Oh Twilight Virgins.. How I’ve missed thee..

Twilight VirginsDear Twilight sluts,

I had a conversation recently with an old pal who is a TWILIGHT VIRGIN!!! It’s been so long since I popped MY cherry & popped the cherries of everyone close to me that it was refreshing to talk with a virgin again. And SHE brought it up! We got started by talking about our weekend plans & I mentioned I would be asking a question to a vampire at the moviefone event

So many questions

Perdy: So ur going to talk to Edward and Jacob and the girl too?

UC: hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha…oh i love Twilight virgins…which you are!!

Perdy: Ps I think I would be on team Jacob because I can’t deny the goodness of him without a shirt

UC: no- they won’t be there- they don’t do events like this.. it’s another vampire & a wolf

Perdy: And my brother in law’s name is Jacob so I have to consider that too

UC: haha… If you read the books, you’d be Team Edward!! Some end up Team Jacob.. but… not most!

Perdy: Like will Dakota Fanning be there? I like her a lot.

UC: Um not she WON’T be there either!

Perdy: No no I’m pretty sure its Team Jacob I’m on. But I maybe will read the books. Maybe I’m different teams on the book and movie. And there is no doubt I’m a TV “Twilight Virgin” I’ve only seen the first two movies, once each….And sometimes I have to ask my husband questions during the movie and he gets annoyed

UC: What questions do you have?

Perdy: Oh gosh. I don’t even remember….. Probably stupid questions like – vampires can’t live in the light, right?

UC: Twilight vamps can- except they SPARKLE- like diamonds

Perdy: And “I thought the vampires and werewolf’s killed each other?”. “Are the vampires and wolves friends?”And “why don’t the werewolves like vampires”

UC: no- the wolves EXIST to kill vampires

Perdy: And “why does she have those attacks”

UC: they only turn into wolves when vampires are around! What attacks? Ohh!? You mean in new moon? Haha! (Her sleep number bed was on the wrong number!) No- She loved Edward! And he left!

Perdy: And “why doesn’t he want to bite her”

UC: Edward? He does Her blood is like a drug to him. Wow. I’m SO lame.

Perdy: See I told you they were dumb questions – this is why my hubby gets annoyed

UC: And I just quoted twilight. They’re not lame questions. They’re great!

Perdy: “Why isn’t her father more involved in her life” “Where is her mother?”

UC: Florida- married to Phil. And Charlie loves her- but he’s been alone all this time., and he just really loves to fish

Perdy: “Why can’t she make more friends at school”

UC: in the book she’s SUPER popular- it’s weird. because she wasn’t popular in AZ. but she’s a loner, like Charlie.

Perdy: And praytell – “Why does she not use a tanning bed” She would look worlds better. And Edward….buddy….make a decision….love her or leave her because you are driving me nuts when you say you leaving and come back around – what a friggin tease! No wonder the girl is confused

UC: I know. That’s a big issue. HOWEVER.. It’s important .. for where they go in Eclipse (next movie) and the last book. He needs to leave her to know how much he loves her . and how he’ll never ever leave her again

Perdy: And for Jacob…”does it hurt to become a wolf?”

UC: No- he just feels out of control. Do you know why he’se always shirtless?

Perdy: And really – how big are the wolves because sometimes they look like huge monsters and sometimes just oversized dogs?

UC: They’re huge- like 6 ft tall- remember, They’re NOT bears

Perdy: If I had that body I’d be shirtless all the time too….

UC: Well, it’s because when they turn into wolves- their clothes break. SO.. they wear a little cord around their ankle where they tie their jorts so that they don’t rip their pants. And then they just don’t wear shirts. PLUS they are 110 degrees. So they’re hot

Perdy: I thought something like if he gets too hot he turns into a wolf or something

UC: No he’s just usually 108-110 degrees. OMG I’m a loser (and also AWESOME for knowing all this!)

Perdy: Yes if I’m ever on who wants to be a millionaire I got the “wolf temperature” question in the bag now!

More, after the jump!

On why she doesn’t like Edward

UC: Were you cheering for him to kiss her in new moon? Jacob?

Perdy: My cheers always go to jacob

UC: Why is that? Not attracted to Edward? Cause I’ll help with that…..

