What (should have) happened in the Twilight world in 2010

Dear Twilight,

Since it’s that time of year when we start to wrap up 2010 and think about 2011, I was thinking about recapping the past year of Twilight. But then I thought to myself, “Wow… how incredibly boring, UC. Anyone who is a reader of LTT knows exactly what happened in the world of Twilight in 2010 and exactly when it happened (and probably what they were wearing at the time).” So I thought, why don’t I recap what should have happened in 2010? We’re all about the fanatical fantasy here at LTT, so why stop now? I give you: Twilight in 2010: What should have happened!

The 100 Monkeys broke up. As a result the Goodwill received an onslaught of “Monkey bags,” and past concert goers stopped fleeing to their Doctors complaining of ‘bleeding ears”

Kellan came out of the closet. Then went to Christian Gay camp & learned how to resist the urge. Then was caught at the Eco-lodge with a man. Coincidentally it was his counselor from Christian Gay camp.

Swiftner became a bigger celeb couple than Robsten. A Karate video was produced to a country music soundtrack, selling more than Justin Bieber’s latest album. A pre-teen war ensued. A lot of Jonas Brothers sleeping bags were destroyed. I think. Do tweens still like the JoBros?

BigDaddy realized that the Olive Garden is much better when UC & Moon are there to share his breadsticks. TWSS.

Midnight Sun was finished and as a result, for a full 12 hours, not a woman over the age of 10 was seen in public.

The media & public realized Robsten are a really boring couple (Is it “Robsten are?” or “Robsten is”? Is this in the dictionary somewhere? “How do you properly formulate a sentence using the plural form of Robsten?” Does anyone know? Do you think Summit knows? Do you think they have a guy in their office just to grammatically correct all the “Robsten” sentences they write? Most importantly, how does the CEO address Robsten when he makes photo-shopped manips of the two of them to send to his wife on humpday?

“TwiPorn” and “RobPorn” went back to their original meanings: Pictures of Twilight male characters doing chores around the house. Much more boring, much more safe for work, plus you feel better about yourself after seeing Peter Fach vacuuming instead of opening an email attachment to see Kellan holding a huge scholong with the caption “Bite this.”

Catherine Hardwicke made a movie that looked nothing like Twilight

DILF mustard pants chris weitz

These pants will be EVERYWHERE this spring

Chris Weitz showed up in public again to introduce his men’s fashion line called “DILF,” featuring a limited edition mustard-colored pant

Rob’s head was not photo-shopped onto the bodies of any men who also do gay porn.

Stephenie called Pancho “Nacho” in public. Coincidentally they were eating Mexican at the time.

Someone finally admitted visiting Forks is actually kinda boring.

Ashley Greene hooked up with Ian Somerhalder reminding us that what she does best is sleep with men we could never get and bringing more pretty into our lives & giving us (more) excuses to write about Ian.

I mean, is it just me or was 2010 a pretty boring year for the cast? We had a little Swiftner. I think Nikki Reed probably slept with a douche bag. Kellan hooked up with Anna-Lynne again. Jackson fell in love with me, the Twilight Superfan, in Philadelphia & Boo-Boo Stewart’s voice dropped 3 whole notes, but I think that’s it. No one even cares about Ashley & Joe Jonas. Catherine barely tried to remind us that she created Robsten. For as much shit as he talked on Twi before he got the Eclipse directing gig, David Slade turned out to be really boring. Solomon Trimble’s life is kinda too sad to even make fun of anymore, and Chris Hansen and Boo-Boo Stewart jokes just aren’t as funny as they were with Taylor Lautner. Come on Twilight in 2011, you BETTER give us SOMETHING good!


What did I miss? What else (should have) happened in the world of Twilight in 2010!?

Oh- We don’t want to forget to tell you, starting January 3rd the Biggest Loser challenge on the Forum (renamed “Resolutionary Challenge 2011”) is kicking off: Make sure you join everyone if you’re looking for fun, encouragement & healthy living in 2011!!! Resolutionary Challenge 2011

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  • NorthernLights

    Rob and Kristen should have made an exclusive commentary track to New Moon. I finally had the chance to see Eclipse (woot!) and their ribbing of the film was the most entertaining bit of experiencing the “phenomenon”.

