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Breaking down my embarrassment

Dear “artist” who did this, uh, beautiful oil painting,


Here are my thoughts:

  • I’m really 2nd-hand embarrassed for you
  • Obviously this is Isle Esme and we all love those chapters in Breaking Dawn, but in the words of Lauren from Lauren’s Bite, this is just “sicknast”
  • It’s one thing if it was just Bella & Edward, but those are clearly Rob & Kristen’s faces (and, oh! I’m just so 2nd-hand embarrassed!)
  • Why is Edward silver?
  • This reminds me of my Grandma chalk art ministry. Except instead of illustrating sex, she would hide something about Jesus in the clouds. Then she’d turn on a black light and wha-la! Jesus would appear.  What appears when you turn your black light on? A large vampire erecti bite?
  • Why did you give Bella such beautiful, large breasts? Stephenie was so clear that everything about Bella is “average”
  • Where and WHY was this ever made?
  • Were you planning on hanging it in your house? Did you hope it would be curated next to the Mona Lisa?

Extremely Embarrassed,

I honestly have no idea where I found this. If you’re the artist and want me to credit you (and why would you admit to that), please let me know!

OMG.. remind me never to google “Isle Esme” again! It keeps getting worse! See all the embarrassment after the cut:

Hm.. Friday Night, what should I do? Oh, I know! I'll make an Isle Esme wreath and sell it on Ebay for $30

Hm.. Friday Night, what should I do? Oh, I know! I'll make an Isle Esme wreath and sell it on Ebay for $30

Allright- I'm ready to head out. My nails are all done up. Do you think I'll get laid with nails like this?

Allright- I'm ready to head out. Do you think I'll get laid with nails like this?

Hey Rob... uh, you know I have a boyfriend, right?

Hey Rob... uh, you know I have a boyfriend, right?

I spy a different couple breaking headboards on Isle Esme!

I spy a different couple breaking headboards on Isle Esme!

If you dare, see what else has 2nd-hand embarrassed us

  • Alysha


  • i feel a little bad saying this but – ugh

    • haha… i know the true artist in you probably tries to see beauty in ALL art.. but you have to admit.. that’s BAD!

      • aquiredtaste

        it’s more than bad. it’s creepatastic. why ? why would someone do such a thing? it makes me feel all icky inside.

  • Pam

    I don’t feel bad at all by saying ugh. Ugh!

  • howulikintheraingirl

    I fell incredibly good about saying ugh. UUGGGHHHHHHHH!

  • A couple questions to add to the list:

    Dude, seriously?




  • Stephanie

    I wonder if Robert Pattinson ever googles himself – lol. I would love to ask him his opinion on all the creepy crap that is out there.

    • apparently he does… which makes it WAY more 2nd hand embarrassing!

  • Upon further study of said “piece”, Bella seems to look more like Rachel Leigh Cook than Kristen Stewart. Do you think Rachel is using a “wish fulfillment” technique to subdue that “special feeling” she might be having towards Robert?

    • MelP

      Oh my god I am totally watching She’s All That right now and was thinking the same thing!!

    • oh my. you are quite the sleuth. and you’re right. I bet that Rachel created this beautiful oil painting herself, actually..

      • Now I’m sufficiently weirded out because for years when Rachel Leigh Cook was more prevalant in movies people said she looked like my sister. I never saw it, but as recently as last Fall a friend who’s never even met my sister saw her wedding pic and told me she looked like RLC.

        I think I need to go bleach my brain now to get this picture out…

  • Eeeewwww! What makes me sad is the productive time wasted, the fact that this person is PROUD of the piece and knowing that it REALLY is most likely hanging in the living room of some house, somewhere.

    Pattinson Pants lady? Was this you again? Srsly going to need you to stop now! (But really, I don’t want you too or the whole 2nd hand embarrassed section would blow!)

    • Srsly. Whoever it is, is quite the artist. I wish they had painted a picture of Robward in the Ray Bans…looking Makey Outey.

  • MelP

    Did anyone else notice that “Edward’s” legs seemed to have disappeared…

    • right! he’s just a torso. whoever did this was like, “ah..no one will notice that I didn’t feel like painting in Edwards legs…”

      man. i can’t stop staring. and yet I am so creeped out by it…

    • maygirlg

      yea.. me too. i mean thought to draw the girl’s curves but not guy’s legs. Im sorry I cant call them Edward and Bella.


      google should have 2nd hand embarassment filter so that everything we just saw a moment ago would never exist in future. Or have different section named find 2nd hand embarassment souvenirs of Isle Esme so that LTR girls could find this stuff more easily to make 2nd hand embarassment letters dedicated to those who have created them.

      Girls, I dont claim any creative process in the above pictures. But I do appauled you to be so brave and post this. Im sorry.

      • maygirlg

        @above. ****yea……i mean the artist thought to draw***

  • Wow. There are people who have WAY too much time on their hands! WAY TOO MUCH! Each of those things gross me out in a special and unique way.

