The Twilosophy of fandom

Dear fans of stuff,

Today I want to discuss crazy fans. Boy do I have lots of stories! We shared a few of our favorite crazy e-mails we’ve received awhile back on LTR and since then have just been hoarding them for our own personal collection.  Every few days when we’re feeling particularly low, we open up that folder and read what the crazies have to say.  Then we pray and thank the Lord that we are not like them. (With all the praying we’ve been doing, we’re sure to get the best seats in Heaven!)

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Hot girls bother them at dinner

Hot girls bother them at dinner

What I want to know is how a normal person turns into a crazy person.  I don’t need to understand why a crazy person acts crazy- it’s their nature! But how do you explain when an attractive, successful driven-woman loses her cool? I’m not even talking about the mothers who leave their families to stalk the Vancouver set(s) for days on end and think it’s a “coincidence” when they keep bumping into ALL the cast members (FYI- it’s not a coincidence when you’re purposely stalking their hotels, restaurants and hang out places) or get offended when security guards take THEIR picture with their cell phones (Which, by the way, was so that they could text YOUR picture to all the other security guards so that you are put on the “she’s crazy- don’t let her near Rob- list”)

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Actually, no he doesn't...

Actually, no he doesn't... (click if you dare)

No, I’m talking about the people who seem normal in MOST areas of their lives, but it might just be one little thing.  They have great jobs, a great boyfriend or husband, maybe some cute kids and a dog, but their kids are named “Emmet Edward” and “Jacob Embry.” And what about the unicorn who is attractive and talented, yet keeps saying he was “touched real” by Twilight? Oh, and what does it mean when that normal woman whose young boys were mentioned above is pregnant and has named the little girl in her womb Bella Rose?

Seriously? What does it mean? Help me find out, after the jumpa

You're gonna regret that decision

You're gonna regret that decision

Ya know how Moon & I run our two blogs, Letters to Rob & Letters to Twilight? And you know how we’re kinda funny and really sarcastic and rarely say anything serious unless it’s about Buttcrack Santa (may he rest in peace) or Twilosophical? Well, sometimes and somehow, seemingly normal people get this impression that we ARE Rob or we ARE Twilight (Which brings up a future twilosophical question- when these people write “Dear Twilight” in an email, WHO do they think they are writing to? Cuz when I write “Dear Twilight” on LTT, I usually mean the maintence guy who cleans Rob’s trailer’s toilet)

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Sometimes it’s clear that the writer of one of these e-mails is too young to understand the humor that is LTT/LTR. For example, this girl asked Rob, “I just have one question, would you ever fall in love with someone that lives in a small town, like where i live? let me know before March 19, 2009. i am trying out for the varsity squad at my high school.” I don’t think she’s crazy. I just think she is young and misguided. So are the girls who ask “Rob” for his cell phone number (I always write back and give them that reject hotline number) and the ones who ask him to clarify “if you’re going out with a girl named X on Saturday because she’s my best friend and she says you are but I don’t believe her so I need to know if she’s lying.” (I did not make a mistake, I meant to say “ones.” We have received an email like that at least 20-25 times)

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'If I scream the LOUDEST, Rob will love me the BESTEST"

'If I scream the LOUDEST, Rob will love me the BESTEST"

The people I really don’t understand are the ones who write “Rob” or “Twilight” long rambling e-mails about their lives. I learn so much about the writer(s) this way.  And I always come away thinking- “wow.. that person has an interesting life.. I kinda want their life.. but OH MY GOSH.. they just TOLD ROBERT PATTINSON ALL ABOUT IT” and that, my friends, is CRAZY.  How can Normal people be SO secretly CRAZY!?  Does anyone else struggle understanding the diacodomy here? Why would a super attractive, normal-looking woman send an e-mail to “Rob” that she found on a website that CLEARLY isn’t connected to Rob and included an attractive picture of herself and her cute cat.  Does she think that Rob will take her up on her offer for oral pleasure? Does she not realize that instead of Rob printing out her picture and hanging it over his bed, I forwarded it to The Quad and EastFriend said the following zinger:

I looked up the word “Deluded” in Webster’s and her picture was next to it.  True story.
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What is it about Twilight, Robert Pattinson and just things or celebrities in general that people obsess over that brings out the crazy in otherwise normal people? And is my one little crazy thing in my otherwise normal life running these blogs? No, that can’t be it. Plus Moon is the crazy one of the two of us. On the contest LaurensBite had the other day to decide who was the hottest between Rob, Chris Pine & Zac Gayfron, Moon considered choosing Chris*! That’s up there on the crazy meter with the Pattinson Tattoo!
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In conclusion, I understand when people who are a little ‘off’ act crazy. That’s Normal. And I understand when young girls who don’t “get it” say off things. That’s Normal. But I do not and cannot understand when normal people act like crazy people. That’s not Normal.
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In loving memory of Buttcrack Santa,
UnintendedChoice
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This is called a discussion- now we all participate!

I did not make ONE of those stories up. True story (Oh, I lied. I don’t give the young girls the reject hotline #!)

*I allowed Moon to defend herself. Moon: “I considered Chris for a hot second, but I chose Rob in the end! I was blinded by my passions, but true love lasts a life time”
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