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Twilight 101: Twilight (the book)

Dear Twilight,

I get a lot of people whom I refer to as “civilians” ask me what you are. “What’s this Twilight thing about?” they say.  Seems like a simple enough question, right? But I’d say it’s isn’t so simple. How do you even begin to explain the intricacies and the idiosyncrasies and the “holy crow’s?” With this new series I aim to explain Twilight to beginners and give your fans an easier way to share their love of all things sparkly vampires and the humans they love.

And with that I get you the first installment in Twilight 101: Twilight (the book)

Dear Twilight Newbie-

You may know this as that book with the apple on the cover that made grown women go crazy, your wife disappear for hours on end, your internet bill surge and teens declare sides in the Team Edward vs Team Jacob war that will play out over the following 3 books and subsequent films. Or you may know it as that mega Times best seller than spawned major block buster movies. Or you may know it as that book with the sprarkly vampires. But what’s this book REALLY about? I’m here to share…

Bella, the stumbling accident-prone mousey girl from Phoenix, Arizona moves to Forks, Washington to live with her Dad (coincidentally the town’s Police Chief) because her absentee Mom has married a stud minor league baseball player she met after a spring training game at a TGIFridays and now wants to travel the farm league circuit with him to glamorous places like: Jacksonville, Florida. So Bella takes the hint and moves in with dear, old oblivious Dad: Charlie. Then hijinks ensue. Thinking she’s doomed to live a deary, boring life in Forks, Bella is surprised to find herself the talk of the high school from the nerds to the jocks. But being a girl Bella isn’t interested in safe, boring people who are interested in HER. She can only think about the mysterious boy from biology class and his weird adoptive yet not related beautiful  siblings who oddly enough never go to school on sunny days. But never mind the underlying danger… everything about him draws HER in!

So who are these people you ask…

The Humans-

Stop trying to make fetch happen!

Bella and her school friends and unintended (heh) suitors make up the majority of the sleepy and oblivious unsuspecting town. They include school heartthrob Mike Newton whom Bella describes as a golden retriever and whom mostly reminds us of a Jonas Brother with blond hair or Kirk Cameron AFTER he found Jesus. Pretty much the guy no girl with Daria-like tendencies would want to go out with. In a million-gabillion years. Then there are the girlfriends like Angela. Pretty much that sweet girl who was nice to everyone and befriended the new girl even when she was the flavor of the week who stole all the boys from the girls who has put in hard time. Then we have the “Mean Girls…” Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory, who combined are essentially the Regina George of Forks High School to Bella’s Cady Heron. These are the bitches who could be your best friend or worst enemy depending on the day.

The Vampires-

Just your typical neighbor in the Pacific Northwest

These aren’t your Grandma’s traditional vamps or your Anne Rice vamps or your bodice ripping (we wish) vamps. The Cullen family are the Brady Bunch of the Stephenie Meyer vampire world. Sure, they have their dark and tortured pasts but they’ve given all that up in exchange for a few years in rainy weather towns surviving on, what they refer to as, “a vegetarian diet.” Meaning they don’t take a little sip from humans anymore. They hunt down animals and make a bloody mary cocktail that will last them a few weeks, thus making it easier to sit through their 2394294th time as a high schooler. Monotonous you say? Why, yes. Yes it is. And that’s where we find out sparkly protagonist, Edward when he first encounters Bella in Biology class. And barely able to control himself runs out of class to save her and himself and not to mention the 30 other kids in the class from certain death. But of course like a typical dude, Edward is taken by the new girl just as much as Bella, being a total girl is intrigued and pissed off by the mysterious boy. And as they say the rest is history.

Like I said these aren’t your typical vampires, Stephenie Meyer has given her vamps all kinds of special characteristics that set them apart and leave her readers with difficult situations like trying to explain to a vampire lover or even a regular dude why vampires sparkle. And yes, they do sparkle. Why? well who really knows other than it’s a plot device used to differentiate them in the sunlight instead of bursting into flames in like old school vamps. Rather these guys look more like a diamonte choker from the Joan Collins for QVS jewelry collection in the sun.

They also have special powers: mind reading, mood altering, future telling, extreme sexiness and the ability to ‘glower’ at a moments notice. They also appear to have super human control over sexual temptation because there’s enough tension in this book it leaves the Twimoms (we’ll cover them eventually) and the tweens quivering (ew) for years. You wanna know why girls disappeared into their rooms for days on end reading these books? THAT is your answer. That sweet, delicious tension. And his name is Edward Cullen.

See, I told you so!

