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Crazytimes Wednesdays

Crazy Fan

Almost as Crazy as this fan

Dear Twilight,

You know what we haven’t done in awhile? Shared stories, letters, songs & poems from crazy fans. You thought we stopped getting them, didn’t you? Ohhh no- we still get them. We still keep them. Our “Crazies” folder is STILL over-flowing. And today we have some REALLY good ones to share with you:

Crazy Tune:

Kicking us off is a song written for Breaking Dawn. I’d make up a tune & sing it for you all, but I’m pretty sure I’m gonna save that for a bet with Moon that I know I’m going to win- like naming 20 “outfits” Rob Pattinson has worn in the past year & where each item was purchased- and let her sing it when she loses:

Imprinted Love
It’s something I didn’t plan
it’s something I didn’t plan
I told you it’s part of the werewolf gang
I thought you were the only one to see

You’re the one I wanted
not the one I loved
when I saw her I knew she’s the one
went to search for her when she was near
It’s something I feared

Imprinted love on the one I thought who would kill you
imprinted love on the one who held me near
no matter how many times we said goodbye
imprinted love on Renesmee the half mortal and immortal

I didn’t knew she was the one who kept me near
when you wanted me to disappear
The one who stole my heart like Edward stole yours
I’m sorry if you’re mad but like I told you before

Imprinted love is not something you can control
imprinted love is not something you can choose
or change it’s for the one that will take care of your heart
imprinted love on Renesmee the half mortal and immortal

I taught you were my love and my life
but I was wrong
He is your love, your imprinted one
just like Renesmee is my imprinted love

For now I’ll be her brother
the one who protects her, then her friend
whom she can trust and love
maybe one day she’ll learn to love me as I love her

Bella I’ll always be there for you
I’ll always love you just like a son loves his mom
I don’t want anything els than to be your friend
but my true love for Renesmee will always win
imprinted love

Then there’s:
The Girl on Team Edward with “a homeless friend”

Maybe this guy is the crazy fan

Just like all of the fans of the twilight cast My desire is to truly be able to contact them to let them know how we feel about our favorite actor or actress. And to thank Stephenie Meyer, for taking the time to write the novel that sparked life into all our lives. Both women and men. I happen to be Team Edward. My desire is to see him in person. I’ve been tempted to catch the plane, come out there and share the ground with my homeless friend just for the opportunity to see him, walk the runway or visit on the outside of a site where he is working. Hoping to catch sight of him. Sometimes the urge is so great I’ve called my friend to tell her im on my way. I don’t think I would enjoy sleeping outside in the elements But if I knew that I could see him , I would take the chance. I have little hope now that my friend have lost the car she was sleeping in. I was counting on furnishing the gas and she would at least drive me around. I watched when fans put up their tents and envied them, wishing I was there. My children
and grandchildren are embrassed when I talk about Edward and my desire to see him in person. To hear his voice, see his gorgeous hair. But I would be satisfied just to get a e-mail from him. I tried to get to Chicago, when he was there its closer to my home. But I got sick. He was on the Oprah show. I sent him a birthday card to the show . Hope he got it. hope he e-mail me back, I will be waiting.

The kids who never learned celebrities don’t care about you

Hi this is pat and I would like to invite taylor lautner to my sweet fifteen im only twelve so im only gonna need two more years and its going to be in puerto rico and I hope too see him in and come enjoy the party hope to see him.please come taylor.

And the one we totally can’t understand

Did she write this letter?

I am a way ovr obsesses fan (according 2 my friends) but I dont think u can evr b 2 obssesive i mean twilight is amazing and when ppl say they dont like ik theyre just lieing 2 get attention cuz its impossible not 2 luv my favorite book waz breaking dawn but it waz hard 2 coose cuz theyre all amazing i am constantly rereading them over and ovr and my parents r always like stop readin them and read somethin else but i just cant the background on my desktop and laptop r both twilight saga pics and quotes i cant imagine a world w/o twilight i wish it waz real it would b so kwl none of my friends r rly tht into them so i nvr have any1 2 tlk 2 nout them i have so much twilight merchandise and evrythin and read book related 2 twilight 2 like bedazzled, twilight and history, etc. theyre rly interesting and i would give them a try since ur a die-hard twilight fan i am members of a lot of fan fourm/blogs/websites and its great 2 knw tht there r others like me i lu the idea of ur website and think it is rly kwl
thanks so much 4 the websie,

And after the jump, PLEASE don’t miss the most Epic Crazy story of all time!!

