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Storytime with Moon: We Got Abducted With Taylor Lautner

Come watch me get Abducted!

Dear Taylor,

I’m gonna tell you and all my LTT and BreakingDawnMovie.org friends about that time I went to the Abduction premiere and saw you and your new movie. But first can I just say every time I hear the title “Abduction” is makes me think of the abductor equipment at the gym which looks like a medieval torture devices for your downstairs area and that makes me wonder if you think about that since you’re so well acquainted with the gym and then I start thinking about downstairs areas and then… well, never mind let’s just get on with the story…

The lovely Lionsgate let me go to the Abduction premiere to represent for some of your favorite fans sites namely BreakingDawnMovie.org and duh, LTT. So, this a spring in my step and an iphone in hand I ran off to Hollywood and Highland with the hopes of seeing TayTay and his new movie… and not so secretly Big Daddy aka Daniel Lautner our personal LTT hero and favorite.

(as always click all pics to enlarge)

So there were a couple snafu’s with the will call line and like every fan site they invited there kinda got forgotten about BUT the Lionsgate team tried to wrangle us a decent spot to bring you action. Please forgive some heads and whatnot in the shots as we were behind some folks…

Namely Candle Crown Birthday Girl. So I’m sure it really made this girls birthday to be at the Abduction premiere and see Taylor and whatever but even though I’m pretty tall, was wearing heels, on a step and practically hanging off a stop sign/scaffolding her DUMB candle crown hat got in pretty much EVERY PHOTO. So thanks, Candle crown hat birthday girl for having a birthday and forcing us all to celebrate with you. Forever. Via these images.

We settled in to wait for Taylor because I mean who else in the movie were we really there to support? This isn’t Letters to Alfred Molina or Breaking Dawn and Lilly Collins Movie.org BUT we were pleasantly surprised… cause who would just happen to step onto the black carpet but Seth Clearwater himself, aka BooBoo Stewart and of course the sister Fievel. Like the mouse who goes west. Cute lil BooBoo even came over to sign some stuff for the fans…

I won’t even tell you what things I had to yell to get him to do what happened next… those are things for Chris Hanson to question me about later…

So clearly I haven’t gotten the hang of this whole video thing because I don’t even have the blasted thing rolling to catch what he said at the beginning. But I’m pretty sure he all loves us and sends all of Robs love to us and promises we can all marry Rob and have his babies… or maybe he just says hi, but whatever same diff.

Then a ton of Disney Channel stars walked by whom I guess are like a thing judging by the way the kids around me reacted. So if that sorta deal is your thing than I’m told it’s some kids from Awkward and Smash Hits? I’m sure I just showed how old I am by totally calling them the wrong titles. OH WELLS moving on…

Oh heeeeey Sigourney Weaver whom I only got this shot of because Crown Candle Hat Birthday Girl was too busy freaking out over a Disney star…

The following photo and video should really be accompanied by this music, no seriously. Ok, maybe not but still.

So who do I see coming down the carpet but Mr. Chris Weitz himself! Of course I like yell out CHRIS! CHRIS! And everyone around me had NO idea. Thank God Alison from Twifans.com was by me and totally got it! She yelled that they loved A Better Life  and that made him very happy, and because I am that person I yelled that I was from East LA and that reeled him in you guys! Echo Park FTW!  So I asked him to say hi to you guys here at LTT and thiiiiis happened…

(crank up the volume)

Since of course I am specially able-d with the camera I missed like the beginning but he says something to you all and then… “thank you, thank you very much for being kind to me, and not making fun of me too much… bye bye” The wave, lolzforever yall. Also, please ignore my valley girl sounding voice. Yikes!

HAHAHAHA YOU GUISE, it’s like he knows us or something. Us, make fun of someone?! NEVER! Ok, always. Like, every day.

