A letter to Robsten from a (sorta) outsider

When I read this letter from LTT (and real life friend) Plane Friend I thought “HOW INTERESTING!” Here is the Plane Friend– an LTT reader, a Twilight fan and yet such an outsider to the Robsten-Nonsten drama. She is aware that it exists, of course. She is aware of the “scandal” (how can you MISS it?) but it kinda ends there. She is actually under the impression that no one cares. Like… a normal person.. GASP! And so today I share a letter about Robsten from someone with an outsiders perspective:

I don’t care about this AMAZING fanart

Dear Robsten,

Let me be perfectly clear about something before I begin: I DON’T care about your personal lives. Truly. Unless one of you had died before the last movie had been made, no news about the two of you would have ever made it high on my radar. (Ok, that’s not completely true. Kristen, if you’d been openly dating Rob and then you’d ditched him for Taylor and his gorgeous muscles…that would have made me laugh over the irony).

That said, being a Twilight fan (who loves LTT and misses the days when we were all more frequent posters/commenters etc.), I couldn’t help but be aware of this latest scandal. And it’s amused me a lot. Trampire? Hilarious! (Uncalled for, of course, because it’s a rare Hollywood-type who isn’t cheating, divorcing, or generally being a whore, but still, hilarious).

I know that way back in 2010, UC & Moon speculated that your relationship was a publicity stunt. I have to admit that now that I’m thinking of the two of you at all, here in 2012, I’m convinced that’s what it is.

I don’t think Robsten actually exists—or ever existed. I think the two of you, a horny Cathi Hardi, a brilliant publicist, or just a drunken Buttcrack Santa came up with the idea during the filming of the first movie. It struck everyone as the best way to promote the movies and propel you both into stardom. I mean, seriously, it was smart play. Teenage girls already loved Twilight. You could easily get them in an uproar over two attractive actors dating each other. And after all the media hype when Suri Cruise was born without a picture of her anywhere to be had, someone latched onto the idea of how easy that would be to replicate in a dating situation. Are they dating? Aren’t they dating? Did someone spot you together? Will you kiss at the MTV awards or not? And so, I speculate, the “relationship” began.

Unfortunately for both of you, it’s lasted a looooong time. You were kinda trapped into continuing it, because it was tied to the success of your careers as well as the whole Twilight franchise. And, I hypothesize, you just got used to it. It didn’t hurt that you were both getting paid butt-loads of money to continue the whole ruse.

And then, I think, something truly horrifying happened. The hype died out. Suddenly, most people didn’t care if you were together or not. Twilight fervor has started to wane in favor of The Hunger Games (and, for the teens/20-30somethings who actually read as well as watch movies, for Divergent, Matched, and other great YA series).

So you tried to come out of the non-gay closet. You got spotted together, kissing!

I also don’t care about THIS normal fan art

Still, no one really cared. You’d gotten used to the publicity, Rob had a movie coming out, you want a good showing for the last movie, so everyone started scheming about how to get the media to pay attention to you both again.

So, of course, the best way to do that was to have someone cheat. Rob couldn’t do it—after all, too many crazies are convinced he really is Edward (who would NEVER cheat). And since Bella had her moment of being an unfaithful hussy in Eclipse, that task fell to Kristen.

Now KStew, I don’t know if you actually were involved in any sort of fling with the married director or if he, too, just wanted his moment in the spotlight. Either way, I’d advise against messing with married men. The “trampire” label isn’t entirely unfair, after all. And, you know, we’d all like to see you get married and pregnant someday—if only to get the vision of you as Bella knocked up with the life sucking monster out of our heads. (And because we’d love to see you weigh more than 10 pounds. It would make all of us mothers feel better about ourselves).

Personally, I have to say that the best part about being a non-believer/carer of whether or not Robsten exists AND being firmly rooted in a reality in which I don’t equate your relationship with Bella and Edward’s is a good place to be. Bookward and Bookella will live forever happily ever after in my head, and I’ll enjoy watching that play out on the big screen in November. And whatever publicity stunt the two of you pull from now on probably barely merit a passing glance from me when I see the tabloids in the grocery store.

Although if it’s been a few more years and you’re looking for ideas that would create another frenzy, I suggest this: fall completely off the face of the earth for 6-9 months. Reappear with stories of spending time on your own private island. And get an accessory: a daughter (biological or adopted) that you’ve named Renesmee.

Love from the amused,

Plane Friend

So…. are you “in the dark” like Plane friend? What do you think? 