Notable Quotables

  • “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb” – THE Twilight quote. Suitable for Etsy crafts, regrettable tattoos and quoting to your resigned boyfriend
  • “About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him..” – Teaching teens and grown ups alike the word “irrevocable”
  • “You are exactly my brand of heroin” – Stephenie Meyer’s pro-drug PSA. High Schoolers need more excuses to think up new and exciting non-traditional drugs. A hit of your girlfriends blood? Why not!
  • “Holy Crow” – aka OHHHH SSSHHHEEEEETTT!

Follow the cut for more on the villians, the conflict and some business time

The Villians

Oh we'll get to the wig, don't you worry!

A trio of “nomadic” vampires who wonder the pacific northwest looking for a good time and find the Cullens playing America’s favorite past time in the rain. Don’t ask, just say why not? Of course our dear, sweet, forever hormonal teenage Edward’s protectiveness of the very human Bella sets off James, one of the nomads and thus begins (hundreds of pages in) our major conflict. James being a regular ol vampire likes to hunt or “track” humans and what better game than to tick off the hippie, peace loving Cullens than by trying to kill Bella? Just a regular ‘ol Saturday night, right? WRONG. The Cullens and Bella FREAK OUT. Like board up the house, fake your own death, move to Alaska, send your bitchy sister and mom out into the woods with your girlfriends clothes to throw off the tracker FREAK OUT. Of course as any good teen drama would have it, our dear couple must split up. Bella simply won’t leave her Dad unguarded but what about her mom getting it on with her new piece all the way in Phoenix? Yup, time to split up! With Bella in Phoenix and Edward in Forks, of course James finds Bella and ALMOST, ALMOST kills her. But as all bad/good villains do, he spends about 5 minutes too long explaining to our dear damsel in distress EXACTLY WHY and HOW he must kill her. So of course in that time, Edward saves the day and all is well.

Forks High School goes ALL OUT!

Cue the prom scene and an awkward encounter with Bella’s 15 year old childhood pal, Jacob. Yup, we’re gonna have to wait and see what happens there. Could it be something to do with that full moon outside? Or the fact huge wild bears are killing people in the surrounding forest???? But what about those werewolves you ask? And that overly muscled kid with his shirt off? Stop getting ahead of yourself, young Padawan learner. That’s what Twilight 101: New Moon (the book) is for. Trust me, the wait is worth it!

Until next time,

PS And NO Edward won’t turn you into a vampire, so stop asking!

I don’t know about you but thinking about all that made me want to go reread Twilight! Not to mention the book and movie are starting to blend together! NOOOOOO!!! Noooo spider monkey NOOO!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Business Time

Remember the super cute  “Bite Me Edward” Notepads (still available for sale in the right hand column)? Well our good pl over there has a new pad called the “Me-Pad” Because who needs an I-pad when you can have ME-Pad. It’s perfect for keeping all your notes, lists & reminders. Pick up one, or three for you (or gifts!) today: Me-Pad

  • Sj

    “as all bad/good villains do, he spends about 5 minutes too long explaining to our dear damsel in distress EXACTLY WHY and HOW he must kill her.”

    Aww. Obviously all those villians just need someone to listen to them, haven’t ANY of the Cullens taken Psych. 101? They must have been too busy avoiding sex ed. at high school…. again. Or taking the practical in Rose & Emmets case.

    • Bea

      Please tell me you’ve read the fanfic about the Cullens taking Sex Ed. If I’m gonna read the not-a-real-book stuff I want it funny, and that one is. Let’s see… where’s the link… http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3472497/1/Cullenary_Educaton_Forks_Sex_Ed

      • OMG….. I may have to read that.

      • OMG! noOoooo!!!

        • ChillinWithCullens

          Admit it, Moon: you only object because you wish it were YOU riding on Emmett’s wheelbarrow full of condoms 🙂

      • Sj

        Thank you for sharing…I think.

  • Jamie

    Ok, time to admit it. The Lion and the Lamb quote makes me cringe every time I see it. Its lines like that kinda make me embaressed to admit that I like Twilight.

    • eatmyjorts

      That’s normal.

    • Bea

      They’re so sweet when you’re reading the book in its entirety. And then you say them out loud or read them out of context and the cringing starts.

    • i think because it’s been so bastardized it lost all its appeal. AND when rob and kristen say it in twilight sounds like they’re rushing through it!

      • Ehh, maybe. It made me cringe in the book too. Although maybe it would have been different if I had read the books before I had seen the movie.

      • efam

        I completely agree!! While watching the movie today, I removed myself from all things twilight and thought about what an amazing line that was. Stephenie is brilliant.

