Everyone eventually reads Twilight, right?

Dear Twilight,

There are people out there in all of our lives who look at us strangely when they hear we stayed up for 3 days straight getting through a book about a vampire & werewolf love triangle, or that we’re going to a midnight release of a movie in costume, that we met friends online or laugh hysterically every time we pass by an Olive Garden. Not only do they look at us strangely, but they judge us. And while it’s nice to say, “They just don’t know what they’re missing out on,” I think if we were all honest we’d admit it pisses us off. How DARE they judge something they #1 don’t know anything about and #2 has been so important in each one of our lives? And furthermore, when you RUN a Twilight blog and get a chance to SIT DOWN with the Twilight creator and you STILL judge me, well, maybe that bug you found in your lunchtime salad wasn’t the grocery stores fault after all…. (okay no, I didn’t do that, but I considered it!)

So after almost 2 years of obsessing & blogging and while most people in my life have either succumbed to the pressure of my constant begging to join the obsession or judge me incessantly and have a restraining order against me, it is so nice when someone in my life finally DOES jump on board! And instead of spending my days writing anonymous hate letters to those who judge my, I can spend my days reminiscing about losing my own Twilight virginity along with my newly obsessing friend? My sister Snails was that recent person in my life.

Snails (I really call her that, by the way) knew I loved the saga. She knew our two other sisters read & loved it. She knew I ran a semi-famous Twilight blog & got to meet the author. Yet she still had no desire to crack open the book. It wasn’t until we found out the Step-Monster from Hell (aka dad’s now EX-Fiancee) was coming along with us on family vacation that she decided she needed a distraction.

A few days later, she responded to my “Hello!???? THOUGHTS????” email with this:

i haven’t actually started new moon… i will tonight. It keeps reminding me of Avatar. I think of it whenever edward and company are running in the forest, how they can run really fast, and bella on his back feeling like she’s not even moving, and how graceful they are, that always reminds me of the pandorians (?)…. and sometimes i would catch myself picturing the cullens with tails and the wide-brimmed nose. haaa. i kept having to remind myself that they look like humans. and also the fact that the vampires have such a good sense of smell and good hunters reminded me of avatar. i don’t remember a whole lot about the movie, but i do remember how graceful the pandorians were. I guess since the Cullens aren’t human, and they do so many unhuman things, my brain can’t really wrap around it, so I picture it in 3D like Avatar. So that brings me to my next question, are the movies in 3D??? Because they should be!

And I asked the most important question: “Do you LOVE Edward!?”

Yes, I love Edward minus the tail and big nose. He’s soooo dreamy. But I still love my husband. Although sometimes I got annoyed at edwards mood swings… Especially in the beginning of the book when he stared at Bella with black eyes… I hated him then, but now he’s cool. He made up for it by being awesome.

A few days later, it was obvious she was full-force into New Moon because of this text:

“Hubby & I are snuggling in bed. He is cold. I am warm. He is Edward and I am Jacob. Jacob & Edward are spooning!! Ha! He didn’t like that joke…”

Think they'll take on Leah as a Sister Wife?

And then a few days later, randomly out of nowhere:

“I can’t choose! Team Edward or Jacob? Edward or Jacob!? I actually want them all to live in a plural marriage. That’s the best option. I hope that’s how it ends. I just let the boy I nanny for sleep in so I could read a few more chapters.”

Sigh.. remember that? Neglecting little children to read more about Edward (and imagine being in a plural marriage with him & Jacob? Oh wait.. that might just be Sister Snails.)

And when it was all over, I received a text I shall cherish for all eternity:

“You were right. I loved them”

Ahh…. the best words to hear! Makes dealing with those who judge me almost worth it.

After the jump, read another story of a friend getting her retribution

Dear Twilight Books,

About two years ago, I gave in (hard and fast) and read you all – very quickly. Then I gave in again and read you again and then, yet, again. I also did not tell a soul that I was reading you. You see, I have been a member of a very snooty book club for a long time – these high brow book snobs laugh at you and your poorly written monologues and inner diatribes – um, Bella?? Now, I have left this book club – I won’t go into reasons.

Three days ago, though, I was vindicated and validated in my love for you – here in my real world – not just here on LTT or LTR.
One of my friends from snooty book club, called me to tell me – with a bit of shame in her voice – that she had begun to read my books – yes, my books – “I’m reading THOSE books – um, Julie, you know the ones, THOSE books about the vampires, that I laughed at you about…and um, Julie, um, I LOVE them. They are keeping me up at night. I have to talk to somone about them, and um, Julie, that someone can only be YOU…” She proceeded to talk my ear off about you – while I nodded and smiled – laughing at Bella’s wishy washy ways, shaking her fists at Jacob for being so manipulative and wondering where her shiny, sparkly, hot ass vampire is…

We're not a cult. We're a gang

Now, I thought this was all too great – she had been converted to my cult – as another friend calls it – I’ve brought another over to the dark side…the sparkly dark side, if you will but then she called me back. Having not yet finished Breaking Dawn, she decided to play psychic and tell me what was going to happen…or what SHE THOUGHT was going to happen. Well, *spoiler alert* although who has NOT read Breaking Dawn(??) She nails it – Jacob and Renessmee – Bella as a Vampire – even the reason why she had to become a vampire – death by vampire baby?? I never guess the first time I read it – I felt depressed by MY inability to see what would happen. Why didn’t I? Was I blinded by love? Blinded by the sparkling? I don’t know. I was amazed – it’s like she’s ALICE!! Oh my Edward, here she is a newborn to you – Twilight Series and she totally guesses the ending – even the Volturi and their inablility to control Bella – So, tell me Twilight – what do I do? I still love you – if I could stand Bella and her stuttering and stammering I’d probably read you again but for now, I’ll just be content with the knowledge that I loved you first.

Thank you too for the leg hitch, tent scene and isle Esme bed-breaking, pillow biting, fade to black moments –
Love you!! xoxo

Leg Hitch – aka Julie

We love Twilight Virgins! What stories do you have to share!?


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