  • krazykidd

    Dear crazy that had enough time to do the wreath AND try to sell it on ebay:
    I am BEYOND 2nd-hand embarassed….why don’t you invest that time on something useful for man kind like I don’t know…sterilization or something. Anyway think about it.

  • superhumanmoron

    That is just beyond creeptastic.

  • Can’t breathe, can’t stop laughing WTF

  • brittany

    hahahahaa omg hahahhaa. i mean its a really nice painting, they did a good job, but it’s creepy beyond all reason. who would sit down and say “i think im going to paint a naked rob and kristen gettin it on on isle esme!”

    and i think edward’s silver b/c of the sun? hahhahaha.

  • Freya

    There is a part of me that gleefully adores seeing Twi-crap like this! It confirms my belief that some very talented people are CRAZY. And they like to sell their crazy on Etsy. (Love you, Etsy!)

  • brittany


    i think i found who made it. hahahhahaaaa.

    • Ew, ew. She said she made this Photoshop WITHOUT a tablet, just her little mouse. PS savvy can attest to how ridiculously long this would have taken to make. Ew, ew, ew.

      • Charlee

        WITHOUT A TABLET! THAT IS INSANE. She must have spent days on this..or weeks!!

  • Meg

    wow Really!!!!???

    that is so great, I love the second hand embarrassed stuff!
    here is some more info on this wonderful creation thanks to the artist deviant art.

    Artist’s Comments
    Edward and Bella on Esme Isle
    By (i wont post her name) because I am sure at this point she is embarrassed

    “This is my Latest painting depicting “Breaking Dawn” from the “Twilight” book series by Stephenie Meyer.

    This piece is painted in Photoshop CS3 WITHOUT a Wacom tablet. I used a standard optical mouse.
    Twilight movie posters were used as a visual reference to achieve the likeness in each character’s face, but this is NOT a photo-manipulation.”

    She sounds very proud of this! so I bet it is hanging in her house.

    she has more…



  • Jeri

    I actually like the first one of Bella and Edward. Sorry guys..lol

  • Melissa

    gahh…again, words fail me.

  • Uh…Bella’s breasts?

    No, what’s freaking me out is EDWARD’S BREASTS. ‘Cause those ain’t pecs he’s sportin. No, those are full-on Manboobs.

    Do you think he’s a Maidenform Man or a La Perla lover?

    • themoonisdown

      cross your heart 24hr bra.


  • vickyb

    @UC Ummmm….why are you making fun of my painting???

    @ Leigh Anne….manboobs. ROFLMAO!!!

    @ UC Just kidding! Maybe I cannot confirm nor deny that this is my painting and that it may or may not be hanging above my bed.

    • i know it’s above your bed. i gave it to you for your last birthday.

      i’m the artist


  • Tiffany

    Your Grandma has a chalk ministry? haha The only thing hidden in them clouds is the artists’ dignity and I can’t seem to find that even with a black light on.
    Upon further inspection of this “painting” I have noticed

    Edward looks totally uninterested.. no guy would be making that face when a girl with boobs as nice as bella’s in this painting was laying on top of him.

    When I turned on my black light “he has risen” was written in the clouds… but I’m pretty sure it wasnt a reference to the Savior.

    Finally I would give anything to have those fake bella boobs… seriously perfect… I assumed that a girl did this painting but the boobs makes me think a unicorn was involved…

    • themoonisdown

      it was 100% a unicorn only guys think those are possible in nature.

      ps HE IS RISEN! he is risen, indeed. omg

    • HAHAHA… he has risen… for SERIOUS

    • i think the artist spent more time on bella’s implants than silver edward…

  • Charlee

    I totally want that wreath to hang on my front door! You know, for all the twilight holidays!

    • LaPush Baby

      heh heh. What are the Twilight Holidays, anyway? The day it came out on DVD? The day New Moon comes out?

      Or maybe they are related to the book, like the day Edward comes back in NM, was that in January?

      Bellas b-day in September…

      Wedding day in August….

      That is clearly what the wreath was made for. And I want one, too.

  • the real question here is did anyone actually BUT that wreath?! because if they did i am heading to the craft store right NOW.

    And that painting totally gave me the creeps – it’s like she’s perched on Edward’s corpse after it washed up on the sand or something (sorry to go there but i gots to call ’em like i see ’em..). ew.

    if you hung that up in your house i’ll bet it would seem like the eyes would follow you wherever you went…. {{{shudder}}}

  • oh CRAP – i meant BUY the wreath – BUY!! sheesh… i hate that…

  • THE NAILS. With a rainbow??? And she (presumably) spelled it “Nailz”! WOOOW

    • oh stop. you KNOW you want your next lady-friend to have NAILZ like that!

      • LOL – if the “next lady-friend” is Ashley? Then ok, yeah. I could deal with the “nailz”. A LTT girl? MAYBE. Anyone else? NNNOOOOOOOOOOO

        • xo

        • Freya

          I love the fact that you’re ready to cut the LTT girls a break, Jordan. We <3 U.

