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Back to December and back to Swiftner, we break it down

Dear Swiftner (aka Taylors’ Swift and Lautner),

We miss you… a lot. We love each one of you… a lot. And now Taylor Swift has written a song about you Taylor Lautner and we want a reunion… here we are to break it down. DUH.

Have a listen here:
Taylor Swift – Back to December
[audio: http://letterstotwilight.com/music/BacktoDecember.mp3]

What could have been…… awwww…

The one where we go back to December, lit-trally
: okay let’s talk some Swift
Moon: yes, can i tell you my fave feature of itunes is “date added”… listening… omg my boss must think im crazy i have this blaring
UC: hahaha… youre trying to be “well rounded”
Moon: back to december allll the time. ok ok taylor im opening ltt’s dec 2009 archives… clearly taylor is an ltt fan cause dec is our anni month
UC: happy anniversary us!
Moon: awww the lautner family xmas letter. tay is sad she wont make it this yr
UC: i just saw that
Moon: oh we did a tay laut appreciate sunday in dec
UC: yeah… they were TOTES on in Dec. is that when it fell apart? Or was December a happy month?
Moon: OH right he was on SNL this month… dude what happened?! when were they seen out all those times with to go boxes? and his sports car
UC: i thought that was in the spring, but that must have been before… ohhh wait you wrote to the Taylors here and then we broke down swiftner like crazy robsten fans in OCTOBER of 2009, OCT 29 2009
Moon: awwwww memories
Moon: rainbows, unicorns… lisa frank folders
UC: it was perfection

The one where we think we know what happened

UC: and we know now, b/c of song and….. i’m now even MORE convinced this song is about them .. the timing was off in my head.i thought Swiftner was in the winter/early spring. but no… it was fall into CHristmas season
Moon: well when i was in planes, trains and hospitals last week i read like EVERY rag mag and she said it was about him pretty much
UC: and while I have to admit I’ve spent a long time listening to her new album over the past week, i think that this is how it went down: they met. They had so much fun. they liked each other. HE admitted the feelings were strong, and she did not. she hurt him. he left. she misses him, she’s sad, writes hit song. we break it down… and hopefully one day see her in concert ( I love Taylor) Because remember when that super secret source who is friends with Taylor told us they were NEVER really Swiftner and we were heart-broken? well, I still think that might be true…. and that Tay Lautner wanted to be Swiftner. HE wanted matching Lisa Frank trapper keepers & white baby kittens to hold together under a fuzzy pink blanket but something scared Taylor Swift off- I’m gonna go with Joe Jonas. And Ashley Greene- cuz she’s fun to blame even though they weren’t together then and Summit. Let’s blame Summit
Moon: hahaha, cause everyone loves to blame them for everything.
UC: Taylor Swift saw Robsten- and what happened with them- the rabid fans & the manips of their lovemaking in front of the fire (mostly from us) and didn’t want to BE Swiftner and broke Taylor’s heart
Moon: i think they were having a good ol time filming Valentines Day. they hung out, “dated” with chaperone’s (aka big daddy), vma nonsense with Kanye happened, things heated up, love declared on SNL, then BOOM johnmayer/joejonas/whoever called

The one where Taylor Swift is scared of the fireplace

Wait, is this a manip?!

UC: she says “Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind”
Moon: fear of the fireplace
UC: Fear = The Swiftner version of Robsten Fans making love videos
Moon: it’s alright to be scared the first time taylor
UC: Don’t fear the fireplace Taylor!
Moon: we’ll walk you through it
UC: haha we’ll make a step by step guide to rocking the fireplace, also rocking in front of the fireplace
Moon: taylor laut no doubt has his v card so it’ll be quick
UC: Yes- it’ll be his vcard disappearing that night.. yours will barely be touched.
The one where the Jersey Shore gets involved

Yup, totes DTF

UC: So let’s get back tko the lyrics though- as they tell a good story…….in December, of 2009, after they went out to celebrate LTTs 1 year anniversary…
Moon: Clearly.
UC: it sounds like Taylor gave her flowers….. probably got down on one knee and asked her to make Swiftner official. NO doubt he had breadsticks in hand to seal the deal and she said NO
UC: and dropped the flowers- or he did. ANd they wilted. Like their almost Swiftner relationship
Well, it says it right there- “SO good to me. SO right” I think she loves it. She sings “It turns out freedom aint nothin’ but missin’ you, wishin’ I’d realized what I had when you were mine” It sounds like Mr. Lautner was laying down the law… saying. enough of flirting with boys from Nashville.. I want you all to myself Taylor
Moon: dude TAYLOR LAUTNER get your people on the phone, charter a flight and get to wherever Swifty is because as The Situation and Pauly D say: TAYLOR SWIFT IS DTF!!!!!!!!!
UC: You’re right she was JUST DTF
Moon: she realizes she had it GOOD and john mayer is a toolbag and she wants his assssszzzzz back
UC: she sings about wanting Freedom- but “Freedom” meant getting screwed & felt up by a dude with backne (aka John Mayer). i don’t mean screwed like Effed, I mean screwed over and felt up after having to give him a massage over his backne.
Moon: screwed as in he stole her publishing rights on a song they cowrote. LICENSING NERD ALERT!!! john mayers no fool. he sees her #1 songs

Follow the cut to read the rest of our break down, to see who we blame and the bet we place


It was meant to be!!!