  • GeminiGypsy

    Ahaha, Mean Girls really does apply to everything 😛 Isn’t Stephenie Meyer telling people not to do drugs, and obviously to be addicted to your significant other instead? haha, like the “above the influence” commercials where the gf and the bf are just hanging out all day 😛 And yes, this totally makes me want to read the book again for the 5 billionth time!

    • IT DOES!!! i swear life is a big mean girls metaphor. i LOVE that movie

  • Sue G.

    Great post! I want to read the series again! :o)

  • blackgirltwihard

    Loves it!!!. It’s a pretty dreary day here on the VA/NC border…will be drifting off into the world of Forks via Twilight Audio on the jobby-job…Perfect Post for a Perfect Day for a most Perfect Series! XOXO Twi Yum-Yums! P.S. Sometimes I listen to the soundtrack while listening to the Audio book while reading the blogs…”zero weirdness” yeah I know!~

  • blackgirltwihard

    STFU STOP THE PRESS!!!!!!!!! Just checked out Breakingdawnmovie.org and Zafrina AND Senna has been cast !!!!!!!!!!!!! UBER EXCITED and they are PERFECT….Will be taking the rest of the day to cyberstalk these chics!!!!! Jk!! But really I’m not!!!! DAYUMMMMM!!!! They are soooo FLY!!!! OK Ok I am calming down…BUT these heffas better BRANG IT! I mean really!!!

    • Moonbun

      I just saw the website and looked up the corresponding pics… I think they’re all ok except for the Romanians… The makeup-up department really has to bring it in order to make them look as old and creepy as they’re supposed to. Does anyone know if they’re still going to put in the whole “Garrett is Edward’s BFF” story? Cuz “bleh” -.-

      • blackgirltwihard

        yeah I was also a little confused re: the casting of the Romanians. I imagined them decrepit!!!!! but I will say I am trusting Condon more by the day. So they better get the makeup/hair thing right this time!!! It looks like Summit is trying to do “good” this go ’round…

        • TeamSeth

          Yeah, not digging that. The dark haired one is okay. He’s got those creepy eyes going on. But I imagined them as OLD. Like way way way old. Oh well. The Maggie cast is precisely how imagined her while reading. hooray.

        • TeamSeth

          Omar Metwally is Amun (Ben’s ‘foster dad’ / psycho overprotective selfish man)… um, new Twi hotty added to the list. Win win win.

        • ChillinWithCullens

          I was a bit taken aback by the Irish coven. Wasn’t one of the ladies supposed to be …well, chubby? Or at least like well-endowed? Both of the girls they chose seem pretty svelte to me

      • I’m suuuuper happy about Lee Pace as Garett. Just hoping that he gets all shaggy naturally and that Summit doesn’t stick a low budget wig on him.

  • “the ability to ‘glower’ at a moment’s notice” = hilarious.

    I also don’t like the mental merging of the book and movie. That’s why I keep the books in my bedside table so that every once in a while I can pull them out and read a favorite scene or two, just to keep myself straight – and to remember how I pictured Edward and Bella. Rob and Kristen are lovely and all, but my E&B are a bit different and it’s nice to visit with them sometimes. (Not to mention being able to remember how I visualized Jacob – SOOOOOO different from Mr. Lautner.)

    • dude tell me about it. my b/e are a bit diff. rob is a close fit, bella is a lot diff to me in that she doesnt really have any distinguishable characteristics. movie and book b/e are so diff.

      • Book Bella is very emotional. She’s passionate, somewhat sarcastic, and its easy to pull her heart strings. Movie Bella however, is stuttery, vacant, and holds back her passion. She’s still sarcastic though.
        I really keep my version of Book Bella away from the movie version. Edward is very similar movie and book version, but I always pictured him with more energy in his voice. He was either manicky, over happy and excited, or super depressed and overly protective and controlling.
        For me, Rob just didn’t pull off the extreme emotional jumps Edward has in the books IMO. But otherwise, I adored him.

    • TeamJacobEdward

      LOL – I read the books the first time a little before the Twilight movie came out. I literally finished the books and found out they were already making a movie out of it.

      I was stoked… Until Rob started to morph with my imagination of Edward. I panicked and emailed my best Twi friend–as one does in these situations (seriously you’d freak out too if you could have seen the god-like perfection my mind created Edward to be). She wisely told me to turn away from the internet with Rob’s face plastered all over as Edward for awhile and re read the books. I did and Edward came back to me. He’s faded more and more into Rob since then but there are a couple of scenes in Twilight I can still read where I can still vaguely picture the original Edward.

      • LattersBaby

        Has anyone noticed false memory experiences when shifting from reading to viewing? I’ve read New Moon several times, the other night I watch the film again and was shocked that I really remembered scenes from the books happening in the film…but they weren’t there. Really? Did I just imagine the Voluturi waiting room scene, the flight home, the scene at the airport, Bella believing she was dreaming? Reading, watching, then reading again messes with the mind…I wish the film had these scenes. Maybe I should consider myself lucky.