You can stop the Dreamweaver music now because the best part of this whole thing is over and because your coworkers probably think you’re even weirder today. Ok, I kid but what happened next was probably one of the weirder/awesome moments I’ve had at a Twi-related event because who should walk like 2 feet behind us and avoid the carpet all together but Justin Bieber. The HALE? We just thought the screams were for Taylor arriving or something but no, Taylor was not there it was the Biebs and all the Bieblievers lost.their.shit. yall! It was pretty awesome. Witness the blurry side of his head:

Then who would just happen to slink in a few feet behind him??? Yup, Selena Gomez. No need to hide if from us kids, we ALL know. Though it did make me long for these days… I was also secretly hoping that Taylor Swift would make an appearance and Swiftner would be reunited but it wasn’t meant to be folks…. maybe some day…

FINALLY Taylor Lautner shows up… and the girls rejoiced…

Let me just tell you this boy was there to WERK and work he did… all up and down the fans (except right in front of us HRMPH), the press, the fans ACROSS the street and back around for the press again all while people chanted his name. It was pretty cute to see him at his OWN movie premiere without any of the Twilight stuff involved… I mean like besides us… and everyone else, but you know what I’m saying…

Why yes, I still eat meat patties and sweet potatoes every day. In fact I have a baggie full with me now, in my suit pocket.

During this time three things happened…

Wilmer Valderramer showed up. I KNOW. Maybe he’s a huge Taylor fan, or loves free popcorn and movies, or maybe he just needed to talk to the girl from Reelz Channel but for whatever reason whilst Taylor was doing his thing with the cameras Wilmer decided to walk the carpet.

Then who would walk behind us but BILL CONDON! I mean all we were missing were David Slade and Cathi Hardi and the whole family would have been there.

The other thing that happened during this time was that I spotted Big Daddy aka Daniel Lautner on the way far other end of the carpet. You can cue up that Dreamweaver song again now… he was like a vision… in a white shirt from Men’s Big N Tall, black pants, hair buzzed and looking ready to eat some free popcorn and see the movie he produced. But sadly, this is where the tale ends because Big Daddy walked right to the theater and out of our lives. Ok, stop the music again. SADNESS my friends. SADNESS.

Good thing this guy was still around for us to look at… and let me just say ladies (and gheys) he’s all growns up and looking goooood. Blue suit, tailored just right, the hairs appeared to be kinda combed to the side. All I’m saying is I’m glad I don’t need to be running to Georgia after every Taylor post I do anymore. Whatta guy.

So things were winding down and we decided to head inside so we could get our seats and see what all the fuss was about. After director John Singleton introduced the movie and waxed poetic about Taylor (and Big Daddy) they started the film.

I don’t want to give away any spoilers but it is a very fun movie that we had a REALLY great time watching. Sure there were some lines here and there that had us laughing for other reasons but at this point I feel like they’re just putting those in there for us. If you don’t have plans this weekend or want to pull a double feature with Drive, you could definitely take your boyfriend, or your hubs or your gay and go see Abduction because there is a ton of action and butt kicking and bombs (in ovens). But really just take your girlfriends because who wants to have to explain why Taylor doesn’t have his shirt on or why their make out scene is hotter than anything we’ve seen in Twilight. I kid you not. ENJOY!

I leave you with this…

I was abducted?!

The End!

Special Thanks To: Lionsgate, Will and BreakingDawnMovie.org for letting us rep them and “abduct” their Twitter feed for the night and the cast and black carpet attendees for stopping by to say hello!

Ok, so talk amongst yourselves… Abduction, you going to see it? Do we love growns up Taylor? Do we love Chris Weitz even more?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • Anonymous

    Aww! Did BooBoo thumbs up your bewbs? You rock!

    I can’t imagine seeing this movie, because it looks terrible, but Jake does look hotness. I mean, I totally would have gone for free, with you, but I am far away and not invited. I wonder if CDubs would have thumbs upped by bewbs? I bet Bill would have, he seems nice that way. 

    • natteringyeahrobber

      I think Bill is the double thumbs up type. I’m sure he would. I can see him scrambling around his coat pocket to find his iPhone so he could take a photo of you and later on show it to Jack. Only right as he took the photo, someone with a dumb T-Rex w/a cherry-print apron costume would walk by.

      • TeamSeth


        • Anonymous

          That motherfucker in the TRex costume is a bewb-blocker. Jack will see my tits. Oh yes. He will.

          • TeamSeth

            *cough* Luxe *cough*

  • Anonymous

    Yaaay, I was kind of  with you, Moon&co, very unpatiently refreshing my twitterfeed and waiting for Taylor to come back, but then it was 5 am and had to go to sleep.

    Why did no one accidentally  swept off Candle Crown Birthday Girl’ s headpiece? Or light up the candles? Really, girl, you were wearing that, why not wedding gown instead so you and Tay could marry right there and then? 