The one where we blame people
Moon: i LOVE the line “I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, So good to me, so right” i laughed so hard!!! i mean we all love taylor ambiguous ethnicity…  but do you think she loves his alpaca face too?
UC: Yes, who didn’t dream of owning an alpaca farm after seeing that commercial about how easy it is?
UC: So….. let’s talk about what else taylor misses She misses his Tan Skin
Moon: tan skin, check
Moon: alpaca face, check
Moon: his family (aka big daddy), check
UC: I mean… if anyone thinks this isn’t about Taylor, they’re an idiot-sweet smile, he held her in his arms in SEPTEMBER… Wow- Swiftner alluded the press for awhile HE held her while she cried so sweet. Why was she crying?
UC: Was it over another boy? Someone she’ll never get over… and he said his Jacob lines from the movie theater grabbed her hand she said “No, Taylor… I can’t……”
Moon: im just gonna blame john mayer for breaking up swiftner
UC:I like that and Summit
Moon: and robsten fans. they have to be to blame they didnt want another couple stealing the spotlight

The one where the Taylors put a sock on the door

For UC…

UC: Do you think Taylor L. went down to his local Target (in New Orleans) to pick up Swift’s album last Tuesday,popped it in his sports car on his way to get take-out from the Olive Garden, punches in track 3 and sobs… right there in the parking lot outside of a restaurant modeled after an Italian villa?
Moon: it was like being in italy. then he goes home and he eats ben and jerrys and sobs to it in a bubble bath
UC: She says “If we loved again I swear I’d love you right”
Moon: BUT i think SHE sent him a copy with a signed note, saying shes DTF
UC: hahahahaha she ALSO sings “So if the chain is on your door, I understand”
UC: IF the chain is….. she’s asking  IS the chain on your door? cuz if it’s not… I’m DTF
Moon: chair on the door of your sketch hotel room in NOLA.  do nice hotel room doors even have chains? I can’t remember seeing one
UC: put a sock on the door if you’re DTF though
Moon: HAHAHAHA sock
UC: chain= I’ll stay away. Sock= DTF
Moon: she’ll put her scrunchie on the door if he lets her in
UC: I’ll be by at 8, that’s what it says if you play the song backwards
Moon: it’s not “paul is dead” it’s “taylor saying ‘im DTF” on repeat
UC: it is a sweet song. Kinda heart-breaking since we’re crazy obsessive stalkers & know that it’s most likely true. She’s sad. She blew it
Moon: so sweet. i love the swift AND the laut… but i really LOVE swiftner
UC: But the good news is……. I think he’s been single ever since. I think she hurt him bad

Ducktales ooohhh ooohhh

UC: So… he might be DTF still…
Moon: right, he might still hold a candle for her… he was one of the highest paid ‘teens’ last yr! get in there taylor with your gabillions start a TAYLOR empire and take over the world, one awesome teen girl song and teen boy movie at a time
UC: IS Swift not richer? she sold a bajillion records. Imma google it
UC: google says: 17.2 mil
Moon: oh shes probs richer but he’s coming up there. especially with the BD contracts, how they redid them and im sure getting a cut on the backend
UC: they should
Moon: he’ll be scrouge mcduck-ing it in no time… swimming in that twihard money
UC: I’m jealous.
Moon: me too, i have a snorkle taylor(s) ill swim with you

The one where UC is called out!
UC: you know… Nashville isn’t too far from New Orleans and he’s there for SIX MONTHS
UC: Let’s place our bets- I say we see a Swiftner round 2
Moon: PLEASEE!!!! im praying for it. i mean if there hasnt already been a call or at least a TEXT between them since this album came out from laut to swift then HE’S CRAZY
UC: I’d pay money to see them on a double date with Robsten- a colorful duo of pink & kittens & glitter & pricnesses, then the duds in black
Moon: duds!
UC: what should we bet?
Moon: speaking of…. you still havent paid up for on eclipse! The people voted and you have to write a letter to the crazy Oprah Twimoms!!!
UC: oh crap! i totally forgot

So you say you’re DTF now?

The one where we finally bet
UC: Ok, so I bet there will be a round 2. Swiftner back together and unicorns will frolic again.
Moon: ok to make it interesting, ill say no they wont. the Laut is on to bigger and better things aka Selena Gomez again or whoever the new IT teen girl is. (who is that people?) aka those hot new vampire witnesses that have been cast
UC: His Tan face found another who is DTF?
Moon: swift had her chance for a lisa frank folder life come true and she fumbled the ball. (teelaut loves a good football analogy) so he moved on
UC: Demi Lovato when she’s out of rehab?
Moon: the laut wouldnt touch demi with a 10 ft pole now…. OMG DAKOTA FANNING

Your Loss, Swift! Fanning is SOOOO DTF!

Moon: Dakota Fanning is SOOOO DTF especially after runaways
UC: Kristen told her all about Sex. now she’s DTF
Moon: taylor swift got scared of the fireplace but dakota isnt! kristen walked her through it. shes ready for a good/awful manip of her and taylor on a beach with giant heads and man hands

UC: Ok, so the bet
Moon: Yes, whoever loses has to write a Swiftner one shot fan fiction!!!

So Swiftner, we miss you… a lot. And we loooove Taylor Swift like a couple of fangirls. You would make our year if you got back together and mounted your Unicorns and froliced in a meadow with a double rainbow overhead… but we understand young love is difficult, but just give it a try… FOR US!!

Moon and UC

And yes, with that we have placed a bet we will keep. Tell us when the cut off date is… by Taylor’s 19th birthday? And what’s your thoughts besides Swiftner is awesome and how great and girly Taylor Swift’s music is…. and GO!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • This was epic… EPIC!

    There are no words to describe how my shipper heart would fangirl to the max if Swiftner reunited. It needs to happen… clearly they belong together, I mean they have the same name and everything! Oh and Swifty is totally DTF.

    I miss the days of watching TLaut laughing from the passenger side, life was so much simpler back then. I think I even changed my name to swiftner4life for a post or two because rainbows and unicorns are way more fun the a couple of duds in black.

    Seriously though, I really do think Swifty broke his heart and I kind of hate her for it (that’s a lie, I could never hate her, I ♥ her hard). Someday when TSwift gets over her need to date dbags I really hope they’ll get back together. I’m praying for a Swiftner reunion almost as much as I’m praying for a Robsten sex tape… actually I’m not praying for a Robsten sex tape, who would want to see that hot mess.

    RIP Swiftner, we miss you and love you.

    • dudes why must girls (and boys for that matter) insist on learning the hard way??? taylor is the kind of boy you marry. stop chasing the toolbags, you will NEVER change them. ugh.

      but i do hope hard for a swiftner reunion even though i bet against it. i WANT to write that one shot.

  • “taylor laut no doubt has his v card so it’ll be quick”

    Bahhahaha. I’m bawling so hard at this! THat is sooo inappropriate because Ew, I don’t like to think about Taylor L’s sexy times (or lack thereof, whichever) yet that was beyond hilarious!

    Oh and as for why she cried as he held her in September, I’m thinking that’s when the VMA incident happened?

    Taylor really seems like one of THOSE guys. YOu know, the one who buys you flowers (refer to song mentioned above) and opens the door for you and all those gentlemanly crap.

    • Yeah I think the September crying is definitely referring to the Kanye incident

    • OMG i never put this together: “Oh and as for why she cried as he held her in September, I’m thinking that’s when the VMA incident happened?”

      i thought she was just refering to crying in general. DAAAANGGG the laut has game… and is a good boy. he was taught well by big daddy

    • And THAT right there is why I’m a Taylor fan.

  • I am SO pleased that Big Daddy has been immortalized in song. As he should be!

    I’m sure Swifty wanted to write even more verses about Lautner Senior than “tell me how’s your family”, but didn’t want it misinterpreted. If your basic fireplace love manip scares her off, I can’t imagine the trauma caused by a Swift/Big Daddy manip…

  • robzanne

    I swayed along with a tear in my eye ! , yeh i get she broke your heart, but TayTay – its not too late to go back to December !
    Swyllenhaal mehhh , SWIFTNER 4EVA!

  • Just a few things:

    1) An alpaca farm kind of sounds like fun.

    2) Cat photo was cute.

    3) What does DTF mean?

    Fuuunny post, ladies, and I don’t even know half the stuff you were talking about.

    • TeamJacobEdward

      Thanks to Edward’s preferred search engine, I can help. DTF means: Down To F*ck

      Thank you Edward and Google

      • operarose

        Edward helped me find DTF too. I was writing my post still when you posted so did not see everyone else who was oblivious to the meaning of DTF. Glad to know I am in good company.

        DTF. What a fine acronym for our English language.

    • P.S.

      I didn’t know what DTF meant either, but figured it was something like that. Does F ever mean anything else?

      • TeamSeth

        At first I thought “FF” for fanfic and feather fest… then I realized that those both alluded to the other f. So… no, i don’t think this it does.

    • click on “DTF” in the post it links to urban dictionary.

      anytime something is bolded, roll over it with your mouse and it it underlines it’s a link! 😉

    • BrOoKe LoCkArT

      I appreciate the fact that you don’t know what “DTF” means. I can logically draw the conclusion that you do not watch Jersey Shore. Stand strong!

      • My DVR is already full of stuff I don’t get around to watching…I don’t need anything else in there.

  • TeamJacobEdward

    I am embarrassed to admit I did not know WTF DTF was. I had to “google it.” I was unable to actually read the post because i was desperately searching for the meaning if DTF. All I found was that I should be watching Jersey Shore. But thanks to edward’s factory search engine I now know what DTF means and can read the post.

    First time I heard Back to December I knew it had to be about mr Taylor.
    TS called it on LTT the other day. She thought she wad joking but she was spot on. She thought it was funny when I told her i thought it actually was.

  • Stacey

    That was just such a hilarious post. I had heard of Little Swift’s song to Lil Taylor. I have yet to actually, you know listen to it. (I probably won’t, due to personal preference) I actually read an article in EW with her buying records with the journalist. She bought the Black Keys record. Then I thought that’s really cool of little Swift, but then she admitted she had no clue who they were and just liked the cover. Oh little Swift.

    What does this have to do with anything? Well nothing really. I just read the article to see if she would mention our favorite (former) jailbait, slimy Mayer or Jake G. (who is WAY TOO old for her, let’s just call him Dirty Ol’ Man) The real question is what happened w/ Kellen and Annalynne, Moon?!? Did they breakup b/c his love of Jesus? Inquiring minds want to know!

    • TeamSeth

      I call shenanigans! She obviously bought it because they were on the Eclipse soundtrack and she’s grasping to anything and everything that will make her feel close to Taylor again. She’s in it to win it.

  • operarose

    Whoa this was one epic post. APPLAUSE. Bravo! (There was so much greatness here, I had to take a coffee break to catch my breath 1/2 way through.)

    I so want Swifner to get back together so we can have more LTT breakdowns like this.

    However, Taylor L, with that said, you have to consider that I might be better for you than she is. If you sent me flowers, I promise I would not let them just wilt. (The fact that I am married clearly does not matter.)

    A few other random thoughts:
    – Am I the only one who had to google DTF? Sometimes I’m proud I don’t know these things.
    – The fact that Taylor misses his “tan skin” really irks me for some reason. Like, why should you miss someone’s skin? Sure he has clean + clear skin, always a plus. But tan? Why does that make or break a person? *coughshallowcough* excuse me.
    – I suppose for the same reason it makes or breaks a person based on their alpaca face. I am partial to his alpaca-y expressions (and significant muscular structure). *hypocrite*
    – Who is this top secret person who said Swifner never was? Big Daddy?
    – LOLing at the thought of Kristen being the sex counselor (advisor? therapist?) for all Twilight cast members. That’s so mean. On the other hand, considering who she’s experienced with (I’m not talking Oregano) I imagine she’s well qualified for the role and highly sought after for her expertise.
    – Finally, Taylor, if you’re going to be in West Michigan for Thanksgiving visiting your family and watching the Lions, call me. I’ll be there too. we can go out for breadsticks. I don’t think we have an Olive Garden around but we have a knockoff of an Olive Garden which I believe Big Daddy might find suitable. We can discuss this all further.

    • Michelle

      I’ll be coming over on Thanksgiving too…must see the alpaca in person…and well, test his muscles to see if they are real. For…ahem…research purposes. Our hubby’s can watch the Pat’s get the smack down while we enlighten the boy. You’re only a short drive from my hometown aka ghetto Flint.

      • operarose

        It’s a plan!
        (Hear that, Taylor? We need to inspect your muscular structure while our husbands watch football.)

        • operarose

          I’m thumbsdownning myself for being creepy. I feel like I’m only a kid and a basement filled with red carpets and underage Tay posters away from being an Oprah Twimom.

          • Michelle

            Bwahahahahahaha! I felt creepy typing about feeling him up. I don’t think I want to do that at all either. I may like to go shopping with him though. Seems like a good kid who’d hold your bags and give you present advice. 😉 Or he’d help you wash dishes. Awwww…sweet boy.

          • operarose

            I second the shopping idea! We’ll take him to lunch and shopping and give him advice about girls.

    • The Old One

      – LOLing at the thought of Kristen being the sex counselor (advisor? therapist?) for all Twilight cast members. That’s so mean. On the other hand, considering who she’s experienced with (I’m not talking Oregano) I imagine she’s well qualified for the role and highly sought after for her expertise.

      Oh so true!
      KStew, tell us! All modern women are jealous!

    • TeamJacobEdward

      “The fact that Taylor misses his ‘tan skin’ really irks me for some reason. Like, why. Like, why should you miss someone’s skin?”

      I’d miss Edward’s sparkly skin…

      • operarose


    • we really do love us some swiftner AND both taylors so epicness is always involved and like 23492905 listens to swifts anthology.

  • Michelle

    I think they are both all kinds of cute and should hook it up. Again. Please.

    Swiftner forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Ohhh think of all the cutesy curly haired alpacas that could come from that union!

    Ohhhh and another thing. On the front page of our local newspaper last month there was a huge alpaca story. I stopped, stared, then laughed hysterically. I’d never even HEARD of an alpaca till LTT…. I am now forever changed. True Story.

