Just what your Christmas Tree needs

Dear Twilight merch makers,

I can see it now. It’s Christmas morning and little Jimmy sneaks down the stairs at 3 am hoping that Santa has already been there to deliver his presents. And what does he see? Is it Mommy kissing Santa underneath the mistletoe? No.. it’s Mommy staring at the tree, with the lights twinkling in her eyes as she stares at this beautiful addition to the branches:


“Mommy? Why are you staring at a man about to devour an anorexic-looking woman’s face?”

(Jimmy is very advanced for a 4 year old- knowing terms like “anorexic” & “devour”)

Oh Jimmy.. Mommy is a Twilight fan. That means Mommy’s Christmas tree will have an ornament with a scared-virgin version of Bella (in a quite beautifully replicated wedding dress, I might add) with a figurine of Edward who really looks like he wants a human snack. Someday you’ll understand little Jimmy. Someday in 25 years when you meet the woman of your dreams, Twilight is going to make a come back– and your girl will be lost staring at a figurine dangling from the branches of a pine some Christmas morning.

Cause That’s Normal.

I mean, sorta.


HELLO: For some reason (and that reason was probably wine) a few people got the impression from this letter that we still haven’t shared the REAL reason we were together in LA last week. My bad. The real reason was seeing a few Breaking Dawn Part 2 Clips & chatting with Bill Condon. Sorry to disappoint since we already told you about that! But I didn’t want you to hold your breath (you’ve been doing that for 5 days now, right?) and think something MORE was coming. We will be able to talk more about that someday soon.. but that time is not now. Now is the time to dream of that sweet day in December (or maybe early November if I’m on top of it this year) when I can hand my new Twilight ornament on my Christmas tree)

Oh we FOUND IT at The Twilight Lexicon! Where there is a link to even more pictures (I think) if you really can’t wait until you can get this yourself at Hallmark.

ALSO: TN is coming soon, guys….. dun Dun dunnnnnn!


  • BrookeLockart

    I hope someone buys me this for my non-existent Hanukkah bust. Or better yet, I would like to hang this from my rear-view mirror.  Make it happen Hanukkah Harry!

  • Kindred Spirit

    Sorry to be so clueless…what’s TN?

    • MariaCecilia

      Yes. I’m even cluelesser because I don’t even understand why people are asking about “TN”? What did I miss?

      • lindsaylee

        Because if it’s Tennessee, I’m pumped. Y’all are way better than the cmt music fest.

  • BeaDee

    I love that this is tagged “2nd-hand Embarassment.” I need to get the first one they made from E-Bay, it was much less scary than this.

  • MariaCecilia

    I will probably get a set of a dozen or so and hang them surreptitiously in windows, bathrooms, ceilings and wardrobes… My children will be digging them out of the back of kitchen cabinettes when they come to settle things for my funeral…to leave them heaped in my casket, as stipulated in my will.

  • Goldberrybecca

    I’m getting one. duh. At least it looks to be better quality than last years… I almost didn’t even get the holy trinity ornament last year, it was BAD. But in the end, having the sacred “Twi box of crap” be complete won me over.

  • TeamJacobEdward

    TN?  Taylor Nudity???  I’m so confu– wait a second!  He’s not in Magic Mike is he?

  • TeamJacobEdward

    No UC. He’s not going to devour her, he’s got a metal rod sticking out of his head and it’s a look of pain.  Emmett was messing around and speared Edward.  His neck is quirked awkwardly and straight from the rod running down it.  Bella is looking up at him in shock.

  • Sisterpenguin

    At least they got the sideburns right…

    Speaking of asides: I love that my current side advertisement is for Joules clothing, with a sale on TWEED SKIRTS!! Maybe one or two for November?? 

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