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Hi it’s me. The Worst Twilight Blogger Ever

Hi Twilight,
It’s me, UC. Aka the worst Twilight blogger ever.

I’m not lacking for content- no no no.. there are sooo many things I want to say about the Twit-longers I keep seeing daily (check out this one), the headlines about “He said, she said” (you know who I mean), the EPIC comments that are still being left on comments (search for “sordid past” on this one), but I’m reallyyyy busy cheering on Team USA and looking at half naked men reading articles that feature close up shots of Olympic athletes.

Plus Moon is in Africa for a few weeks (yes, AGAIN) Have I complained about that yet? COME BACK MOON!

Plus I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what Kristen may have put in that alleged Uhaul that was hers (FYI– If I was the #1 highest paid actress in 2011, I’d also rent a Uhaul to move my crap). So far I’ve come up with:

  • Well…..

    Her Mullet collection

  • All her knotted t-shirts
  • The Brit pack (there’s no way she’s letting Rob keep them)
  • Short dresses packed in boxes with matching sneakers
  • A couple cardboard cutout Edwards to keep her company when the nights get lonely
  • The bearskin rug (she fears if she left it Rob would have it shredded)
  • A couple boxes of Robsten Tumblr print-outs plus a few hundreds poster-sized “KEEP CALM BECAUSE ROBSTEN IS UNBROKEN” signs to plaster around LA.

Oh, and that “Wellll…” captioned on the Robsten is UnBroken video? Imagine Timmy is saying it.

And if you don’t know who Timmy is, you need to watch this.

It has nothing to do with Twilight, but it has to do with me and I love Twilight. Therefore you should know about it:


I’m all over the place today. It’s all these hotties in speedos, I’m telling ya. Rob who?



  • Red86rabbit

    I picture Rob and Oregano holed up somewhere, sharing a fifth of jet fuel, trading horror stories about their own he said/she said moments.

  • Red86rabbit


  • Sadie Fowers

    You are my hero. Where do you find this Shiz? It is TOTALLY NORMAL! The Timmy video is awesome!

  • Last night while watching near naked men swimming and drinking pear cider I had a momentary episode of questioning my manliness.  @TwiHusband had made me feel muuuuch better about myself.  He’s a rhythmic gymnast and I’m a shot putter. Well, maybe not a shot putter, but a high jumper at least. Thank you UC!

  • JodieO

    I’m so glad you linked to my favorite Twitlonger.  I showed it to my guy friend the other night and he’s been making ‘now you’re in a pickle’ jokes for days.

    As for the second link…. LINDSAY LOHAN?!?!  Them’s fighting words, ‘Sordid Past’!  Please send me your photo so I may draw devil horns on it. 

  • Edible Art?

    Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all….Ryan Lochte that’s who – I am all over Team GB of course but the US men’s swim team are very very impressive ( like how I made my Olympics comment relevant to recent events ! )

  • MariaCecilia

    My nerves are frazzled. I’m all over the place. And NOT because of the speedo padding on the swim team. For the first time in my life I’m in LA, while the Twishit has hit the fan, and I don’t have an Internet connection!!! So I have to rely on crappy US and People magazine for the “news”. I guess no one knows what’s REALLY going on though: but just in case – KStewBoy, let’s rent a car and go cruising around LA and see if we can offer our shoulders to cry on, shall we? You can be Team Bella and I can be Team Edward, and UC can take care of the Olympic stuff? Deal? San Fernando Valley and Ojai – think you could find those for me? Going to the Metro now…

    • It’s a date Maria! Now where did I put that Team Bella T-Shirt…

    • JodieO

      Don’t forget to say “I’m there for you,” a la Seinfeld. 

  • Pammy

    Hilarious! Where is the Timmy video from?

  • fayted17

    If I’d known it was like this I would have watched more Olympic coverage.  http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/olympics-or-gay-porn

  • cyndibear

    Ummmm “sordid past”? All I can say is WOW. And, how much time do you dedicate to all your RP data gossip mining? ‘Cause… WOW. You type way too much!

    Okay. Since I’m clearly caving today. Did anyone else notice how KS only smiled once in all those pix? Classic KS. Even when your lusting there be no smiling.

    Damn the sordid reality of celebrity life keeps trying to ooze it’s way into my Twilight happy place.

    Needing some sanctuary, so I’ve begun re-listening to Breaking Dawn on audio in prep for November. Cleanse the mind.

  • That link to the up close and personal olympic bits is hilarious

  • ancient granny

    Thank goodness for you lot.  You bring me back to reality.

     Why should a silly old lady concern herself about the lives of actors when she’s never done it before???  Is it cos the actress is 3 days younger than my eldest grand daughter?  Why do the females now call themselves actors?  Do they want balls too?

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