Letters to Twilight

Breaking Dawn Calendar: Breaking Point

Posted by unintendedchoice on August 12th, 2011

Dear LTT,

I have to say Summit has just gone too far. The new Breaking Dawn 2012 16-month (why?) calendar is probably the most insulting-to-the-fans merchandise they have ever put out. Not only is the cover a total Photoshop job, but the pictures inside of our lovely vamps are HORRIBLE. These are beautiful, beautiful, actors, people, how can they make them look so ugh ugh ugly? And the second thing, this is supposed to be a Breaking Dawn calendar, but it’s just headshots, no clips or indication that they came from a movie. They couldn’t wait to sell this before they had access to a few stills? It’s nowhere near 2012 yet. It just screams cheap subcontractor. A cheap subcontractor who never saw any of the Twilight movies. I probably wouldn’t have bought one anyway, but still, I’m a little peeved for the rest of the fandom.

Well, if they can do a cheap Photoshop hatchet job, I think I’m entitled to do the same. My Photoshop skills are no better than theirs, but apparently that makes no difference. I can make it more interesting, more relevant, more fun! Last week I sent Moon and UC my first effort which you may have seen, the Star Trek Calendar:

Yes, I know they kind of look like bobbleheads (or the Thunderbirds from the 60s—check that out on YouTube!) But I couldn’t stop there. I was egged on by a few other faithful readers here, so I spent my workweek getting nothing done, but I did get some satisfaction, maybe revenge, and I’d like to share:

Who knew they made werewolf Smurfs, vampire Smurfs, and Smurfs getting married! At least there’s a wedding theme here, which is more than I can say for the original! And the werewolf Smurf is wearing jorts.

There was a request for a meat patty outfit for Taylor a la Gaga, so I obliged. I apologize to you vegetarians out there:

so here it is, and I Gaga-fied everyone! 16 months of meat! Rob’s not wearing meat, you say? Oh, but he is wearing a spandex unitard and he IS meat.

And, lastly:

When I was surfing for images to steal use, I found out there was a movie of Wuthering Heights starring Ralph Fiennes and Juliette Binoche. Rob worked with Ralph Fiennes as Cedric and Voldemort, and is working with Juliette Binoche in Cosmopolis. Small world. OK, I admit I don’t know who Taylor is supposed to be here, but let’s just say he’s the bad brother or the wimpy guy Catherine married?

You know I could keep this up forever, but I feel a little happier now and maybe I can get some real work done. And on the plus side, my Photoshop skills did improve a bit, and I can put that on my resume because I’ll be looking for new job soon. And feel free to download these, print out, and glue over the cover of your calendar copy. You’re welcome.

The Old One

Update on Moon: She finally got to an internet connection this past weekend & poked me on Facebook- so I know she’s okay. She also seemed to get a kick out of all those “Countdown for Moon in Africa” pictures I’m making (I’ve posed them on her FB wall) And I haven’t forgotten- has it REALLY been 15 days? AY! Get home Moon!