        • I didn’t have that happen with this series, but I have with another book I love that is a movie.

        • yes! i do that! its like adding to the movie with your mind, its crazy!

  • Smitten

    Brilliant post!!! While I certainly didn’t require a lesson in Twilight 101, I most definitely enjoyed it!!!

  • “special power: extreme sexiness.”
    Hahaha pure win!
    Loved this post! Makes me wanna read Twilight again. The whole thing, not just the favourite parts. (yes it is normal to pull out the book every few weeks and read the restaurant scene or the 2nd biology class scene or the meadow part…*swoon* [not to be confused with Coug Cathy’s lamea** golf course we got instead])

    And like Jamie mentioned above, I don’t see the whole appeal of the lion and lamb quote either. It just reminds me what it would be like if I were in love with my favourite food, which was probably what SM intended it to be, but I don’t see how that’s romantic.

    • The Old One

      “It just reminds me what it would be like if I were in love with my favourite food” — I’m laughing out loud. It’s like those old cartoons where the starving guy on a desert island looks at the other guy and all he sees is a nice roast chicken or a delicious hamburger. I want to see a cartoon with Edward looking at Bella that same way.

      • snowwhitedrifted

        Awe, that reminds me of Seinfeld, when Neuman looks at Kramer like he’s a turkey… After Kramer basked in the sun slathered in butter.

      • TeamSeth

        Licking his lips with a cartoony length tongue, putting on a bib, and holding up a knife and fork…

    • kitkat

      Back when I spent far too long looking at Facebook bumper stickers, one of my faves was a pic of Edward and Bella in the meadow, looking at each other longingly (as if they have other expressions!) with the caption “I love you, Food.”

      • bahaha ” I love you, Food!”
        EPIC! Note the capital F in ‘food.’ It’s like The Cold Woman said above, Edward probably looks at Bella and thinks of her as roasted chicken or something a’la Tom in Tom & Jerry.

        Btw, I’m eating Kitkat AND watching Twilight. Now chocolate is something I wouldn’t mind saying ILY to.

        And so RSMS fell in love with cocoa.

        Yeah I’m lame like that some (read: most) times.

        • Oops major typo! I meant The Old One, not the cold woman. Do we even have a commenter by that name? Either way, apologies from me!

          • The Old One

            No problem! The Old One –> The Cold One –> The Cold Woman. I think there is a Cold Woman who comments occasionally.

          • TeamSeth

            Yeah, there’s a “Cold Woman” or “Cold One” or similar. The Old One is a play on The Cold One(s), right?

            Also, you realize you replied to kitkat saying you were eating a kitkat… was that a joke or a coincidence?

    • Hmmm, well where you put it that way….
      Oh sushi, I love you so much!

    • TeamSeth

      It was a golf course?!

      • Yes, Coug Cathy mentioned during the commentary that they filmed the meadow scene in a golf course in L.A.
        And that kitkat comment was intentional. I was reading her comment and realized that coincidentally I was holding a bar in my hands 🙂 So I thought I had to let her know..LOL

        • kitkat

          Merci beaucoup!

      • oh man. a golf course?

        who in the world could read the Meadow scene, and think “Oh that golf course that looks like a forest kinda reminds me of a meadow in some ridiculous way!”

        i wonder if Spidwickey got hit in the head with any golf balls while filming? hope so!

        Spidwickey = Hardwicke

  • kitkat

    Thanks for the brilliant lesson Moon (and GeminiGypsy, Mean Girls really does apply to everything!).

    It is lovely to get back to our Twilight “roots.” I do want to read the book again!

    • kitkat

      And since I can borrow it from my library for my nook/computer, Twi-land here I come!

  • Luludee

    Awesome, loved this! Makes me want to break the books out again too. I think the movies have taken over the books in my mind at this point :-/

    OT – I just watched the New Moon Rifftrax last night. Pretty funny, but my oh my, they even made fun of the music! I think they were just trying to slam anything associated with Twilight. But I still laughed. My friend’s husband watched it with us too and enjoyed it.

  • JustGoWithIt

    I totally love Twilight tattoos. The lady with the Edwards smoldering golden eyes on her upper back peaking out from her shirt is the best. I regularly Google Image the subject to see if there are any new ones. I wonder if anyone got one pre-movie and madness thinking it would just mean something to them personally, and then BAM everyone and their dad sees your ribbon apple chess piece quote tattoo and knows exactly what it is about.