  • Bea

    My theory is that she broke up with him because she realized he was way too nice and a relationship with him wouldn’t provide any dramatic country song lyrics. Douchebags are better for that. So she went for Mayer, the king of them all.
    Today’s letter was fantastic, girls! Can’t wait for the Kellan/AnnaLynne breakdown next!

    • Absolutely! I dated many douchebags for “artistic purposes”.
      Oh wait, I’m a graphic designer, not a singer/songwriter…

      • TeamSeth

        Still art! It’s the emotional range of douchebag that really keys in all artistic awesomeness! The giddy feeling, the sluttiness of the wild sex in the movie theater elevator, the disbelief that you’re the one he’s with, the hope and belief that you’ll be the one who changes him, the anxiety when he won’t return your texts, the concern of psychoticness when you go over to his house to demand why he just dropped off the face of the earth, the melted heart when he explains that his sister’s golden retriever passed away and he had to go out of town to be with her because her fiance had just left her and she was feeling excessive loss, the patience while he ‘gets it together’ after his time away, the return of anxiety when he still isn’t returning your texts and emails are one to two words long, the feeling of being a sociopath when you click on every comment from every girl (and guy–sometimes) on his facebook wall to see if she’s single or has any photos with him in them untagged, the anger and fear when you text him “Are we still together?”, the seeping foolishness when he replies, “Were we ever?”, the betrayal when you see HER on his fb wall saying “Last night was so much fun! I can’t believe what four loco makes me do! I need to swing by to grab my shirt later.” WTF!, the anger that he was a douche, the sad recognition that you fell for it–again, the indignity when you realize your favorite DVD is still at his place–how can you get that back w/out it being awkward?

        • Bea

          Not that you have any experience with this, though. 😉

          • TeamSeth

            Not with the elevator sex–that would be epic!

          • TeamSeth

            Er, wait, what? 😐

        • TeamSeth

          Actually, the DVD thing happened to my friend. I felt so bad for her because he was like Douchebag #7 in 3 years (the list has grown since, sigh) and I bought and shipped her the DVD while we were still on the phone so she wouldn’t have to go see the asshole ever again.

          • Bea

            Aw, what a good friend. Being the friend of the gal who attracts the chain of unworthy guys is a hard gig too!

        • The Old One

          Hmm, and so Rob reminds you a lot of this guy? It’s all becoming clear now . . ..

    • King Douche! brillz

  • Bea

    Re your question about Taylor being included in the Brazil shoot that was at the bottom of LTR today but I’m betting will be a more interesting conversation if we have it here:
    I like the theory that they’re shooting the vision Bella wants Alice to have of Jacob and RenameMe going to Rio if they lose the battle. I don’t think Stephenie will let them somehow bring Jacob to Isle Esme. The horror. But I do think Taylor will enjoy hanging out with the crew and making fun of Robsten while they shoot it.

    • Sj

      Both theories make so much sense, except Alice can’t see future if the wolves are involved….or is it just about Alice seeing what Bella’s hoping for?

    • DUDE good theories!!! i need to sooo reread bd

      and we like to think taylor is there to learn a few pointers and to help stephenie meyer direct the sex scenes. no put your leg THERE rob, yes raise your hand a little… isle esme twister!

  • allryans

    I mighta just bought Swifty’s album “for my 6yo daughter” … or so I can relive their pain over and over.

    Poor TayTay.

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  • blackgirltwihard

    LMAO!!!!!! This was hilarious and good promo with the album…Awww must admit I did love the Taylors… Farce-i-rific that it was!!!!

    But Reading this at first I have to admit that in all my 33 year old glory I did not know what “DTF” meant but using my 4th grade “context clues” English lesson, I figured it out.

    It’s my vocab word of the day and I will be using it in a sentence later tonight around 2 am after ordering New Moon On Demand…

    • TeamSeth

      My word for the day is farce-i-rific! WIN!

      • blackgirltwihard

        LOL, thx!Team Seth!!! Yeah that “match-up” was a little see through!!! The verdict is still out on whether Robsten is farce-i-rific!

  • Is it crazy that this makes me sad? If they get back together I might feel slightly guilty about my celeb crush. He’d be unavailable. Like our chance meeting on the street one day can’t turn into anything. (Regardless of age and marital status) And it’s HER. A cute-as-can-be, young, blonde superstar. Yeah. Hopes shattered. 🙁

    Now, I shall take my creepy emo stalker self back to my Christina Perri musicfest.

  • Ok, my bet. I bet T.Swift did break Taylor pretty hard. He’s an aquarius. Every relationship to them is “The One”. After the break up they tend to make lots of crying and angry phone calls. They get a little obsessed…. until they find that next girl who is “The One”.
    So, if Taylor L. hasn’t found someone else yet, he’s probably still up for another try at a relationship. I predict that he’ll give her a call.

  • Missed this, missed you. HATE also.

  • kristen’s bestie

    Rumors are that he is dating his costar – Lily Collins – from his last movie.