  • ooza

    I whole-heartedly concur!

    Don’t forget about the long lost shipment of Eclipse merchandise that was found that didn’t totally blow. And bonus soundtracks were released for both NM and Eclipse featuring tracks by Rob.

  • superhumanmoron

    Billy Burke should have made some angry tweets about something or other. Oh, wait…

  • Stacey

    I love your “What should have happened in 2010”! There was so much I wanted to remark on, but then you mentioned Ian. Then I started to swoon…Ian…

    I must say 2010 brought me to Twilight and a bunch of new friends! It also establishef at the end of 2010, I am back on Team Damon. Well…until more Edward pictures leak on the Breaking Dawn. How about this…2011…the year that the Twilight makeup department decides not to make the vampires look like pasty ghosts!

    • TeamSeth

      Oh I like that for 2011! Just say screw it, all the fans know they’re supposed to be pale, let’s just use soft candlelit type lighting (aka the mushroom ravioli scene–swoon) and make the vampires look hot. maybe even let everyone have their real eye colors–why not? KStew’s eyes are so much prettier than those brown contacts, which quickly will become red, then weird reddish/blackish/brownish. Etc. Sigh. Oh well.

  • Carmelitagabriel71

    i agree except for the Kellan part. he makes me happy.
    as for the town of Forks, the people from there were really nice and the people i went with were really drunk. total win.

  • Anonymous

    I am grateful for a few things that did happen in 2010: we had a decent movie (although recent upon back-to-back viewings I have decided I like New Moon better. Maybe because Eclipse lacked Facepunch and awkwardly punching Jake’s ribs and for some reason I really got attached to that tweed-serious Edward jacket. Much better than the carefree denim NSync one). We also had a cast that behaved decently… it’s a tad easier to defend K when she does a great movie like The Runaways. On the other hand, the rabid Krisbians still make that difficult, and I missed her crazy fashion and redneck hair. And of course, how could we not love 2010 because LTT met Stephenie and Jackson in the same week, giving the rest of us something to vicariously live for.

    What 2010 lacked included: New books (anything…) by Stephenie Meyer (not that we’d want to read them); a Britney “Chaotic” style reality show on MTV starring Robsten; a meet-and-greet with Cathy Hardi at a TGI Fridays which all LTTers were sent personalized, handwritten invitations to that included a URL where we could find her top secret magicness footage on youtube.

    • Anonymous

      YEAH! I’d watch a Robsten reality show! And I’m more of a don’t-give-a-crapsten-er. But really…who could resist that?

      p.s. Didn’t we get The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner this year? Or was it last year?

      • Anonymous

        We did (I had to think for a second before answering). I wouldn’t consider it a highlight, though I did enjoy the fresh material from SMeyer…

      • TeamSeth

        I don’t know if I could watch more than the pilot of Robsten in RL… it seems like it would be kind of… boring. Just a bunch of hiding from the pappz, talking to their managers, ignoring phone calls from people, eating hot pockets, and having mediocre sex (I mean, they’ve been at it for awhile… unless she borrows Dakota Fanning’s costumes from The Runaways, I’m not sure the sexy times are full blown magicness any longer). But you know, maybe I am just too I don’t give a crapsten to get excited.

        • Anonymous

          Oh I’m such a don’t give a crapstener too. I’m just thinking what great fodder it would be for LTT and how amusing (though possibly annoying) it would be to read about on the Twitterverse.

    • TwilightCat

      Although Eclipse was my favorite movie to see in the cinema, I’ve decided that New Moon is my favorite DVD … in French. I’ve recently discovered the French dubbed version of New Moon, and I love it.

      Not only does it help me brush up my Francais (which I haven’t studied since high school), but it also makes Edward sound infinitely sexier, and Bella sound stronger, and … well, everything just sounds better in French.