    • TeamSeth

      I love you.

      I also love your other spelling of “peeking” here: The lady with the Edwards smoldering golden eyes on her upper back peaking out from her shirt is the best.

      Twin Peaks! hehehe I giggled a lot.

  • JustGoWithIt

    Also, I wonder when thing started really getting crazy. I came a little late, just before New Moon came out, and at that point the only thing I’d really heard about it was a couple of friends recommending I read the books.

  • operarose

    *sigh* It seemed far less lame when I was reading it alone, by myself, for the first time, and no one else had ever heard of it.

    Vegetarian vampires…no sex…holy crow…wigs…it all seems so silly now.

    • JustGoWithIt

      It is undoubtedly silly. But, I feel a duty to stick by and enjoy (somewhat) openly, since I’m good with silly. When first reading about Twilight on internet sites it made Twilight fans out to be crazy humorless people who would swear on their dying breath that Twilight had to be taken seriously. Then I found LTT, and I could see there were a lot of people like me, who can see how silly it is and love it at the same time. UC and Moon seem to always touch on subjects that I have been thinking about, including doubts in their devotion (we have to blog about this for how much longer?).

      • TeamSeth

        Guess we’re not the first silly you’ve met.

      • exactly! i didnt know there were other people out there who saw how silly it was and still loved it besides me until i found LTT.
        ijust happened upon a giant group of people that already share my views about junk and are all very nice people, it was awesome!
        still is!

  • FacePunch

    Whenever people ask me about this ridiculousness I simply roll up the sleeve on my jorts pack hoodie and point to my tattoo that says “letterstotwilight.com” (dazzlingly done in the Twilight font and with the apple where the ‘o’ is, natch).

    • JustGoWithIt

      When Twilight conversation come up, complete with people pretending to forget facts about he movie or books (yeah, sure, you don’t remember in which book Bella and Edward finally do it), I just pull out my Pocket Edward and talk in his voice for a while.

      • FacePunch

        Haha… my Li’l Alice can join him. I can speak in her voice & she’ll say everything he wants before he does due to her premonitionin’! He’ll be so frustrated

      • “Pocket Edward says you’re stupid. You know Carlisle is a doctor, and not a dentist. You’re not fooling anyone!”

    • FACEPUNCH!!!!!! hello there

      also i want to see this tattoo… heh heh called out!

      • FacePunch

        MOON! Hi, now lemme show you my tat…



        • …. is someone really not gonna say it? FINE!
          “THEY’RE NOT BEARS!?!?!”

        • bear = giant CGI wolf?

    • TeamSeth


  • Guess what’s working? Oh Yeah- the FORUM


    • I can’t register because I’m not 18??? *cries*

  • Rachel B

    this post is SO fetch!

    • stop trying to make fetch happen rachel!!! ugh.

    • TeamSeth

      Last night I was thinking about how I hope mom & dad don’t get me hoop earrings for Hanukkah since I won’t be able to wear them.

  • Stacey

    Don’t tell Snow White Drifted… Instead of reading about a time traveler in Scotland, I’m rereading the books about sparkly vampires…shh… ;0)

    By the way…Lee Pace! Yay!

    • snowwhitedrifted

      Ha ha ha.. whatever, you’re missing out.
      Although they do have similarities…
      rocks – Edward feels like marble
      Bella’s an older…wait there are more similarities but I don’t want to spoil it.

    • theseviolentdelights

      mmmm….Lee Pace….my hands clap and my mind starts singing “bow chicka wa wa”. 😀
      I’m slightly obsessed – it’s normal…I hope.

      • i like yo name violentdelights!!!

        and lee pace… swooooooooooooon.

      • LattersBaby

        I only had to read “bow chicka wa wa” four times…I get it now.

    • TeamSeth

      At first all I thought was “There’s a book about David Tennant?” then I realized that I already knew that. Then I realized you were talking about that other book that was mentioned last week (or so?). Sigh. (More Hartnell Whos waiting for me at the library! woot)

  • Stacey

    I just realized that I made alot of fun of Bella being clumsy, but now after landing in a bucket of paint(I’ve been painting ceilings today), I realized I’m just as clumsy as Bella. It’s not so funny anymore. Eek.

    • OMG, I have to say I love your little icon thingy (I’m not fluent in blog-iese). My son LOVES Super Why!

    • Welcome to my life, Stace! That was the first thing that made me identify with Bella. LOL. *hugs*

  • TeamJacobEdward

    *raises hand*

    Professor Moon?

    Will there be a test? Okay.

    Will we have projects to turn in? If so, I was thinking of doing mine on the properties of vampire skin. You know, what IS it that makes it so hard and sparkly.

