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Robert Pattinson and Emile Hirsch work Kristen Stewart

Dear Kristen,

Did you about DIE when you saw who went out to dinner last night? Yep- Emile Hirsch (your co-star in Into the Wild, of course) and Robert Pattinson (your lover uh special friend?) You were probably shakin’ in your fugly hipster shoes, wondering what they were talking about, right? Don’t worry… we sent our spies in with a tape recorder and they caught the entire conversation. Enjoy!

UnintendedChoice and theMoonisDown


Scene: In a dimly lit restaurant called Michaelangelo in Cannes, France. Emile Hirsch sits across from Robert Pattinson. Rob picks up his fork and puts a ravioli in his mouth. Emile picks up his fork, like he’s about to indulge in a piece of chicken parm, but stops and says,

Emile: So how you likin’ Kristen? The girl can hang, ifyouknowwhati’msayin’
: (almost choking, realizing the conversation they’re about to have…) Uh, she’s great. We’re good friends. How did you like working with her?
: Well man, to tell you the truth, she knows how she wants it to be done. We had to take our time on everything. “Slow and easy wins the race” was her motto
: Really? she was more timid with me. Allowed me to lead
: WOW we must be talking a different gal cause she was insane. Always commanding me how to do it and which way was best. Fast, slow, again- time after time. Totally wore me out
: (somewhat defensively) Well, I mean.. I see saw that side of her…. especially when she was drinking… she got a little aggressive.
: you guys drank on the job?
: (a little confused) Uh, we did one time.. It was someone’s birthday, I think….
: Well we didn’t drink. It was natural every time. She wanted to remember everything- be “totally in the moment,” she said
: (obviously hurt b/c Kristen must’ve been drank a lot) I think being drunk loosened her up… I mean… she said it was fun.. but maybe… I dunno… maybe she….
: (cutting Rob off) Wow, man! This sounds like a totally different Kristen, every time we were in front of cameras she brought her A game
: She let you use a camera? I tried that once, but she freaked out- something about something that happened with Paris Hilton one time
: (blank scare… and silence….. )
: (awkward rambling now) It was a good thing anyway, because then Oregano knocked on the hotel door… and she flipped out and couldn’t find her clothes. which was ironic because it was her first time doing it completely naked- she usually keeps at least one article of clothing on.. she claims it’s some sort of “protection” thing.. (although I really just think she’s a “never nude”) It was a mess dude. Taught me to never eff your costars!
: (silence) Uh wait, what are we talking about here?
: uh… hooking up with Kristen?
: (silence)
: (sensing his discomfort) I mean, I didn’t know for sure that you guys did.. She never told me- she doesn’t talk about her exes like that (well, except for Oregano) so when you started talking about it, I just rolled with it and pretended I knew… sorry… It’s kinda awkward isn’t it? Wondering if she compared us…. I mean-
: (cutting Rob off) Dude, you asked me about working with Kristen. I was just talking about acting with her!
: Uh, what? Ummm. Hmm?… oh look- there’s a Russian chick with big boobs…!

Welcome to our first LTT “Role Play.” Don’t worry, we DID joke about putting on lingere and said “let’s cyber” at least 3 times. And we even have a “safe word” (cinnamon). Also- we felt way 2nd hand embarrassed, yet we suffered through it- because that’s what good bloggers do- role play awkward situations between two somewhat sorta greasy actors….

After the break see an amazing video of Emile & Rob. Watch out! It’s really amazing:

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    Tobias would be so proud!

    • maygirlg


    • LaPush Baby

      Best show ever.

  • tracyvanhorne

    Since Call of the Wild is 2 hours of my life that I’ll never get back… should have known KStew was in that horridness… I must have blocked it out, like when your brain shuts down from all the stress of the moment… yeah….

    Loved the convo though! Hilarious as usual, you ladies are the bomb-digity!

    • haha it’s called “into the wild” i love that…

      • tracyvanhorne

        Yeah that’s what I meant… see I even blocked out the title…

        • tracyvanhorne

          heehee, just came back again to laugh at myself… I’m such a douche sometimes…

    • Tiffany

      you didn’t like into the wild? I thought it was a great movie. I saw it before I knew who kristen was, I forced all my friends to see it because I thought it was so good. I thought emile was amazing in it.

      • tracyvanhorne

        Yeah I’m sure I’m alone in that thinking… it’s ok, to each his own. I just didn’t get why he killed himself? Maybe I’ve never felt like that so I couldn’t sympathize… The real guy was so close to civilization, it’s like he didn’t want to live. And even if he didn’t eat those berries, what was he going to do live on the bus forever? I think I just didn’t get the point.

        • melodious10

          He didn’t kill himself, he ate what he thought was an edible plant, but it wasn’t and it had a poison that basically paralyzed him so he couldn’t leave and wouldn’t allow him to metabolize any of his food so he starved to death.

          But actually no one knows for sure how he died.

          • LaPush Baby

            You have to read the book! It is so well-written, and explains a lot.

