Why I won’t read Breaking Dawn again

Day 1 of Moon’s Epic Adventure to Africa, and I’m ALREADY reaching into the goodie bag for a letter written by one of YOU! Thanks to everyone who has written one so far- I will email you all back this weekend, but please continue to send them in to us! I need all the help I can get!

Just say No

Dear Breaking Dawn,

I’ve decided I’m not re-reading you before seeing your movie Part 1 (November 18! Insert Twi-nerd countdown of the days here!). From least to most important, here are three reasons I know for sure that this is the best course for me:

1) I retain trivia absurdly well, and there’s not that much to remember in the first half anyway. Correct me if I’m wrong, but here’s my summary from memory: Beller’s parents don’t freak that she’s engaged; she gets a tank-proof car; she and Edward get hitched; they go to Isle Esme and skinny dip; FEATHERS!; Edward beats himself up and cock-blocks his wife by making her run all over the island and scuba dive; Bella has freaky dreams about the Volturi and demon babies and eats a lot of eggs; they have sex again after Bella has a dirty dream and it makes her cry and since he doesn’t kill her he decides they can finally enjoy their honeymoon; BELLER’S PREGNANT!; Edward freaks out and hates himself; Rosalie loves babies enough to suddenly love Bella; Bella’s in love with little “Eddie Jr.;” Sam and wolves freak out; Jake, Seth and Leah run the perimeter; Edward hates himself; Jake runs perimeter; Edward hates himself; Jake runs perimeter; Edward hates himself; Jake runs perimeter; Bella drinks blood; emergency C-section; baby name nobody can remember how to spell; Bella gets turned; Jake imprints. That looks like a long sentence, but it’s about 400 pages of book.

2) The more recently I’ve read the book, the more likely I am to be disappointed by the movie. It’ll be way more fun if I’m not freaking out that the wedding flowers aren’t exactly as described in the book. Better to have it a year and a half out of mind.

3) I’m afraid I’ll get pregnant if I read it.

Edward's Fault!

I’d best explain that last one. Unlike some fictional characters who will remain nameless, I do understand how babies are made and how birth control works. But I’ve read Breaking Dawn all the way through exactly twice, and I have two children. I lost my Twi-ginity in a classic all-four-books-plus-Midnight Sun I’m-trying-to-put-it-down-but-can’t thank-goodness-the-friend-loaning-them-to-me-is-only-two-blocks-away haze the first two weeks of January ’09. And had my first baby mid-October. You do the math.

After that initial binge I walked away. Ashamed of myself for loving such a cheesy YA novel so much, for letting it eat two weeks of my life. Like that cheerleader on Secret Life of the American Teenager who loses her V-card, loves it, and then her dad dies and she hates herself because she thinks it’s punishment for her sin. Umm… yeah… I may have wasted a week the summer I was pregnant watching the whole first season of that on Hulu… Pop culture marketed to 14 year-olds is obviously a weakness… In any case, I didn’t read any Twi again for more than a year.

So I had Baby #1, got lost in the haze of dealing with a newborn, and read NOTHING for six months. Then one day in the spring of last year I was in the kids’ section of TJ Maxx looking for deals on baby clothes, and there was Twilight on the shelf with Goodnight Moon (this marketing is a whole ‘nother letter in itself). I had the baby routine down pat by this point, but was still a bit sleep deprived and needed something to entertain myself without using too many brain cells. Perfect!

If my initial read-through was pure lust, the second time I read Twilight I fell in love. Went back to TJ Maxx and grabbed New Moon and Eclipse as fast as I could. But Breaking Dawn was still not out in paperback, and my husband’s mocking would never end if I sprang for the hardcover, despite the fact that he loves the books in spite of himself. So I pre-ordered the paperback and went to read Stephenie’s website. And then I found LTT. And here I am, same as almost every day for the 16 months. (I also may or may not have found a Fic that was all of Breaking Dawn from Edward’s perspective to tide me over…)

After last summer’s vacation I was just getting back into the swing of everyday life when Breaking Dawn landed on my doorstep, just when I’d forgotten that it was coming. That was the first week of August, and I spent all my time not chasing a crawling baby reveling in the fantastic fun of the crazy plot. I found out I was pregnant the second week of August.

Yes, I realize the timing means I can’t exactly blame getting pregnant on the book the second time around, but the two things are totally tied together in my mind. Especially since Breaking Dawn is a totally wacky book for a pregnant lady to have at the forefront of her mind and I got to constantly compare my symptoms to Beller’s. (More on this later.) So maybe I’ll reread you before Part 2 arrives. By then my baby will be a year and a half old and I could be ready to get pregnant again. And there’s no way I’m going to be able to keep all those new vampires are without a refresher.


I LOVE Bea’s story & wonder HOW MANY OTHERS like it there are out there! Especially because…. wasn’t Bella one of the top baby names in the US in recent years!?

PS: The adorable 15 year old sister of an LTT reader is trying to win Taylor Swift tickets! She promises she will bring her lifesize Jacob cutout in a crazy outfit to do a Back to December dance with her! Vote for her here!

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