Friday Funnies! Chris Weitz likes the best videos. EVER!

Dear LTT-ers,

I don’t know about you all but today is a big day… it is Good Friday for those who celebrate and it is also the LA stop on the Railroad Revival Tour so I am busy celebrating, remembering, singing and eating Five Guys (the restaurant, pervs). BUUTTT I thought we should take a second to have a laugh courtesy of Chris Weitz and his Twitter. At some point (who knows when) he tweeted a link to his favorite funny Twilight video. It just happens to come from The Onion so you KNOW it’s gonna be gooood.

Sit back for a minute enjoy this and have a wonderful Holiday weekend.

Al-Qaeda Calls Off Attack On Nation’s Capitol To Spare Life Of ‘Twilight’ Author

Worse than when Sam phased and slashed his beloved Emily in the face” and the terroist in a Twilight tshirt?! Someone’s a HIGH-larious fan at the Onion. It’s so much win that I can’t even quote all my favorite parts… It’s like they wire tapped a Twihard event, or just copied word for word Twibloggers posts from the nets.

Happy Holiday Weekend to Everyone! TGIF!

Source: The Onion

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store


  • Nelle

    Moon- did you prep the “Al Qaeda” spokesman? I mean “Midnight Sun” and “Renesmee” references. Do admit!

  • zzxKATEzzz


  • Anonymous

    “…even Alice won’t be able to predict their next attack…”

    Wanna bet?

  • natteringyeahrobber

    Love Jacob’s transformation into a wolf, terrorist-hideout style. The guy in the Bella wig nailed it too.

  • Al Farook is the ONLY one who can pronounce Renesmee!!

    Guy in the Bella wig was kind of hot.

  • TeamSeth

    Also it’s Earth Day, yay! 🙂

    Will watch video once I get home… work just doesn’t understand people need access videos. After our resident Caturday girl spent a whole day watching Devo Cats (search it), youtube and half of our other websites (like facebook, twitter, and the Onion) suddenly were no longer accessible. :'(

    • At least they spared Letters to Twilight, geez. I can access pretty much anything at my job but have no sound. So basically I have to lip read all videos I watch at work (I watched the Onion vid at home). I’m very good at it now. You kind of have to be, since very few sites put transcripts up. Not even the gov’t – they post all these Senate/Congressional hearing videos but transcripts are not available for 4-5 months. I have to lip read those too, since the attorneys ask me what was said but then fail to provide me with a sound card. It’s a lot of fun. TONS. More fun than I can handle. Did that Senator just say “medical benefit requirement” or “my brand of heroin”? Guess I’ll assume the latter! Once I asked IT to fix my sound card, and they gave me new-to-me (cast-off) speakers.

      • TeamSeth

        I would’ve cried if they blocked LTT.

  • Anonymous

    “Military caravans will carry decoys of Taylor Lautner from now on.”

    We need more stuff like this!

    • I know. I’m sort of thinking of a Tropic Thunder like scenario where the bad guys kidnap a group of actors and force them to re-enact scenes from New Moon. In their basement, of course. Ben Stiller as Bella? Jack Black as Edward? Robert Downey Jr. method acting Aro?

      Then they kidnap a director (CW) and force him to make it the “right way” – with no CGI, just using supplies they can pick up at Walgreens. Then force CW to film the whole damn thing (with additional lines of S.Meyer not-approved text) and release it as a remake of New Moon. It could work.

  • Anonymous

    That was fabulous. Happy (good) Friday, Earth Day, and Easter weekend!

  • Sisterpenguin

    Hilarious! Laugh, I nearly cried. Forwarding to a friend who works in counter-terrorism – they need the laughs

  • Sisterpenguin

    Hilarious! Laugh, I nearly cried. Forwarding to a friend who works in counter-terrorism – they need the laughs

  • Anonymous

    “Bid Laden is himself Team Jacob”

    Say it isn’t so!!!! I really do not want to have anything in common with Bin Laden.

  • Abbey_rice

    Hahaha! Good stuff!

    Happy Easter to all those who celebrate it!

    • nocoolname

      Oops. Now you know my name.

      • Abbey_rice

        Never mind. It still says my name but you don’t know who I REALLY am! 🙂

        • TeamSeth

          I know!!!! Happy Easter, lady 😉

  • Anonymous

    I saw this a while back, I love it! Thanks ladies. I needed a giggle after this week.

    UGH, and just when the day was about to end sort of lovely with a group dinner, my Twilight Pusher Who Now Is Oh So Above The Magicness was all bitchy about Water For Elephants(*scoffs*”my -mother- read that book”), and now I am grumpy again. Wish LTT had an IM feature. I need to get drunk with you guys tonight.

    • Dear Grumpy Bella,

      Have you ever stared into an empty glass? Empty not because it has been filled and then consumed but a glass that has never had any liquid in it? Never experienced a sloppy pour, never had eager lips grip its rim after long tiresome day, never been internally cracked ever so slightly due to its possessor carelessly washing it a little too late at night after a one too many drinks? Maybe a little dusty around the base, maybe a little cloudy due to years of accumulated precipitation and neglect. And years of just sitting on in a musty hutch, untouched? It is a sad, sad vessel.

      Find one of those vessels. Run some hot tap water to dilute and free the dust. Wipe the glass clear with a soft dishcloth. Hold it in your palm, feel the absolute smoothness and warmth. Perhaps hold it to your cheek. Apologize. Next, pour into it something over 50 proof. Your choice. Well, actually mine. See paragraph below. Drop an ice cube or two, hear it crack against the warmth of the glass. Wait until until water beads form all around the exterior. It could take 5 minutes, could take 10. Patience is key.

