We wish you a Cullen Christmas

Dear LTTers,

Merry Christmas Eve! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, merry time of year when everyone says “Merry Christmas” to you and you look at them and say, “But I don’t celebrate Christmas” and they stare back at you, not understanding, in a santa hat!

Moon and I have objected ourselves to 2nd-hand embarrassment, yet again, to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Love,

UC & Moon

After the jump, read all the wonderful lyrics penned by @Brookelockart, Moon & myself. Print them out and have a family sing-a-long around the dinner table tomorrow!

We wish you a Cullen Christmas

We wish you lived in Forks, Washington;
We wish you lived in Forks, Washington;
We wish you lived in Forks, Washington cuz a lot of crap happens here

Bella & Edward

I won’t go until I get some
I won’t go until I get some
I won’t go until I get some so give it to me right now

Bella please respect my chastity vow
One day we will be MARRIED and I’ll impregnate you

Rose & Emmett

I wish for a little baby
I wish for a little baby
I wish for a little baby
That bitch deserves none

Dear Rosalie, my goddess beloved
We can’t have a little baby, but we’ll practice a ton

Charlie & Bella

I wish I could catch the bad bears
I wish I could catch the bad bears
I wish I could catch the bad bears
Our KungFu can’t stop them

Dad I’ve told you this once & i won’t say it again,
you have to be careful cuz they are NOT Bears

Harry’s wife is kinda hot
Harry’s wife is kinda hot
Harry’s wife is kinda hot
But his kungfu is strong

I went in the woods (to hear Edward’s voice),
they’re wolves! They’re NOT bears, no I didn’t hit the bong

Mike & Jessica

I wish she’d dump effing Cullen
I wish she’d dump effing Cullen
I wish she’d dump effing Cullen
Fuck! who threw that at me?

Mike is so cute, except for his backne
A BJ for christmas, the best present from me

Jasper & Alice
I wish to eat a human,
I wish to eat a human,
I wish to eat a human,
stupid moral vampires

Jasper my dear, you couldn’t mean that.
I just bought this designer outfit, does it make me look fat?

Jacob & Leah

Hey girls come and look at my abs
Hey girls come and look at my abs
Hey girls come and look at my abs
They look really great with my jorts

Jake you’re a schmuck for loving that girl.
Ew! did you just touch yourself, I think i may have to hurl

We Wish you a Cullen Christmas
We wish you a Cullen Christmas
We wish you a Cullen Christmas
Let’s Do This right now!

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter