Jacob & Bella: It's On

Dear Twihards,

I know that when you saw this picture today you said, “oh UC & Moon have got to Break that Down Vanity Fair style.” Duh. Of course we did.  And welcome Kristin, our fab forum mod & viagra spammer killer to today’s Breaking it down:

Moon: OH. MY. GOD
UC: what!? is this your first time seeing this picture?
Moon: this pic!! no AGAIN. it’s my second time. It’s like almost a little much
Kristin: it was my first time.
Moon: VIRGIN- Relax! Breathe! Do what feels right, Kristin

Kristin: well he looks pissed
UC: Well, he has a hard on
Kristin: and she looks half dead
UC: and he can’t do ANYTHING about it. And in her defense…. she is half dead…
Kristin: and he totally has blue balls.
Moon: Omg- I’m just staring
Kristin: he’s like. “damnit Bella, I wanted to have to rip your shirt off and administer CPR!”
Moon: like how’d they make a near drowning SEXY?

UC: I e-mailed The Quad earlier today and said this, “Can we speculate what’s going on during this image? cuz I don’t believe the book described a scene quite this sexy when Jake saves Bells, so what do we think? Took a lil’ shower together? Jacob is too tall to scrub his feet so Bella helped him out?’ Cuz it def seems a little more ‘sexytime in the shower’ than ‘i just saved your life from a vampire standing over you while you were drowning in the cold water’
UC: EastFriend responded “He had his 1st wet dream about her, forcing him to take a cold shower. Bella stepped in to wash his back.
Or…
They were getting their Gene Kelly on. Just singin’ & dancin’ in the rain. Then Bella slipped & fell, of course, so Jake had to rescue her. It was a poignant moment, hence the serious expressions on their faces.
See? I can be dirty & clean! It’s a gift. Seeing both the sexy & pure sides of the same situation. ”

Kristin: Bella looks kind of “whaa just happened”- very damsel in distress. Makes me want to punch her. just a little.
Moon: DO THAT NOW. DO HIM. Edward left your ass. DO IT
Moon: dude bella & Edward are on WAY more than “a break”
Kristin: she can blame it on the “near death experience” !
Moon: he has to forgive you
Kristin: I always have sex after I almost die.
Moon: oh ‘oops he saved me and his tongue ended up in my mouth. ‘ OOPS. All i can imagine is a drops of water coming off his hair and hitting her
UC: her ears look big
Moon: such a hot visual
UC: so do his muscles
Moon: his nose looks big- look at his MOOBS

Kristen gets real honest after the jump

Kristin: can I be honest?
UC: although… i’ll be honest… you know i’ve been feeling Tay these days.. but he looks baby face here
Kristin: i think I might…just a leetle…be hot for him
UC: umm hi. we are too
Moon: yes he looks young!
Kristin: i know you are too- and I resisted. But now. with this pic. I kind of want to “rough him up behind the dumpster”
UC: WHOOA!!!! confession! PERV ALERT! haha jk
Moon: my new motto: LEGAL IN GEORGIA (no longer “he’s only 17”) Chris Hanson so has our addresses right now
Kristin: yeah. I’m what, only 8,9 years older. hardly cougar territory
Moon: not at all! thats like older mentor territory!
UC: big brother/big sister!
Moon: show him the ways… teach him about a woman
Kristin: and that vein in his neck..I kind of want to lick it….yes in a mentor sort of way. I could teach him things….
UC: you went down to the the activity center- just to be a big sister, but instead… well…. “Legal in GA”
Moon: we could teach him things while licking that neck vein
UC: just a little lick from the mentor. Edward would love that neck vein

Moon: i’ve NEVER been into muscle-y dudes but this is hot
Kristin: ME EITHER!
UC: right. i love the dorks. big time, but dang. Tay’s got it going on
Moon: i like skinny nerdy boys
Kristin: i like them lanky and dorky…and especially if they walk funny.
Moon: like if one legs shorter than the rest
Kristin: and can’t button their shirts correctly

UC: okay but let’s discuss the SCENE….  first of all.. it’s a shitty photoshop job…. look at his armpit… they sliced it up
Moon: his arm isnt that small
Kristin: haha, I would also like to talk about why they are kind of in the forest.
UC: well, that’s the bad PhotoShop job
Kristin: like far in the forest. not how I pictured it
UC: they were clearly at the beach. and then they just ‘shopped them out. and put them in the forest, but forgot part of his armpit along the way.
Moon: Or it would be indecent to have post drowning sex on the beach in la push??
UC: That’s true. Quil would see. with that little girl he imprinted on.
Moon: Quil and Claire- building a sandcastle behind them while Bella gets penetrated
UC: look at you- pulling “Claire” out from nowhere! you win dorky fan of the day award!

UC: but what i REALLY want to discuss is… i mean.. really? the scene is this sexual?
Moon: nah but they had to up it
UC: Do you think Steph is rolling over in her grave err comfy water bed? I mean, I like it. It needs this- I’m all for pg-13 sexual stuff
Kristin: I wonder if the whole movie they have those awkward close moments where they MIGHT kiss and then don’t- like a disney movie.
UC: like in high school musical you mean?
Kristin: YES. Exactly.
UC: seriously.. pisses me off that they don’t kiss. I’m like… dang it… i’m watching a kid’s movie with my 6 yedar old niece.. KISS HER GAYFRON
Moon: GOD NM is gonna leave everyone all frustrated

UC: We should commission FanFic based on this pic
Kristin: we should totally. It could start with a twitching in his pants watching her take gulping breaths and her chest heaving…ahem.
Moon: and the drop of water rolls down her chest… and he watches it
Kristin: and brushes her hair to the side…
UC: and then Claire yells “Big Brother Quil- what are they doing!?” and screams, running away.. crying. And Quil thinks “Someday.. you and I will too, my little Claire bear” Then we all get creeped out…cuz imprinting is weird
Kristin: GROSS
Moon: OMG SICK
UC: Steph wrote it. i didn’t
Moon: chris [hansen]!! I’m calling him myself
UC: send him over- I will send him DIRECTLY to steph meyers house

Kristin: I think that the stills were hard to get because he kept humping her- “Jacob, please hold still…and stop whimpering”
Moon: this should be a gif- a couple of HS kids dry humping on the beach/forest
Kristin: a humping gif
UC: with a little girl screaming in the background- not understanding. Poor Claire
Moon: and a wolf running by- Go home Claire- we’ll bake you cookies
Kristin: poor little Claire! Lets go home and make smiley face pancakes
Moon: shes the real loser in this whole picture scenario

Love,
UnintendedChoice, theMoonisDown and Kristin, the viagra spammer killer

Well, what do you think? Hot? Not? Does it fit the book the way Steph wrote it?

Comment here then Discuss more in The Forum
And watch it! Moon & UC go head-to-head in a Rob Photo Face-off on LTR