Where are you Nikki Reed?

Have you seen this girl?

Have you seen this girl?

Dear Nikki,

Monday when I was writing that post about Drunk emailing and how much would it cost to get a Twi star at your party, I was reviewing the list and kept wondering who I left out and then it dawned on me: I left out YOU! And so that’s why I wrote “Nikki – WHO?” Cause seriously girl where the h-word are you?! I’m kind of actually doing a Mom Moon and worrying about you and where you’ve been and how you’re doing. If I wanted to pull a real Mom Moon I’d start calling the LAPD, and area LA Hospitals to see if you’ve turned up. Cause it’s July 14th at 5am in Los Angeles, “Do you know where your Nikki Reed is?” Cause I sure as crap don’t.

So of course it got me thinking… where in the world could you be? And what are you doing? I checked IMDB and the only thing you have current is in pre-pro and that’s K-11 and we KNOW that ain’t filming right now and it might even be up in the air if you’re even still in it, especially if that whole KStew falling out rumor is true.

So then I checked to see if you have any fansites cause if anyone knows what’s up with Twi stars it’s their fans! Can I get an amen? And I find out no one’s updated in about a week. That isn’t good news. Then I hit Twitter, cause that’s all the latest and greatest and guess what all (read 2) fan twitters hadn’t updated in days either. Not even your FAKE twitter counterpart has cared enough to tweet about your fake goings on in over a week!

So it’s left me only a couple options as to where you’ve been…

  • You were driving to LAX one day, took and wrong turn and got lost in south central LA and were jumped into one of the local gangs… crips or bloods? I’d say crips cause you look better in blue than red. If this is true call us maybe we can initiate a trade off with the crips. You for Justin Chon or maybe they want someone beefier like Christian Serratos?
  • You’ve become a hermit spending all your time online at Nike.com designing more ridiculous neon high top sneakers than you know what to do with. My advice? Trash them all and get a nice pair of ballet flats.
  • This whole Oregano thing is true and you’ve chosen him over KStew. WOW if that’s true I really want the dish! Give me the gossip now! And so you two are hanging out at Cathy’s house, smoking up and worming your way into whatever movie she’s doing next. I wish I knew Cathy, I’d love to be an actress.

Take the cut to find out what Nikki’s REALLY been up to. TRUST it’s SOOO good!

But then I did another google search for Nikki Reed and found what you’re doing. I clicked on what I thought would be your official site and BOY was I surprised! I know you might be trying to keep it under wraps but I really think you should share NikkiReed.com (go there NOW!) with THE WORLD! You’ve moved to Canada and completely rebranded yourself as Nikki Reed: Impersonator, Comedienne, Musician, Multi Talented singer, Children’s entertainer, Motivational speaker and dinner theater and special events ready! That’s amazing Nikki!! I think I’d like to hire you for my party but I can’t decide between:

Klondike Kate – um for the obvious fake lesbian innuendo here

Naomi Judd – Hello! I just want to do a duet with you on “Love Can Build a Bridge” cause honey you and KStew need to build a bridge and get over it!

Dolly Parton – cause we all know my love for Islands in the Stream and 9 to 5

and last but certainly not least…
for the 4 people still alive who remember Gun Smoke – Miss Kitty! Seriously Nikki Reed, Miss Kitty?! WTF.

Well now that we know what you’ve been doing with your spare time… would it be two faced of me to say I miss you? I miss you and KStew and your fake lesbian shenanigans. I miss you randomly showing up at events with Rob, or having your friend perform with her band strangely close to a movie set you’re on and I even just miss watching you and your creepy smoking habits. Why don’t you, me and KStew call it a truce?! Let’s meet and go skipping down Melrose hand in hand and call just happen to get “caught” by the paps!

Please send up a smoke signal so we know you’re ok…

Sleepless in LA

PS I netflixed 13 back in March and it’s still sitting by my DVD player… I’ll watch it if you come back.

Don’t miss out on a fan-damn-tabulous Rob letter over at Letters to Rob
Got more ideas on where Nikki could be? Wanna talk about it? The Forum!

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