          • tracyvanhorne

            It was my opinion that he just went out there to die… he didn’t prepare, he barely tried to escape…

            Like I said, to each his own. I didn’t enjoy the movie. I didn’t get why they even needed to tell a story about such a whiny rich kid who hated his life and went off into the woods of Alaska to die.

  • sassysmart

    RE: Video

    Bodyguard is HUGE…Rob is what? 6’1″?? That dude was AT LEAST 6’7″…he scares me.

    And who is the blonde in the super cute lbd?

    • Touchy feely body guard is everywhere. I want to see the role play where he admits his obvious man crush feelings to Rob.

      Super cute blonde = Stephanie, one of Rob’s managers! She always wears the best shoes!!

      • sassysmart

        Man crush feelings….LMAO!!!!!

        I bet her cries when he gets a papercut.

        • sassysmart

          I mean…HE cries…geez, I’m tired.

  • krazykidd

    OMG!!! LMFAO!!!!! “Rob: Uh, what? Ummm. Hmm?… oh look- there’s a Russian chick with big boobs…!”…absolutely PRICELESS!!! Some b*tches have all the luck…Emile then Rob…damn Ktwat!! Yea I know I’m being a hater…whateves!

  • krazykidd

    BTW changed the gravatar…ya’ll like?

  • missymiss

    even the pap vidz in cannes are feature films!

  • Tai

    LMFAO! You guys are amazing! That was hilarious!

  • LaPush Baby

    Wow, that vid was just amazing. The part where the guy opens the curtains and then the door……

    Good role play, but I forgot to read in a british accent the first time, so I had to go back and read it again!

    *never saw the ‘Kristen gone Wild’ movie, but I liked the book*

  • Janetrigs

    Thanks. Coffee now covering my computer screen at work and everyone is staring. Your fault. Where should I send the bill?

  • kara

    Oh man, those two. I had a huge crush on Emile back in his “Girl next door” days. Too bad he’s way too short. Rob on the other hand.. perfect height 😉
    They’re pretty good actors, maybe they could work on something together. And who knows, these days Rob ends up getting job offers with every person he meets. He could be next 😛

    • themoonisdown

      no joke he’s an extra on ‘little people big world’

  • Don’t worry, we DID joke about putting on lingere and said “let’s cyber” at least 3 times. And we even have a “safe word” (cinnamon).

    @Moon and UC – You just made my day brighter. I lurve your faces!!!


    • themoonisdown


  • Lisa

    HAHA! I love the rambling…..

  • Jena

    “Uh, what? Ummm. Hmm?… oh look- there’s a Russian chick with big boobs…!” ROTFLMAO!

  • Jena

    LMAO @ UC’s answer on where to send Janetrig’s bill. LOL!

  • Jules

    ” Uh, what? Ummm. Hmm?… oh look- there’s a Russian chick with big boobs…!”
    Love it! you guys are awesome! never fail to make laugh. I always read the blog but this is my first post so yeih! keep up the good work!

    • thanks for the comment love!

    • themoonisdown

      yea first time commenter!!!!!

  • The scene with Rob and Kstew and Oregano knocking on the door sounded a bit like the fanfic i may or may not of written. I BET that fanfic is a true story written by none other than kstew herself! I knew it.

    The end.

  • Taylor

    I’ve just had an epiphany and I now totally know why I’m team Taylor instead of team Rob:
    The name Robert is just a total turn off!! I think that might be just me. In fact, half of you reading this probably want to attack me right now. I’m sorry!!

    Robert……. *snigger*

  • I’m fasting and praying, in hopes that this is a but a taste to come…of your future careers as fanfic writers.

    I will be your biggest groupie…I mean, fan!

    • you know it’s in the works. you know it

    • themoonisdown

      we’ll be using the safeword every other line!

  • vickyb

    LOVED Into the Wild. Never realized how short Emile was.Hmm. Anyhoo, Looks like Rob is having a great time in Cannes. About time. Love the role play.

    @LaPushBaby LMAO! “Good role play, but I forgot to read in a british accent the first time, so I had to go back and read it again!”

    Moon and UC: Safeword “cinnamon” Hahaha!

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  • jecc

    whoaa, speechless

  • AmourPSU

    Day late and a dollar short, but still had to comment…loved the RP rambling! Can I say how much I loved Emile until I found out how tall he is? My inner awkard preteen, refuses anyone under 5’10” since I was taller than all the boys until I hit high school and now I am just barely 5’6″. Had to be awkward tall for years and years only to end up at average height. oh well Emile is still too short, but would overlook if drunk.

  • Pingback: Going once, going twice..Rob Pattinson is SOLD to the man with the fattest wallet (and probably the homliest daughter…) « Letters to Rob()

  • ashley

    If you watch the bts of ITTW, you can totally tell Emile was crushing on Kristen. He talked about how he was trying to impress her which is hilarious since she was just 17 and he was 22.

  • aquiredtaste

    i’m feelin a lil let down , i have to say. i didn’t see rob eating mushroom ravilois as an homage to kristen and i didn’t see rob hitting on the other girl either!! SAD! Go see my blog to put your vote in on the next 5 reasons, it could be all about twilight!!!

  • rosalind


  • That is hilarious! And not overly surprising. Seriously.

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