First I need to set it up. Did you read the story where Jamie Campbell Bower talks about a stalker at his hotel in Baton Rouge? Of course you didn’t- no one reads Jamie Campbell Bower stories. Here is what he said:

And I’ll let you in on a little secret- the story is true. Here is what I know- straight from the “fan’s” mouth (PS: “CB”= Charlie)

The “fan” somehow met Charlie Bewley & Jamie Campbell Bower. She communicated with Charlie through some fansite & somehow got the idea that the guys wanted to hang out with her. I’ll let her tell the rest of the story:

I sent a message to Charlie asking him to please let me know with all his honesty if he thought I could see them and maybe hang out with him and Jamie if I visited Baton Rouge….He replied to me telling me that he didn’t have a problem scheduling something “off the record.” So I told him that I would wait for him to return [from his trip] and so I postponed my trip a week.

I messaged him letting him know when I was traveling and for how long but received no reply except thru ***, who told me that CB said that everything was good to go. I went there Friday and still have no message from Charlie. I was nervous I might have wasted my time and money getting there for nothing and decided to take my chances and call him at his hotel room cuz ever since I met Jamie last month I found out where they are staying but told no one about it. I called him and he answered and was shocked that I knew their lodging and that I was connected to his room. He got upset at me, shouted at me but then calmed down cuz I told him no one else knew and that I just wanted to see if I could met him and Jamie somewhere public, a place of their choice. He told me that he couldn’t believe I went there and that he didn’t know I was coming…. I was devastated and told him that if he said that it wasn’t a problem with him, I would not have traveled from far away. I told him I was sorry to call him at the hotel but that I needed to contact him somehow to know where I stand for. I was almost crying and hung up telling him goodbye and I’m sorry.

That same night he sent me a message asking me to forgive him for his outburst on the phone but that he felt I went too far by calling him. That he was gonna see if Jamie and Dan could agree and do something to see me but that he was leaving next day. He said I was a crazy girl! I told him I was just a passionate and impulsive fan. On Saturday he went to *** and I was bored and desperate to get a message or call from Jamie or CB telling me what to do but nothing happened. So around 3pm or so I decided to try my luck again and called Jamie’s room. He answered with that beautiful British accent that melted me over the phone but he was surprised and serious. He did not ask me who I was and I asked him if Charlie told him about me and he said no. He said he was going out that there were some people waiting for him in a car and was rushing. I asked him if it was ok to leave some presents I got for him at reception and he said yes. Then he said sorry I have to go and hung up. I took a cab, went to a pharmacy, bought gift bags and put a letter to Jamie and card to CB in the other along with their presents. Told the cab to bring me to the hotel and wait for me while I dropped the gifts at front desk.

Four hours after I dropped the gifts, I decided to call and check if they were delivered yet and I got the surprise of my life cuz The hotel manager took my call and told me that there were no such guests staying at their property, that the gifts weren’t delivered, that he had my name and that if I called again the police would be contacted.

blah blah blah there are lots of other details about how she was treated like a stalker & then her conversation with Charlie about the experience:

I felt horrible, imagining how much Jamie would hate me, since you know how much I heart him. I told Charlie I would never hurt them, that they got it all wrong cuz he knows I am a loyal fan Passionate and impulsive but not a psychopath…..My letter to [Jamie] was brutally honest and I hope he understands how much I admire and love him. I even left him a sexy gift along with the cheeses, a sex collar and nipple clamps! I did spend my money and I feel like Lady Gaga’s papparazzi song: “I’m your biggest fan I’ll follow you until you love me”.

I know right!? Award for the crazies fan EVER!!! Award for “Lady Gaga wrote this song about you!” Amazing.

Be glad your Twi-crazy is not THIS Twi-crazy!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

**Psst credit for the cheese-wheel-nipple-clamp-stalker story goes to Jeff. I don’t know what that means, but I was told that someone would 🙂

  • toooldforthis

    You know, I’ve always thought that Jacob imprinting on baby Nessie was ultra creepy. But that beautiful song that some fan composed really spoke to me. I can see now how natural and normal their love story is. Perhaps you guys should forward that piece of art on to Stephenie (since you’re BFFs now). I bet she’d be so inspired that she’d have Bill Condon include an extra scene in BD with Jacob rocking Nessie to sleep while singing that song.