    What its that? That would be more for the Twilight: Advanced Theories and Sciences class? Oh. I suppose an essay theorizing why animal blood turns vampire eyes golden instead of red when animal blood is every bit as red as human blood wouldn’t work either huh. No, didn’t think so.

    How about I do family trees for Edward and Bella? Yes? Okay thanks. No. I promise to not include “real” family members of the Cullens just the vampire ones, or ones we “don’t know” yet.

    • TeamSeth

      I’d rather hear your theories.

      • TeamJacobEdward

        I’d been facilitating between Bruce Wayne and Peter Parker. No way I was going to own up to that. I shook my head. “Too embarrassing”

        • TeamSeth

          Does it truly say ‘facilitating’? Surely SM was watching late night reruns of Dawson’s Creek while writing this…

        • Interesting choice! I’ve always compaired Carlisle to Professer X.
          “You must show compassion to the humans. show them we mean no harm.” But then that would make Alice Jean Grey. who I actually don’t like very much. Or is Bella Jean Grey? She has the psychic shield.

          • TeamSeth

            Well, I think that’s hard to know, because Jean undergoes a major personality change when she becomes the Phoenix. So, do you mean her as Jean or her as the Phoenix? And I don’t really like her either. But, certainly Cyclops is not Jasper. 😉

          • TeamSeth

            And I think Bella is most like Rogue. She’s never really comfortable with who she is, so she changes herself permanently in order to be able to be with the one she loves.

          • Definately don’t mean Bella as Pheonix! Pheonix is actually one of my fav X-men, even though I dislike Jean Gray (and Cyclops).
            My comparison for Bella as Jean was more because everyone sees Jean as being super weak, and emotional. And yet, when she can pull herself together, she is actually one of the more powerful X-men.
            And I was just thinking…. would Jasper be Gambit? Both Southern-ish gentlemen and both aren’t really adjusted to their new lifestyle. Gambit’s always quiting the X-men and re-joining etc. Not quite sure what their true intentions are.

  • theseviolentdelights

    The only person I have a hope in hell of trying to explain the saga to is my sister, although I do remember this one time we were discussing BD and I started talking of different ways Beller could have not gotten preggers with the demon spawn. I had just started talking about maybe condoms when she suddenly says loudly in a confused tone, “But what about his SUPER-SPERM?”
    I guess I explained Edward’s “special abilities” wrongly. 😉

    • TeamSeth

      This made me think, wouldn’t Bella’s super shield special ability have kept out some certain spermies? I mean, sheesh, what’s it good for anyway? Keeping Jane out of her head and making a big bubble shield to keep her out of everyone’s head? (I imagine the bubble like the Gungan ones from Stars Wars Episode I)

      • theseviolentdelights

        So her ovaries are connected to her shield?
        Hmmm…so that means the only ones who can impregnate her are the ones who can get past her shield. So it wouldn’t be possible for Eddie to… :0
        Well then, she certainly has some explaining to do.

        • TeamSeth

          Not possible until the END of BD when she does lift her shield and he can remember all the “super distant” human memories of how much she loves him. Aww! BD is a good book. It’s my favorite I think. That ending made me cry and say, “The perfect ending.” Yay!

          • LattersBaby

            I hope that when she lifts the shield he can find out just how f*in painful her conversion was. No, Carlise and Edward, the morphine did not help.

      • TeamJacobEdward

        Ahh. Interesting point TS.

        However, if you remember, Bella’s shield is purely mental. Her body is susceptible to manipulation. (For example Jasper can calm her.) Basically anything outside the mind is vulnerable.

        Or in other words, Bella’s eggs are not protected by her shield and are open season to Edward’s super sperm.

        🙂 I love this class

        • TeamSeth

          It’s a pretty good class for sure!

          Your use of “purely mental” caused me to smile.

          And then you went on to talk about how vulnerable her naughty bits were…and that she can be manipulated. Were you reading the Sex Ed fanfic?

          • TeamJacobEdward

            I have to admit I made myself smile at, “purely mental,” too. I felt that I was calling Bella a little mental. And that I was saying, “it’s all in her head,” which my husband tells me all the time. (snot)

            Actually no, I haven’t read that fic, but I’m thinking maybe I should. I think I’d probably really enjoy it…

        • TeamJacobEdward

          The lesson here kids is, mind shields are not a reliable form of contraception…

          • WHAAAT? Damn, guess my Abstinence and Mind Shield only Sex Ed class was wrong.

        • theseviolentdelights

          “and are open season to Edward’s super sperm.”

          That conjures up some disturbingly hysterical mental images…

          • TeamJacobEdward

            I can almost hear the super sperm firing off at Bella’s egg: “Peuw! Peuw! Peuw! Peuw!”