Perdy: I could make a list of ways the Edward irritates me – yikes, I just let the cat out of the bag


Rob Pattinson GQ


That’s GQ Rob- my favorite. Tell me how he irritates you

Perdy: He seems so pale and pathetic….and those sunken in cheeks – honey, eat a donut

UC: That there is the REAL Edward

Perdy: And his hair always looks like its just past the appropriate length and needs a good trim….he actually has great hair though…if only for a trim

UC: Oh I’ll show you current

Perdy: Oh I’m not bagging on the real guy – just the character

UC: Yes- they dress Edward in a tweed suit in all of New Moon. We made MAJOR fun of that! Tweed is serious we say. So everything is ‘tweed serious’ now

Perdy: Actually that picture kind of sums up my hair comment in a nutshell….You have to semi-agree with the hair thing. I mean, can you ALWAYS pull off windblown??

UC: I like it a little bit longer- GQ is perfect Rob to me….haha.. “Windblown” is his “Thing” although it’s short right now

Perdy: I don’t honestly think Jacob is attractive htough. So don’t misunderstand

UC: he’s also 18! Here is the big 3 last night

Perdy: He has a hot bod and a tan and seems to care a little more

UC: care about… the saga? or Bella?

Perdy: I seem to relate to him better if in real life so maybe that’s why I like him better

UC: haha.. how so? You like to eat at the Olive Garden? Like he does? Cuz i know your dad- and he is a good 200 pounds lighter

Big Daddy

Perdy: Um olive garden is ok- Not in my top 50

UC: No but seriously- why do you relate to him in real life? Besides the tan skin thing you fake tanner, you!

Perdy: Umm….not sure really….I’ve never thought about this so deeply before….I’m sure my work is proud I’m spending my time doing it though, but let me tell you – I am  proud!! Let me think…..It probably has something to do with the fact that I don’t like vampires because I watched the blade series one too many times……My husband is a fan of vampire movies so in order for him to watch the occasional Disney tale with me – I have to watch some horrific vampire flicks. So I think they are horribly frightening….And I like dogs….and wolves are kind of like dogs

UC: but Edward is a good vampire! They do call Jacob “pup” all the time in Eclipse & the last book

Perdy: So that must be my logical reasoning

UC: I like it!

Perdy: Vampire = scary. Edward = vampire. Edward = scary

UC: but Edward is the vampire that performs the Leg hitch.. you will understand in the 3rd movie- if they do it right! WHICH THEY BETTER.

Perdy: Dogs = cute. Dogs = wolves (kind of). Jacob=wolf. Jacob=cute

Thoughts on Eclipse

UC: So you’ve seen lots of previews for Eclipse, I assume, since you watch a bunch of TV?

Perdy: Ummmm I’ve seen a few

UC: anything stick in your mind? Do you feel like you’re being interviewed?

Perdy: It is probably the most interesting ones of the previews to me

UC: yes.. I’ve heard it’s the best movie so far, even though the director is 4 ft tall (like you!!)

Perdy: Um – I recall that the vampires and wolves become friends and I don’t know why they didn’t think of becoming friends before

UC: hahah!!! That’s funny! They don’t become friends, so that’s hilarious that that is what you got from the trailer. They WORK together to destroy the scary vamps

Perdy: Right but why did it take them 3 movies to decide this was a good idea? Perhaps just building up for it?

UC: yes- it’s SUPER important for the last movie/book- they need to build a comradery because you remember the Volturi? The scary vamps in Italy? They come back- in a BIG WAY in book #4

Perdy: Umm yes I remember-  Dakota and the ones with red eyes and capes

UC: yes! They have red eyes because they eat people.

UC: well thank you for entertaining me

Perdy: Thank u for helping me be occupied with something other than work! I hope it gets you some good responses. And hopefully not too much hate mail- talking of my ignorance of Twilight!

UC: hahah. No- they’ll love it. We LOVE to deflower a virgin around here!

Perdy: Twilight is more like “Pitch Dark Midnight” to me

You heard her! No hating on her virginity! (Hate!? I’m JEALOUS!!!)

Sigh… the good ol’ days,

Have you had any “run-ins” with Twilight virgins recently!? It’s been so long for me I forgot how much fun it was!!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License

LTT Privacy Policy

Sponsored by