    That would be really, ummm……..sweet, yeah, sweet is the word I’m looking for.

    • purplescool

      You know what would just make that song truly complete? If Rob wrote the tune for it and then they included a montage in the movie of Edward playing the piano while Jacob sings to Renessie. I think that would really add some…”magic” to the movie.

  • Michelle

    Epic cuhhhhkraazzyy indeed! That was fucking hysterical, especially the nipple clamp confirmation.

    Thanks my making my evening you stark raving loonies!

  • Anonymous

    Jebus this is too much to process before coffee. I am so second hand embarrassed for everyone. Poor CB and JCB. *shudders*

  • Anonymous

    Jebus this is too much to process before coffee. I am so second hand embarrassed for everyone. Poor CB and JCB. *shudders*

  • Anonymous

    Jebus this is too much to process before coffee. I am so second hand embarrassed for everyone. Poor CB and JCB. *shudders*

    • I’ve had 2 cups of coffee already. It doesn’t make it easier to process. But it does add shakes to the shudders.

    • I’ve had 2 cups of coffee already. It doesn’t make it easier to process. But it does add shakes to the shudders.

    • Sisterpenguin

      Lordy! It’s the end of the day and still way too much.
      Despite the second-hand embarrassment I now feel incredibly normal. That’s normal, right?

  • Anonymous

    Jebus this is too much to process before coffee. I am so second hand embarrassed for everyone. Poor CB and JCB. *shudders*

  • ladyofthemeadow

    Wow, that last letter… is why they have security. She’s downright scary. She has “stalker” written all over her. “Crazed” and “delusional” also works.

    The more generous side of me feels a tiny bit sorry for her. She is so emotionally invested in meeting them. I wouldn’t want to be the object of her desires though.


  • Sue G.

    Wow! That’s just some real crazy sh*t!

  • Anonymous

    Scary! Seriously, there are people running around the world who are like this?! And I don’t understand how cheese relates to sex toys?! (Then again, I am pretty sheltered when it comes to stuff like that. Both cheese and sex toys, that is.)

    As for the thirteen year old who wants Taylor to come to her party. Who could blame her for trying?! Hope she gets some perspective, though, before her big day arrives.

    • you poor deprived girl. never experiencing the joy a cheesewheel can bring!

    • Wendy

      I was thinking the SAME thing… Cheese and sex toys? There’s a whole side of freak we obviously don’t know about it…
      Is that like a Wisconsin thing?

      • I googled cheese fetish. Found some things I was not prepared to find. A CL ad where some guy wants women to wrap Swiss cheese over some of his man parts.

        And this posting:
        cheeselov wrote:
        help me please! im not joking.
        its unhealthy it makes me randy

        So I guess there is a fringe cheese fetish culture out there. Maybe JCB just looks the type?

        • Anonymous

          Oh god. *Never* google *anything* fetish. That shiz cannot be unseen. Trust me, as an avid Savage Love reader. I KNOW TOO MUCH.

          But, yeah, he looks the nipple clamp/cheeselov type.

          • TeamSeth

            “Trust me, as an avid Savage Love reader.”

            Have I told you lately that I love you?

          • Anonymous

            Have you ever had an entire dinner table conversation stop so all your friends could listen to you elaborate on the difference between furries and plushies? Yep. Knowledge is danger.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Oh god, you made me google it. You know I cannot resist. Here I was, thinking it was an innocent discussion about teddy bears and lovies. No. Just no. But I’m glad someone is making the distinction, that line needed to be drawn.

            And in my research, I got sidetracked and discovered all about pony boys, pony girls and plastic chastity belts (“metal detector friendly”). I’m glad the fringe fetish industries are hip to today’s tough airline security. Wouldn’t want to have to embarass my whole family at the airport due to my METAL harness.