            No wait! Vampires have precise accuracy. I’m sure their sperm would too. I guess out would be more like, “Pow!” “Crack!” (egg cracking… Hey, I have a vivid imagination) Aaannnd cue rapid cell division that will in a few weeks be Renesmee (aka demon baby).

        • The Old One

          You’re going to get an “A”. You obviously have done your homework and thought about the material.

          • TeamJacobEdward

            Wait. That’s not #normal? Crap. LMAO.

            You have no idea. My brain is CONSTANTLY turning things over, thinking things, wondering. (Not just Twi, but everything.) It is a very entertaining place to live, but tiring. My friends have joked that the reason I’m still suffering from the effects of my brain injury I sustained in January (namely headaches now) is because I work it too hard thinking about things all the time, jumping from one thing to the next in a blink. They tell me if my mind wasn’t constantly moving 100 miles a minute maybe it could heal. 🙂

          • i swear i have the same brain ^^^ hahah

  • Janetrigs

    I just love me some the sprarkly vampires!

    Honestly, great run down. You rule.

  • Maybe I wasn’t paying attention while I was reading Twilight, or fell asleep in “class” but was it ever brought up why they can’t just buy animal blood at the butcher? Its kinda icky, but people by bags of duck blood etc. for many cooking purposes. Was there a reason they wouldn’t do this? Because they kept blood in the fridge, and that didn’t go “bad” it was still good for Renesme.

    • TeamJacobEdward

      I don’t tink that was covered. However I do remember in that Midnight Sun draft (that terrible, horrible, no good thing that should never be finished because there is no way Stephenie can do it as well as our anticipation demands) when Edward is thinking about killing Bella in biology and contemplating different ways he could do it, he contemplates killing her or the rest of the class first. He says something about if he killed Bella first someone would probably notice before he drained her meaning he’s have to stop and kill them while her blood cooled so her decided against it. Sounded like that would have been very sad to him. So I wonder if it has something to do with that.

      But then again maybe it is like buying a steak when you have a cow in the back yard. Why involve people and make them suspicious if you can just cut out the middle man and get better stuff without the hassle?

      Wait a second. Animal blood packets? Did you read the “Almost Human” trilogy?

      • TeamSeth

        You raise a valid point about hot blood. Which spawned two semi-on topic thoughts of my own.

        1) In BD during the pregnancy, the blood Bella drank was her own type (not her own blood–would that be considered cannibalistic?) Anyway, do you think that drinking your own type would be more satisfying? And, do animals have blood types like humans do? AND what about Renesmee, did she have the same blood type as Beller?

        2) If cougar (heh) blood is more satisfying than say, deer blood, as Edward points out is true and goes onto state his deduction that it’s because they’re carnivores and predators, than why would human blood be so delicious? Edward notes that the nature of the mountain lions are most similar to that of a human. However humans are not carnivores and not really predators either (at least in the way a mtn lion is). So where is the comparison really? I think Emmett has it right, based on similarity anyway. Bears are omnivores, like humans, and don’t stalk their prey the way a mountain lion (or any member of the cat family) does. They just hang out at streams during spawning season and swat at the salmons. Much more human-like. Mountain lions, well to put it simply, they’re not bears. What more, in the movie Bella is a vegetarian, so why would her blood appeal the mtn lion lovin’ Eddie anyway? (I suppose that we can write that off as a Cougwickism)

        • With Bella drinking the blood during pregnancy: The blood was really for the fetus. Fetus was “drinking” Bella’s blood and it liked the blood type. That’s why they made Bella drink the same type. It wasn’t a transfusion, where mixing of the wrong blood could cause serious damage and sometimes death. Again though, Bella was drinking the blood cold.
          Did they heat up the blood for Renesme? I know most people warm a bottle, but was that necessary?
          With Edward in MS I believe he didn’t want the blood to go cold bc it would be a waste. Kinda like if you make a cup of coffee, have to do stuff, come back and its cold. Its annoying, but still drinkable.

          And if we’re talking about what would taste more human, would gorillas be a better option? They are the closest thing to a human. Did the Cullens just not want to hang in Jungles? Are Gorillas too scarce? They’re tough, I’ve heard they can be more ferocious than bears, so they’d still get a great fight.

          • TeamSeth

            I didn’t think it was like a transfusion situation, more wondering if it tasted yummier. Anyway, you’re right, it’s all for Renameme anyway. She’s so needy.