      Plus, you get to listen to professional French voice-over artists who aren’t trained in the Kristen Stewart School of Acting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vlQd9w0w_4

      I can’t wait to download the French version of Eclipse — I imagine that the leg hitch scene, and the Riley/Victoria make-out scene, will be much sexier en Francais.

      • Anonymous

        Interesting comment… I totally need to listen to my DVD in French if that’s the case.

        • TwilightCat

          I would recommend watching the French version of NM, even if you don’t understand French. If you’ve seen NM in English a few times, you will totally understand everything that’s going on (the French script stays very close to the English script). Plus, I think that the French actors who voiced-over Bella and Edward did an excellent job, one that transcends the language barrier. IMO, their voices were stronger and were able to convey emotional nuances that I thought were missing in the original.

          • TwilightCat

            Or, wait, didn’t you say that you live in Quebec a couple of posts ago (I have a photographic memory)? If so, your French will be way better than mine!

          • TeamSeth

            Are you new commenter or had to make a new name via Disqus? I think I missed if you said or not. Anyway, I LOVE your avatar! Such a cute cat, and doing what cats love to do–promote illiteracy by sitting on whatever you’re reading.

          • TwilightCat

            I’m pretty new. I discovered LTT last June when UC and Moon did the press junket with Stephenie, and I’ve been a lurker up until last month, when I decided to come out of the Twi-closet (to all of you fine LTT folks, at least – my bf is still in the dark).

            As for my avitar, my name is Cat, so I chose the handle TwilightCat, and then I found this adorable picture of an actual twilight cat, and it all just fit together perfectly.

        • TwilightCat

          Obviously I need to read my e-mail more often (though, in my defense, my Disqus e-mails don’t go to my primary e-mail account). Évidemment, je ne savais pas que tu parlais français quand j’ai écrit mon post précédent!

          • ChillinWithCullens

            Holy Shit, I’ve been on here a year and I’m just now finding out we have an email???

          • TwilightCat

            When I signed up for Disqus and the LTT RSS feed, I chose the option of being notified every time someone replies to my posts.

            Disqus sends these notifications to the email address you used to sign up for your Disqus account.

            I haven’t yet figured out how to PM someone using Disqus, though I’m sure there’s a way to do that, too.

      • TeamSeth

        Where did you get the French version? Mine only came in Spanish!!!! :'( I really, really, really wanted to watch that scene in Twi where he says “Je voudrais essayer une chose” after some Frenchie on here mentioned it… and now I always hear it in my head… and swoon a bit. I only get Eduardo telling Bella he loves her before Alice drives her out of the garage and to Phoenix. Le sigh. I guess I’ll just have to endure it.

  • Anonymous

    Ahhh, the poor Monkeys always getting a bad rap! I personally love their music and their stage presence! I wanted to go see Sam Bradley but you know what? I’m glad it didn’t work out. There’s no way he can live up to the standard of fun the Monkeys have! Plus, I saw a Twilight Cast Member in the flesh in 2010! Not the one I wanted to see of course, onto 2011.

    • TeamSeth

      Speaking of seeing the one we want to see in 2011, do you thin Billy Burke will go on tour to promote his new(ish) album? 😉

      • Anonymous

        You know, I’m all for going to see Twilight stars in the music world. I think that would be awesome!!! Still not the one I want to see, but I’m guessing you already knew that 😉

        • TeamSeth

          With a handle like ‘robsfuturemate’, I was certain you’d be highly into Burke…. seeing him as ‘the one’. Fortunately that’s not the case and I can still be a top contender in the effort to strip him away from his beautiful wife and gorgeous daughter… wow. Actually even writing that end part made me feel like a bad person despite it being an obvious farce. Either I’ve had too much wine and am overemotional or… no, not even then.

          • Anonymous

            “no, not even then.”

            I’m jealous of your ability to throw quotes in at random!! I need to go watch some more Twi movies! 🙂

          • cosi bella

            it scares me that I immediately recognized this quote too…..

  • TwilightCat

    “Midnight Sun was finished and as a result, for a full 12 hours, not a woman over the age of 10 was seen in public.”