          • Anonymous
          • natteringyeahrobber

            I am going to open a bar called “The More You Know”. Maybe open near Hollywood, to attract the celebrities crowd. Black and White photos on the wall of celebs holding oddball gifts they’ve received from fans. Drinks like the Spin Cheese Wheel, Be My Pony Boy (served on rocks), Pony Girl Whirl (served up), The Lushie Plushie, etc…

          • Anonymous

            I would almost move to LA for that. Okay, maybe visit. I would maybe visit LA for that. Are you sure it wouldn’t do better in New York or something? That is much closer and less…Southern California-y. Besides, people are much cooler about the whole celebrity thing on the East Coast. (yes, I am totally coast-ist. SoCal gives me the heebie jeebies.)

        • Skdrsaka6

          That’s terrifying- cheese and sex toys-

    • My BFF invited Ricky Schroder (he was Ricky back then, in his Silver Spoons days) to her birthday party. She totally thought he’d call, after all she was VERY popular.

      We were 8.

      • Anonymous

        Oh I used to have the biggest crush on him.

        • ChillinWithCullens

          I’m still shuddering from the “Mullet Edward” someone created and then decided to tattoo over their entire back…. yikes.

      • Back then there was no internet, and I had to embarass myself by asking my mother (or school/public librarian) how to find a celebrity’s contact address. But now that contact addresses are plastered all over the internet…it’s really just too easy. No pesky parents/librarians to intervene and say “uh, dear, I’m not sure you are sending the right message with gouda and handcuffs…maybe a nice brief note would be better?”

      • Back then there was no internet, and I had to embarass myself by asking my mother (or school/public librarian) how to find a celebrity’s contact address. But now that contact addresses are plastered all over the internet…it’s really just too easy. No pesky parents/librarians to intervene and say “uh, dear, I’m not sure you are sending the right message with gouda and handcuffs…maybe a nice brief note would be better?”

      • Anonymous

        It worked for Marcia Brady.

    • Jeff

      Jamie loves cheese hence the cheese wheels. dont think its a fetish thing with him but who knows I dont know the man that well.

      • Anonymous

        Um, now, the oddest thing about your reply is my brother’s name is Jeff. I am just imagining my RL brother (horrifyingly) visiting LTT and on top of it knowing obscure facts about a somewhat minor Twilight actor.


        Please tell me you are not my brother. That’s going to make Easter dinner really awkward this weekend if you are.

  • HowToBe


    • purplescool


  • Anonymous

    Okay,. LTR comments are being fussy for me for some reason, so here is my KissHeardRoundTheInternet theory:
    (and yes, my blind cat *did* regain sight, in fact. Thanks, Robsten!)

    R and K are not actually dating, and he kissed her in public to fuck with her. She punched him in the face while he giggled like a girl as they drove away.

    OR! They *are* dating, and he kissed her in public to fuck with her. She punched him in the face while he giggled like a girl as they drove away.

    OR! They are FWB, and…well, you get the picture. Although I still ship RobLia, I am fairly certain the bearskin rug thing happens on occasion. Who can resist the magicness? Julia understands.

  • Skay

    Oh, wow. I’m so embarrassed to be a Twilight fan after reading that last one. I’m a little shocked that there really are people who are that crazy in real life and not just in the movies.

  • BayWolf

    Wauw – funny and scary at the same time – mostly scary..

    I’m thinking that my little poem about ltt – the one I’ve written, but never send, because I thought it was just to silly – is just a little tiny peanut know!

    (Wonder if I should re-write it and send it? 😉 )

    • BayWolf

      Know = now – sorry It’s been a while 🙂

    • TeamSeth

      Please do! Or if you want, just post it in the comments on a post day that’s not “Crazies Letters!” Everyone loves a fun poem!!!

  • Sagalvr

    Wow I feel really normal now. And not LTT “Normal,” the actual, real life kind of normal.

  • Just like sweet tea and lemonade, if you are ever presented with nipple clamps and cheese, RUN! I feel like I need a beer after reading that.

    • Notanaddikt Bella

      I agree. And it’s not even 11am yet. Dilemma.

    • TeamSeth

      ooooh! i FINALLY got this!!! All yesterday I was like, “What is she talking about? I love sweet tea!” And then I remembered about Chris. God, that’s how long it’s been since we’ve talked about Taylor (in regards to Monday’s post which I didn’t see)

      • How the hell are you, TeamSeth? Been too long!

        I rejoined the ranks of the employed in January and it’s been a crazy roller coaster ever since. Hope you are doing well! 🙂

        • TeamSeth

          Wait… you’re not Laura, where’s your other name?