    I think Chris Weitz like you Moon and he was flirting with you & your valley voice ( it sounded very normal and together for a premiere event when everyone is screaming and yelling and crying..)

    Booboo looks pretty and grown up, we might start going to Georgia for him very soon.

    Yaaay for grown up combed to the side haired Taylor, can’t wait to see the movie.

    • TeamSeth

      Light up the candles FTW! I suggested a slingshot, but this is a MUCH MUCH better solution.

      BooBoo DOES look grows up! I cant’ get over his Ronaldo diamond earring though.

  • blondieinco

    Once again, Moon, another amazing story time!!!  Thanks for kicking my Friday off with a laugh. 

  • Ms. J

    Thanks Moon!!  First of all, so jealous of your awesome cool life – goin’ to premiers, seein’ the stars & such.  Congrats to Taylor for being a big star but OH MY GAWD….Chris Weitz!!!!  I just watched New Moon again the other night & found I am still so in love with this man.  Mustard pants & all.  My favorite DILF.  He worked so hard for all of us to “get it right” with New Moon.  I got all “Rob Excited” when I watched your video. 
    Fez was there??? – how random. 
    Great storytime as always.  Thanks again!!

    • The Old One

      Did you see CW’s Twitter farewell to the mustard pants?

      • natteringyeahrobber

        ssshhh. In denial. 

        • TeamSeth

          You know, there isn’t a picture of them actually ON FIRE.

          Pics or it didn’t happen!

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Good point. It is all a ruse just to figure out his true fans are, the ones who love him for who he is and not just his orange pants. Guess I failed! Oh well.

  • nocoolname

    Awww, Chris Weitz!

  • Anonymous

    I love story time!
    We need to have premier police–candle hat, BAD. After waiting in line from WFE (overnight, pouring rain) the one person between me and The Boy opened up a huge sign and blocked our view.

    Choked on oj here:
    It was pretty cute to see him at his OWN movie premiere without any of
    the Twilight stuff involved… I mean like besides us… and everyone else,
    but you know what I’m saying…

    Thank you!

    • The Old One

      Yeah, I’m not on the Taylor bandwagon too much myself, but I shed a tear of pride that our little boy is all growed up and had his very own premiere.  He’s never gotten any respect as the third wheel at every Twi event, everyone’s always all about the R & K bubble, love it or hate it.  You go for it, Taylor!

  • TheColdWoman

    So I was enjoying this post, lol-ing, then hit the link to accompany the CDubs pic and almost DIED!  Love love LOVE this!!! There should be more letters to the DILF.

    Also, can I just say that I enjoy the fact that Alfred Molina is one of the tags today? lol.

    • natteringyeahrobber

      You can write love letters to the DILF, via twitter. He used to occasionally answer them with smarty-pants replies but he stopped doing that and burned his pants instead. Sigh. Maybe I’m not over the whole pant burning thing. Thought I was. Maybe I’ll never be. All that I had was all I wanted. What is it that they say? Grief over burnt pants is like a river that ebbs and flows. Today is flowing. Those pants…sigh.

      • TeamSeth

        I’m so angry still. Not about the pants. About his hypocrisy. I’m so angry. SELL THE PANTS! DONATE THE MONEY! STOP BEING SELFISH.

        DILF? More like DICK. And not the good kind.

        #huffs #shiftstorunperimeter

        • natteringyeahrobber

          BURNT MUSTARD PANTS FURY! IT IS REAL. Called “Intermittent Explosive Disorder,” you can Google it. Alternatively it is called “Damn it Chris, next time give the pants to us, or auction them off and give the proceeds to some charity at least so we feel like at least it was for a good cause.”

        • Anonymous

          *snortlaugh* #shiftstorunperimeter

      • Anonymous

        Yes, that’s what they say all right. That’s just what they say.

        • natteringyeahrobber

          …AND apparently he is auctioning something of his off for a charitable cause. PROOF positive that he reads LTT. Just when I thought I was over him…grr….

  • SLamb25

    Great post! Now we need to see you on the Breaking Dawn red carpet! Come on Summit, don’t be stupid!

    • The Old One

      I second that!

      • natteringyeahrobber

        Third it! Make it so, Summit!

        • TeamSeth

          Fourth it. I need someone to interview after I sneak on with my fake press pass.