    You can Google it.

    • Bea

      Lots of Googling going on here today. Moon and UC, they should be giving you a cut of the ad revenues!

      • kristen’s bestie

        Ahahaha! I have to admit I did know what DTF was because I watch Jersey Shore. *hides face in shame*
        But, I have had to Google before things mentioned here… recall Two in the Pink?

    • LILY COLLINS?!!! who is this ho i need to google getting in the way of a sweet sweet swfitner reunion?!


  • Wow, I just listened to an entire Taylor Swift song. I’m evolving. Mr. Snow will be so impressed.

    Awe, what a coffe spluttering breakdown, Moon and UC!
    I think the follow up will be this:

    Laut: Whoa that song’s TOTES me!
    *hops on down to see TaySwift. Swift whips sock off door, opens it, sees Laut. Thinks OMG, we’re both totally DTF*
    Swift: Hey Taylor, is that (finally) a breadstick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
    *He fursplodes instantly, you know, cause of the V card and all.

  • Blondieinco

    “UC: Yes- it’ll be his vcard disappearing that night.. yours will barely be touched.”

    I’m going to be laughing about this all day!

    Scrooge McDuck-ing it = love it!

  • TeamSeth

    “and dropped the flowers- or he did. ANd they wilted. Like their almost Swiftner relationship” and ducktales! and backne!

    OMG. I had to stop reading because I was laugh crying at work and the IT guy walked by and gave a look and I have to quickly close the window in case he came in to talk about Battle Star Galactica or the upcoming LAN party at PDX this weekend. Whew. Such win on this post!

    • MidnightCougar

      Hi TeamSeth, see I changed my avi back just for you my friend. 🙂 Also, did you see the comment I posted for you, no cool name & TeamJacobEdward on yesterday’s LTT? It was an e-mail repsonse from Cyndi, for you ladies.

      • TeamSeth

        Nopers! Off to read it now! 🙂 And thanks for the avi change… I’m thinking to change mine. To Steve Jones, perhaps.

      • Just went back and read it. Thanks for the info!

        • MidnightCougar

          I just clicked on your screen name, is that your Family Blog? OMG girl it’s amazing! So, you’re in Maine? I was just visiting Maine this past August, right down to Kittery into New Hampshire. We are very close, I’m in the Atlantic Provinces of Canada. Your Blog is amazing, now I have to go back & keep reading! 🙂

          • TeamSeth

            Isn’t she amazing?! I <3 NCN!!!

            @NCN: I sent you the VampDi breakdown. Ahem… it's, longish? Lots of links to photos! I'm very excited for you to catch up! 🙂

          • Hah! Yes, I sort of forgot I had linked to my blog. Thanks for the kind words. Yep, I’m in Maine and according to Cyndi, we’re “practically neighbors,” though she won’t tell me exactly where she lives! I think she’s afraid I’m going to invite myself over for dinner or stalk her or something (right Cyn??). 🙂 I love Maine – grew up here and then convinced my L.A. born and raised husband that we should move out here to the sticks. He went for it – yay!

            Now I’m thinking I need to update my blog…it’s been like a week. LAZY ME (actually just writing too much fanfic…).

          • MidnightCougar

            @no cool name. I am loving your website, you have a very beautiful family. Also, could I read you FanFiction? As I said the other day, I am new to the FanFic scene, but I would love a link to read yours, if you don’t mind?

          • TeamJacobEdward

            NCN’s fic is called “Wrenfield Hall” (god, I hope it’s not a secret anymore. I believe she’s fessed up to it here). Anyway, it its an amazing Austen-style fic. I love it:

            Another one I love is Stacey’s (EC Stacey). It’s called “Forks,” super funny:

            She also has another one she just started called “Patience” it’s Dark. 🙂 I’m really liking it:

            Alright, while I have your attention, I’m going to shamelessly recommend and link my own fic. It’s Edward’s POV from Isle Esme. It’s called, “Island: Edward’s Isle Esme.” It is meant to dovetail with the actual story:

            While I’m recommending, go to fanfiction.net (That’s where NCN, Stacey and my stories are) and search: “Edward Wallbanger” it’s by an author named feathersmmmm. I don’t know her but love the story.

            That should hold you over for a little while. 😉 PM me on the Forum and I’ll give you some others.

            Oh! I believe SWD has one too…???

          • MidnightCougar

            Thanks TJE, now I have 6 new stories to read. I’m going to start yours as soon as I finish this one I’m reading now. I’m just reading my second FanFic, they are very creative. Maybe I’ll dabble in it myself sometime. I do have an English Literature Degree, as well as Early Childhood Education & now I’ve just Graduated University again with Business. So, at my age I’m done studying (my husband figures now we should save some $$ for our children’s post-secondary education) & working my ass off, & I’m going to take it a little easy & just enjoy life for a while, so maybe I’ll explore the FanFic realm of writing after I’m more familiar with it.