          I’m good. 🙂 Yay for you getting work!!!!

          • I post occasionally as “DontQuestionMe” and tweet as “MsYuppieScum” but use Disqus for other sites, so here I am…unmasked. 🙂

  • Nothing says true love like a wedge of Limburger and a tit torture device.

    Dear “fan”,
    Next time send beer and your bra.


    • Anonymous

      I sort of feel bad, like she’s all “What? I send a dude I don’t at all know some fetishwear and a snack. It’s not like I sent a severed head, or 6 of my eyelashes!” True, honey, but nipple clamps still fall into the “batshit insane” red flag area.

      And oh god the grandma who wants to meet “Edward”. *sadface*

      • Anonymous

        I seem to remember the grandma letter getting posted already awhile back…like maybe a month ago? Unless there are 2 grandma’s with homeless friend they could stay with in LA..

        • Anonymous

          I remember it too. But just in case, maybe Rob should watch out for armies of homeless grandmas sleeping in cars and shouting “Edward, where are you, I love you?!” next time he’s in L.A.

          • Hopefully Dean will be on top of it. But you know, If I was one of those fans camped out all night in the rain at the WFE premiere, I’m guessing I’d be delirious. And I have a few gray hairs. I can see myself waking up soaked to the core, mumbling something about Edward & his cinnamon taint (after a night of drinking bourbon and sleeping on the pavement). And, I can certainly see younger fans looking at me and saying “OMG, Grandma, pull yourself together.” I can laugh at that Grandma, but honestly, I’m just a long wet night and a bottle of booze away from being her.

          • TeamSeth

            I think PFach would do his motorcycle drive-by and call you in some support team (aka the paramedics). He’s good like that to the fans–and he knows all the people at the WFE are just Twilight fans.

            Who knows, he might even call you in as having a stroke, not being too drunk realize you’re sleeping in your own vomit in the rain. Sweet guy.

          • That is EXACTLY how I am picturing my first encounter with Peter F. Exactly. Paramedics, pool of vomit, fan-lined streets of NY. Maybe Peter can then shine a light in my eye, tell me my vitals (and boobs) look good and that I only show some signs of Rob disorder. Then he’ll post a comment on Twitter about rescuing me and experience will be complete.

          • Anonymous

            PFach looks deeply into NYR’s eyes as her releases her wrist after checking her vitals. He tenderly wipes a bit of vomit and bourbon from her lips and whispers, “Nice tits, by the way.” He smiles warmly and turns to sign some more autographs. He tries to get people to watch his wife’s shitty Lifetime moves, but nobody will. Nobody.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            The other week I somehow got sucked into a terrible Lifetime movie starring that annoying wife from Dexter. It was horrible, but I stuck it out for some reason, I became invested. It also had this woman I remember from Double Trouble (80’s sitcom…also horrible but I’m fairly certain I watched every episode willingly). Also Elliot Gould. Lifetime movies must use subliminal roofie tricks, because although I do remember watching it, I cannot remember any details. All a blur.

          • Anonymous

            Double Trouble had those red headed twins, right?

            Bad Fan Confession: I have never not once seen an episode of 90210. Sorry, PFach’s wife.

          • Yes, red-headed twins with a smart-talking older aunt(?) taking care of them. Of course, one twin was serious, the other cute & arty. Safe formula.

            You have not seen any episodes of 90210? You did not miss too much, I guess. There was a school DJ. A bunch of kids you (probably) could not relate to. No vampires. Watching it would not help your SoCal aversion.

          • TeamSeth

            I think it’s time for another edition of Notes to Bella… this time Liquor Store Bella.

          • Anonymous

            Yes please.

          • Dear BevMo! Bella,

            Most women go into BevMo with one of those small plastic hand baskets. Because if you go in with a large shopping cart, everyone will assume you are an alcoholic. But you…you had no shame. You pulled the large metal shopping cart out of the rack like an old pro. No struggles with the handle, no grunting while prying it free from another cart, just one quick move of your wrist and it was all yours. Oh, that wrist. I wonder what else you might be able to do with that wrist. And not only that, you brought in coupons. Serious cojones. The source of shame for so many other women (and men). What else have you no shame about I wonder? A conversation for a later time, I suppose.