          • cosi bella

            TS – I hope you’re not kidding here – do it!, do it!  🙂

          • TeamSeth

            I already bought the dress.

  • natteringyeahrobber

    Oh Moon, thanks for represting us well again. I am envious. And now I am sort of in the mood to see Abduction. I’m coming down off strong cold meds and I sort of want some Tay Tay face punching action. Do cold meds somehow up testosterone levels in females? Me ragey. Me need fight scenes and buildings that explode for no reason or purpose related to the plot. Sadly it isn’t playing at the semi-arthouse theater next to me . No…no…they are too good for that. Instead of Abduction, they are playing something called Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame. Which is basically an arty foreign film version of that Scooby Doo episode where an Empress’s minions keep spontaneously combusting and it takes a martial arts master to figure out which meddling overlords are behind it all. It is NOT Abduction, but it will have to do. The same arthouse theater was playing A Better Life for like 3 days, then it left town. Well, it didn’t leave town, it just went to a sketchy theater. OOPS. Missed it. CW probably hates people like me. I would have to hang my head in shame around him. Yah, I’m one of THOSE fans, the one who watches New Moon 100X instead of seeing ABL once. I see CW has replaced the orange pants with an orange shirt. No doubt a peace offering. I might forgive him and watch ABL when it finally comes out on DVD. 


    • ladyofthemeadow

      I’ve caught the excitement of the premiere too, and am in the mood to see Abduction. I mean, who doesn’t want to see Tay’s abs on the big scream, er, screen? By the time I line up the hubs and a babysitter though, maybe the mood will have passed and I’ll go back to watching Twilight or Twin Peaks, brush up on BD, or dive into Bel Ami.

      Gentle on that copier. The copier is your friend. How about a session with the paper hole puncher, except just use your body parts?

      • natteringyeahrobber

        The copier isn’t the problem, you are right. It is management who thought it was a good idea to put the copier just a few feet away from my desk. I have to wear those ear muffs people who work on airport runways wear, just so I can get any work done. Besides, I’m more the passive aggressive type. Violence doesn’t solve anything, but creating paper jams so no one wants to use the machine does. 🙂

      • TeamSeth

        Ugh. 3-hole puncher was bane of my existence yesterday!

    • TeamSeth

      RageNat, meet RageWard. Commence angry sex.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        Awaiting cue from Condon. Condon, wake up!

    • TeamSeth

       Whatever, I actually WENT to see ABL AND reviewed it and guess what? He doesn’t talk to me anymore.


      • Kaybeevee

        Don’t get me started! Bitter, party of three please!

      • natteringyeahrobber

        I wrote him a burnt pants haiku. Not a (very) bad one either. No response. Ingrate!

  • Awesome!

  • Anonymous

    Yay! Another great story, Moon!!
    I’m beaming with pride for Taylor, here at my desk! I’ve been curious but a little unsure about Abduction, but now that you’ve given us the thumbs up, Imma check it out for sure! I’ll bring it up to my Twi-friends IRL tomorrow. We’re gonna do a New Moon/Eclipse viewing for one of our friends who has not seen them yet.(!) I’ll check it out even if they are not interested.

    Hahahah, LOVE that you got to talk to Chris!! Big Daddy, you’re next!   

  • Fanjacob7

    Darn you….I was being superproductive and then i saw your post on FB and I’m like OMG moon was at the abduction premier!!!! GOTTA read that one…

    I confess I watched the live feed last night of the red carpet arrivals  (yes I went to that special effort –  and I saw the candle hat girl.. too – she was like in every shot?? I wondered what it was – thought it was some take on the statue of liberty..)

    Couple questions – I’ve heard that Taylor when you see him is like really SHORT (like REALLY)… also that he has LOST most of his Twilight muscle and now looks positively slender…Is this true? 

    Also….there’s something different about his face in his recent abduction promotional stuff..and I’m like …hang on a minute – chin stubble aside – I think he’s  wearing mascara & eyeliner???? (and I swear his eyebrows look painted in too)…

    I notice these things…

    Thanks for the great report (I want YOUR life!)

    • cosi bella

      ugh – put wrong name in – this is Cosi Bella

    • TeamSeth

      I think he just has darker eye features in general.

      • cosi bella

        I won’t be convinced.  Definitely Mascara at LEAST.