            I’ve never used the forum before, but I’ll try & see if I can contact you there. 😉

      • TeamJacobEdward

        Thank you dear! I saw this yesterday but I lost range on my phone and couldn’t reply.

        Funny story I’m in the woods right now. I’m out playing”good vampire” (I’m deer hunting. It’s MN deer hunting opener. I use it for bonding time with my sss who only had daughters.) I was almost nodding off because I’ve not seen a single damn thing, so I pulled
        out my phone to check the time. I noticed I had cell range so I decided to check LTT to give me a break from staring at an empty forest.

        That’s normal, right?

        Anyway, THANK YOU for the update on Cyn! 🙂 🙂

        • MidnightCougar

          Deer hunting, haha. It’s deer hunting season here too, in Atlantic Canada, & if I was so inclined to dear hunt, I wouldn’t have to go into the woods to do it! The deer are so tame here that all I’d have to do is stick a gun out my front or back door & shoot. Well, that’s if I could aim properly. 😉

          You’re welcome for the Cyn update. I will let you gals know when I hear from her again.

          • TeamJacobEdward

            Yep. Deer hunting. Been doing it since I was just 13. Kind of a dad’s girl. Plus he had only girls so I, wanting dad time stepped up to be the token “boy.” And in my family was so normal. All my uncles, dad, grandpa even my mom used to and an aunt of mine does. So it wasn’t too much a surprise when I started begging my parents to let me go to gun training when I was around 11.

            Every other day of the year I’m like, “I couldn’t hurt a cute little deer.” Then for those two or three days I’m out in the woods, I’m on a mission.

            It’s funny, most people are shocked when they find out I hunt saying they’d never have guessed I hunted. I guess I’m a girl girl, if that makes sense. Apparently I don’t fit the presumed female hunter stereotype. Which I guess I’m cool with. 🙂

    • Luludee

      Haha, do you and the IT guy have frequent conversations about Dr. Who and other Sci-Fi treasures?

      We might get fired if I worked there as I could talk BSG all day!

      • TeamSeth

        Actually, yes, yes we do. IT guy is awesome. His wife is more into video games than he is! How is that even possible? Anyway he doesn’t like LOTR the way I do… but at least he gets the references.

  • Tiffany

    Okay so my old room mate is very good friends with Taylor Swift, she actually was on tour with Swift all last year when this was going down, (if anyone saw her in tour, my room mate was the dancer with the BRIGHT red hair)
    I CAN NOT TELL YOU how much I wanted to ask her about this… I never did, I was hoping if I dropped enough hints that I was sort of into twilight she would offer info up… it never happened.
    I think the next time i see her I may swallow my pride and just see how much info i can get out of her.
    once again my need for street cred is enabling me from getting the juicy deets.

  • Tiffany

    Okay so my old room mate is very good friends with Taylor Swift, she actually was on tour with Swift all last year when this was going down, (if anyone saw her in tour, my room mate was the dancer with the BRIGHT red hair)
    I CAN NOT TELL YOU how much I wanted to ask her about this… I never did, I was hoping if I dropped enough hints that I was sort of into twilight she would offer info up… it never happened.
    I think the next time i see her I may swallow my pride and just see how much info i can get out of her.
    once again my need for street cred is enabling me from getting the juicy deets.

  • Luludee

    Yes!!! I have been waiting for this letter since news of Back to December came out, and as usual you ladies have come through!!
    I totes love the DuckTales shoutout!!

    But I am surprised that there isn’t a Swiftner manip complete with unicorns and rainbows yet in existence. Someone needs to get on that stat!

  • Sj

    Despite the adorableness of them I just can’t warm to Swiftner, I’m blaming her (and Summit of course). So I’ll go with Moon and back the Fanning (after all I’m sure she has a Scrooge McDuck vault too and think of the vamp/werewolf manips), they can both hand in their V-cards together and Kristen will be right on hand to break it down after. Just need to think of a name…..

    • Sj

      Hang on – doesn’t he have a history of picking up Jonas’ castoffs (Selena,Swifty). Obviously we should all be preparing for an Ashley – Taylor union. Eew.

    • theseviolentdelights

      “Just need to think of a name…..”

      It’s all I’m coming up with.

      • TeamJacobEdward

        Or “Lautning”

        Say it. Out loud. …No really. Out sounds like you’re saying “lightning” with an accent.

        • theseviolentdelights

          It does! Hmm, sounds German to me. #totalement tweed graves 😀

        • TeamSeth

          I love this. And I love you. Yay!

        • TeamSeth

          Of course, with that name, they better make it work the first go round, ‘cuz we all know that lautning never strikes twice.

          • TeamJacobEdward

            Hahaha! True. So very true. Love this.

            …And love you too! Ha!

            You crack me up and the other post made me smile. 🙂

      • The Old One

        I want Taylor and Dakota to get together just so we can call them Taykota. I like how that sounds.

        • P.S.

          Taykota…..makes me think of a truck….

  • “Moon: SHE BLEW IT HARD” = That’s what HE said.