      Then make another. As you’ll find, I’ve completely restocked your liquor cabinet and replaced all that disgusting sugary stuff with English gins and boutique Kentucky bourbons. Nothing but the best for my soon-to-be Bella. I’ve also taken the liberty of replacing most (but not all) of your “glass”ware. I did leave one dusty vessel. See above paragraph. God lord woman, have you not read about the risks of bisphenol-a? But sshssssh. Just sssshhhh.

      Will be there around 10, right as you pass out, to do your dishes and watch you sleep,

      • Anonymous

        Mmmmm Edward, I had no idea that falling asleep with the spicy taste of Goldschlager on my tongue could be so…satisfying.

        Thank you for opening my eyes. You are, truly, a genius.
        Irrevocably, “Bella”

        • natteringyeahrobber

          But, seriously, the TwiPusher is over Twilight and hates Water for Elephants because her mom read the book? I can understand getting over Twilight (well, no, no I cannot) but to not want to see a movie because a parent read the book? Does she think the movie is only for the geriatric demographic? I mean, it’s not Like Golden Pond for Elephants or Elephants for Cocoon Water.

          • Anonymous

            Guh. Totally. She is not even over Twilight, I don’t think. Like, not really. She is just repressing. (To be honest, I think I scare her a bit, but whatevs. She can suck it.)

            Also? You are a genius, do you know that? That post was brilliant. I want to get drunk with it. And you. You are wasted working with lawyers. Unless all your Summary Judgments are as brilliantly written.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Thanks. Just waiting for CW to discover me. In the meantime, I wish I could get wasted working with lawyers. We have a new “no alcohol” policy during office hours. No wait, we are allowed 1/2 a glass during lunch. Which means I’m to order a glass of wine and t just leave 1/2? They did not clarify in the employee manual. Who orders a half glass of wine? Of course, they did not specify the size of the glass, so I do have that as wiggle room. I’m also violating company social media policy by talking about work on an online forum. OOPS.

          • Anonymous

            Haha! I was going to ask if they mentioned what size glass. Maybe that was the point, not to specify in terms of ounces.

          • Yah, I plan on buying this glass for my next lunch break:

            Not really. I usually don’t order wine or beer with lunch because I will fall right asleep and get no work done. But policies like this make me want to.

          • Anonymous

            You really should. Pull it out of your purse and request they only fill it
            half way, company policy. 😀 Don’t forget to order the Wine Stem Glass
            holder to go with it.

          • I didn’t even notice the suggestion to buy the Wine Stem Glass Holder. OMFG, that is the most ridiculous looking contraption, I LOVE it. I need to keep one in my purse, just so I can remember to use it at the next fancy-schmancy wine tasting event I’m invited to. Also, I just noticed the “Customers who bought this item also bought” section. People who bought the gigantic wine glass also purchased:

            Cougar Town Season 1, Premium Wild Bird Food, Waring Electric Martini Maker (WTF is this??? Who needs an electric martini maker???!), a book called “You’ll Never Blue Ball In This Town Again”, Little Golden Book – Dumbo, Go Ask Alice, Flashing Rudolph Nose, Federal Rules of Evidence, “How To Live with a Huge Penis”, a toy maltese dog, and THIS

            I’m now tempted to buy all of the above and ship to JCB. Because it just would not be possible to put together a more bizarre care package.

          • And I’m now spending the rest of my lunch break looking at the 330 customer submitted photos for the three wolf t-shirt. Hilarious. Think it might be time for my allocated half glass of wine.

          • Anonymous

            eeehhheheheheee. “I was immediately approached by women.”

          • Anonymous

            I will go in on it with you.

          • Anonymous

            Holy Crap! What a gift basket that would make!

          • Anonymous

            Hold on. Attorneys that DON’T drink? I had no idea that happened. Odd.

          • No, they do. The policy is for staff. They are worried that if we have a glass of wine/beer at lunch, we’ll give up company secrets in an elevator and/or impregnate each other. Sometimes I think they just feel the need to come up with policies.

  • TeamSeth

    Just watched the video! hahahaha! “Or my mother’s a Jew” hehehe <3 Epic video and I love that C-Dubs enjoys it–given that they want him sliced open for his abomination of a work (aka, my fave movie of the series thus far) Perhaps Chris is living in unendurable, eternal shame? No, wait, no that was from the Golden Compass (oooh burn!)

    • natteringyeahrobber

      New Moon…not too shameful. At worst an entertaining romp with more than a few hints at camp. Maybe the Twilight with the most drinking game potential? (Jacob has his shirt off, too much makeup on a Volturi, every time Bella screams at night?). The payola probably cancels all shame. Not a bad film, actually.

      But Golden Compass? Have you seen it? Not horrible, but…not as bad as expected. Maybe in part to Daniel Craig.

      • TeamSeth

        I liked Golden Compass actually, mostly because I love Craig and polar bears, er ice bears… and because I never read the book(s). (was all more a dig at how much C-Dubs was pissed about it) (wait, were you joking? sometimes I can’t tell–especially since I’ve been drinking because lent is over! yay!!!!! HOLLA NUTSLUT!!! RECIPE TIME!)

  • Rob’s Bitch

    I love these! Thanks for sharing – needed a chuckle.

    • Anonymous

      “Rob’s Bitch”? ZOMG are you the “assistant” we all read about in Vanity Fair? Hi!

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