        …but then maybe it’s the ‘norm’ and all male celebs where makeup just like if they’re in a studio?    and why do I care…I shouldn’t care..gonna stop caring now…

        • TeamSeth

          Just give yourself permission to make out with a man wearing mascara and guyliner. It’s like Leto, but sexier (no offence person who likes Leto…Meadow? I think it’s meadow)

  • KStewBoy

    Thanks for the report, Moon, however not much to interest the Uni-crowd… until mention of Miss Selena Gomez (yum). 
    Last night my six year old daughter is roaming around the house chanting her name like a mantra, “Selena Gomezzzz.  Selena Gomezzzz.  Selena Gomezzzz”.  So weird.  Then we watched Wizards of Waverly Place. 
    I’m not sure if the Disney Channel targets pervy Dad’s like me on purpose or not…

    • natteringyeahrobber

      I had the unfortunate occasion to actually watch WWP the other night. I couldn’t follow what the  hell was going on (something about a Frankenstein who couldn’t answer the door?) but Selena is cute (in a teeny-bopper way), and I guess that does help up the attention span for the over 2nd grade set.

      • Anonymous

        Selena is cute in a  “yes, she’s my younger sister” way and I watch WWP whenever I catch them on Disney. They’re wizards, what’s not to like?

        • natteringyeahrobber

          The writing? The acting? I’ll give you Selena and the wizards though. Great combo. 

        • Anonymous

          I watch the show for David Henrie… yum. 😉

    • TeamSeth

      Yes. It’s on purpose.

    • Anonymous

      you should watch the kids shows on Telemundo. Srsly WTF with the cleavage.

      • TeamSeth

        and the short ass brazilian skirts!

      • TeamSeth

        Er, wait… we are NOT encouraging pedophilia.

        • Anonymous

          No, the ladies with the cleavage are over 18. Unlike on Disney. Usually.

          • KStewBoy

            Yeah, the Disney channel is majorly perverted.  For kids?!  Come on, you’re not fooling anyone, Mickey.

          • Anonymous

            Mickey knows who pays the bills. PervDad. (do they have hot dudes, too? they had Justin Timberlake or someone like that, right? but he was 12 and that is less sexy on boys.)

            that’s why we watch Dr. Who, so Mom can perv out on David Tennant. MmmmTennant.

          • TeamSeth

            Or Amy Pond ?  “I dressed for RIO!”

  • KStewBoy

    Thanks for the report, Moon, however not much to interest the Uni-crowd… until mention of Miss Selena Gomez (yum). 
    Last night my six year old daughter is roaming around the house chanting her name like a mantra, “Selena Gomezzzz.  Selena Gomezzzz.  Selena Gomezzzz”.  So weird.  Then we watched Wizards of Waverly Place. 
    I’m not sure if the Disney Channel targets pervy Dad’s like me on purpose or not…

  • Wendy

    So jealous you got to see Handy Manny…

    So appreciate your reporting (and mad photography and videography skills) Moon!!! 

    • nocoolname

      Handy Manny!!  Yes!

    • Anonymous

      I knew that name sounded familiar. Maybe I babysit too much.

  • Anonymous

    Yey! Story time with Moon!

    Thanks for the post chick.

    OT: my daughters were watching Good Luck Charlie (a Disney show)… Okay, fine, I was watching it with them because I like it too, but whatever. Who do I see but Booboo guest staring on the show. I was like, “aww, Booboo is playing the “cute boy” Teddy likes.”

    Then, of course, I felt embarrassed that I knew his real name without having to think about it.

  • Stella

    ohhhhohoh dreamweaver! hahhahahahahahahahhaaa

  • Anonymous

    ‘bomb in the oven’. That just has to be a sneaky not so subliminal reference to pregnant Bella. 

    Chris said hi *squee* and Sigourney! wow it’s nearly like a real movie premiere.

    • Sagalvr

      I wish I could like this more than once 

  • Bikechick3

    One of your best posts yet!  had me cracking up!

  • TeamSeth

    “HAHAHAHA YOU GUISE, it’s like he knows us or something.”

    Um, that’s because he does. Chris used to tweet us all the time. Now he knows our feelings on Burning Man and his disrespect for the Twifans. (don’t make me explain THAT–I’ll get grumpy again).

    This little Abduction attendee stunt of his…clearly a public apology to NatteringyeahRobber.