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist. That line made me snort my coffee (como se OUCH)

    • theseviolentdelights

      Thumbs UP for having a dirty mind. 😀

  • alice_av06

    I do not know what to say… Moon, UC this post was mind blowing funny!!!

  • Thanks for a terrific post, ladies! Now I’m hardcore fangirling over Swiftner. *swoon*

  • Team”Why the hell are there teams”

    ok so Taylor Swift is THE BEST. Tay Laut is ssooo adorably cute and I was so happy when I heard BTD and realized that he really is just a sweet as he seems. I’m with you…they should totally get back together. But I hear she is now dating Jake Gyllenhal.

  • Pattygirl

    actually TS was never into TL, she was into Rob but alas he was taken?….she likes older man and musician. Girls doesn’t go for clean cut boys or younger……this also applies to Selena Gomez, who keep gushing about Rob while friends with TL…..

    Sorry TL but they are not into you……you shd grow a beard and smoke, be a little dirty, write songs……..and cut down on looking in the mirror…….

    • TeamSeth

      I’ll have you know that there was a hot second I was into TL, thank you very much. The next second I felt the cold bars of prison and Chris Hansen’s keen glare. BUT, there was that hot second– wait, you meant Taylor Swift as TS….. nevermind. :'(

      • Sj

        Thanks for clearing that up TS. Am pretty sure Swift was scared off by Hansen (and no, am not talking about the band) too.

        • TeamSeth

          If Taylor Swift and Taylor Hanson got together, I think the world would implode. I really do. How much blond curly hair strumming guitars named Taylor can we take?!

      • TeamJacobEdward

        LMAO! I totally read “TS” in Pattygirl’s comment as “TeamSeth.”

        I’m reading her comment thinking, “I don’t remember TeamSeth into Lautner… Wait a second, TeamSeth ‘doesn’t get’ Rob…. Oohhh, Taylor Swift not Teamseth. Okay. I’m following now.”

        I think I’ll associate “TS” with TeamSeth for the rest of my life though. 🙂

        • TeamSeth

          As will “TJE”

          • TeamJacobEdward

            Do you know many people with the initials TJE to mess me up with? 🙂 Thomas Edison perhaps… No wait. His middle initial is “A.” Shoot. Hmm…

            Oh! Do you speak/read German? Maybe you’ll think of me whenever a noun ends in a vowel because they tack on “tje” at the end of the word in those cases.

            Or maybe the “Thomas Jefferson Education”is near and dear to your heart and you’ll think of me every time you see/hear that name and/or donate to it.


            Apparently to the rest of the world TJE does not mean TeamJacobEdward/me. Just you… well, and the rest of LTT. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. I feel like I’m a Trade Secret it something. It makes me feel special and we know I like to feel special. 😉

  • Jena

    Oh my gosh! I got to “rainbows, unicorns & Lisa frank folders” & had to sit down b/c I was laughing so hard!

    This is epically written & analyzed! I do think her September holding was Kanye related. That right there sold the deal that this was a Swiftner song.

    I miss Swiftner! My Robsten shipping fangirl loving self would squee buckets of happiness if Swifner got back together & double dated w/
    Robsten! That would be one to write home about!

  • MidnightCougar

    So I read today that Taylor Lautner is offically off the market & that his new girlfriend is Lily Collins, daughter of Phil Collins, & Taylor’s co-star in Abduction. Here is the article I got the info from if anyone wants to read it. I’ll warn you, in my opinion, it is kind of a rudely worded article.

    • /cry

      • MidnightCougar

        My daughter is very sad too. 🙁

        • TeamSeth

          I have faith in your daughter waiting for the break-up to conveniently run into him on the street and hit it off. She’s cool like that, your kid. Not that I know her, but I can sense it. But the real question is, can you double date you and Rob with your daughter and Taylor?

    • TeamSeth

      Phil Collins? The Phil Collins? Who wrote “I’ll Be In Your Heart” for Disney’s Tarzan?

      Well, at least the gal’s in college… for journalism. I’m certain that Taylor can help her out with forming effective interviews that are able to draw very interesting, non-PC info out of her subjects. oh, wait…

    • TeamJacobEdward

      I like Taylor and Taylor together better. Lilly I don’t know… Taylor & Taylor just both have sweet faces or something. Lily is pretty, but You Know what I mean?

      I’m confused though this site says they’re together:


      But this site says she’s with her boyfriend (the stuntman);

      • TeamJacobEdward

        Coment FAIL!

        I got distracted and forgot to paste in the second link:


      • MidnightCougar

        Yeah well who knows what’s really true?! Like with Rob & Kristen, I guess we’ll find out for sure eventually. 😉

  • kitkat

    This was quite the epic post, ladies! I was laughing soooo hard (even if I’m a little late to the party). Now off to itunes to look for the Swifty’s new songs (there’s another company that should be paying YOU for advertising!)

  • One of your best break downs in a long time. Simply priceless.

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