the original film. Buttcrack Santa, his little bottles, horrible wigs & all. So really? Breaking Dawn Part 1 was the best movie yet. And we actually liked Twilight, so you’re gonna be fineeeeeee. I mean.. as long as you fix one of the following reasons you might possibly be holding reshoots:

  • Someone thought it would be funny to switch everyone’s real scripts out with re-written scripts where the movie ends, not with a face off of the good vamps vs. Volturi with the good vamps protected by Bella’s magnetic shield, but with a epic battle occurring between good and evil, where each side suffers a tragedy. Jasper doesn’t make it. Neither does Esme or Seth the wolf. It wasn’t until Stephenie saw the first cut that someone realized a BIG, expensive practical joke was played.
  • Stephenie, after spending the summer in England, feels about Downton Abbey even more strongly than we do (she visited the set 3 times) and insisted Bill somehow integrate Dan Stevens (Matthew Crowley) into the movie. Stephenie– I hear ya but feel it’s only appropriate you also write me into a role playing opposite Dan. I need to movie make-out with him pronto.
  • Breathing a sigh of relief after achieving their main objective in Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Make Edward & Bella sex scene look nothing like a Robsten sex scene), the team forgot to write in a single sex scene for Breaking Dawn Part 2. Worried about a threat against Bill Condon’s life, a secret service detail has been assigned to him until the issue is remedied (it’s really not that big of a deal– it’s just those secret service agents who got the prostitutes in Columbia the other week. Not surprising to anyone both Peter Fach AND Jackson Rathbone have been bugging Bill for an invite to the secret service detail’s “Welcome Back to Vancouver” party.)
  • All of Charlie’s scenes need to be reshot because Billy Burke acted like seeing his newborn granddaughter aging by years in a matter of days was as shocking as learning that Bella & Jake stole a few of his Vitamin R’s to enjoy down at La Push beach when they were in high school. And let’s be honest, that has to bother the world’s worst best cop a little bit more than finding out your uber-responsible daughter occasionally likes to let loose.
  • Taylor's close to looking like THIS again

    Much to everyone’s surprise, it is discovered that buried in Rob & Kristen’s contracts was a clause saying that in the final scene of Breaking Dawn when Bella let’s Edward into her mind, Robsten will officially “come out.” Screw the idea of making the announcement by kissing for real on the MTV movie awards after winning “Best Kiss.” An Edward & Bella montage of all their love scenes from all the movies, superimposed over a bearskin rug is the only way Rob & Kristen wil have it.

  • Since Taylor is a bigshot & is being abducted in movies now, he’s slacked off on eating meat patties in baggies & has been visiting the Olive Garden more & more. His 8 pack has shrunk to a 6 pack & that’s just not acceptable. In fact, the costume maker had to bring in the waist of Jake’s jorts a little bit because he’s lost muscle!! After convincing him with the threat of Taylor Swift writing another song about him, Taylor finally agreed to fill more baggies with roids meat and start bulking up again for the reshoots.
Looking forward to seeing what you come up with!! You know where to find me in case Matthew Crawley in vampire form shows up…

What do you think? Was Bill Condon’s announcement necessary? And did it make it seem like there’s something bigger going on other than just normal reshoots? I mean… was it necessary? Do you think I’d make a good vampire opposite Matthew Crawley? 

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • stupidshiny

    In a last minute about face Summit decided to remove the PG-13 rating cap and now they need to reshoot the vampire-sex scenes – aaalllll of them…

    • TeamJacobEdward

      We can all hope SS, we can all hope…

  • MarbleNutSlut

    I think you would make an excellent vampire opposite Matthew Crawley. He is pale enough already. That works for me. 

  • Twiprof

    I am concerned that Rob’s hair is too short and they will make him put on a wig! Oh no, it hurts too much to think of it!

    • TeamJacobEdward

      Oh dear lord no.

    • Diane

       I read somewhere that Rob will be wearing a wig during the re-shoots.  Let’s just imagine, for just a moment, what it will look like…  We all need a good laugh today – right?

      • MarbleNutSlut
        • Coffee spit!
          Now there’s a new project for Rob, I don’t believe casting is complete yet:

          • MarbleNutSlut

             Oh hell yes!

            And, with your Segway idea: could it be worse than was CDubs did? No.

      • MariaCecilia

        I guess it’s destiny – inevitable. In movie history, the Twilight series will go down as “the films that the wig department cursed”. Maybe the movie location was inadvertently located on top of an old indian cemetery and that’s what caused the curse?

    • stupidshiny

      Don’t even joke about things like that – seriously my breathe caught in my throat when I read your comment!

    • MariaCecilia

      Ha! It could be sooo much worse: they could be forcing him to wear the extensions from the first movie! *shudders*

  • TeamJacobEdward

    Noo!  Not Seth!!  Take Collin or Brady or hot headed Paul for crying out loud but not Seth. 