    That’s fine. I just wish he was wearing that fugly 3-for-$5 beach towel after removing his pants to burn. Then Moon could’ve risked life and limb and her clean prison record to yank that towel off. Where was Mercedes anyway? Doesn’t he parade her to everything?! With Sebastian in tow? I guess it was Toddlers Yoga class at the Ashram. #stillmadatChris #icemachine #sorryM2kItsNotYouItsHim

    As for Taylor…

    Yes, he is hot.
    Hotter than Rob could hope to be.

    There. I said it.

    I still prefer Daniel Cudmore though.

    • Anonymous

      Wow! Running to google burning man & twi. I saw vague references, but never found out what it was about.
      I love that you don’t have the Rob gene. It makes me believe that one day I can discover mine and have it surgically removed, altered.

      • TeamSeth

        Running to google burning man & twi.


      • Anonymous

        “I love that you don’t have the Rob gene.”
        It makes ME believe the line for Rob, currently twice around the earth and up to the  moon, is one person shorter.

        But I’m Team Threesome, I like Rob and Tay. And Xavier. And Alex. And Bronson. And BooBoo.
        Well, I like them all. cough*slut*cough

        • ladyofthemeadow

          Oooh, Team Threesome, I love it. Me too, I like ’em all, depending on the day and how fickleslutty I’m feeling. I also have Charlie, Cam and Kellan on my list. Team Fickleslutty rules.

        • TeamSeth

          (record scratch)

          Boo Boo?

          Please see the pervvy Disney Channel comments above.

    • Anonymous

      ‘Yes, he is hot.
      Hotter than Rob could hope to be.
      There. I said it’*applause on excellent group therapy work*

      • TeamSeth

        It’s your fault. You sent the photos and videos of that adorable Australian accent! Girl can’t resist. Now I imagine Taylor w/ an Australian accent.

        • Anonymous

          *snort* running off now to high ropes course in forest to pretend to be Indianna Jones with a Valley Girl accent. Moon and Taylor have inspired me.

        • Bubs

          Taylor did say Australia was his favourite place in the world to visit- on the Oprah show. The boy has good taste. What more can I say except….Abduction starts in Sydney this Thursday [I’ll be there with hubby in tow] and tickets to BD have been on sale here for nearly a month now [already got mine for Midnight n next morning sessions-totally NORMAL].
          Tay, Tay all grown up awwwww…..

      • Bubs

        Can I join the “group therapy work” ???? Give me HOT Jacob anyday !!!

    • gizmo

      Oh come on. Now I want to know what this is all about. I’m late to the party with this post and this comment has me curious and impatient all morning. I’ve been trying to decipher it, but it’s best to just ask the source. So…

      Please explain.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        I can’t speak for TS, much as I wish I had that ability. But, I think the gist of it is: HE BURNT THE PANTS, HE BURNT THE BRIDGE. He tried to make up for it by attending Abduction premiere and wearing an orange shirt, but it’s not the same. It’ll never be the same. Sort of like a parent taking a kid’s puppy back to the pound and replacing it with one of those small lizards. So small that you can never actually see it once it is surrounded by plants in a tank. Nice gesture, but I (er I mean the hypothetical kid) wanted that puppy (er I mean the pants). Puppies are soft and loveable, despite their flaws. And so were CW’s pants.

        TS – if I’m wrong, please correct.

        • gizmo

          Thank you for trying to explain, even though it took me ages to read it.
          Ok… So, basically you all got emotional over the destruction of the mustard pants… I guess I don’t understand why so much anger over this? ‘Cause there is a lot of grudge here. I was sure there must have been something else at play, too.I was a fan of the pants, for sure, but obviously not that big of a fan ’cause it didn’t really faze me when I saw that tweet.Not that I’m trying to defend him, but maybe he genuinely thought those were cool ass pants and got embarrassed when people teased him about wearing them. He doesn’t strike me as very fashion savvy fellow, so he got schooled there.

          Oh, I don’t know. 

          • natteringyeahrobber

            I was exaggerating the extent of my fury. No worries. 

            p.s. As for TS – she tends to take creative liberties. 