            I am curious about your choices though. Seagrams Lime Twist, really? I suppose it would do in a pinch, but we call it weed killer at the Cullen estate. Miller’s Westbourne strength. Were I able to drink that is what I would consume. It smells like arctic thunder, tastes like a Canadian meadow. Were I able to eat meadows, that is. Or Hendrick’s, a great aftershave for when you don’t ever have to shave, but just want to smell nice. I should love to pour some onto your fine toes and hair one evening. Perhaps we can bathe in it together. And what else did you buy. Goldschlager, 12 750ml bottles? Good thing you had coupons, I would not want to pay full price for that. Though I do know where you might find an acceptable alternative. And you need not a coupon. Just an open mind and perhaps bring a few muddlers. And tongs.

            Looking forward to our slow gin bath,
            BevMo Edward

        • TeamSeth

          YAY! Phew. I was starting to think that *I* was crazy and imagined that letter.

  • Anonymous

    So if Jamie Campbell Bower and Charlie Bewley get this level of attention and well-thought-out gift-giving, Rob must get this kind of crazy, amped up a thousand times more. So very scary.

    • There must be specific instructions.

      –Flat envelopes – fine, but examine for odd odors
      –Styro packs marked “keep refrigerated” – toss unless it feels like a 6-pack
      –Leaking packages – toss
      –Ticking packages – evacuate building
      –Packages from Wisconsin return addresses in circular containers – forward to JCB

      • TeamSeth

        Hm, “open for leather goods. Forward to JCB.”

        OR, sheesh, isn’t JCB getting married soon? HONEYMOON CLAMPS!

        • Anonymous

          Ahh, the traditional Something borrowed, something blue, something to squish your nipples flat.

        • Anonymous

          Ahh, the traditional Something borrowed, something blue, something to squish your nipples flat.

        • Anonymous

          OK, now I’m picturing Ginny Weasely trying to figure out nipple clamps. So did not need that image.

          Accio aureola!

          • hopieg

            Me too!!!! That and a threesome with Harry.

  • Edible art ?

    Anyone who starts a letter with “I’m not a psychopath” must have some idea that what they are doing some people might think is mental !!!!!! I mean all that effort and it’s not even Rob !!! What’s wrong with a nice book or old skool crazy your own underwear !! Cheese and nipple clamps I just can’t compute.

  • Jeff

    you are welcome^-^ i culd not believe this either when I 1st found out! but i’ve chuckled with Charlie abt it now. if you were one of the lucky fans in Arlington to hear him tell this you know its true

  • Jeff

    you are welcome^-^ i culd not believe this either when I 1st found out! but i’ve chuckled with Charlie abt it now. if you were one of the lucky fans in Arlington to hear him tell this you know its true

  • Anonymous

    Wow! That last bit really gives me the creeps. I remember the homeless friend story, a classic. I think I am a little more than 2nd hand embarrassed.

  • Anonymous

    Did Amanduh write that song? It’s just beautiful and made me think of her.

    The best part of the crazy letter is how she said, a sentence apart, that she’s NOT a psychopath, but that she feels like Gaga’s song and will follow him until he loves her. That’s not stalker-y at all!

    Charlie is almost overly nice to his fans. It’s one thing to be friendly, it’s another to like almost become friends with them…or be so nice that they mistake your friendliness for more than it is. I hope he has learned his lesson….although if he’s only had one bad experience out of hundreds, that’s not bad odds.
    Shoot, if I were famous, I’d probably be like Kristin and people would hate me because I would be trying to avoid them all the time too.

    • someonesfreaky

      I actually know the girl who sent Jamie the creepy presents. Shes on my twitter and she actually is a psycho!

      • Anonymous

        Hmm, I can’t help but feel very curious about any other crazy Twilight related stories that might be associated with her…

    • TeamSeth

      I kind of agree with you about Charlie. Just from following his tweets back in 2009/early 2010, it would’ve been really easy to find him at public events. And he is really friendly to people… I think he’s just a flirtatious/attention seeking personality (according to his interview on some British show I saw) and so it’s fun for him. If you look at his life history (also learned from his interviews) he’s a bit… scattered. Like he wanted to play professional rugby for a bit, but then decided to get his life on track and went to business school. Then he ran a nightclub with a friend from school. Then he moved to Whistler, BC and taught snowboarding, moved back to England but had met a girl so he went back. Then he was sat on the mountain one day and was like “Hm, I’m almost thirty. What should I do with my life? I think I’ll be an actor!” Moved to Vancouver and by stroke of extreme luck was right place right time (right agent) cast as Demetri. Some people just put off that energy that makes people want to help them succeed–I think he’s one of those people. Which would explain why fans gravitate towards him. He’s like that hot guy (but not the hottest guy) at school who loves to flirt and when you finally get up the nerve to ask him out, he asks you if you’re joking because he never actually liked you at all. (Sobbing alone in my room. I hated freshman year!!!)