    Yes! That would totally be me! Oops, I mean, I am totally not waiting for that terrible book that none of us ever want to read to be published. Do you hear me, Stephenie? None of us ever want to read it, ever! (Is that enough reverse psychology?)

  • Fanjacob7

    Hi just come out of lurking here (love LTT!)

    The photo of TL and TS on Valentine’s Day set.

    See how his shoulders are lower down than hers and yet the top of his head is a little higher than hers. Now that is one long neck.

    (sorry those are the kinds of ridiculous details that I notice!)

  • Anonymous

    Oh Thank You LTT for this lovely post! It’s like fanfiction for LTT fans! One thing 2010 gave us was Michael Sheen + Rachel McAdams (McSheen?) and I kind of love them together. I’d definitely want to have a beer with these two over Robsten. Just sayin’

    AND we got Jumping Rob. So not so bad.

  • JellyBeanRainbow

    Billy Burke should have been nominated and won an Oscar!!!!!

    • TeamSeth

      He’ll get one for Little Red Riding Hood, don’t you worry.

  • Itaintpianolessonshoney

    Ashley & Ian have dated. Just not in 2010.

    • TeamSeth

      WHAT?! In the words of Hermione, Excuse me, I have to go and vomit.

  • “…reminding us that what she does best is sleep with men we could never get and bringing more pretty into our lives” Win! Also I was totally picturing that Natasha Lyonne movie where she is a lesbian cheerleader when it comes to Nikki and Kristen. Where was the fake lesbians this year? Fake lesbain love you girls.

  • TeamSeth

    More important than those mustard DILF pants, Taylor’s tie is PLAID. How did I never notice that before? Oh yeah, cuz I never enlarged the photo until today… hm.

    I do not support your Ian bit. No matter how much Ian likes doing things that are environmentally sound, he will never, ever Go Greene.

    I guess the Twilight cast had to ‘take a year off’ since UC & Moon had such an amazing year. I mean, that only makes sense… we don’t want to waste extra electricity just to light up more than two spotlights at time, right?

    • Fanjacob7

      LOL. cos I think he must have been having plaid withdrawal symptoms and and just HAD to have some plaid SOMEWHERE

      Oh and I read somewhere that he always does this ‘side lean’ thing in his photos and sure enough he’s doing it in this photo.

      Hmmm maybe there’s some rare non-plaid, non-side-lean photo somewhere – (would be worth a fotune methinks)

  • “Catherine Hardwicke made a movie that looked nothing like Twilight”
    hahaha! i think this is my favorite post ever!
    if all this stuff happened… i think i would die. lol

  • cosi bella

    …Also lol about the orange pants (what WAS he thinking?) – hope it doesn’t catch on…

    Can I also say that I hate Kristin’s outfit in that same pic with a passion. yuck.
    (but not as much I hate that horrible wooly tea cozy hat she wears in Eclipse – which gets my ‘Ugliest Hat I’ve Ever Seen’ award.

    …And hoping that UC and Moon will be posting a “What would we like to see in 2011” type blog entry.

    …cos I has ideas – prolly not original – (but with the interweb – is anything original any more? lol)

    Thanks again for a very entertaining blog.

  • ChillinWithCullens

    Awww! Swiftner!! Is is normal that I was sad (like almost brought tears to my eyes, but I was in a store, so I kept it in) because they didn’t get back together like we hoped? …Normal, right??!

    • ChillinWithCullens

      wow…not even one? okay, going to hide in the corner now….

      • TeamSeth

        There, there, Chillen. Maybe your comment got swept up in the holiday time LTT hiatuses. But, I don’t know if that is normal because I was never certain they were ever together. HOWEVER, I am certain that whatever they were or were not, Taylor regrets dissing him for some older asshole guy with no soul. Well, and she wishes she wasn’t permanently banned from Olive Gardens. Big Daddy is a hefty shareholder in Darden Restaurants and I’m pretty positive he 86ed her after the stunt she pulled with his son.

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