[Robsten Fan art 1 Robsten Fan art 2]

  • celestialchic

    “Kristen, if you’d been openly dating Rob and then you’d ditched him for Taylor and his gorgeous muscles…that would have made me laugh over the irony” Yes! That would have been the trash magazine I’d have bought! bahahaha

  • I, like Plane Friend, have been convinced that the entire thing was a publicity stunt from the get-go. In saying that, I also don’t know who would put their family through that (Rupert’s wife and children) even if it was some sort of publicity thing.
    Also, I feel that maybe Rob started believing it a little too much somewhere along the way. But, I’m not one who studies him enough to know whether he looks tired, sad, happy, or stoned for that matter. It just always seemed to me that he appeared more vested in the nuances of making it seem real than she did.
    I’m not a student of Rob’s or Kristen’s aside from what they put on the screen, in any of their various movies, so my observations may be off to those of you who watch their every move in slow motion, on a loop.
    Their personal lives mean nothing to me. Just like I don’t give a rat’s behind where my neighbors sleep on any given night. As long as it isn’t in my back yard (don’t ask). I just hope, like I do for anyone that I have a passing knowledge of, that they are allowed to live their lives the way they want to. End of.

    • emt

      I agree with you that Rob appeared more vested in the “realationship”. Really, I could care less if they are together or not. Kristen seemed to shy away from pda with Rob (ironic). I’m not sure how this PR stunt helps her career though. I kind of just put her in my Tom Cruz category. Which means that I’m not too excited about going to any of her movies after Breaking Dawn 2.

      • emt

        On another note, I saw Stephenie Myers last night at a book signing for the very funny Shannon Hale. Stephenie was trying to be very stealthy, and no one bothered her.

        • ThePlaneFriend

          Really? I LOVE Shannon Hale, but I would have totally been stalking Stephenie!

          • emt

            Shannon Hale is so hilarious. They just finished filming Austenland. Stephenie was just chit chatting to various ppl and getting a book signed by Shannon. Stephenie did a lot of book signings early on at Changing Hands bookstore in Tempe, AZ (where we were).

          • ThePlaneFriend

            So jealous!

          • ThePlaneFriend

            why can’t I live in AZ?

  • Luludee

    This was pretty much my theory from the get-go as well, mainly because their whole “relationship” was secretive and then suddenly Kristen is all “I love him, I love him. I’m sorry.” to the press?? Something doesn’t add up.

    I’m rather out of the loop as well. Is there still a big uproar? It seems like it’s died down. I did see this link today which immediately made me think of LTT: Rob jokes he’s homeless. As Moon and UC would say, HE KNOWS!!!

  • Melissa H.

    ROB knows more about Kristen than WE do, and he knows the situation better than we do.
    We are getting all the rumors, and lies you guys (and other tabloids) are spoon feeding us.

    If he decides to be with her that is HIS choice! *Respect him, and support him for it!*

    “And most people, you know, when they love each other and they have a problem, they work it out. They want to work through everything together. They want to be together and they’re willing to fight to be together. It’s not like they have this love story where they’re in love and everything is great every single minute of the day. I don’t think that exists. But I definitely think people need each other and they want to fight to maintain a relationship for the rest of their lives.”
    -Robert Pattinson (BD Interview)

    “The couples that are ‘meant to be’ are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out even stronger than they were before.” -?

  • GoodQuote

    “the couples that are ‘meant to be’ are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out even stronger than they were before.”

  • alice_av

    I totally agree with this letter. As many of us, we do have a life, and we just love the books and the movie. The true it’s that if this in fact involved a married man, that’s the most awful thing. I think is unfair that many people is agains her, like she was the only one who is involved in this business without blaming the guy who actually have a family.

  • MariaCecilia

    Oh dear, oh dear..I wish I could be big like you Plane friend, and not give two bits about the “scandal”, because on one level I hate gossip magazines and always laugh at their headlines. But since I don’t have a life when it comes to Twilight and I DO care about these two particular people, that means I care when they get pulled through the wringer. And I no longer think that their relationship is a publicity stunt, (faking cheating?? WTF?) that just seems too dumb by now: but I wish them luck on keeping it private, whatever goes on between them.
    On the bright side, we can now speculate as to which people they should REALLY be dating. I’ll start the bidding and say Rob, you go for Ellen Page, she seems smart and quirky, and Kristen, why don’t you hit on Jim Sturgess, he’s another cute, musician, non-married Brit? I’ll be cheering you from the sidelines!

    • I’m with Maria…way too invested not to care. And fake cheating as an add-on to a fake relationship? Puh-lease.

      But Rob and Ellen Page – now that I fully support!

      And I suggest Kristen dates Jay Baruchel. Quirky everyman type. It would really give the underdogs something to cheer for. Besides, we can see from the Rupert incident that looks are everything to her.

  • Me

    I love that there are others out there feeling the same way.

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