      And…. I’m starting to feel like no one on LTT knew how much I like Bewley until right now (in a healthy celebrity crush kind of way). And now I feel really, really awkward. (goes back to room to sob in embarrassment) I promise you guys, I’ve never even been to a Twilight convention and I’m not changing to Totthenham just because Bewley’s a fan (go ManU!!!). Though, Bale is kind of hot in a the way that Michael Sheen is… slightly odd looking, but still hot. I think it’s a Welsh thing. Bale kind of looks like a monkey. But in that first game against Madrid when they finally put him left side! That boy is fast! I mean, you don’t know how fast he is. Awww, I <3 you, Bale! (Sorry! Got off topic…)

  • chochang

    woah. shrinks all over the world owe stephenie meyer a lot. ever since this whole twilight thing began, the crazies have just kept on showing up!

  • Stacey

    I am so scared right now. If Cambell Bower is getting THOSE type of presents, I can just imagine what poor Robert and Taylor are getting. What I am picturing isn’t pretty at all. ugh.

    Back when I was a young’un, I couldn’t imagine sending something like that to Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell or either one of the guys from Felicity. Ahh…simpler times those 90’s. Nah, they probably did get stuff like that, only I was too naive and not, you know, crazy to know know about that kind of stuff.

    Plus that song is…umm…really no words.

    • TeamSeth

      Scott Foley was my first HTML fansite!!!!!!! Thank you Scott for helping me learn HTML so I could use that skill-set to get jobs later in life! yay!

  • northernlights

    That story left me speechless. Wow. Just. wow.

    • northernlights

      Just to avoid any speculation… Speechless – not in a good way. Never heard of this level of crazy before. Still stunned.

  • Anonymous

    Ok, so my only question is exactly what kind of cheese was it?
    I mean, if she sent moose cheese, then that shows some serious commitment and I should email her and ask what the hell is wrong with her how much shipping was.

    • JustGoWithIt

      My thought too, what kind of cheese was it, and did it go to waste. Nobody should waste cheese. I have experience with wildly inappropriate gifts, and I always used them. Why not? I bet the cheese was eaten, the clamps were clamped and the bondage was bonded.

  • TeamSeth

    I was trying to sing Imprinted Love to “Tainted Love”, but it just wasn’t working.

    bumbum Imprinted Love!
    bumbum Imprinted Love! (whoooaaa)
    Don’t touch me please,
    Unless Edward’ll give me his Aston Martin’s keys!

    I love your ovaries though you hurt me so,
    Now I’m gonna phase into a wolf and go!

    But not so much…

    • Anonymous

      “Now I’m gonna phase into a wolf and go!” I am so going to sing this every time now. I had no idea that song could be improved.

    • Kaybvee

      I spit coffee. That is plain awesome…and perfect.

  • Stella

    this doesn’t help my NORMAL campaign with my non-twilight friends! they may just read something like this and think i relate! ugh!

    • Anonymous

      That is truly my issue with crazy fans. Keep your crazy to yourself, ladies. You are making us all look bad.

      Thank goodness for LTT, where everyone is normal.

  • purplescool

    I think that after reading today’s hilarious (and scary) post, I was so shocked by the shear variety of crazy out there that I forgot to comment altogether on the gal with the oh-so-elegant tattoo on her back of what appears to be a very angry Edward, sporting some sort of mullet (? – maybe it’s just the lighting making his hair look weird). But, um…yeah.

