From here to Breaking Dawn, the timeline

*Stay tuned for a VERY IMPORTANT note from UC and Moon at the end of this post*

Dear Breaking Dawn (uno and dos),

You are quite a ways off, especially in our ADD, RIGHT NOW, twitter update, I knew it before you did, always connected obsessed world. So what are we do do for the next 2 PLUS years?!!!?!! That’s a lot of time! Houses are built, babies are conceived AND born, people meet and break up. What will happen in the world of Twilight over the next two years?

I’ve come up with a timeline for what I think the next two years in the Twilight fandom will look like…

September 2010 – Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas elope to Las Vegas and make “Ashoe” official

October 2010– Sales on Loquat costumes on regrEtsy go through the roof

November 2010 – Breaking Dawn begins filming in Vancouver and Louisiana. Louisiana considers renaming their sta Twilousiana because of the jump in tourism courtesy of crazy Twihards. They reconsider after the crazy Twihards test their police and emergency services to their limits in an effort to keep the cast somewhat safe.

December 2010 – Moon and UC celebrate 2 years of blogging about Twilight and Robert Pattinson

-100 Monkeys, Sam Brady (typo and it stays!), Bobby Long, Marcus Foster, Kiowa Gordan and his band Touche, Tinsel Korey and Mike Welch on vocals and Sage come together in whatever town Breaking Dawn is filming in for a special Christmas benefit concert. Before the cops bust in and arrest them for noise complaints they all gather on stage and sing “We are the Rob.”

January 2011 – Moon and UC sue 100 Monkeys, Sam Bradley, Bobby Long, Marcus Foster, Kiowa Gordan and his band Touche, Tinsel Korey, Mike Welch and Sage for stealing their hit song “We are the Rob.”

MMMMmmmm doughnuts!!

– Robsten breaks up, on set, over an argument about a flannel shirt and a jelly doughnut
– Robsten reunites 3 days later over a French Cruller in craft services

Follow the cut for the rest of the timeline and to read our VERY IMPORTANT note

Hmmmmm breaksticks

March 2011
– Moon spots Big Daddy at an Olive Garden in Los Angeles. After almost choking on her 4th basket of breadsticks she sends a bowl of pasta fagioli, a jug of the house wine and a gift certificate to get his cholesterol checked to his table with a note that reads, “Salud from your biggest fans and ardent admirers. To your health! Love and fried fish, LTT PS tell Chris Hansen to suck it”

May 2011 – a judge throws out Moon and UC’s lawsuit and sentences all parties involved to community service for the absurdity of the lawsuit, the song and those people’s connections to the Twilight franchise.

July 2011 – Taylor Lautner and Tom Cruise unite to film a father/son cop  movie

September 2011 – Kristen cuts her hair into a mushroom bob shape for her turn in the Dorothy Hamill biopic spawning all new nicknames (mophead, penishead, etc etc) and she is forced to explain why her hair is growing out from the shape of a mushroom during the Breaking Dawn press junket.

November 18, 2011 – Breaking Dawn Part 1 is released. #PillowBite2011 happens. Girls are arrested, BevMo’s go out of business, we’re forever banned from the Best Western hotel chain and Rob learns how to get himself out of a locked rented Rondo’s trunk with a plastic spoon from Pinkberry and an empty bottle of Makers.

December 2011 – Moon and UC celebrate 3 years of blogging

Hmmmm Chip and Dales

February 2012 – Kellan wins an Oscar for his role as a male stripper turned pastor to blind children

May 2012 – Robert Pattinson turns 26 and celebrates by getting rip roaring drunk and kisses TomStu on the mouth. With tongue. Paparazzi catch the moment and the pair grace the cover of The Advocate and are tapped to star in Milk and the Brokeback Mountain remake.

June – October 2012 – Stuff happens

November 16, 2012– Breaking Dawn Part 2 is released. #DemonSpawn2012 (name TBD) happens. We visit #pillowbite2011 girls in the local Women’s prison. We invest in red contacts to scare the shiz out of waiters and any cast members we run into. BevMo’s go out of business, The W hotel chain bans us from their hotels for life. KrazyKidd’s Tia and Tio get us back in with the management at Best Western.

November 17, 2012– Moon and UC buy a farm and retire forever. Stephenie Meyer begins writing the follow up to Twilight. Twitter is suddenly faster and fail whale free as fans have nothing left to say. Rob shaves his head and walks into the woods nearest Los Angeles to disappear for 8 months and not have to hear another scream or words like “panty poof,” “OH MAH GAWD YOU’RE SOOO HOT,” and “Robsten” from anyone. Kristen starts a wig company. Taylor buys lifts for his shoes from the “Tom Cruise Collection.” Big Daddy invests in an Olive Garden franchise.

Can’t wait for the next two years. Any more ideas as to what it will hold?

And now for a word from your bloggers-

Dear friends and faithful readers,

With the above timeline in mind UC and I have been thinking about what the next two years will look like on LTT and LTR. As you know we started these blogs in 2008 and have faithfully updated EVERY DAY come hell or high water, holidays or vacations and have loved it. You’ve made the grueling schedule so worth it. We’ve fulfilled almost every one of our personal goals for the blogs and still can’t believe our luck. But staring down the barrel of 2 years with little updates between filming and film releases we are worried about keeping our content fresh, fun and not boring. And we don’t feel so fresh. In fact I feel about like KStew’s mullet at Comic Con. Grease ball status. And NO one should be forced to witness that more than a day or two in a row.

So we’ve conferenced and prayed to our Rob shrines, and called Kellan for spiritual guidance (read: make out) and said a couple hail Stephenie’s and came to a decision. We’ve decided to modify our posting schedule to reflect that and also to give us a bit of a lighter schedule, more time personal AND to just BE in the fandom like you guys are. With that in mind here is what we plan to do…

Post 2-4 times a week. Of course this could be more depending on the news. Robsten breaks up? We’re there! Reneseme is cast? We’re SOOO there! Stephenie hates Midnight Sun so much she finishes writing it and sends us a reader copy for review? We’re there with m-er ef-ing bells on while doing backflips in Bella’s prom dress!

The posts may be at 8AM or they could be at 12AM when inspiration strikes. Want to know WHEN we post? Sign up for our email alerts (or enter your email into that box in the column over there) and you’ll know the second we hit that precious “publish” button.

We’ll still be on Twitter and Facebook and loving every minute of it.

We’re still gonna be around, just not every single stinking day at 8AM. We still love Twilight. We still love to “Break it down.” We still begrudgingly put up with the Robsten drama and most of all  we still love you! Forever and ever, amen!

You can understand our need for this right? We’re still gonna be around just not all up in your grill every day. We need a little refresher, a little personal time with the people in our day-to-day lives who have to listen to us talk about stuff like “imprinting” and “nonsten.” Heck, I still need to finish reading Water for Elephants and write my personal review of Eclipse. WTFLOLBBQ>!!!??!:!@

So we’ll still be around just a little bit less… but a lot more fresh. Fresh to death, if you will.

Moon and UC

Our internet game WILL ALWAYS be ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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