  • trixi

    that wreath just cracked me up. seriously who would buy that for $30 off ebay. and what is up with edwards red eyes? love the nailz by me!

  • myria101

    All of these are just…wow. Who?? Why?? I just can’t fathom someone doing these.


  • themoonisdown

    OH dear lord the lee press on nails and chalk ministry take the cake. this is aaaaaamazing!

    • believe it or not the chalk art ministry is quite impressive… !

  • samalia

    i can’t stop staring…. it’s like a car accident and i keep scrolling back up to rubberneck.

  • I can’t stop staring at it, either. Seriously. It’s so bad… and I think I want it. It’s one of those things I would hang up in the house just to witness the horrified looks of my guests when they first catch a glimpse of it. In my quest of ‘all things uncomfortable’, I must say, that painting is definitely in the top 5.

    • MsKat

      Haahaaha – you’d put it up and wait on pins and needles for someone to notice it – pure comedy!

      • Exactly. I would act like I really REALLY thought it was something special.

  • You know what the world needs? A Twilight-themed mental institution.

    … just saying.

  • trixi

    my husbands comment about the painting-

    hubby-“what the hell porn are you looking at.”

    me- giggle “its not porn”

    hubby- “the hell it isn’t. she all at blow job level”

    hubby rolls eyes.

    • LaPush Baby

      A blow job on a legless CPR practice mannequin!

      I can’t believe I keep going back an looking at it. I’m actually just studying the wreath, so I can make my own.

      • Proselyte3

        Yes! OMG…LOL! CPR mannequin…that is a visual.

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  • struhar2009

    i’ve seen this before i heard it wasn’t painted that it was painstakingly, photoshopped to LOOK like an oil painting.

  • Good god! I’m 3rd hand embarrassed. Obviously some people need to step away from all things Twilight.

  • Kristin

    eww. and uh..the lower half of his body disappears. And I can’t stop staring at the underboob. and uh, sand in the girly parts. wowza. I can’t look at this anymore..haha.

  • sun_lover

    Another one to add:

    Why does silver Edward look a little like Frankenstein?

    C’mon…who in their right mind would admit this was theirs?

    Next..the wreath….only $30 for a wreath/collage? Hmm…can I get that link, I gotta get one!

    • i bet if you google “isle esme wreath” it will be the ONLY thing that comes up in the search…. i’m PRAYING that’s the case!

      • trixi

        ok i am sad… and a little drunk… possible a little stoned so i googled it. the wreath is listed as Beach Island Isle Esme Wreath Edward & Bella Honeymoon here is the link http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140316532729. and holy shit to get it shipped costs $13.80 and features- 100% acrylic paints, wood, plastic flowers, real shells, palm (red-dyed) leaves, real star fish, real sand dollar, key pendant, arts and crafts fish net, and twilight photos. so fun i think i will purchase it to piss off my neighbors since our pirate flag is out of commission.

        • sun_lover

          Did the person or kid who made this wreath honestly believe someone would buy it.

          But….it does have a REAL sand dollar and starfish….tempting, lol

  • Hal

    What’s even worse than this painting is your use
    of “wha-la.”

    Please don’t use a word when you don’t know its
    spelling, pronunciation, etymology, or meaning.

    • i’m confused….

      • Don’t be….see 2FarGone’s suggestion above, except just focus on the need for an institution, period.

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  • Proselyte3


    @UC grandma’s chalk ministry…oh dear, that is awesome.

    Can I just say that I think you should srsly consider this fine artist for the artistic rendering of you (UC, Moon and Rob) on the unicorn previously mentioned? Because CLEARLY, this individual can adequately depict the ‘feel’ you may be going for. No?

  • Lisa
    • brittany

      omg hahhaaha. that is the funniest thing i have ever seen. that’s worse than the wreath! oh god hahaha. these people….sooOoo creative. haha.

    • I noticed that the Voo Doo doll was in stages of undress in the preview. Just sayin’…. I wonder if it has real Edward Cullen hair inside that you can braid your own hair with! squee!

  • holycrow
    • EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. This shit’s going on twilight secret, I’m just saying

  • holycrow
    • Some twilight fans have too much time on their hands. Please, post this with a note of disgust on tw_secret. We need people to see how ridiculous we think our own fandom is

  • It’s amazing what inspires people to create “art” with their mediocre skills.

  • kat

    Grody. Really grody.

  • brittany

    ewww!!! hahah but with the photoshopped one with him and kristen in the water-all i thought of was juno, when juno’s friend was like “So what was it like, humpin bleek’s bony bod?” oh god. hahaha.

  • allryans

    Why did you have to link this today? I could have gone … forever, and never seen something so horribly creeptastic. And damn it to hell, I broke my IsleEsme acrylics typing so hard.

  • cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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