          • TeamSeth

            We’re not upset about the pants. The pants symbolize the bridge with the Twifans. The pants were heinous to be certain, I mean, MAYBE paired with the right shirt and NO jacket and Fleuvogs and if his hair was styled and he wasn’t wearing that fugly professor velor jacket (was that at the premiere too? I can’t remember. #doesntmatter) and he wasn’t all “I’m gonna be hip and cool and the teenage fans are gonna love me cuz I’m wearing yellow (THEY”RE ORANGE CHRIS) pants to the premiere. In England. And I love England because it represents part of me, which is why I have such a half-accent and I went to Cambridge and am pretentious and live in Malibu, but am in touch with my chi and do complex yoga daily even though there’s no way I’m flexible enough to do complex poses, fuck that, I still do it. NO PROOF! And I’m just amazing. But have low self-esteem occasionally, despite having a shitton of money, a hot wife, and an adorable kid, and a great family. That’s not enough for me. So, fuck you Twifans, I don’t need you anymore. I have my indie sociopolitical film–but it’s more of a film about FAMILY, not politics. That’s why I’m going to seminars and conferences and award ceremonies for immigration, Hispanic-only culture & heritage, and other specific political events regarding the themes brought up in my film. And since my film was an epic box office failure, which everyone but me expected but still allowed me to make since I made the distributor so much money off of New Moon, my feelings were hurt. So i took it out on the twifans by just ignoring them and their inane questions about the fucking Volvo change. OF COURSE I KNOW IT’S A DIFFERENT FUCKING CAR!!!! Do you THINK that FORD let me CHOOSE the FUCKING CAR?!!! God, you ridiculous fans, learn about Hollywood as an industry, listen to my commentary, and shut the fuck up already. It’s all there for you if you just bothered to read you lazy ass bitches.”

            Chris took our interest in him, our genuine and fun and lighthearted interaction with him, and threw it into a giant fake temple on the playa. And no one gives a fuck what you did on the playa. No photos, Chris. Don’t you even read the fucking Burning Man rules? (e)

            I get why Chris is annoyed with Twilight Fans. They’re fucking annoying. We all know that. But me and Nat and TRACI, we are not the annoying ones. And he didn’t care. All he cares about is his own personal gain.

            Which I should respect.

            But I don’t, because instead of bothering to say, “Hey Twifans, here’s a FAQ that addresses nearly all of the stupid, er, many questions you ask me daily on twitter. Please read before tweeting me!” and acknowledging who enabled Summit to play the game of losing profits so he can make his indie film that will gross nothing, he just cut all ties. Burned the pants instead of selling them and donating the money to a charity of choice. Gave us the two-finger salute… because he’s so British.

            #stillbitter #clearly

            I’m just gonna post this, and not reread it. It’s probably not how i actually feel most of the time. It’s just how I feel right now…with my raging anger hormones coursing through my veins like fire. Feel free to ignore this.

            But you asked.


          • gizmo

            Oh honey. Forget him, he’s not worth it. There’s always Cougar Cathy. And she’ll always be willing to go there. I find comfort in that.

            p.s. I do kind of get it. David Slade kinda upset me over twitter the other day and I totally told him off (mhm) and then I woke up next morning laughing at the absurdity of my reaction and then watched Twilight and remembered: “You can only really count on the Cougarita”. It’s my mantra.

    • yeah taylor is hot compare to the annimals in a zoo, I prefer  the annimals  at least  they have brains. His stupid movie is getting zero percent  welcome to the O IQ club!

      • TeamSeth

        Wow, that was harsh. Have you had a sit down convo with Taylor? If not, please don’t comment on his intelligence. Unless this comment was sarcasm and I misread because I’m PMSing and annoyed at all things except the color beige (luckily for this website’s background)…then just ignore this comment.

        And is the second ‘n’ in animals a reference to some inside joke?

        (Why am i defending taylor?)

  • Anonymous

    I’m planning dinner at the olive garden then the premiere. Must remember to buy tickets though…
    I watched Twilight with two relative newbies tonight. They said that they are intrigued about New Moon, though! (This might be because I told them they weren’t allowed to ask me any werewolf questions since that was for New Moon) I followed up the movie viewing with the Hillywood Show parody. Good times.

  • natalie_MKH

    I don’t know if this has been made but I want a pic of a semi or something with the phrase ‘mothatrukinbrit’ somewhere on it. Or something about Rob and a semi. This is all I want for Christmas.

  • stupid movie for stupid people wow

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