            I think chimps are the closest to humans…but I’m sure Jane Goodall would’ve gotten the drop on the Cullens for that. I think the real jungle issue is the sunlight. They want to live among humans, you know? That’s the whole point of Forks. Otherwise they’d just chill in Denali with the ladies…or head to more animal infested areas–like the jungle. I wonder what elephant blood would be like…

          • efam

            LOVE your coffee analogy…spot on.

          • Thanks! 🙂

        • kitkat

          @TeamSeth, thank you for reminding us that Mountain lions are NOT bears. (that one gets me every time!)
          and @Jamie, didn’t they put the blood in the microwave before Bella drank it, or is my mind making that up? I don’t have the books handy, so I need to be lazy and make someone else research that for me.

          • TeamSeth

            Now I’m trying to decide if I’d rather drink hot or cold blood. How thick is it really? maybe a blood milkshake could be good. But if it’s thin when it’s warm/hot, then a blood cider? Hm, not a bad idea for Halloween (not with real blood, food color people!)

          • All I remember is them putting it in a plastic cup with a bendy straw. I think it tasted good to Bella because her body needed it. Pregnancy gives you strange cravings, all of which are for a reason and because your bodies lacking some sort of nutrients. Maybe after I’m done cleaning up dinner stuff I’ll get off my ass and page through BD for some more research. If Supernatural isn’t on yet, that it.

          • I think drinking blood warm would make sense if you want to mimic the feeling of it being fresh.
            Usually when people donate blood an anti-coagulant is added. Maybe that effects the taste? Does blood get chunky or something if it does coagulate? Do we have any LTT girls that are doctors or nurses?

          • TeamSeth

            That made me throw up a little in my mouth. I am NOT nurse material. (Cottage cheese blood!)

        • Oooh! Theory!
          We do not actually know Bellas blood type, do we? If we do, I’m really not attentive enough to remember.
          Anyways, there are certain theories about what you should eat compared to your blood type. Some blood types you should eat more veggies, more dairy, And one or two you are basically stupposed to be on a high protein diet. Maybe Bella should be eating that way, which would make Eddy more into her because he loves his carnivores.

          • Ended up not looking through BD. Got distracted by the new kitten that I just adopted 🙂 Maybe tomorrow I’ll relax and re-read it.

          • i remember them heating the blood up for Bella.
            is it normal that even though its been a while since i read them i can still recall small details from each of the books?

  • TeamJacobEdward

    Swype phone feature word guess fail. I was trying for “vacillating”

    But I don’t know for sure if that was a direct quote. It was from memory. *polishes geek badge*

    • TeamJacobEdward

      Me #fail. This was supposed to be a reply to TS

    • TeamSeth

      It’s fine, I plugged it in for you. My joke was that Dawson’s Creek kids always used big words that no one in high school would ever use in normal life unless they were hoping to be pretentious. Like how that guy in college said to me, “Yeah, that was funny in high school.” whenever I realized that cunning linguist and cunnilingus were a funny play on words and tried to tell the joke. What a pretentious, dismissive jerk he was. I didn’t even know the word cunnilingus existed until college! So there, buddy.

      And I just put my sunnies on, cuz that geek badge is super sparkly 😉

      • TeamSeth

        Okay, I didn’t plug it in. I just assumed there was another meaning of facilitating I didn’t know existed and put in a word like oscillating instead. “Facilitating is to Mr. Medina as _____ is to Bruce Wayne or Peter Parker”

        • TeamSeth

          these thumbs up thingies are out of control. I got 25 automatically for my lame mean girls reference earlier.

  • Efam

    Sooo random that you blogged about this today when I pulled out the movie in a rather unsuccessful attempt to get my grandmother to read the books. Oh to be a Twilight Virgin again!!

    • JustGoWithIt

      Now that is a kind of virginity I can miss.

  • Midnight_Cyn

    Hey ladies just popping in to say Hi and that I have loved reading all the posts/comments! Hope everyone is having a great weekend! Hugs! xo

    • TeamSeth

      hey Cyndi! I’d wondered where you were hiding! Hope all is well 🙂

    • kitkat

      Hi Cyn!

  • kitkat

    This is totes off topic, but I figured you guys might appreciate this. I saw the coolest looking Eclipse book today. Instead the black background, the book was pure white, with red writing and the red ribbon. Then, the outside of the pages was red as well. It was odd seeing this format, but also kind of beautiful. Has anyone else seen the books like this? I’m in France right now, so maybe our European friends can help me out?

  • Pingback: Letters to Twilight()

  • Andra Lucero

    plz hurry up

  • Colinfletcher2008

    i love twilight because they have awesme cliff hangers then change scene making everyone hold in their pee until the end of the film!

  • Jessicacraft94

    im such a big fan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    all my family is and so is all my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    is bella and edward havin a baby??????????????????????

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