    • Stacey

      Wait a minute…which ones are Brady and Collin? Weren’t they the million new vampires that were added to Breaking Dawn? (Who all have twitter accounts, so that everyone who likes Twilight can know what brand of laundry detergent they buy at Whole Foods.)

      Wait they are the wolves! Two wolves that must have been so intriguing I forgot about them. TJE you need to get me back on track!

      • TeamJacobEdward

        Yes, Collin and Brady are wolves not part of the droves of vampires that congregated at the Cullen house. 
        They were mentioned as the newest wolves in Eclipse I think.  Which, I guess, is horrendous of me to suggest some young wolfy pups be on the bad end of an epic Voltury vs Cullen showdown, but I’ve got a soft spot for little Seth.  He’s a good kid.  Now, if SM would have written more about Collin and Brady, well, I’m sure I’d care more.  (So that’s why you don’t really recall them, they were only mentioned in passing.)
        So.  Um.  How about we just go with offing hothead Paul who tried to bite off Bella’s head in New Moon and call it a day? 

        • Stacey

          Perfect! Off with Paul’s head! That was mean…umm…off with Paul’s big toe!

          • MariaCecilia

            Hey, take his tail – that way it will only affect his wolf shape..or maybe not?

        • TeamSeth

           I’m so glad you stood up for Seth. I mean, how could he suffer a casualty after he delivers the line, “If it’s the right thing to do.” ???  Uh huh. Yeah. Because Seth is the most amazing character in the series. Plus, Leah already has enough to deal with. Do you really wanna put ANOTHER death in the family on her? Mingled with continual lack of imprinting/maybe never can imprint AS WELL AS the remarriage of her mom to the seriously questionable and slightly alcoholic policeman who is more clueless about Forks than Jessica Stanley.  I mean, there’s only so much a WolfChick can deal with! She needs her brother… and maybe Edward’s Aston Martin.

  • RachelB

    Other reasons for reshoots:

    Matthew McConaughey wanted to be in the movie and he kept jumping into scenes yelling “just keep livin’ ya’ll!” and other such McConaughey-isms!

    • Stacey

      I just saw Mr.Naked Bongo player in the movie The Lincoln Lawyer last night! Can you imagine him strolling over to Aro, while chewing something that could be gum or the inside of his mouth and saying, “Well…all right…all right…” Oh and wearing tight jeans!!! Aro would be instantly drawn to his “magnetism” and would be blushing behind his jaunty Volturi scarves.

      • TeamSeth

         Unf. I live for that moment of Sheen, not breaking character, to say, “Matthew, such MAGnetism!” with a clap and a delighted laugh.

  • TeamSeth


    I take personal offence to this comment. (pouts and huffs)

    • MariaCecilia

      Okay, we’ll burn Matthew instead. Not Cousin Matthew, mind you. The one is toast, the other eats it. With Marmite.

  • In an effort to maximize profits from product tie-ins, Lion’s Gate has insisted on a new scene where instead of running through the forest to hunt, Edward and Vampire Bella ride on a pair of trail-ready Segway’s.

    • TeamSeth

       The guy in that first photo of the product description is EPIC!  He IS my Edward. Creeptastic TO THE MAX.

      • MariaCecilia

        Nah, I don’t see it. Maybe if you put him in a grey pea coat?

    • Luludee

       In that Twilight spoof movie (that I can’t remember the name of [Vampire Movie?] even though I wrote a letter about it, but still never actually saw it) the Bella-riding-on-Edward’s-back scene zoomed out to show them on a Segway. (I do remember that from the previews.)

    • stupidshiny

      …completely forgetting B&E for a a second – WTF??  because God forbid you should actually WALK in the great outdoors!!?! (Yes I get the whole ‘people who can’t walk far’ thing but all those people in the promo shots looked pretty fit to me – just sayin!)

      • Haha – too true!  Or how about riding a bike?!

        As for the ‘Vampires Suck’ movie (was this the one you meant, Luludee?), with B&E on Segways – I seriously did not steal that idea.  I only steal good ideas.  Anyways, I went looking for a picture of said scene but had no success.  But I did find this gem of a documentary for all you Segway enthusiasts out there (?!).

  • TeamSeth

    So, I finally saw Hunger Games. But that’s not what this comment is about… This comment is about how I laughed extremely loudly and unattractively when Bella gives her I’m Behind the Tree and Imma Gonna Eat You! look at the very end of the BD2 trailer. I felt so happy I read LTT.

    • MariaCecilia

      Lucky you: I saw Hunger Games but NO such trailer. Found it weeks later on the web.Thank God for LTT. (And I don’t think blue IS Bella’s colour. Edward is probably a bit colour blind. Lots of guys are.)

  • Fel

    Oh my. Dan Stevens as a Twi vampire? Yes, please! ^_^  

  • Emi’s mom

    Didn’t a movie company buy out Summit? Was it Lion’s Gate? Maybe they are just re-shooting to appease those bosses…it could b a good thing :0)

  • Mollydomencic

    Wow I can’t belive this all happened.

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