    I commented earlier about that uh, inspiring song…and I still think it would be really special (and by “really special”, I mean hysterical) if they included it in the movie…just saying, Bill, Stephenie – it worked in Twilight with Rob’s music…

    Forget about the crazy with the cheese wheel and sex toys – I can’t even find the words…

    • JustGoWithIt

      Nevermind the mullet which is probably supposed to be some kind of composition supporting shadow and instead really does make it Mulletward. Which I might have been feeling when mullets where really going on like 7 years ago. Oh, yeah, ironic Mulletward, do me……
      That fat head! It is the best! I mean what creative and bold gal thought of combining fat Rob fan art and mullets in a life sized back tattoo! It is a masterpiece. I love Twittoos.

  • Anonymous

    Question: Does Jamie’s new fiancee, Bonnie, know of this cheese fetish?

    • Anonymous

      Makes that cheese board they registered for seem a bit suspicious now, doesn’t it?

  • TeamSeth

    I don’t understand why you would send someone nipple clamps and cheese. Who is Jeff? Jeff, please explain!!!! And three wheels… and they sell cheese wheels at the drug store?! Wait, even more so… they sell nipple clamps at the drug store?! This is Louisiana not Amsterdam!!!!

    Poor Charlie. Sigh. That is his “stand by” though (er, that sounded weird–ok, as LTTers know, I <3 Bewley …. in the way that I watch/read his interviews more so than I do with any other Twilight actor/crew member (aka, I've read/seen like 3 interviews of his) and I may or may not have sent some silly tweets under my TeamSeth twitter acct. In the course of these events I noticed that whenever someone asks him to "meet up" while they're in the town he's in, he always says that he has a run/race the next day. I think even the LTT gals who were at the Q&A with him got this line from him. Anyway, that is how I know this…NOT because I ever contacted him about meeting up. Well, once I tweeted that we should go snowboarding, but clearly I was not actually serious or expecting a response) ANYWAY. Really? She did that really? But more oddly, WHO was replying to her? I don't even understand that. Did Bewley just get trashed and say, "Yeah, we'll be at the Hyatt in February, we should meet up!" on a DM? Unlikely. So who is messaging this Cheese Wheel? This does not compute.

    • Maybe this woman hooked up with a fake “official” Bower and Bewley on Twitter? Maybe she didn’t realize that the person answering her messages was some 14 year old fangirl (or creepy 56 year old guy) who was just messing with her?

      The whole story is odd. I can only think that she’s so mentally unstable that she created a separate reality for herself OR that she’s naive/delusional and really wanted to believe the fake Twitter (or FB) person was the real celebrity and didn’t allow for any other possibilities.

      • Anonymous

        It is sort of sad. There is a real separation with reality (or, I suppose, to be kind, a naivety) there, that you would think a one-off online conversation with maybe possibly a celebrity would mean “Dude let’s hang out and be BFFs!” never mind, “Dude, definitely send me cheese and sex toys!”

        I think that is the tipping point for me, that she seems genuinely perplexed that anyone could possibly object to an innocent gift of CHEESE AND SEX TOYS. As if that’s the obvious combo, right there. “Welp, I’ve got the drug store cheese wheels, seems silly not to go whole hog and send nipples clamps, too.”

        Maybe it’s a Southern thing? IDK.

        • TeamSeth

          They may call it “the dirty South”, but it is NOT a Southern thing.

          Wait, maybe it’s cheese and whine? Though, the idea of nipple clamps makes me not so much whine, but shudder and yelp in fear of the pain. “I even sent him an innocent, but sexy gift of nipple clamps and leather bondage!” At least the hotel desk people will have a lifetime of giggles. Oh the small things in life…

  • TeamSeth

    Furthermore, why didn’t Charlie’s sexy British accent set her off too? They’re both from London! How rude of Cheese Wheel lady to not get off on his accent too!

  • Anonymous

    To me cheese wheels are those great big wagon wheel types you get at the cheese merchant/delis that you get a chunk carved off while secretly imagining how long it would take to eat the whole wheel and how many boxes of Captains Table you’d need to go with it….and fitting a couple of those into gift bags blew my mind!

  • Anonymous

    Dear Kitkat, please don’t freak out if your avi receives a cheesewheel or two in the mail.

    • Anonymous

      As long as it is just the cheese… 🙂

  • Notanaddikt Bella

    What scares me most about that last letter is that there’s actual punctutation present. Eek!

  • UnashamedTwi-Wife

    I have to say after reading that last gem, I’m feeling much more normal about my Rob-stalking this past weekend at the WFE Premiere.

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